Green Pastures, Quiet Waters

Green Pasture Sheep

photo source

In the secret

In the quiet place

In the stillness

You are there

- Chris Tomlin

I will give you the treasures of darkness,

and hidden riches of secret places,

that you may know that I, the Lord,

who call you by your name, am the God of Israel.

- Isaiah 45:3

He makes me to lie down in green pastures,
He leads me beside the still waters,
He restores my soul.

- Psalm 23:2, 3

"The sweetest thing in all my life has been the longing --

to reach the Mountain,
to find the place where all the beauty came from --

my country, the place where I ought to have been born.

Do you think it all meant nothing... the longing for home?

For indeed it now feels not like going,

but like going back." 

- from Till We Have Faces

by C.S. Lewis

After seven weeks in my home city, I'm back in Manila.

I arrived here yesterday, at around noon. 

The first thing that filled my heart as soon as I entered the front door was a sense of stillness, a quiet sense of rest.

When I am home in Bacolod, there is always so much to do. When I say this, it is not meant to sound like a complaint. But it is true.

Bacolod is my home turf, my base of operations. My family and close friends live here. This is where most of my kingdom work is done. There is the Saturday morning dawn watch prayer time... the Family Foundations seminars that we conduct several times a month... the ministry team building meetings... the Women of Purpose devotional studies... the weekly Bible study and dinner at my sister in law's house.

There are many invitations to important life events, coffee dates with friends, movie get-togethers, family affairs.

And because my best friend Melanie is in town, there was plenty of getting together and eating out the past weeks.

On top of all these were the important family milestones that we always make a point to celebrate.

My first grandson turned four last month.

Family Breakfast for Matt's 4th birthday

love this pic! 

This boy has to be held tightly to get his picture taken!

On November 1, we went to the memorial park to commemorate "All Saints' Day." A national holiday, it is the one day each year that we as a nation remember loved ones who have passed away. Afterward, we joined Ernie's sisters and their families for a special memorial lunch.

On November 2, we remembered Ernie on his birthday by having lunch at his favorite restaurant.

A few days later we celebrated Worshiper's 30th birthday.

Daniel, Worshiper, and Miguel - all born the same year, just days apart... 

three best friends who went to school together, from Kindergarten to fourth year at university

I stood as principal sponsor at Migui and Macy's wedding earlier this month... a beautiful destination garden wedding that was celebrated for three days in Kabankalan City!

After that wedding weekend, we had another celebration - my second grandson's second birthday. Our family enjoyed a sumptuous lunch at a seaside restaurant, together with Worshiper's friends.

three best friends and their wives -

Danjo and Monica, Migui and Macy, Worshiper and Chosen One

On November 15, Pat and I took a boat to Panay Island to do an Ancient Paths seminar in Iloilo. It was an awesome time of ministry. We returned to Bacolod two days later.

Last Sunday, we celebrated Ernie's fourth death anniversary. We were back at the memorial park to put some stones on his grave site. From the park, we all headed to a Japanese restaurant for a family dinner.

Last year, on the third year of Ernie's homegoing, we invited around 60 special friends and family members for a special Thanksgiving dinner at a hotel. This year, we wanted to keep it simple, so we had a low-key celebration of the event. (Read To Live in Hearts, a blog post about our celebration of Ernie's 3rd homegoing anniversary)

The actual date of his death anniversary is still a few days away, but we decided to celebrate it in advance because of my planned trip to Manila this week.

Now that I am here, I am looking forward to a meaningful time of spending that special day all by myself.

Having lost my life partner, someone I was married to for thirty years in a beautiful covenant relationship, I am aware of a deep wound in my heart that will probably take a long time to heal.

I always tell myself that I never want to forget Ernie. I want to keep his memory alive.

No, I don't think it is an unhealthy pre-occupation with someone who has died. Because in my heart I know that my husband is alive and that someday in eternity, I will see him again.

Neither am I wishing that circumstances were different from what they are.

I am completely at peace, and have come to accept that my life is in God's hands. He is able to bring beauty out of ashes, healing out of pain.

It's just that the wound of separation and loss runs deep, and the heart needs to go through a natural and spiritual process of healing.

Some people cope with loss by stuffing and denying, thus aborting the healing. On the other hand, remembering is an important pathway to healing.

Yes, there is a need to remember, even though there is pain in doing so.

Frederick Buechner wrote these beautiful words about remembering:

... there is a deeper need yet, I think, and that is the need--not all the time, surely, but from time to time--to enter that still room within us all where the past lives on as part of the present, where the dead are alive again, where we are most alive ourselves to turning and to where our journeys have brought us. The name of the room is Remember--the room where with patience, with charity, with quietness of heart, we remember consciously to remember the lives we have lived. (from A Room Called Remember: Uncollected Pieces)

After the fast-paced and jam-packed events of the past weeks, I am now "decongesting"... taking my time, slowing down, and entering a room called "Remember."

We all long for a life of security and comfort, where we have all our ducks lined up in a row, so to speak, a life where all our plans are fulfilled, and our dreams come to pass.

But God knows better. There is no such place here on earth. We may strive to reach financial security and a life of ease and personal comfort, but it could come at great cost - leanness to our souls.

Leanness. A word defined as "the quality of being meager."

That word scares me. Because it can happen to you and me without our knowing it.

A demand that all our "rights" and expectations be met... or that our life circumstances be under control...

We become grown up versions of a spoiled brat... people suffering from a bad case of leanness in our souls.

A far cry from having more than enough, which is what God intends for each of His children.

These are some of my thoughts as I enter this room called Remember, and as I sit down on my favorite chair facing the back garden ..

 

... this room stirs up many things--memories and past spiritual lessons--in my heart.

Why not rather suffer loss... if that is the way God builds character in my heart?

I don't want meagerness in my life...

I want the treasures of darkness, the hidden riches of secret places... the abundant life that the Father promises to those who walk with Him to the end.

My Father, give me a big enough heart Lord to embrace and receive all that You want for me...

simplicity...

gentleness...

kindness...

compassion...

humility...

inner beauty...


As I enter this room, I am aware that my heavenly Father is making me lie down in green pastures...

Leading me beside quiet waters...

Restoring my soul...

And looking back at the events of my life, I realize that God has a totally different definition for abundance.

He restores our shattered souls by bringing us to green pastures, and invites us to experience His shalom... a complete, perfect, abiding sense of peace, completeness, contentment, wholeness, well-being, and harmony.

When I come face to face with the Shalom that God is, I realize how puny the weapons are that I hold in my hands, the weapons that I use to defend and protect myself from the painful circumstances and the unforeseen difficulties of this life, as well as the unexpected wounds that other people knowingly, or unknowingly, inflict upon our hearts.

When God brings me to this place of stillness, I can't help but desire nothing else except the beauty and the peace that He offers.


I arrived here in my father's home yesterday, and was welcomed with a sense of quietness and rest.

Though it was I who set these dates for my year-end visit to Manila, it was on God's calendar all along.

God has a cycle of restoration in place for His people: the yearly cycle of appointed feasts, and the weekly cycle of work and rest.

The Father knows just how much load the human heart can carry.  And He also has a timetable of personal renewal and seasons of refreshing for His children.

I want to avail of the times of refreshing our loving Father provides!

I know it was my Heavenly Father who brought me here at this time.

He invites me to drink from the waters of quiet rest... and He pours fresh strength and hope into my heart, He satisfies and refreshes my soul.

... or in living, or in dying

all must be well.

&&&&&

Below are two beautiful songs that speak of quiet rest in His presence.

Through the love of God our Savior

All will be well

Free and changeless is His favor

All, all is well.

Precious is the blood that healed us

Perfect is the grace that sealed us

Strong the hand stretched out to shield us

All must be well.

Though we pass through tribulation

All will be well

Ours is such a full salvation

All, all is well.

Happy still in God confiding

Fruitful if in Christ abiding,

Holy through the Spirit's guiding,

All must be well.

We expect a bright tomorrow

All will be well

Faith can sing through days of sorrow

All, all is well.

On our Father's love relying

Jesus every need supplying,

Or in living, or in dying

All must be well