Jewels on My Crown

Blessed is the man who endures temptation;
for when he has been approved,
he will receive the crown of life
which the Lord has promised to those who love Him.

- James 1:12

This is my second full day in Chiang Mai. I arrived on Thursday night, everything having gone smoothly, true to the Thai Airways' motto Smooth As Silk. By 9 o'clock p.m. I was already outside the airport together with Ut, Oy, and their daughter Noke.

I couldn't help but feel a tinge of pain as I remember the very night about two years and four months ago when Ernie had stood waiting outside the baggage claim to meet me upon my arrival from Manila. With him was Kik, one of the president's secretaries. On board the official university van en route to our flat, I saw the clean, wide, and well-lit avenues of Chiang Mai for the first time. Waiting at our dinner table was a meal of chicken adobo that Ernie had prepared.

So, understandably, on Thursday night, many memories came rushing in. The same airport, the beautiful flowers, the lovely Thai stewardesses bowing in respect, the familiar sweet sound of the Thai language spoken all around me, the cool and crisp January air...all of these awoke certain memories inside of me.

Even Ut's car, where Ernie and I had ridden on many occasions, when Ut and Oy had taken us to a number of lovely places around Chiang Mai, the music being played, songs by Lisa Ono, and other instrumental versions of songs of the 60's and 70's - Ernie's and Ut's kind of music - could not help but remind me of our last weeks in this place in August-September of 2008.

When we reached their home in Sansainoi, a lovely meal of pad Thai was ready. I saw Ernie's blue lounging chair in the corner of their living room.

Yes, many pleasant memories came flowing in.

Yesterday Friday, January 8, was my first full day in Chiang Mai.

Ut and Oy have been very gracious, as I have known them to be. They have prepared a detailed schedule for me for all the ten full days that I will be with them.

The plan was for me to visit my friends in Maejo University, beginning with a courtesy call on Dr. Thep, the president.

There was a slight apprehension in my heart as Ut's car approached the back gate of Maejo. How would I feel as I once again set foot in this place, a place full of beautiful memories?

Well, as the car sped down the familiar roads, there was a longing, a desire for those days to return. I brushed away a tear or two.

But, of course, I had to quickly go back to present reality.

This is a new season, and that chapter of my life is closed. God is adding new pages to my life story.

Dr. Thep gave me a kind and warm welcome, extending condolences to me, and invited me and Ut's family to have a special lunch with him and his wife today, Saturday.

Yesterday was a very special day for me. I will be sharing many more insights and pictures about it in the days to come.

More than a mere chronicle of events, this blog is meant to be a venue for sharing my interpretation of those events, a way to share the process of growth and change that God is allowing me to go through. If in the re-telling of my life story, another life will be touched, and God alone will be given the honor, then the courage it has required for me to open up and reveal parts of my heart through this medium will have been worth it all.

Before I end today's post, I want to share a precious dream I had just before I awoke this morning.

In my dream I found myself crying and sobbing. I knew it had something to do with Ernie, but I don't want to go into details.

I realized that I was half awake because I woke up sobbing and much tears flowing from my eyes. But then, I must have fallen asleep again, for the next thing I saw in my dream was that I was wearing a beautiful crown made of clear and sparkling jewels.

Then a kind and gentle voice spoke to me. "Look at your crown," the voice said.

"The gems are actually made of your tears."

So taking off my crown, I held it up against the light and took a closer look. It was amazing! The jewels in the crown were indeed made of crystallized tears!

I woke up with such a sense of joy and awe. Actually, how I felt cannot be described. I felt like there was a bucket of warm love being poured all over my heart.

God is so personal to speak to me that way.

I couldn't helpt but remember that verse in the Bible which says that God puts our tears in a bottle!

You number my wanderings;
Put my tears into Your bottle;
Are they not in Your book? - Psalm 56:8

For Those Tears I Died

Words and Music by Marsha Stevens

You said You’d come and share all my sorrows,
You said You’d be there for all my tomorrows;
I came so close to sending You away,
But just like You promised You came there to stay;
I just had to pray!

And Jesus said, “Come to the water, stand by My side,
I know you are thirsty, you won’t be denied;
I felt ev’ry teardrop when in darkness you cried,
And I strove to remind you that for those tears I died.”

Your goodness so great I can’t understand,
And, dear Lord, I know that all this was planned;
I know You’re here now, and always will be,
Your love loosed my chains and in You I’m free;
But Jesus, why me?

And Jesus said, “Come to the water, stand by My side,
I know you are thirsty, you won’t be denied;
I felt ev’ry teardrop when in darkness you cried,
And I strove to remind you that for those tears I died.”

Jesus, I give You my heart and my soul,
I know that without God I’d never be whole;
Savior, You opened all the right doors,
And I thank You and praise You from earth’s humble shores;
Take me, I’m Yours.

And Jesus said, “Come to the water, stand by My side,
I know you are thirsty, you won’t be denied;
I felt ev’ry teardrop when in darkness you cried,
And I strove to remind you that for those tears I died.”