A Well-Watered Garden

Beside Still Waters
by Thomas Kinkade





The LORD will guide you always;
he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like a spring whose waters never fail.

- Isaiah 58:11



O God, You are my God;
Early will I seek You;
My soul thirsts for You;
My flesh longs for You
In a dry and thirsty land
Where there is no water.

-Psalm 63:1

Fridays used to be special days for Ernie and me.

We would eat a quick breakfast and head off to a small neighboring town called Talisay located just outside Bacolod City. We would go through the different open air market stalls where everything from curtains, quilts, 100 percent cotton bedsheets, pillowcases, and afghans, to Dockers pants, cycling shorts, ladies blouses and children's clothes, could be bought. With just 500 pesos (US$10), we would go home after two hours with a big bag of amazing flea market finds.

When I arrived back from Manila, one day before Ernie died, he had proudly shown me his latest finds while I was away: three pairs of cotton walking shorts (Ernie wore nothing except 100 percent cotton), and a lovely ladies' bag from France, for me. I have kept those shorts of his in a suitcase. And I have never used the bag.

In just two months from today, we will mark Ernie's second death anniversary.

It's hard to believe that he's been gone nearly two years. I still miss him very much.

Today our ladies' group, the Women of Purpose, was scheduled to visit the Home for the Aged. Our friend Lagrimas had invited us to join her in giving out bags of food to the old people, many of whom have already been abandoned by their families and just left in this facility to literally "die." The generous gifts of well-to-do people and other cause-oriented groups go a long way in providing for the needs of these people.

It's a noble and noteworthy endeavor.

However, instead of joining the Women of Purpose, I decided at the last minute to go to Talisay. All by myself.

I took a local jeepney (a small public utility vehicle that can seat twelve to fifteen people) and savored the fresh air and the lovely rural scenery. Speeding through the countryside, we passed by the sugarcane plantations that gave off their familiar raw and fermented sweetness and the many old homes of Spanish architecture that have been preserved through all these years, unnoticed and untouched by modern civilization.

In the market, I went through the stalls and came away with amazing finds.

A cotton blouse for 35 pesos (or 80 cents in US currency).

A half dozen baby cotton shirts for my daughter in law.



A huge fresh guyabano (soursop, which has been discovered to be a natural cancer cell killer).


A kilo of mangosteen (another fruit famous for its medicinal properties).



Just before boarding the jeepney that would take me back to Bacolod, I stopped at a corner store to sip a bottle of Coke.

I did not even use up all of the 500 pesos that I brought. Except for the fruits, there was no urgent need for any of the things I bought.

Because, to be honest, this seemingly unplanned trip was not really about buying something I needed. I purposely took time out... to reconnect with a memorable experience.

Sadly though, it was no longer the same. Nothing is really the same after Ernie's passing away. For one thing, there was no longer the joy and the excitement that I used to feel going to the market with him.

Beauty...and joy... these become more meaningful when shared.

How I remember the many times when I could hardly wait to share a lovely experience with my husband!

But sad thoughts such as these do not linger. I've gotten quite used to this aspect of my life. This is a season in my life where being alone has become my new normal.

And instead of filling my days with frantic activity, in an attempt to cover up the loss, lately I have actually treasured my sense of solitude. I have been blessed with much time to be quiet and to think things over.


The past three posts I have written were about a sad event in my life, and I have to admit that my bruised emotions have not yet healed.

The enemy fights dirty. Really, I have wondered how people could just believe the blatant lies he throws at their faces.

Well, let's face it. It's not anything to be surprised about. Being a faith journey that we're on... it does happen that at certain points on this narrow road, we eventually reach a dry and weary land.

It's a fork in the road, a place of testing where, instead of being rewarded and appreciated, one stands condemned and falsely accused.

Your identity is in question.

Will you believe the lies the enemy whispers to you as well?

Will you retaliate, defending yourself and spreading more lies in return?

Or will you run to Him Who is the Way, the Truth, and the Life... the One Who, in the words of Delirious?, is "the speaker of truth to all mankind?"

The choice is mine to make.

God is my fountain of truth in this barren land that I suddenly find myself in.

My soul thirsts for You;
My flesh longs for You
In a dry and thirsty land
Where there is no water.

- Psalm 63:1

It is an upward call, a call to "Come up higher."

These upward calls of God are always fresh opportunities for us to go up the next level in our journey, not to be sidetracked, or waylaid.

Some things are clearly not negotiable.

I chose to remain unoffendable.

In exchange, God has showered me with many opportunities to appreciate His love and kindness these past weeks.

Allow me to share with you the beautiful side of my life, some of the tangible ways that God has been so gracious:


Garden Delights

God watered my garden for me while I was away in Manila, and when I returned, this was what I saw:
























Quality time with grandson Forerunner

I enjoyed being with Forerunner at the mall several times these past days. He just loves being on the carousel!

Get-togethers with friends

A dinner party at my friend Lourdes' house.
Here she is with her grandchildren, taken during the baby shower she gave for her daughter in law Jenny.

September 14

Breakfast with my dear friend Ruby on her 50th birthday.
September 15

A coffee getaway at Starbucks, with my friend Louella

This is a picture of Imelda and Nikki taken during a light moment after dinner and coffee with the ministry team of Family Foundations to welcome our friend Imelda.
Imelda is visiting for a few weeks. She resides in the USA with her husband and family. She and her husband Al serve with the Daystar staff in Texas.

A cup of cappuccino and a slice of red velvet.

Yesterday, my friend Maggy and I checked out the newest coffee shop in town, Miren. We had such a wonderful time. Maggy learned French cuisine in France many years ago. She runs a bistro in one of the downtown hotels in the city. I always enjoy her gracious company.

Last Saturday, a group of us spent the day at my sister in law's farmhouse south of Bacolod. We enjoyed eating these delicious native food:

Clams cooked over charcoals

Crabs and shrimps cooked in salt, olive oil, and garlic

Fresh young coconut. First we sip the sweet coconut water, then we open up the shells and scoop out the tender coconut meat! So yummy!

Fresh flowers from Sue's garden

Gifts of grace:

A hand-embroidered blouse given by my sister, just one of the many gifts she had for me. Notice the details of the embroidery below. It is an authentic one, from India.

Last week, my friend Nening gave me this lovely Zara blouse.

When I arrived from Manila, this gift was waiting for me on my dresser, a bottle of Clinique Happy, my favorite scent, from my close friend Fely who lives in New Jersey.

This is a swarovsky necklace given by my daughter Obedient One, a present from her recent trip to China.

I was so moved when my dear friend Lourdes gave me this book, just last weekend. It is a devotional book for women written by Elissa Macpherson.

It has been a wonderful, grace-filled month for me. Just recalling all the wonderful gifts that God has given me has truly lifted my spirits.

A favorite quote of mine goes this way:

The most beautiful flower in life's garden is a friend.

Indeed this is so true.

Just thinking of all the lovely events of the past weeks has truly made me feel that I am a well-watered garden.

Thank You, dear Father, for watering the garden of my heart with so much love, joy, beauty, and affirmation!

The Fellowship of the Unashamed

What Really Matters

photo credit




Then He will give the rain for your seed
With which you sow the ground,
And bread of the increase of the earth;
It will be fat and plentiful,
In that day your cattle will feed
In large pastures.

... You shall have a song
As in the night when a holy festival is kept,
And gladness of heart as when one goes with a flute,
To come into the mountain of the Lord,
To the Mighty One of Israel.


- Isaiah 30:23, 29

While the earth remains,
Seedtime and harvest,
Cold and heat,
Winter and summer,
And day and night
Shall not cease.

- Genesis 8:22

And let us not grow weary while doing good,
for in due season we shall reap
if we do not lose heart.

- Galatians 6:9

At the end of the day, when all is said and done, what really matters is not how something began, but how something ends.

I believe that to be true in all things.

However, something important also needs to be considered. What we sow is what we reap. That is a law that just cannot be reversed. It is called the Law of Seedtime and Harvest, or the Law of Sowing and Reaping.

The Law of Harvest states that we always reap more than we sow.

A similar law called the Law of Increase operates in relation to it. This law simply means that what we harvest is not the same amount that we planted - we harvest in "folds", as in thirty-fold, sixty-fold, a hundred-fold... or even more. You plant one apple seed, but you harvest more than a hundred apples from that single seed.

You plant kindness, gratitude, praise -- and harvest tons of them in your life! Isn't that awesome?

But the opposite is also true. You plant bitterness, anger, vindictiveness, unforgiveness -- and they bear the same fruit in "folds" ... you harvest them in huge quantities. Now, that's really scary!


So this popular saying

Sow a thought, reap an action
Sow an act, reap a habit
Sow a habit, reap a character,
Sow a character, reap a destiny

is so true, and I have always been guided by these words, consciously or unconsciously.

There is an unfortunate event that I shared with my blog readers on my two previous posts (Spiritual Blindness and Timely Encouragement).

In Spiritual Blindness, I shared how an area of blindness in me actually led to this sad happening. I am really placing the blame squarely on my own shoulders because that is just the plain truth. If someone else reacted negatively to what I initiated in the first place, then I accept the blame for the consequences that somehow hurt me. I spoke words rashly, without thinking of the possible consequences, without counting the cost, so to speak. There is no one else to blame but me.

HOWEVER, and I write this in capital letters to stress a point, I am not accepting the blame for how the other person reacted. I cannot admit responsibility for what that person did as a response. We are all responsible for our own actions, and that is where the buck ends.

I have a choice, and so do you... and the mature response is to be willing to own up to what we did wrong. It is childish to point a finger and say, "He made me do it." We really are responsible for how we react "when the wrong buttons are pushed", or "when we are triggered."

The question I ask is, "How did those buttons, or those triggers, get there in the first place?"

In our growth process, it is always good to look deep inside our hearts and take responsibility for how other people, or life in general "triggers" us!

My sister in law Sue is one wise woman. Her words to me about this event in my life really strikes me deep. She said, "Lidj, I have learned along the way not to allow myself to be a part of somebody else's circus."

That remark really made me laugh because it is so appropriate to what I went through. There will be people around us who unconsciously want to run the show, and manipulate or control you into becoming part of their circus. I smile even as I write these words.

I am learning that, too, but in a different way. I love being spontaneous, I don't want my life to be a drama where I have rehearsed my parts, or memorized my lines.

Sometimes you can be caught up in other people's personal agenda, their circus, without you being aware of it ...where you end up saying the right words that will not offend them, or will make them feel good...where you learn to say niceties that you do not really mean. It is still being in a kind of circus!

I don't know about you, but I never want to be that kind of person, either!

Looking back, I realize that I could have been more careful... but I also wish that my friend's husband had been more discreet in repeating to her, his wife, the things that I had told him in confidence, and with a sincere motive.

Can I still turn back the hands of time, or undo the events that happened next?

The obvious answer is that I can't... but the good news is that there is Someone who can do that for me.

His name is Redeemer...


It is in this hope that I can move on, pick up the broken pieces, and walk away knowing that my Jesus knows what to do next.

Jesus is my Redeemer, my Saviour. He saves, He re-creates, He will undo the messes that I have gotten myself into!

Understanding how the Law of Increase operates helps me so much in planning how I must respond to this situation.

I will not sow any more unkind thoughts, words, or attitudes in the stirred up soil of the hearts involved... I will walk in the opposite spirit.

I have walked in repentance for my own wrong words and thoughts...

I have also released forgiveness for the wrong responses that persons have chosen to do.

Other seeds I am sowing are seeds of humility,

seeds of peace...

choosing to rest my case instead of defending my side or protecting myself or wanting to explain what really happened...

so many more good seeds I have sown these past days.

I am really looking forward to a good harvest.

These past days, God has been just so real, and so gentle, and so kind to me. I really should no longer be amazed at how He has been like that in my life - but still His kindness continues to amaze me and take me by surprise.

I arrived back at my Bacolod City home this morning.

God has given me a truly rewarding eight-day stay in Manila, despite the fact that when I arrived there early Sunday of last week, I was feeling emotionally drained.

I made the decision to let the matter rest in God's hands and entrust the outcome to Him, asking my Father to be the Protector of my heart and reputation.

The Ancient Paths seminar began on Monday as scheduled.

On Tuesday and Wednesday however, I experienced a severe headache and a general feeling of body malaise. Clearly there was something wrong because I was really feeling fine the past days. It was an obvious spiritual attack which I could only attribute to the events of the past weekend.

My friend Tina, who was part of the ministry team for the seminar, ministered effectively to me after lunch on Wednesday. She became God's agent of healing for me as she drew out feelings inside of me that had been buried all these years, and provided a safe place for me to speak my heart out to the Lord. During her quiet but anointed prayers commanding any defiling spirit to leave my body, the heaviness lifted completely and a strong feeling of peace and love filled my heart.

How thankful I was for my dear friend.

I was also thankful that my three other friends, Pearlie, Rosinni, and Sheryll were available to be part of the ministry team for this seminar. The unity that we experienced while working together in God's harvest field was so uplifting and encouraging.

The seminar ended on Wednesday evening with many victories gained, and "land" recovered from the hands of the enemy.

This photo shows the participants and the ministry team
of the three-day Ancient Paths seminar last week.

On Wednesday morning, my dear sister arrived in Manila. The last time we saw each other was in May of 2008. On Thursday morning, I checked into the hotel where she was staying, and we had a great bonding time there for five days. We talked and shared stories, but most of all, we ate...and ate... and ate some more. She has missed Filipino food, and so this was a great opportunity for her to feast on her favorites.

Despite the jet lag she was feeling, she did not want to miss out on spending time with me, knowing that we did not have so much time to be together.


She also had a huge suitcase stuffed with lovely things from America, for me and for each of the members of my family. My sister has an overflowing generous heart, and she has always been a "giver."



But more than her material gifts, I truly treasured the time I spent with my sister. It was an "in-between" time for me, a precious opportunity God allowed to refresh me, and to bring healing to my bruised emotions. The Ancient Paths seminar was scheduled about a month ago, and at that time, I didn't even know my sister was planning to come home this month. But the timing of our being together was perfect, and I know it was planned ahead of time by my heavenly Father, the giver of every good and perfect gift.


Yet, in the midst of this, there was an enemy attempt to steal my joy.

Yesterday, the person who sent over a dozen text messages to my phone last weekend sent a few more again yesterday. This time I had sense enough not to read the messages but to delete them without reading them. I did send one reply hoping she would be convinced of my genuine feelings for her, but there was this strong voice inside, warning me, "Do not go there again, My child."

During the time last Wednesday that Tina ministered to me, she helped me set up parameters around my personal space which we declared "off limits" to Satan and his cohorts. As much as possible, I wasn't going to allow myself to once again fall prey to his subtle schemes to weigh me down, even derail me from my God given destiny.

It's not that I was going to be the protector of my own heart; that's a position God alone can fill. But this I know: I have to be in right standing before Him, where I allow myself to be guided by Him, even in the way I respond to messages sent to me through my mobile phone.

I literally had to lay hands over my phone, and cleanse it from ungodly contamination from the enemy, whom we know also operates as the prince of the airwaves. I spoke powerful faith words over my phone and laptop and declared that these will be tools of God for peace and righteousness and nothing else.

As part of my spiritual warfare for this season of healing and rest that God is bringing me to, I know that I must take every thought captive and make them obedient to Jesus Christ.

It still amazes me that my honest intentions were turned around without me being given the benefit of explaining my side. Words I have never spoken were somehow attributed to me, and it really has taken a huge amount of effort to stick to my decision to rest my case at the table of the Lord, who alone is the Lawgiver and rightful Judge.

This is my season of harvesting what God has spoken to me many years ago as clearly stated in the Isaiah 30:23 passage quoted above.

The words of Francis Frangipane are also so appropriate and I would like to quote them here as I close.

While we may have many legitimate arguments to wage war against our accusers, Jesus stood silently before His. Beloved, there is a time to take your stand and defend what God is doing, and there is a time to become silent and simply entrust yourself to God....

If your words will not persuade your attackers, beloved, recognize it is time to be silent. Yet, Jesus was not just silent, He bore their sins on His cross.

So also for us. It is not enough that we not react negatively; we must respond positively to those who come against us, just as Christ did. We must pray the mercy prayer.... (Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.)

So though grieved and deeply troubled, Jesus prayed, "What shall I say, 'Father, save Me from this hour? But for this purpose I came.'" (John 12:27).

Jesus understood that for redemption to be accomplished, His love would face its most severe test....

So it is with us. God allows injustices to perfect our love.... This battle is not about you and your enemies, but about you maintaining love in the midst of injustice.

Dear follower of Christ, let us redefine our meaning of success. Here is the success that will bring the power of redemption into our world.

When we have endured... and instead of reacting, allowed adversity to refine our love, we will have succeeded in the purpose of our existence.

Beloved, regardless of the rest God calls you to endure, it is not about you and your relational opponent. The real issue is about you and God.

Will you allow love to be perfected? Will you transform Satan's hour into an offering of your life in Christlike surrender?

My prayer:

The death of Jesus was the ultimate sacrifice, Father, but I have not even suffered to the point of shedding blood.

Even then, I want to have the heart of Jesus. Help me to allow love to be perfected in me.

I don't want this prayer to be mere words...but words from my heart. Forgive this friend for she's not aware of what she is doing.

Help me as I entrust my heart to you. Enable me to take the higher road that leads to Christlikeness.

A bountiful harvest awaits me when seeds of humility are sown...

It is tiring to strive when all I need do is walk in the good works that you have prepared in advance for me to do.

As I choose to walk in the opposite spirit, I know healing will come.

What really matters is Your heart, because I know You are taking care of mine.

May my responses give You glory and honor.

I choose to sow seeds of hope and peace...even as I put up healthy boundaries around my heart.

Lord, I rejoice in this new season of restoration where all that was stolen from me will be returned a hundred fold!



My song:


It's A New Season
by Israel Houghton

It's a new season, it's a new day.
A fresh anointing is flowing my way.
It's a season of power and prosperity.
It's a new season coming to me.

Verse 1:
The devil's time is up no longer can he bother me,
‘cause the Creator of the universe He fathers me,
And it's transferable my children's children shall be free;
It's a new season (it's a new season).

If you don't know by now, you need to know it's jubilee,
Where debts are cancelled and your children walk in victory.
It's so available to you right now just taste and see,
It's a new season (it's a new season).

Verse 2:
The new millennium presents a new horizon,
And no greater time for us to make a choice and take a stand.
All that we need, is resting in His hands;
It's a new season (it's a new season).

All that was stolen is returned to you a hundred fold,
Tried in the fire but you're coming out gold.
Cling to His hand,
Yes, to every promise take a hold;
It's a new season (it's a new season)



It's A New Season (Martha Munizzi)

Bread for the Journey: Timely Encouragement

A Helping Hand

photo credit





...a word in season, how good it is!

- Proverbs 15:23

This past weekend, I went through a harrowing experience of being emotionally assaulted.

It is best not to go into details here, but a few things do need to be said.

One's view of self and others, events, circumstances...all of life depends on the perspective we have. We see the world from the kind of lens we are wearing. Our eyeglasses are colored by so much of our past, and most of the time we are not even aware that we have such eyeglasses on.

No matter how much someone longs for you to be their friend, friendship simply cannot be forced. My best friendships are those that have no demands or expectations for me to give what I cannot give. When I am in a relationship that stifles me and controls me, I shrink back.


Friendship cannot be legislated, and love cannot be forced or bought, it can only be gently drawn out...and graciously received.

I believe that when you do acts of kindness without any strings attached, and when you love without expecting to be loved in return, when you go through life with open hands, grace overtakes you... and love just comes into your life, taking you by surprise.

I believe that is the nature of love.

A lovely relationship flows according to the unforced rhythms of grace... in the words of Eugene Peterson. This is true of a friendship that is evolving, not heavy with demands, not ill fitting.

My relationship with my husband was such...and it is also the kind of friendship I have with a very few close friends. Flowers bloom where there is room, and in the same manner, I love it when I am free to be who I am and what I am.

I can't be a true friend when I know I am being measured up against one's expectations of what a friend should be. Surely, I shall fail miserably...unable to meet that very high standard.

Also, there are levels of friendship. I'm happy to be a different kind of friend to each of those who call me so. I don't always have to be the only friend they have, or even the best one.

I give people the freedom to put me at the level of friendship that they are comfortable with!

This kind of friendship is so freeing, and gives one so much room to grow.

Recently I was misunderstood, as I had shared in a previous post.

Things have not turned out the way I had hoped they would.

A clear sign that it was the enemy at work was the condemnation and false accusation heaped on me.

The enemy steals, kills, and destroys.
God, on the other hand, invites us to reason together...to speak the truth in love...to ask questions...to listen before jumping to conclusions.

But, having decided to rest my case, there is no urgency to correct or explain my motives and actions... no urgency to defend myself or protect my reputation as a "friend." (I really do not want to devalue the meaning of such a beautiful word!)

There is peace in being vulnerable and allowing God to be my Defender.

He will cleanse, He will undo, He will rebuild...

I do recognize that I have my own blind spots -- and in due time they are being revealed, and I am being healed.

But the truth also stands that as an imperfect human being, I can never feed somebody else's deep hunger for acceptance, significance, and value, and love. There comes a point when I will surely fail.

God alone is our well of hope! In him there is always the possibility of change, and growth, and becoming mature.



Gifts from the Heart
God the Father surely knew what was ahead of me... that He sent me some tangible encouragements from friends I have never even met face to face!

One of them is a gift, sent by Linda of Absolute Grace. The parcel containing the gifts arrived in the mail a few days ago, and they are just a cup of fresh water to my soul! She sent me two books by Paul David Tripp, and a sweet card which really boosted my spirits! Her blog itself is a study in encouragement and grace. Linda, you are a blessing to me, and I appreciate your kind gifts at this point in my life journey.

The other gift is a blog award given by Maryleigh of Blue Cotton Memory. She confers the gift to me in a special blog post entitled Bread Basket Award.


Maryleigh, your gift really blew my mind.

The special thing about this award is that it is only meant to be received, and not passed on. Somehow, this makes it easy to do -- the award is not for anyone else, it is just for me... It made me feel so special.

Then Maryleigh featured some of the blog posts I have written, and this also made me feel so good and valued and appreciated.

Her posts are feasts for the spirit, containing serving after serving of side-dishes that are full of soul nutrients. Please visit with her:

• The Price of Freedom
• The Refiner’s Fire
• The Heart of Worship
• Jewels on My Crown
• In Quietness and confidence
• Call Favor Home

Thank you for blessing me so much this past year!

Thanks, again, Maryleigh.


Bread for the Journey
Bread for the Journey is one of my favorite books. Written by Henri Nouwen, it has a brief devotional for each day of the year. Tiny nuggets of spiritual bread that provide nutrition in the form of joy, hope, strength, faith, endurance...and so much more, all needed as we travel through life.

This is what these two gifts have done for me these past days.


I have received a lot of encouragement from other sources too, especially from my dear family and small circle of friends. God knows just what we need to keep us refreshed and encouraged.


Yesterday, I arrived back in Manila to do a series of private Ancient Paths seminars in this city. So, it is another welcome opportunity for me to be with Obedient One, my only daughter.

It is a wonderful life, even if the path sometimes takes us through a valley of tears. I will still choose to rejoice in today, and I will open my eyes to the beauty that surrounds me!

In closing, I share a poem written by John Leax. I must have read it twenty years ago, and I have never forgotten it! From time to time, I go back to it, just to gain encouragement for the road ahead of me!

Enjoy the road ahead of you, my dear blogging buddies! Don't take life too seriously! Sometimes I realize I do... and then it's time to call a dear friend to share a cup of cafe latte with me at Starbucks, or go up to the rooftop of El Fisher Hotel to watch the sun go down, take pictures of my garden, or go to Felizia's to sip a few margaritas with another friend.

Life is good, and life is beautiful... and even more so when we reach heaven's shores!

But in the meantime, enjoy the scenery, dance to the music, and learn to laugh at yourself!

Love be with you all today!


At The Winter Feeder
by John Leax

His feather flame doused dull
by icy cold,
the cardinal hunched
into the rough, green feede
but ate no seed.
Through binoculars I saw
festered and useless
his beak, broken
at the root.
Then two: one blazing, one gray,
rode the swirling weather
into my vision
and lighted at his side.
Unhurried, as if possessing
the patience of God,
they cracked sunflowers
and fed him
beak to wounded beak
choice meats.
Each morning and afternoon
the winter long,
that odd triumvirate,
that trinity of need,
returned and ate
their sacrament
of broken seed.


sac·ra·ment n.

1. Christianity A rite believed to be a means of or visible form of grace.
2. A religious rite similar to a Christian sacrament, as in character or meaning.

(Definition taken from the Free Online Dictionary)




Sacrament of Broken Seed, Insight for Today, by Charles Swindoll
Broken, Sharing Encouragement's Weblog

Spiritual Blindness

Healing of the Blind Man

photo credit




The lamp of the body is the eye.
If therefore your eye is good,
your whole body will be full of light.
But if your eye is bad,
your whole body will be full of darkness.
If therefore the light that is in you is darkness,
how great is that darkness!

- Matthew 5:22-23



I will bring the blind by a way they did not know;
I will lead them in paths they have not known.
I will make darkness light before them,
And crooked places straight.
These things I will do for them,
And not forsake them.

- Isaiah 42:16




Your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying,
“This is the way, walk in it,”
Whenever you turn to the right hand
Or whenever you turn to the left.

- Isaiah 30:21

The other title of this post could be: The Anatomy of a Blindness. For here I share how a good intention and a good plan unexpectedly turned sour, and how God opened my eyes to see what happened.

These past few weeks the phrase blind spots has been very much on my mind.

Recently, a dear friend who was coming out of depression seemed unaware of the effect of her words and actions on others. A few well-meaning acquaintances asked me what help we as the body of Christ could extend to her.

My initial response was for us to leave well enough alone.

But I could not turn my back away from this question: if I truly cared, can I look at what's happening and not lift a finger to help?

With this in mind, I looked at the possibility of meeting with this friend. I spoke with her husband to tell him of the plan. We agreed on a date when he and his wife and I could get together.

My plan never materialized.

She found out some of the things I had mentioned in private to her husband, who probably shared them with her prematurely.

The next thing I knew, I was the bad guy, and was accused of having misrepresented her.

This was not what I expected. All I wanted was a meeting that would be a safe environment for us to talk...in an atmosphere of love where she would not be threatened. But her husband told her the things I mentioned to him before we could even come together, and because she saw it as a threat, her wall of self protection came up very fast.

I am certain that her husband meant no harm in telling her. He was probably just giving her the reason for the meeting. But she read his words differently. She went on defensive mode.

Obviously "the enemy" had set up a scheme behind the scenes. What I had envisioned to be a life-giving meeting turned out exactly the opposite.

The persons who had come to me in the first place with their observations chose not to own up to what they had told me. I ended up being the one holding my own heart in my hand, looking in from the outside of her life, so to speak.

From being the person walking with her in the dark night of her soul, overnight, I had become the enemy.


A few days after that incident, I left for Manila to attend the Elijah House School. Needless to say I left with a heavy heart.

Much as I tried to shrug my feelings off, I could not. After all, my intentions were honest. All I really wanted was to help. I thought I was going to do her good, willing to be a mirror that would reflect back to her what she was probably not aware of.

After the time spent at the Elijah House school I went back home, certain that the broken relationship could be easily patched up. But on several occasions that I had seen my friend, she indicated by her body language that she wants nothing to do with me.

I realized that it was not going to be as easy as I thought. Because of her deep-seated rejection issues, she welcomed me to speak into her life only while she was undergoing depression. But once she was out of the tunnel...it was a different story.


JOHARI Window
Years ago, in a teaching given by Jeff Littleton of Youth With a Mission (YWAM), we learned about the JOHARI window, a very useful model to help us understand the way we relate to others. Named after the first names of the inventors Joseph Luft and Harry Ingham, the said window divides our personal awareness into four parts represented by four quadrants: Open, Blind, Hidden, and Unknown.

The OPEN quadrant represents the information that we know about ourselves and that also is obvious to others.

The HIDDEN quadrant represents personal information known only to us: our life experiences, our thoughts, feeling, dreams…all of that information is within you and it is this information that we share with others.

The BLIND quadrant refers to information that others know about us, but that we don’t know about ourselves.

The UNKNOWN quadrant refers to personal information that is known to no one—not even ourselves.

Information taken from The Road to Well Being: Springs of Emotional Expression.

The Open area is the arena where we play out our lives. Some things are obvious in face to face relationships. Not much effort is required in the factual information that we willingly share with others. But in a healthy relationship, even in today's cyber friendships cultivated on the social networking sites, this quadrant should be getting bigger, through what is known as self-disclosure.

Feelings, motives, wants, desires... these are usually found in the Hidden quadrant, but with self-disclosure, they can be moved up to the Open quadrant, thus making room for honesty and transparency, two main ingredients needed to build healthy, authentic relationships.

The Blind area is where others see things about yourself that you are not aware of.

The Unknown quadrant contains things about us that are not known to any human being. However the truth remains that nothing is hidden from God.

In this area are kept the hidden pieces of the puzzle, circumstances and events in our past that have shaped the way we think and feel, the root or origin of our present day issues. When we get to know some of these things, they help us understand why we act or react the way we do.

It was about the Unknown area of my life and of others that I sensed God speaking. There are many things not known about the other person, and this is true of me as well!

But the more open I am to God, the closer I draw to Him, the easier it is for Him to speak to me about the things I need to understand.

It is the blind and unknown areas of our life that drive us to seek God.


God Sheds Light
The incident shared at the beginning of this post was used by God to show me something in the Unknown quadrant of my life.

Although I was hesitant to talk about this event on my blog, I now have peace in sharing it here. Being transparent about my difficult circumstances helps expand the Open quadrant of my own Johari window.

This is where I am in my spiritual journey, and the realizations form a crucial part of the healing process.


While I was at the Elijah House, God began to shed light on this, and enabled me to understand what happened.

My true motives for wanting to "help" my friend had sprung out of a problem solver mentality. If she had a problem, then I would be there to help her solve it.

This was not necessarily a bad thing. What I overlooked was the truth that in God's kingdom He is the one who gives out the assignment to do certain tasks. I simply went ahead without seeking confirmation if this was something that He wanted me to do.

Another thing I realized was the importance of timing. In God's kingdom things operate under a different timetable. God waits for the fullness of time, the ripening of the fruit, even a seemingly bad fruit. I did not seek His go signal for this.

I had also underestimated the role of the kingdom of darkness in this. The spirit of death easily defiles and contaminates, and will not easily give up its territory. In a real sense, I entered enemy territory without taking necessary precautions. I was blind sided.

Hindsight helps me to understand what happened, but if I had used foresight, a lot of heartache could have been avoided!

The past days, my devotional readings seemed to warn me about being wise in my own eyes:

Do not be wise in your own eyes:
Fear the Lord and depart from evil.
It will be health to your flesh,
And strength to your bones.

- Proverbs 3:7

Do not be wise in your own opinion.
- Romans 12:16

Do you see a man wise in his own eyes?
There is more hope for a fool than for him.
- Proverbs 26:12

The phrase "to be wise in your own eyes" strikes me because once again it refers to spiritual pride, one of the underlying causes of spiritual blindness.

Spiritual blindness is such a fearful thing because it makes one believe that everything is all right when in fact it isn't!

The Laodicean church was a church suffering from spiritual blindness, and Jesus had this to say:

Because you say, 'I am rich, have become wealthy,
and have need of nothing,'--
and do not know that you are wretched, miserable,
poor, blind, and naked--
I counsel you to buy from Me
gold refined in the fire, that you may be rich;
and white garments, that you may be clothed,
that the shame of your wickedness may not be revealed,
and anoint your eyes with eye salve,
that you may see.

- Revelation 3:17-18

There are other causes of spiritual blindness. Disobedience, hardness of heart, cynicism, intellectualism, fear, and unbelief are some of them.

But the Lord is pointing His finger at spiritual pride in me.

A few months ago I would not have readily admitted to this. But the weeks at Elijah House had prepared me to recognize my need.

I asked God to deliver me from any form of spiritual blindness.

Bowing before Jehovah El Roi, the God Who Sees, I asked Him to remove blinders from my spiritual eyes...to remove the plank of wood blocking my eyes that might be preventing me to see clearly before I attempt to remove a speck of dust from another person's eye.

This is a humbling experience.

I remember having gone through this before, but as I said in a previous post, God brings us to the same point in a spiral and takes us up higher. Our complete healing has already been done at the cross, but it is an ongoing process; it takes place in our hearts, layer by layer.


George Morisson says:

The victorious Christian life is a series of new beginnings.

To comfort me, God spoke very clearly two days ago:

Psalm 32:8 - I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you with My eye.

Psalm 33:18 - Behold the eye of the Lord is upon those who fear him, upon those who hope in his mercy.

God is saying that nothing is beyond hope. He will guide me, and teach me. I just have to get my heart ready for the next step. For now, it is wise to wait before God and ask Him to work in the unresolved issues in my life, in His time.

I may appear unperturbed, and my words may sound peaceful, but it is not easy. Everything in me wants to defend myself, to explain my side, in the same way I know that my friend also wants to defend herself from what she believes are false accusations that have originated with me.

But I want to learn my lesson... and wait on God. I entrust the situation to Him, waiting for the right doors to be opened. At the opportune moment, we will walk through these doors. It is all in God's hands; His timing is perfect.

It goes without saying that I am truly sorry for the false relational messages that have somehow reached my friend, even though I must admit that it was not completely my fault.

I'm 57, my friend is 59. You'd think that at this age it would be easy to stop acting like little girls, put down our defensive weapons, and just give the other person the benefit of the doubt. And I've asked, Why is it so hard to walk down the path of grace and maturity? When will the healing come?

To be honest, one can feel trapped in a cycle that just keeps repeating. If we are not careful the unsuspecting ones can all be caught in a demonic web intense self-focus.

Yes, it's easy to point a finger and shift the blame toward those who have contributed to this mess, but even that, I have chosen not to do. Oftentimes, for deep healing to take place, a genuine atmosphere of forgiveness has to be present.

The choice to remain humble and unoffended in situations like these does not come naturally. It requires the grace of God to generate an inner response that is God-honoring.

I thank God for bringing me to another healing season. Having my own personal space such as this blog where I can articulate and put my feelings into words is such a big help.


Moving On
Having said all these, let me now rest my case.

I choose to rest in the love and forgiveness of God. My sins have already been paid for by the death of Jesus on the cross!

Life moves forward; I hear the upward call of the Father on my life.

Come, up higher my daughter, there is still much work waiting to be done in My kingdom.

Life is just too beautiful to stay stuck in regret, anger, unforgiveness and offense! As God is bringing me to my autumn season, the stripping process also includes letting go of hurts, self-focus, self protection, self blame...

I won't waste my sorrows, but rather learn the lessons that they bring. I embrace this season, and will be patient in the waiting.

And sometimes we need to walk away... to provide space, to gain perspective.


Seasons come, seasons go...there is so much hope in each new day as it comes!

Just now my heart brims over with joy at all that life has to offer in the midst of our struggles... so much beauty from the ash heap of our lives!

A special thanks to my friend Maryleigh whose email helped clarify some things for me, enabling me to put a closure to this incident and allowing me to walk away in peace and leave the matter in God's hands.



This powerful song is a fitting to end this post, and so let me share it with all of you, my dear friends!


Power of Your Love
by Hillsong

Lord I come to You
Let my heart be changed, renewed
Flowing from the grace
That I've found in You
And Lord I've come to know
The weaknesses I see in me
Will be stripped away
By the power of Your love

Hold me close
Let Your love surround me
Bring me near
Draw me to Your side
And as I wait
I will rise up like the eagle
And I will soar with You
Your Spirit leads me on
In the power of Your love

Lord unveil my eyes
Let me see You face to face
The knowledge of Your love
As You live in me
Lord renew my mind
As Your will unfolds in my life
In living every day
By the power of Your love

Hold me close...

And I will soar with You
Your Spirit leads me on
In the power of Your love

Walk Away Renee