Can You Drink the Cup?

But Jesus answered and said, "You do not know what you ask.
Are you able to drink the cup that I am about to drink...."

- Matthew 20:22

Yesterday evening's pamanhikan went well.

In my post entitled Beyond Boundaries, I explained a little bit about this Filipino tradition of the groom's family visiting the bride's parents to officially ask for their daughter's hand in marriage. This is a beautiful and meaningful tradition that honors both set of parents before a man and woman can officially begin to plan their wedding.

Our two families had a meaningful time at Chosen's home. (Chosen is the spiritual name I have given to Worshiper's fiancee.)

My two sons and I arrived in Manila this week for this important reason. Chosen's only brother, Daniel, also arrived from China over the weekend.

My family brought in most of the food, but Madorra had also prepared a huge bowl of salad greens with a tasty Mexican dressing for us.

The conversation around the table was warm and friendly... and light.

We all realized the solemnity of the occasion.

After the meal, I knew the expectation was on me to start the ball rolling, so to speak. There is no standard script to follow, and there are no hard and fast rules as to how a pamanhikan is conducted.

The truth is, I didn't know exactly how to proceed with the main agenda for the evening!

So, after a few awkward moments, I finally found the courage to say something like, "I think we can start talking about the wedding now."

It was the cue everyone was waiting for, and we all quickly left the dinner table and gathered at the living room.

There were no specifics that we arrived at, except the understanding that both families are in favor of the forthcoming marriage, and want them to have God as the center of their relationship.

The details of the wedding day will be left to Worshiper and Chosen to work on, and we will be there to give our support.

As we were about to end, Chosen's brother Daniel requested to say something. I believe it was the God moment that I had prayed for.

Daniel couldn't hold back his tears as he addressed my son, heart to heart, man to man.

This is what he said, in essence:

"I just want you to know that your fiancee, my sister, is the "baby" of our family. She was only five years old when our father passed away and was very close to him. We took good care of her. I know there will be many adjustments in your relationship, but please promise me one thing... never harm my sister in any way. Promise me you'll take very good care of her. I love my sister very much."

How could anyone not shed tears at such transparency and honesty? I was holding back my tears, and all the time showing such respect and admiration for this young man.

Chosen was five, and Daniel was three when their father came back from a trip stricken with fever that doctors were never able to diagnose. He never recovered.

Worshiper straightened up, looked at Daniel straight in the eye, and said, " You never have to worry about anything. I promise to take good care of your sister."

I was really proud of Daniel having the courage to say that to Jeremy (Worshiper), and not being ashamed to shed tears in front of all of us.

And I was equally proud of my son Worshiper looking Daniel straight in the eye, and promising to value and treat Chosen with respect.

This is a solemn promise, and only with the help of God can it be kept. That is why in Hebrew culture, when a man asks a woman's father for the hand of his daughter in marriage, there is a custom of the woman's father offering his future son in law a cup of wine. In effect, asking, "Can you drink the cup that I am offering you?"

The cup is a symbol of your life, and you are being asked to drink it...to the bottom.

There is a beautiful story of this in Matthew 20:21-23. The mother of the sons of Zebedee was asking Jesus to grant her sons special positions of honor in the kingdom to come.

And Jesus asks this beautiful rhetorical question: "Can you drink the cup that I am about to drink?"

Worshiper was so sure, and I know his promise is sincere.

I admire him for his determination. And I know God will honor his heart.

Marriage is under attack...primarily because it is the picture of the love of Jesus for the church.

In marriage, a man is asked to be willing to lay down his life for his wife, just as Christ loved the church.

No wonder the enemy is seeking for marriages to fail, for men and women to be covenant breakers, and for a man to be unable to remain faithful to the wife of his youth. Satan wants the picture of Christ's unconditional love for His bride, the Church, to be destroyed.

Praise God for families that are willing to come together to show support and release blessing upon a man and a woman as they are about to embark on this journey. It gives them a godly covering and spiritual authority to go through their new life together with confidence and hope!




Father, may this coming marriage of Worshiper and Chosen be a reflection of the heart of Jesus for His church.

Our two families

Daniel, Madorra, Chosen, Worshiper, me, First Born, and Obedient One