For He says,
"In a favorable time I listened to you,
and in a day of salvation I have helped you."
Behold, now is the favorable time;
behold, now is the day of salvation.
- 2 Corinthians 6:2
Eternity is not a long time.
Strictly speaking, there is simply no length to it.
Nothing elapses.
The infinite is not measurable.
- Fr. Patrick Reardon
Nearly a month has gone by since my last blog entry was published. At last here is a new post where I share about some important events and realizations of the past weeks, as well as the name I have given the month of February.
It was in 1979, a year after Ernie and I got married, that we moved to Bacolod City, his hometown. Since then Bacolod has officially become my home. All our three children were born and raised here.
But Manila will always have a special place in my heart. Not only is it the place where I was born and grew up, it is also there where I met my husband Ernie, and where we were married.
Metro Manila however has grown to be a huge and noisy megapolis, and after being there for almost one month, I know it has taken a toll on my soul.
Although my stay in Manila from mid January to mid February was profitable and rewarding in many respects, I was quite eager to return to my home city towards the end of my stay.
Trust the Father to know exactly what I needed.
When I arrived in Bacolod last February 11, I had the house all to myself for a full week. My daughter in law Chosen One and her son Elijah were in Manila to spend time with Chosen One's family, and my son joined them on Valentine's Day.
The next few days of peace and quiet on the home front was such a welcome break for me, especially after the busy-ness of my last few days in Manila.
But Manila will always have a special place in my heart. Not only is it the place where I was born and grew up, it is also there where I met my husband Ernie, and where we were married.
Metro Manila however has grown to be a huge and noisy megapolis, and after being there for almost one month, I know it has taken a toll on my soul.
Although my stay in Manila from mid January to mid February was profitable and rewarding in many respects, I was quite eager to return to my home city towards the end of my stay.
Trust the Father to know exactly what I needed.
When I arrived in Bacolod last February 11, I had the house all to myself for a full week. My daughter in law Chosen One and her son Elijah were in Manila to spend time with Chosen One's family, and my son joined them on Valentine's Day.
The next few days of peace and quiet on the home front was such a welcome break for me, especially after the busy-ness of my last few days in Manila.
I savored the moments of being alone.
We were still in the season of the trade winds, the cool northeast winds that make our nights delightfully misty and cool. We call it amihan in our native language. In the early mornings, I would open the French doors leading to the screened lanai outside my bedroom, allowing the soft breeze to flow in. This really is the best season of the year - with gentle rains falling on most evenings. Even if the days are sunny and dry, there is always the cool evening drizzle to look forward to.
We were still in the season of the trade winds, the cool northeast winds that make our nights delightfully misty and cool. We call it amihan in our native language. In the early mornings, I would open the French doors leading to the screened lanai outside my bedroom, allowing the soft breeze to flow in. This really is the best season of the year - with gentle rains falling on most evenings. Even if the days are sunny and dry, there is always the cool evening drizzle to look forward to.
A few days of rest and I was once again "ready for action." As I had already previously mentioned, this is the year I turn 60. My children and I have planned to celebrate the occasion by giving a special dinner to which family and special friends are being invited. My dear friend Miriam has agreed to be the event coordinator for this.
Within the next few days, Miriam and I went out often - finalizing the hotel venue, the color motif, the guest list, the invitations, the cake, the flowers, and the food choices.
We also bought the 60 narra tree (Pterocarpus indicus, also Rosewood) seedlings that I plan to give our guests as a birthday giveaway. The narra tree is significant because it is one of our national symbols, and is also known for its healing properties.
Many thoughts come to my mind as my 60th birthday draws near.
I have reached the autumn season of my life and it would be a good time to reflect, and to evaluate.
To look back at the years with deep gratitude to Father God for all the opportunities that He has entrusted to me. Appreciating the many valuable lessons learned, in the good times and bad... Offering sacrifices of thanksgiving for all the people who have walked with me in my journey in a meaningful way, all these past sixty years of my life...
I have come to understand that God does not measure time as we do. The world marks the passage of time in quantitative terms. The Greek term for it, chronos, literally means "time on the move," from where we get our idea of something as being in the past, present or future.
Measured this way, life becomes a mere chronology of events, and time is a line, as in "timeline" - and we move along this line, from the day we are born to the day we die.
A more meaningful way of looking at time is to regard it as a moment, an occasion... considering the passage of time in terms of its qualitative significance, rather than its quantitative dimension.
That is the concept I employ in looking at my life as I reach my 60th year. The Bible says that a thousand years to us is but a day in God's eyes! How awesome is that?
God looks at the world from His eternal perspective... yes, my heavenly Father dwells in the eternal now!
The Greek word for this concept of time is kairos - which literally means, "the right or opportune moment."
God views time not in quantum, physical measurement terms, but in qualis, descriptive terms.
Heavenly Father in His wisdom defines time according to purpose, seasons, cycles, ebbs and flows.
These past years, it has been very helpful for me to look at my life in terms of seasons. When I understand the season I am in, I can cooperate with God in what He is doing, move in sync and in harmony with His plans and His purposes.
Sue Monk Kidd in her book When the Heart Waits offers a beautiful insight about time. She writes, "Time isn't a straight line along which we travel. It's a deep dot in which we dwell."
I read this book about ten years ago, and her words have never left my heart. We just go deeper into time... and life is no longer a duty, but a delight... getting fuller... and more satisfying the deeper into that dot we go.
About two weeks ago, towards the end of February, I became aware of the changing season in my life.
Since Ernie went home to heaven four years ago, God has been doing a deep work in my heart: plowing, breaking up the fallow ground, pruning, weeding, uprooting, re-planting, watering...
Outwardly I really thought I had it all together.
But the truth is only becoming clear to me. I had been operating on "escape" mode. There were just too many things going on at the same time... too many changes. And humanly speaking, I was coping with it all by myself.
My first born son had just gotten married that year, and within that year, a month before Ernie's homegoing, they had a baby.
My second son got married a year after Ernie died, and brought home his wife to live with us. Within a year, they also had a baby.
My only daughter works and lives in Manila; she has her own life.
My only sister truly cares, but she lives so far away...
Ernie's family... his two sisters live nearby - but the truth is that no matter how much I treasure the relationship, there are some things that simply cannot be forced.
I have written many of my life stories on this blog - yet there are many stories that can never be openly shared. There is certainly so much more to my life than what people really know - the hidden things of the heart too precious to be given away. But the One who created me knows them all, and in that my comfort and my peace lie.
On the last day of February, while facilitating an Ancient Paths small group ministry session, I asked the persons with me this question: What is the name of the season that you are in?
After giving ourselves a few moments to think, it was my turn to speak. At first I didn't know what to say. It had been quite a while since I had asked myself this question. I asked God to help me identify my season.
Then, His answer came. So gentle were His words, they were almost imperceptible...
I wanted to be sure. Is that really You, Lord?
There was a response of Yes in my spirit.
You are coming out of your season of grief and loss... and you are entering your season of replacement.
It was only after I had verbalized the words that their impact hit me.
... A season of replacement?
I began to doubt... but then, what good would doubting do?
It was so much better to believe.
Because I always want order in my life, I really do not want to live with unresolved issues. I am a problem solver at heart. However, there are problems I am powerless to solve.
Trust is the only road to take.
The month of February has come and gone, but before she left, I was given a beautiful name for this part of my journey.
Authenticity.
The word resonates in my heart... and it's my name for February.
"Authenticity is being true to one's personality, spirit, or character, despite external pressures." Authenticity
It is easy to pretend, to put on a mask... to re-invent yourself several times over, just to run away from reality, or to numb the pain inside your heart.
But being authentic means I will not give in to the temptation to pretend to be someone I am not.
God calls me to wait, and in the waiting, to trust Him, and to not give up believing in what He is doing in my life.
He's tending the garden of my heart...adding nutrients...watering the parched places.
He sees the fruit... but He knows there's still much untapped potential... and there's more fruit coming.
Sue Monk Kidd writes of the gifts of the soul that come to those who trust God in the waiting seasons.
It's not surprising to know that these gifts are the very qualities that God has been teaching me these past 60 years of my life.
Authenticity. Being real. Living according to your convictions. Allowing others to see you in your weakness.
It's all a matter of trusting what the Father is doing.
We can go through life with nothing but a superficial understanding of time. Contrast that with a deep abiding sense of joyful waiting. There's no other way through which depth and growth come.
As I trust God in the waiting, I am learning to be attuned to His purposes. Then I can be truly present to Him and to others with whom I relate at different levels. To live in the moment, savoring it as it comes, rather than to live in the distant past, or unforeseen future.
I want to live in the present moment, dwell in this deep dot, making every opportunity count... to delight myself in the beauty of what the Father is doing...
God is breaking me free from certain relationships I have trusted in.
I'm in a season of replacement.
Trust Me. He speaks to the vulnerable, insecure places of my heart. You can put your trust in Me.
There will always be unresolved issues... but in the Father's hands, the questions of my heart are safe, because He knows the perfect time to reveal the answers to me.
When I trust Him, then I am free to be myself. I need not hide my wounds, or my imperfections, or even my fears. Because with God watching out for me, I am never truly living life on my own.
Authenticity. It's all a matter of trusting the Father.
Many thoughts come to my mind as my 60th birthday draws near.
I have reached the autumn season of my life and it would be a good time to reflect, and to evaluate.
To look back at the years with deep gratitude to Father God for all the opportunities that He has entrusted to me. Appreciating the many valuable lessons learned, in the good times and bad... Offering sacrifices of thanksgiving for all the people who have walked with me in my journey in a meaningful way, all these past sixty years of my life...
I have come to understand that God does not measure time as we do. The world marks the passage of time in quantitative terms. The Greek term for it, chronos, literally means "time on the move," from where we get our idea of something as being in the past, present or future.
Measured this way, life becomes a mere chronology of events, and time is a line, as in "timeline" - and we move along this line, from the day we are born to the day we die.
A more meaningful way of looking at time is to regard it as a moment, an occasion... considering the passage of time in terms of its qualitative significance, rather than its quantitative dimension.
That is the concept I employ in looking at my life as I reach my 60th year. The Bible says that a thousand years to us is but a day in God's eyes! How awesome is that?
God looks at the world from His eternal perspective... yes, my heavenly Father dwells in the eternal now!
The Greek word for this concept of time is kairos - which literally means, "the right or opportune moment."
God views time not in quantum, physical measurement terms, but in qualis, descriptive terms.
Heavenly Father in His wisdom defines time according to purpose, seasons, cycles, ebbs and flows.
These past years, it has been very helpful for me to look at my life in terms of seasons. When I understand the season I am in, I can cooperate with God in what He is doing, move in sync and in harmony with His plans and His purposes.
Sue Monk Kidd in her book When the Heart Waits offers a beautiful insight about time. She writes, "Time isn't a straight line along which we travel. It's a deep dot in which we dwell."
I read this book about ten years ago, and her words have never left my heart. We just go deeper into time... and life is no longer a duty, but a delight... getting fuller... and more satisfying the deeper into that dot we go.
About two weeks ago, towards the end of February, I became aware of the changing season in my life.
Since Ernie went home to heaven four years ago, God has been doing a deep work in my heart: plowing, breaking up the fallow ground, pruning, weeding, uprooting, re-planting, watering...
Outwardly I really thought I had it all together.
But the truth is only becoming clear to me. I had been operating on "escape" mode. There were just too many things going on at the same time... too many changes. And humanly speaking, I was coping with it all by myself.
My first born son had just gotten married that year, and within that year, a month before Ernie's homegoing, they had a baby.
My second son got married a year after Ernie died, and brought home his wife to live with us. Within a year, they also had a baby.
My only daughter works and lives in Manila; she has her own life.
My only sister truly cares, but she lives so far away...
Ernie's family... his two sisters live nearby - but the truth is that no matter how much I treasure the relationship, there are some things that simply cannot be forced.
I have written many of my life stories on this blog - yet there are many stories that can never be openly shared. There is certainly so much more to my life than what people really know - the hidden things of the heart too precious to be given away. But the One who created me knows them all, and in that my comfort and my peace lie.
On the last day of February, while facilitating an Ancient Paths small group ministry session, I asked the persons with me this question: What is the name of the season that you are in?
After giving ourselves a few moments to think, it was my turn to speak. At first I didn't know what to say. It had been quite a while since I had asked myself this question. I asked God to help me identify my season.
Then, His answer came. So gentle were His words, they were almost imperceptible...
I wanted to be sure. Is that really You, Lord?
There was a response of Yes in my spirit.
You are coming out of your season of grief and loss... and you are entering your season of replacement.
It was only after I had verbalized the words that their impact hit me.
... A season of replacement?
I began to doubt... but then, what good would doubting do?
It was so much better to believe.
Because I always want order in my life, I really do not want to live with unresolved issues. I am a problem solver at heart. However, there are problems I am powerless to solve.
Trust is the only road to take.
The month of February has come and gone, but before she left, I was given a beautiful name for this part of my journey.
Authenticity.
The word resonates in my heart... and it's my name for February.
"Authenticity is being true to one's personality, spirit, or character, despite external pressures." Authenticity
It is easy to pretend, to put on a mask... to re-invent yourself several times over, just to run away from reality, or to numb the pain inside your heart.
But being authentic means I will not give in to the temptation to pretend to be someone I am not.
God calls me to wait, and in the waiting, to trust Him, and to not give up believing in what He is doing in my life.
He's tending the garden of my heart...adding nutrients...watering the parched places.
He sees the fruit... but He knows there's still much untapped potential... and there's more fruit coming.
Sue Monk Kidd writes of the gifts of the soul that come to those who trust God in the waiting seasons.
It's not surprising to know that these gifts are the very qualities that God has been teaching me these past 60 years of my life.
Authenticity. Being real. Living according to your convictions. Allowing others to see you in your weakness.
It's all a matter of trusting what the Father is doing.
We can go through life with nothing but a superficial understanding of time. Contrast that with a deep abiding sense of joyful waiting. There's no other way through which depth and growth come.
As I trust God in the waiting, I am learning to be attuned to His purposes. Then I can be truly present to Him and to others with whom I relate at different levels. To live in the moment, savoring it as it comes, rather than to live in the distant past, or unforeseen future.
I want to live in the present moment, dwell in this deep dot, making every opportunity count... to delight myself in the beauty of what the Father is doing...
God is breaking me free from certain relationships I have trusted in.
I'm in a season of replacement.
Trust Me. He speaks to the vulnerable, insecure places of my heart. You can put your trust in Me.
There will always be unresolved issues... but in the Father's hands, the questions of my heart are safe, because He knows the perfect time to reveal the answers to me.
When I trust Him, then I am free to be myself. I need not hide my wounds, or my imperfections, or even my fears. Because with God watching out for me, I am never truly living life on my own.
Authenticity. It's all a matter of trusting the Father.
9 comments:
this is lovely...and so true! I love the concept of living in the deep dot...I think of it as the eternal now....as we age, i think God allows us a little better perspective on just how to do that. So glad you are coming out of your mourning and settling into the season of life that God is working in you.
I appreciate how Cheryl describes it as "the eternal now." I also, as I'm getting older have grown to view time in seasons and my perspective has changed greatly as to the "forever" part of our existence which we are already living out now. There will be no end for us - we will continue on in God - from this life to the next - forever in His presence. ...and I often wonder how what we learn here now will impact our eternity with Him - and will learning stop when we've crossed from this life to the next? I think it will - for His Word says that the glass through which we see things darkly now will be illuminated and visible and clear, and we shall "know." ....thanks for the post, Lidia!
"I have written many of my life stories on this blog - yet there are many stories that can never be openly shared. There is certainly so much more to my life than what people really know - the hidden things of the heart too precious to be given away. But the One who created me knows them all, and in that my comfort and my peace lie."
May I quote your words back to you? These were so beautiful, simply perfect Lidia. This post touched me deeply and makes me want to find this authenticity as well...
You speak from a place of wisdom and peace. Thank you.
Dear Lidia,
I've been waiting for this blog post. I know your life is changing, developing all the time. It's been great to ride along with you.
I like the idea of authenticity being so important.
I remember when I started blogging, I had a conversation with my very wise and honest daughter.
I told I had problems communicating with people not because of the language, but because of the many differences in culture. "Show them who you are," was Serina's simple answer.
I couldn't avoid misunderstanding or prejudice, but I could at least be who I was and work from there. It has been an awesome journey, and I am still busy being born, climbing Jacob's ladder, step by step.
How much I have learned on this way, walking with you.
Love Felisol
A season of replacement....wow...the Lord has brought you a long way. What a wonderful journey ahead for you. :)
This is so interesting and courageous to share yourself and the lessons of your life with us each month. Then we can all rejoice with you in your 60th year and praise God for you and all you've learned at His hand. You are treasure, dear Lidia.
Hugs,
Mary
What a beautiful "Kairos moment" that God is working in your heart...Grooming authenticity in the grounds of your heart...He is the Best Giver of gifts after all and the most beautiful gift one can receive is His presence in that person's heart. That's what's neat with the Lord, we can't hide anything but what a liberating feeling to be accepted with all of our flaws and only to be donned with His perfection and redemption!!! Ahhh...He is indeed faithful to complete the work...His work in you! Love and blessings to you sister Lidia and if my hubby and I brought up our child in His ways, it is because of Him...Glory be to God!
God always walks with us. He manages to take unbearable pain and sorrow and turn it into great joy and good memories.
THank you for visiting and commenting on my blog. You are a beautiful person and your writing is so thoughtful.
Nice to meet you, Pam.
A huge happy 60th Lidia and the thing that popped into my mind was what Oprah used to say.....The best is yet to come. A few weeks ago I watched a documentary on Princess Alice...she started her life and ministry at age 63. I love that with Him....life is so exciting at every age. And every stage.
Hugs from my heart to yours.
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