Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit,
but in lowliness of mind
let each esteem others better than himself.
- Philippians 2:3
Judge not, and you shall not be judged.
Condemn not, and you shall not be condemned.
Forgive, and you will be forgiven.
Give, and it will be given to you:
good measure,
pressed down,
shaken together,
and running over will be put into your bosom.
For with the same measure that you use,
it will be measured back to you.
- Luke 6:37-38
... to allow another to wash
our feet
requires trust,
humility
and dare I say courage...
("Feet" from Eternal Echoes)
Today the month of November comes to an end. It's not just another month, but a very special one for me and my family, this being the time of year when we celebrate many events that have come to hold much meaning and significance for us.
It has taken me more time than usual to come up with this blog post. With many noteworthy events theses past four weeks, it wasn't easy to pinpoint one specific message for the month to use as a name for it.
Naming the month is a spiritual inventory tool I began using many years ago. In Rasa, Switzerland, during the Life Revision retreat I attended in 1997, we were taught to give each day a name as it ends, one way of taking ownership over the day. Then, as each week ended, we were to choose a name for that week as well. From the pattern drawn from the four or five names for the weeks, a name for the month could then be derived.
I have not kept up with the daily and weekly names, so to choose a fitting title for the month I just look back at what the month has been like.
Listening to the inner voice that reminds me of where I have been... how I have grown... what spiritual lessons I take with me into the next month. It helps me stay on track.
Inevitably, there are times when what comes up are painful moments, but looking at them from a different perspective always helps.
Each month as it ends is a treasure box of precious lessons and words of affirmation from Abba Father.
What people may have said, or failed to say...
What others may have done, or shouldn't have done...
Even my own shortcomings or unwise choices... the what ifs and what could have beens...
These do not define me as a person.
What God is saying, what He is doing, my final destination .... these define my life.
When it is Abba Father who defines our life, we can look at the past, not with regret, but with acceptance.
Doing so widens our horizon, and each month leaves behind a beautiful gift for anyone whose spiritual eyes and ears are open.
"He who has ears to hear, let him hear what the Spirit is saying."
Yes, how beautiful to see the hidden beauty of the days gone by, and to hear the melody of songs the Spirit is singing in the midst of our circumstances.
Toward the last few days of this month, one word has stood out... and it is the word "Honor."
My heart instinctively draws back whenever I hear unsavory comments and worthless talk around me.
But when I choose to hear what the Father is saying, I can withhold self-righteous judgment and listen with compassion... not to the words being spoken by another, but to the heart of the one speaking.
This doesn't come naturally, but a willing heart can be trained to be kind.
Abba Father often reminds me to put on the eyeglasses of compassion with which to view life as it unfolds, and I am no longer easily offended or heavily burdened with other people's negative opinions.
Admittedly, I wasn't like this before, but change has come gradually over the years. And I must acknowledge that I like the person that I am becoming.
It has helped me to travel light, minus the unnecessary baggage of pharisaic judgment, as I journey on.
Listening to the Father speak His words of love while hearing the words of others clears up the emotional clutter around me. It filters out the empty chatter of the enemy, and enables me to hear what Abba Father really wants me to hear.
Listening to the other with compassion, not with judgment, is my way of extending honor to that person.
Ever since I became actively involved with the ministry of Family Foundations, International (FFI) in 2000, the word honor has come to have a deeper meaning for me.
Honor as a noun is defined as "high respect, esteem, a privilege." The Free Dictionary defines it as "personal integrity and allegiance to moral principles."
As a verb, it means. "to regard with great respect," and also, "to fulfill an obligation or keep an agreement."
In our ministry, we have learned that honor has these beautiful connotations:
to accept
to value
to empower to prosper
Accepting another person, recognizing and valuing the other's unique gifts and personality makeup, gives him, or her, the power to move on to the next level of their lives.
Establishing a culture of honor in our homes, churches, workplaces, and personal relationships is the main aim of the FFI ministry, and has truly helped bring about vital changes in my own life and family.
Embracing a lifestyle of honor has rescued me from being the rulemaker in my home and in my relationships.
Some rules are needed for discipline and order. But having a rulemaker around who is constantly making sure that the rules are kept and implemented saps the life and creative juices out of you.
What a relief it was for me to be set free from the prison that rulemakers find themselves in!
For rulemakers live inside a prison called Disappointment. And that is really an awful place to be in.
Internal changes began during the days I spent in Rasa, Switzerland. Then, in 2000 the life-changing Ancient Paths seminar with FFI opened up for me a whole new way of looking at my life story, and the stories of others.
In this world, life can never be perfect for you and me.
Neither will the people who in one way or another play a role in the plots, twists, and turns of our stories.
There will always be a few things that will go wrong. Persons who will fail to keep their promise. Someone who crosses your path and makes you stumble. Plans that will miscarry.
In the past it was easy for me to point the finger at the person who hurts me.
You see, rulemakers make the best judges... of characters, of motives, of events.
And rulemakers are easily offended.
But to honor the other person is to honor the story that God is writing in his life.
Creating space...
Giving permission...
Withholding judgment...
This is what honor is all about.
Let go of blame, make room for hope, and believe that change is possible.
Honor the other person for the inner beauty that is in his or her heart.
A dear friend and mentor, Jeff Littleton, once gave an excellent teaching about judgment.
He said, "Don't put a plus or a minus before what someone has said or done. A plus for "good", a minus for "bad." Don't allow yourself the habit of making value judgments. It is a tight place to be in. Choose instead, to be understanding."
That teaching has changed my life in more ways than one.
I have long realized that a lifestyle of honor not only applies to people. It also applies to the circumstances and events of our lives.
Honor the story that God is writing in my own life.
Honor the events that are taking place before our eyes.
This perspective has really liberated me from a life of disappointment and defeat.
A lifestyle of honor opens up before me a road of glorious possibilities.
The way I was brought up, the way I do things... do not always have to be the way things ought to be done.
Oswald Chambers writes:
"Stop having a measuring stick for other people. There is always at least one more fact, which we know nothing about, in every person's situation. The first thing God does is to give us a thorough spiritual cleaning. After that, there is no possibility of pride remaining in us. I have never met a person I could despair of, or lose all hope for, after discerning what lies in me apart from the grace of God."
And these beautiful lines by a dear friend, Brenda Yoder, sums it all up so beautifully:
"There is power in honoring our stories. God is the maker of stories, chapters full of pain, joy, sorrow, and celebration. He allows us to write the story based on the choices we make. The timeline can't be erased, but God through His Son, Jesus Christ, is the One who removes the sin and hurt we've inflicted upon ourselves and others."
God our Father does not treat us as our sins deserve, or repay us according to our iniquities. (Psalm 103:8) For He remembers that we are dust. He is not quick to judge. He honors us.
We are invited to do the same.
"I will honor you as being a unique person, and I will accept you for being different from me, instead of box you in with my judgment."
That is the language of honor.
When I sow the seeds of honor in my life and in the life of others, the seeds sprout, and the fruit is sweet and nourishing.
Honor begets honor.
Looking back at this month through the lens of honor has been so rewarding and refreshing for me.
These past days I have been meditating on what honor means... and one morning, a beautiful picture of Jesus washing the apostles' feet came to my mind.
And isn't it true? When we honor another person's story, we allow ourselves to wash that person's feet? We stoop down, we let go of our judgment, we let go of our hurt, and choose instead, to kneel at his feet to wash them with the waters of understanding, and dry them with the towel of acceptance.
This humble act cleanses my own heart of offense and disappointment, and fills it with hope.
The hope perspective... is a redemptive way of looking at the disheartening news events around us.
When we look for the gold in other people and in the circumstances of our lives, some of that gold somehow touches us deep inside.
This month for me was beautiful. It began with me and my daughter Obedient One and I embarking on a trip to the Big Apple. From VA we boarded the train for Washington DC on the 1st of November. At DC we had a few hours to look around Union Station before getting on our bus bound for New York City.
My location statement? I was going on a long trip.
The spiritual significance? I was on a sacred journey to a different place.
During November, I would normally plan to be back home in Bacolod. Visiting my husband's grave, celebrating with our family his birthday on the 2nd...
Then celebrating the other birthdays in my family: my son Worshiper's and my grandson Full of Hope's birthdays...
And Ernie's homegoing anniversary...
But this year God wanted to write a different story.
Before dawn on the morning of our trip to New York, my sister was preparing a bag of food for us to take on the train. In the bag were two lunchboxes with baked salmon, salad greens, boiled eggs, and biryani... bagels... bananas... bottles of freshly made fruit and vegetable juice. Food enough to last us a few days.
In NYC... daughter and I spent time with friends who honored us by having us in their homes, treating us to different eateries, giving us gifts of friendship and beautiful memories.
Back in VA, my daughter and I had more time to bond with our family here, going on walks, visiting historic places, and eating out.
Outside Waterstone Restaurant
Historic downtown Lynchburg, VA
On November 7, I underwent my oral surgery for the removal of seven bad molars. My sister and brother in law stayed with me the whole time. Cared for me... ministered to my needs.
On November 8, Obedient One left Virginia for Los Angeles... where she spent time with friends, my cousins and nieces, and Ernie's brother and sister in law and their family. Again more gifts of grace and kindness.
On November 14, Obedient One reached Manila International Airport before midnight. My sister's friend had sent her driver to fetch her from the airport, help her with the baggage, and to bring her safely home. Indeed, a much needed gift of kindness!
On November 23, Ernie's 5th homegoing anniversary, I took a walk around the neighborhood and God honored me with a beautiful display of His creativity.
Back home in Bacolod, my sons and their families honored the memory of their father on this special day by visiting his grave, and having a meal together.
It means so much to me that even if second son Worshiper was out of town that day, his wife Chosen One and son Full of Hope, together with First Born Son, God-given and their son Forerunner, still went of our their way to lay stones at their father's grave.
On November 28, Thanksgiving Day, my sister, brother in law, and I had a sumptuous thanksgiving lunch at a Japanese buffet restaurant. It was a beautiful day of giving thanks to Abba Father, and honoring Him for the way He has remained faithful to us.
Thanksgiving 2013
Virginia, USA
Not a mere chronology of events, but seeing how threads of honor are beautifully woven into the fabric of our lives.
More November stories...
On November 8, the perfect storm, Haiyan, without giving much advance notice, battered and devastated the central part of our country. More than 6,000 people perished, about 2,000 more missing or unaccounted for... billions of pesos in damaged homes, infrastructure and agriculture lost. The emotional toll it has taken on our people will never be quantified in words or figures. Our national economy doesn't look very promising at this point. It may take a long time before restoration and recovery happens.
I spent many nights shedding tears for my land and people, praying wordless prayers, groaning in my spirit...
Where was Abba Father in the midst of all these?
Do the unspeakable horrors of this epic catastrophe nullify the notable things that have happened in my life? Or dampen the joy of savoring the beauty found in other parts of this universe? Or prevent me from enjoying the spiritual significance of the changing of the seasons in my life?
The answer is a resounding No.
Instead, I will honor this painful story by looking at it with hope.
Father of Creation, my Redeemer God, holds the pen in His hand.
Before I end this post, there is another story that needs to be told.
I came to the US to spend time with my sister and her family. At her suggestion and initiative, I was also going to have my teeth evaluated by her dentist for a course of treatment. The complete treatment entailed more expenses than she had expected. And the treatment was to take longer than the time frame we had allotted for it. There was no backing out once the treatment was begun.
It was a huge undertaking. And... finances were immediately needed to prevent going into debt and incurring unnecessary interest payment.
I won't go into specifics. All I will say is that I asked God for help, reminded Him of His promise, "A Father to the fatherless and a Defender of widows is God in His holy habitation." Then we sent a few letters to friends and family that God led us to include in this faith journey. It was a relational risk for me ... something I was reluctant to do at first.
But Abba Father gave me peace and release. I was to humble myself and admit my need. I was given assurance that He was going to touch hearts to respond.
It was an act of spiritual warfare as well. The evil spirit of fear and lack was leering at us, and I needed to take authority to break its power over us by walking in the opposite spirit.
To this day I cannot explain what happened except that God delights to surprise His children with happy endings. Beloved friends and family members, touched by God to honor me with their generosity, responded quickly... without many questions or words... Money came in, day after day, from different parts of the world... this amazing month of November.
The enemy is defeated. A beautiful spirit of provision and abundance has come in and filled our hearts.
I share this story to testify that God has proven Himself faithful, yet one more time. Kept true to His promise in Isaiah 54 that I will not be disgraced or put to shame, for my Creator is my Husband, the Lord of Hosts is His name, and my Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel.
I share this story to honor these people.
Thank you, dear loved ones who washed my feet with your kindness... and honored me by being part of this story that God was writing in my life. I stand in awe, and I am humbled. God will reward you a thousandfold and shower your life with abundant mercies.
So, as this month ends, I can say with confidence, "This has truly been a beautiful month."
Good-bye November. Thank you for the beautiful chapter in my life story, another life lesson worth remembering.
Thank You Abba Father for Your words:
Because he has set his love upon Me,
therefore I will deliver him;
He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble;
I will deliver him and honor him.
With long life I will satisfy him,
And show him My salvation.
- Psalm 91:14-16
Sharing twelve life lessons on my 60th year:
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