In the Waiting Room Again

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
And in His word I do hope.
My soul waits for the LORD
More than those who watch for the morning--
Yes, more than those who watch for the morning.
O Israel, hope in the Lord;
For with the LORD there is mercy,
And with Him is abundant redemption.

- Psalm 130: 5-7

Yesterday was garden day for me. Our gardener, named Dino, comes to help once a month, and he did a beautiful job. We cut the grass, tilled the soil in the plant boxes, removed weeds and dead leaves, re-potted some of the overgrown bromeliad plants, pruned the bushes, brushed the brick walk. In the afternoon it rained a bit, giving the garden that fresh, watered look.

As the day was ending, I sat on our front porch, enjoying the stillness, the gentle breeze, and the smell of newly-cut grass, alone with my thoughts...

It's been a month since I got here. What I intended to be a brief stay has extended far beyond what I had planned.

The housekeeper who was supposed to take only a two-week vacation has been prevented from coming back to work with us because of domestic concerns.

This is, of course, a major disappointment for me. She has worked with us for over a year, and has been faithful in keeping our Manila home and garden clean and well-tended.

In a fast-paced metropolis like Manila, having a dependable housekeeper to do things for you is a tremendous blessing. I am praying for God to send us another reliable woman, not just anybody, but someone handpicked by Him.

It is a joy to be with my only daughter, but while I am here, I feel like my life is "on hold."

I do need to go back to Bacolod already. There are other concerns back home waiting for my attention.

But God has a different timetable for me. Things have not worked out as I had planned. And so I am in that in-between place - that waiting room with a shut door.

---0---

I woke up very early this morning again. When I looked at the clock it was 4 a.m. I knew it was God's wake-up call.

Father, I'm amazed at how relentlessly You pursue me. Often I feel that for all the times that You've awakened me and I've just allowed myself to be distracted, You'd eventually give up.

But no, You continue to speak to me, to give me dreams while I sleep, You put that "nagging" feeling inside of me to seek You, to turn to You, to hunger and long for You, You give me Your gentle nudges all throughout the day.

So here I am once again, at my favorite spot, our lanai sitting room, where I have a view of our back garden...


...and many other nostalgic reminders of my own childhood days when my own father, my Papa, would be giving his special touches to his plants while Mama would be cooking a special meal in the kitchen.

These scenes gently float into my memory, and somehow I feel that deep inside I am really a child needing a father.

Needing You, Lord. Needing Your guidance, Your direction, Your support, Your prodding.

Sometimes I think I have it all figured out -- but after only a few steps, I reach a fork in the road... and I need You again to tell me which way to go.

I really need You so much, Lord. I don't want to go on without a clear sense of direction. Cause I know what it's like to be lost, to take a wrong turn, to make a wrong decision...

To many I often appear strong, secure, always knowing what to do.

But the truth is, heavenly Father, I need you. My strength, my hope, my security are in You.

There is a way that seems right...but its end is death.

It's not that I am groping in the dark. There's enough light, but only for a few steps.

I always need more light.

It's the waiting room again. That familiar sense of waiting for the next step. The door seems shut for now, although I know that it won't be long before the dawn breaks.

Somehow, deep inside of me I hear You saying that You have many things lined up for me. Many beautiful assignments in store.

But not just assignments. You're telling me that life is not always about divine assignments and appointments.

There are stops in the journey when there is no "agenda." Waiting is actually an invitation to sit, and enjoy the view: the panorama, the landscape. Drink in the beauty. Bask in the warmth of the sun.

Waiting can be a hopeful, joyous anticipation of what is to come... just as a mother waits for her baby to be born.

You are preparing for me a time of feasting, rejoicing, and of reaching my destination for this season.

For isn't life made up of many destinations, each one leading to the final destination?

In between seasons, there is a time of being revived and renewed, restored for the next leg of the journey, and going up the next level.

There is a season of rest...

I waited patiently for my God... - Psalm 40:1

Read my previous post entitled Waiting - 1

I thank God for these two posts that have really spoken to my heart over the past days:

Sita's Sanctum where she shared the song Voice of Truth by Casting Crowns
Beautiful Grace where she shared An Anointing for a New Assignment : prophecy by Chuck Pierce