
Beside Still Waters
by Thomas Kinkade
The LORD will guide you always;
he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like a spring whose waters never fail.
- Isaiah 58:11
O God, You are my God;
Early will I seek You;
My soul thirsts for You;
My flesh longs for You
In a dry and thirsty land
Where there is no water.
-Psalm 63:1
We would eat a quick breakfast and head off to a small neighboring town called Talisay located just outside Bacolod City. We would go through the different open air market stalls where everything from curtains, quilts, 100 percent cotton bedsheets, pillowcases, and afghans, to Dockers pants, cycling shorts, ladies blouses and children's clothes, could be bought. With just 500 pesos (US$10), we would go home after two hours with a big bag of amazing flea market finds.
When I arrived back from Manila, one day before Ernie died, he had proudly shown me his latest finds while I was away: three pairs of cotton walking shorts (Ernie wore nothing except 100 percent cotton), and a lovely ladies' bag from France, for me. I have kept those shorts of his in a suitcase. And I have never used the bag.
In just two months from today, we will mark Ernie's second death anniversary.
It's hard to believe that he's been gone nearly two years. I still miss him very much.
Today our ladies' group, the Women of Purpose, was scheduled to visit the Home for the Aged. Our friend Lagrimas had invited us to join her in giving out bags of food to the old people, many of whom have already been abandoned by their families and just left in this facility to literally "die." The generous gifts of well-to-do people and other cause-oriented groups go a long way in providing for the needs of these people.
It's a noble and noteworthy endeavor.
However, instead of joining the Women of Purpose, I decided at the last minute to go to Talisay. All by myself.
I took a local jeepney (a small public utility vehicle that can seat twelve to fifteen people) and savored the fresh air and the lovely rural scenery. Speeding through the countryside, we passed by the sugarcane plantations that gave off their familiar raw and fermented sweetness and the many old homes of Spanish architecture that have been preserved through all these years, unnoticed and untouched by modern civilization.
In the market, I went through the stalls and came away with amazing finds.
A cotton blouse for 35 pesos (or 80 cents in US currency).
A half dozen baby cotton shirts for my daughter in law.
A huge fresh guyabano (soursop, which has been discovered to be a natural cancer cell killer).

A kilo of mangosteen (another fruit famous for its medicinal properties).
Just before boarding the jeepney that would take me back to Bacolod, I stopped at a corner store to sip a bottle of Coke.
I did not even use up all of the 500 pesos that I brought. Except for the fruits, there was no urgent need for any of the things I bought.
Because, to be honest, this seemingly unplanned trip was not really about buying something I needed. I purposely took time out... to reconnect with a memorable experience.
Sadly though, it was no longer the same. Nothing is really the same after Ernie's passing away. For one thing, there was no longer the joy and the excitement that I used to feel going to the market with him.
Beauty...and joy... these become more meaningful when shared.
How I remember the many times when I could hardly wait to share a lovely experience with my husband!
But sad thoughts such as these do not linger. I've gotten quite used to this aspect of my life. This is a season in my life where being alone has become my new normal.
And instead of filling my days with frantic activity, in an attempt to cover up the loss, lately I have actually treasured my sense of solitude. I have been blessed with much time to be quiet and to think things over.
The past three posts I have written were about a sad event in my life, and I have to admit that my bruised emotions have not yet healed.
The enemy fights dirty. Really, I have wondered how people could just believe the blatant lies he throws at their faces.
Well, let's face it. It's not anything to be surprised about. Being a faith journey that we're on... it does happen that at certain points on this narrow road, we eventually reach a dry and weary land.
It's a fork in the road, a place of testing where, instead of being rewarded and appreciated, one stands condemned and falsely accused.
Your identity is in question.
Will you believe the lies the enemy whispers to you as well?
Will you retaliate, defending yourself and spreading more lies in return?
Or will you run to Him Who is the Way, the Truth, and the Life... the One Who, in the words of Delirious?, is "the speaker of truth to all mankind?"
The choice is mine to make.
God is my fountain of truth in this barren land that I suddenly find myself in.
My flesh longs for You
In a dry and thirsty land
Where there is no water.
- Psalm 63:1
It is an upward call, a call to "Come up higher."
These upward calls of God are always fresh opportunities for us to go up the next level in our journey, not to be sidetracked, or waylaid.
Some things are clearly not negotiable.
I chose to remain unoffendable.
In exchange, God has showered me with many opportunities to appreciate His love and kindness these past weeks.
Allow me to share with you the beautiful side of my life, some of the tangible ways that God has been so gracious:
Garden Delights
God watered my garden for me while I was away in Manila, and when I returned, this was what I saw:
Quality time with grandson Forerunner
Get-togethers with friends
Here she is with her grandchildren, taken during the baby shower she gave for her daughter in law Jenny.
Imelda is visiting for a few weeks. She resides in the USA with her husband and family. She and her husband Al serve with the Daystar staff in Texas.
Last Saturday, a group of us spent the day at my sister in law's farmhouse south of Bacolod. We enjoyed eating these delicious native food:
Gifts of grace:
I was so moved when my dear friend Lourdes gave me this book, just last weekend. It is a devotional book for women written by Elissa Macpherson.It has been a wonderful, grace-filled month for me. Just recalling all the wonderful gifts that God has given me has truly lifted my spirits.
A favorite quote of mine goes this way:
Just thinking of all the lovely events of the past weeks has truly made me feel that I am a well-watered garden.
Thank You, dear Father, for watering the garden of my heart with so much love, joy, beauty, and affirmation!
31 comments:
This is no doubt one of the
loveliest posts I've had the
pleasure of enjoying in a
while. Thank you for sharing
the sad and joyful moments of
your life, Lidj.Where would we
be without His love and grace?
My mouth waters for the yummy
coconut!And your blouses are so pretty! Take a picture and show
us just how beautiful you look
in them.
Love,
Sandy
Your garden is lovely and I enjoyed the other pictures as well. Forerunner is getting so big and is so cute!
I can see that God is watering your heart as well as your garden.
You're right sister Lidj, when our loved ones had passed on before us, it's just not the same. Much more with loving couples...
I truly enjoyed all the pictures you shared. I miss those fruits you can't find here. And oh...those seafoods! especially the sweet crabs! But in all of these things, I'm glad you pointed everything back to the Best Giver of gifts! Glory be to our Father in heaven for His everlasting kindness!
Praying for His continued mending in your heart. Thank you sister Lidj for giving me a "taste of home"... God bless.
Dear Lidj,
I hadn't realized that it's only been two years since your husband's passing. That is still pretty new and yet you seem to be adjusting but I'm sure there's still much pain. What a wonderful decision to spend some time alone at that special place but of course, it didn't have the same meaning without your Ernie.
I love the photos you included. So many blessings the Lord is providing. I love that you are willing to let go of being offended. There will always be some people that are quite difficult to get along with but praise God that there are so many more who are wonderful and loving and giving and kind.
You are a blessing to many, including me. I know each visit to your blog will be rich in words. I love your peaceful personality. There is something so soothing to me about you friend.
The Thomas Kinkade paintings are always so beautiful.
Blesssings and love,
Debbie
as I read this...and looked at the beautiful photos..(and just to tell you Forerunner is adorable) I thought of how much we are all the same. We all fight loss and pain and grief. We all just want to belong and to feel safe and to have friends and family close...Hugs to you my new very special friend. I think your heart shines so much....it's touched mine. Nikki
Beauty is being restored, in your garden, in your friendships, and in your heart. Good Lidj! :)
Love,
Sonja
Hi Lidj, You sure look pretty in blue and love the necklace from your daughter. It looks like your friends have been loving on you . . how sweet and how blessed. I can sure relate to being alone, it different but sort of exciting too. New things to look forward too, yes, I miss Dave, but I know he went ahead and is having the time of his life in Heaven. Not having to deal with doctor appointments, heart and breathing problems anymore. He gave me a beautiful life and left me three beautiful children too. I always want to tell you . . thanks so much for all the encouragement and know that you are one of God's SPECIAL PEOPLE . . love you, Sandy:O)
So lovely to see all the beautiful ways God is blessing you! Your blog and YOU touch my heart.
I'm struck by your gratitude in the midst of pain. It is beautiful and your heart is being transformed to shine His glory, His worth!
I wish I could have been at Starbuck's with you bearing gifts you love to encourage that enduring heart!
Amy
Lidj:
I'm hungry after seeing all that yummy food!!!
I am there with you as far as 'nothing is the same' but I also feel and know the healing that God has done in my heart since my Bob went with Jesus!
Ernie and Bob are probably talking about us right now!!! Do you ever think about that? LOL!
I went for dinner last night to a precious new friend's house and she invited me and another widow [all our age] to join us. We shared our stories about God's goodness and provision through the difficulites of our husband's illnesses. There were sooo many like patterns of what God was doing with each of us and we did not even know each other til a few months ago! There is something sacred in sharing the death of a spouse with another sister in the faith.
I treasure your long distance friendship - but greater than our bond of bothing losing a spouse - is our bond of knowing Jesus Christ and knowing that our spouses are secure in the arms of Jesus!
Love you my friend, Stephanie
God always provides a refreshing after difficulty - spiritual, emotional and physical - letting our hearts heal from hurt. It always amazes me that so many people equate hurt with offense. One can be hurt, point out that hurt - but that does not mean it is an offense.
I love watching movies with my husband - they are so much funnier when he is there. I don't watch many movies that we enjoy together when he's traveling (which he is not doing anymore) - I guess, a marriage is like the grafting of plants - two plants grafted together, blended together into one - but if one part stops functioning, the other half continues growing onward. Your journey is beautifully journaled, showing women how to handle these challenges with beauty, grace and strength!!!
Beautiful memories and gifts this past month. You have been such a inspiration of a grieving widow .. such grace and openness to help others endure what you've gone through. What treasures you have in your friends. The gift of friendship is priceless ... and the tangible gifts are beautiful like you!
Hi Lidj, I'm making a foray back into blogging and anticipated catching up with you with great joy. The post is lovely, but the thing that totally blessed my soul is your quote from Henri Nouwen on writing. It expresses exactly why I have missed blogging and hope to persevere against the devil's arrows to keep on writing. Love you much!
Run TO Him, Lidj. In the times you hurt most, just run into His arms for a giant God-hug. The lies do hurt. Satan is the father of lies, and nowhere does it say that he's not destructive. Sin is destructive.
I can't believe it's been almost two years. I found you here on the blog right after Ernie's passing, so I've known you almost that long.
The pink flowers you have a picture of--I grow that here in Louisiana, too. We call it "Mexican heather."
God has so blessed you. Friends and family and grandchildren!
Dear Lidj,
You are spreading sunshine into my heart, by the amazing way in which you are able to literally count your blessings.
The flowers, the food, the gifts, the friends are all tokens of the Lord's endless love for you.
It hurts me that you are being under attack while still mourning.
The again, this is how our evil fiend is known to work.
He wears so many disguises.
I have found great comfort and strength in the book by Armin Gesswein.
He has a flow of one-liners. "Recognize and reject", that's how he advices to counter attack the fiend.
I find great comfort in psalm 91.
I'm spreading the beautiful words over and over again.
Psalms Chapter 91
1 O thou that dwellest in the covert of the Most High, and abidest in the shadow of the Almighty;
2 I will say of the LORD, who is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust,
3 That He will deliver thee from the snare of the fowler, and from the noisome pestilence.
4 He will cover thee with His pinions, and under His wings shalt thou take refuge; His truth is a shield and a buckler.
5 Thou shalt not be afraid of the terror by night, nor of the arrow that flieth by day;
6 Of the pestilence that walketh in darkness, nor of the destruction that wasteth at noonday.
7 A thousand may fall at thy side, and ten thousand at thy right hand; it shall not come nigh thee.
8 Only with thine eyes shalt thou behold, and see the recompense of the wicked.
9 For thou hast made the LORD who is my refuge, even the Most High, thy habitation.
10 There shall no evil befall thee, neither shall any plague come nigh thy tent.
11 For He will give His angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways.
12 They shall bear thee upon their hands, lest thou dash thy foot against a stone.
13 Thou shalt tread upon the lion and asp; the young lion and the serpent shalt thou trample under feet.
14 'Because he hath set his love upon Me, therefore will I deliver him; I will set him on high, because he hath known My name.
15 He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will rescue him, and bring him to honour.
16 With long life will I satisfy him, and make him to behold My salvation.
Have a blessed day!
From Felisol
"The most beautiful flower in life's garden is a friend."
You have many...and I am honored to be one of them :)
I love your garden! Wow! Would cherish an afternoon sitting in your garden with you and sharing the goodness of our Lord. Maybe He would send us butterflies too :)
So glad that you had the urge and the strength to go to Talisay alone. to connect and just feel the loss - I understand.
You are in my prayers, dear soul - enjoy life on all levels.
hugs, Patrina <")>><
thanks for visiting our blog (a corgi in southern california) and for your kind comment. I'm glad you enjoyed your stay there! I am so sorry about the death of your dear Ernie, even though I know it was 2 years ago, I am sure you do still pass him as you try to adjust to your new life. I think it was good to take that day trip to the flea market. Even though it was not as fun as when you went with Ernie, I'm sure it was still enjoyable to get up and do it and bring back some memories of when the two of you went together. My gosh! that food you showed pictures of looks very delicious. I have never had any of those fine delicacies but they all looked like they would taste for good! lovely garden too you showed us pictures of!
betty
Sweet Lidj,
What a precious friend you are. How I have loved this post, these photos of your garden of flowers and people.
In your last post you said "...what really matters is not how something began, but how something ends." I am, of course, not clear on what happened recently to bring you some sadness (I think someone behaved cruelly toward you). Added to that the anniversary of your husband's entry into the arms of God and, therefore, the leaving of your own and I weep. But how clearly we see here in this post (as well as in the last one - heck, in all of them!) the grace, the gentleness, the power of a surrendered life. It's that going down in order to rise up thing. It's not what happened, it's what you have done with it that is important in the end and makes you so beloved by us, by God and, who knows, perhaps even that great cloud of witnesses.
I loved your recent comments left at my Amy's blog. You comments always encourage. And that always blesses all who read them - not just the recipient.
Love to you,
Judith
Dear Lidj,
I looked for your email address so I could write this privately, but didn't see it...I just wanted to say you are always so kind in your comments on my blog. My "travels" and life are quite "ordinary" in comparison to yours but you always make it sound like something special. Thanks ❤
I know it's not exactly the same, but my beloved dad has been gone 2 1/2 years now. I miss him terribly, he was large in my life for 60 years! I'm walking through widowhood with my mom, so I have a glimpse of your painful adjustment.
I love what you said about God watering your garden while you were away!
I know nothing about the Philippines except what I learn from my daughter-in-law and her family...so I learn a lot from reading your blog here.
I know God is healing your broken heart...I do you hope with use the bag your husband bought for you. How thoughtful that was and perhaps it will be a true sign of how far you have come in healing when you are able to use it and remember him when you do.
God bless you friend, as you continue to grow in His grace! Sending love, Jacque
Hello beautiful Lidj, Gosh so much beauty..flowers, friends, gifts, grandchildren...on and on..what a blessing from the Lord to you..He is mighty and to be praised,,,Hugs dear one. Love Crystal
What an inspirational post to read first thing in the morning. Everything in it is beautiful. It's been a long while since I tasted the guyabano fruit and sipped buko juice. The flowers and plants look healthy, well watered and taken cared of. The seafood, wow, my weakness. And the smile in everybody's face, it seems everyone you're with becomes happy, whether friend, flower, fruit, blouse. How can you bring out beauty in almost the simplest thing? Must be your beautiful heart Lidj. Take care.
dear "beauty",
i came here from sonja's blog and am
so glad i did. you are precious! it
looks like you have five children like
me!
thank you for your beautiful garden
photos and sweet words of encou-
ragement.
blessings,
lea
Your blog is just lovely! I'm glad I found it :-))
Doris
Yes, Dear Lidj...you must take all the time you need for mourning. You have that patience and tolerance known only by those who stay in communication with their Higher Power, God.
Bless you.
PEACE!
Steve
Thank God for the beautiful gifts of solitude, friendship, simplicity, trips to market, memories, red velvet cake and "beautiful" scents! I loved spending the day with you via your pen and your lens. You are tending to the dailyness of your life in a very special way, and I know that God will continue to move in your life with a profundity that exceeds common sense and reason.
Look for Him. How he longs to reveal himself to you, sister.
Peace~elaine
The only thing I can think to type after this touching post is Lidj, you are so beautiful. You deserve these gifts and you are highly treasured in the lives of those you touch.
God bless. And my heart goes out to you regarding Ernie.
LIDJ, it warmed me so--reading through your post, I had to re-visit today (Monday here) and reiterate what so many have written: You are a very special ONE of God's Peeps.
And the photos of the place where "God watered my garden for me while I was away in Manila..." Extreme beauty!
And the friends! In truth, I returned here to your blog to do as you wrote:
Because, to be honest, this seemingly unplanned trip was not really about Ed.(SURFING). I purposely took time out... to reconnect with a memorable experience.
Isaiah 58 is one of my favorite chapters. Thank you for sharing how it is proving true in your own walk with God.
I enjoyed your post so much! What struck me most was your day that you took time out to reconnect with a memorable experience. In the midst of our busy, I think we all need to do that from time to time.
Thank you for sharing this at The Loft today.
Oh Lidia, what a beautiful post...the words, the pictures, the memories. If memory serves me correctly, I connected with you in the year or so after your Ernie went to heaven. Your heart, even in the midst of grief, was always beautiful...and it remains so. Thank you for linking with us at The Loft.
You are lovely! Your post is lovely. Bless you sweet sister as I see joy in your journey. May HE continue to be your source as you share your lovely voice!
Post a Comment