Holding Hands, Unfading Grace

Holding Hands

by knightrazor

photo source





So let me go like a leaf upon the water
Let me brave the wild currents flowing to the sea
And I will disappear into a deeper beauty
But for now just stay with me
God, for now just stay with me.

- from Audrey Assad's Show Me

Today is the last day of October.

If you are a follower of my blog, you will know that I love to mark the coming and the going of the seasons.

And as another month comes to an end, once again let me share on this post some stirrings that are going on in my heart.

Tomorrow is All Saint's Day here. It's nearly midnight. My daughter in law Chosen One and I have just finished preparing some food that our family will bring to the memorial park tomorrow. Our extended family will gather tomorrow morning to have breakfast together in that lovely garden park where the bodies of my husband Ernie, and his parents, are buried.

We gather on this special day to remember our loved ones.

I remember my husband who passed away twenty three months ago.

There are many special things that I miss about him, some of which I have already shared on my previous posts: his laughter... his positive outlook... his cheerful disposition... his smile... his kindness... his gentleness... the way we could talk about almost anything on earth... his willingness to always give a helping hand.

Tonight I want to share how I miss holding hands with him.

We were married for thirty years when he passed away. But each time we walked together, he always held my hand. Yes, we were that kind of couple. We were not mushy, lovey-dovey sweet...but we always held hands. Sometimes as we sat next to each other in church, he would hold my hand.

Such a reassuring gesture. No words were needed. It was his way of saying, "I'm here for you. I'm yours...you're mine."

Now that's he's no longer around, there is no one to hold hands with. Not in the way we did.

Yes, that is one of the many beautiful things I miss about my dear husband.

In a recent post entitled The Lonely Road Ahead, I mentioned that after a season of deep and private grieving, I woke up one morning to realize that the song was back in my heart.

Undoubtedly the song is back, but to be honest, there is a part of my life that is still disoriented.

Deep inside of me I am still looking for a sense of direction.

In many ways I have moved on, but in my heart, I am still waiting for specific answers to many questions.


November is only a few minutes away.

Ever since Ernie's homegoing, I began to look at November in a different way.

I do not live in a country that has four seasons, so what I know of November is not experiential, as those living in the Western Hemisphere know it. But I do have my own feelings about this month which are largely intuitive.

Such a beautiful month is November! After the wild abandon of summer, November comes gently into our lives. So unobtrusive... one hardly notices she has arrived.

To me, November is a humble, unassuming month.

I imagine that the leaves have mostly fallen by now, but the snow has not yet come. The trees are bare, and the fruits and vegetables have been mostly harvested.

Without Thanksgiving, there would really be nothing exciting about November. It is a nondescript, in-between month.

The seasons have also come and gone in my life. I have been through winter... and spring... and the summer of much activity.

Now I am on the threshold of quiet and gentle November.

Somehow God speaks to me through the months of the year.

November seems to understand. A year ago, twelve months after Ernie passed away, November brought a closure to my grieving season.

But grief is an ongoing journey... and words are often never good enough.

Yet, in a beautiful post written by my friend Linda Owen of Absolutegrace, it seems like she has read my heart and put my feelings into words.

God speaks to me through the words of a dear blog friend.

Linda has has given me kind permission to re-post her latest blog entry on my blog. Read her well-written lines, coming from a deeply perceptive heart, together with the lovely leaf photographs from her husband John's fall photo collection.



Unfading Grace
by Linda Owen of Absolutegrace blog at http://absolutegrace.wordpress.com/

Fall Leaf Photos by John M. Owen

“To everything there is a season and a purpose to everything under heaven.”

- Ecclesiastes 3:1

While earth remains,
seed-time and harvest,
cold and heat,
summer and winter,
day and night,
shall not cease.

- Genesis 8:22

I find comfort in the seasons the Lord has established for us. At least for now. I suppose, being in the autumn of my life, I’m not going to relish the onset of winter. But as with every day, every season requires trust. Is God as faithful in the autumn as He was in the summer? And will He be faithful when the winter comes? I know it. But as seasons change, that’s when I really learn it.

Spurgeon assures us that God’s grace is present in every season:

Sickness may befall, but the Lord will give grace; poverty may happen to us, but grace will surely be afforded; death must come, but grace will light a candle in the darkest hour. How blessed it is as years roll around, and the leaves begin again to fall, to enjoy such an unfading promise as this, “The Lord will give grace.”

He continues:

He gives grace abundantly, seasonably, constantly, readily, sovereignly.

Grace in all its forms He freely renders to His people: comforting, preserving, sanctifying, directing, instructing, assisting grace. He generously pours into their souls without ceasing, and He always will do so, whatever may occur…

I can’t stop the seasons, anymore than I can keep the leaves from changing colours, the frost chilling the night, or the grass fading. But I can trust in the Lord who is ever faithful. His grace is unfading!

God is faithful, by whom you were called into the fellowship of his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.

- I Corinthians 1:9

I just placed a new song in the Blue Music Box which speaks to me of God’s faithfulness through the seasons. In the song, Show Me, young songwriter and singer, Audrey Assad [1], recounts of the Lord, in His mercy, guiding her through the seasons.

Here’s one portion I particularly like:

So let me go like a leaf upon the water
Let me brave the wild currents flowing to the sea
And I will disappear into a deeper beauty
But for now just stay with me
God, for now just stay with me. [1]

[1] Audrey Assad, The House You’re Building. Released, Jul 13, 2010. ℗ 2010 Sparrow Records.

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And as I end this my last post for October, may I invite you my beloved blog readers and friends, to listen to this beautiful song by Audrey Assad, Show Me, the video of which I have posted below.

Show Me is a song about redemptive suffering.

“It’s about not wanting God to take away the pain just yet because I know it’s worth something,” she said. “And I have something to learn so just leave me here for right now, but be with me.”

(Quote taken from Belief Blog)

Yes, God has yet again spoken to the longings of my heart through Audrey's song.

Her song talks of my uncertainties, my ambivalence. It sparks hope and assurance that in the midst of this in-between season that I find myself in, God understands...and cares.

I am truly grateful to my blog friend Linda for it was through her blog that I discovered it.


Show Me by Audrey Assad