In the Midst of the Pain...

Another Birthday to Celebrate!

Despite the grief, Obedient One still smiles.
(This photo was taken a couple of hours after the funeral of Ernie's body on November 26.)



But as for me, I trust in You, O Lord
I say, "You are my God."
My times are in Your hand... Psalm 31:14-15

My youngest daughter, Obedient One, turns 24 today.

I arrived in Manila on Friday evening just to be with her for this special occasion. I will stay with my daughter for a few days.

I purposely took the evening flight from Bacolod City because there were still very many things to do and I wanted to have at least six more hours to try to finish what I could.

Upon arriving in Manila, the traffic was heavy because of the rush hour, but I savored the one and a half hour trip from the airport to our Manila home. I welcomed the time for me to be quiet and alone with my thoughts.

That morning, my best friend, Melanie, and I, went to Ernie's office at the university to collect all his things. I couldn't postpone this any longer, as there had to be a closure to this part of my husband's life. The evening before there was a memorial service for him at the university where he had served with passion and with dedication for the past 16 years. This was one place that he had loved so much. And this was the place where God redeemed him from a past business failure, giving him a renewed sense of self-worth and value.

In mid 2007, when the enemy tried to steal even the beautiful work of restoration that God was doing in Ernie's heart, God stepped in and brought Ernie to Chiang Mai, Thailand, where God further deepened the work He wanted to complete in Ernie's life, away from the manipulative and divisive schemes of the enemy.

In Maejo University, Ernie was respected as a foreign consultant, invited to set up the International Masters in Business Administration (I-MBA) program for the Faculty of Business. In this place, Ernie made many friends with colleagues in the university. Among the many friendships he had was with the president of Maejo University, someone to whom Ernie looked up with deep respect, as well with as a number of Maejo vice-presidents.

In July 2008, Ernie also went to Maui, Hawaii, where he was the international lecturer for a two- week intensive leadership course with Haggai Leadership Institute. He had been doing this for the past two years, but when he returned after this trip, he shared with me how this particular course was the best one he had conducted so far, and also one where he had received a very high evaluation. He was very happy and fulfilled with what he was doing.


Ernie's death was something we never expected to happen. And once again, I am just so amazed at how God has been speaking to me lately about expecting the unexpected, and how I'd been feeling like being poured off from vessel to vessel.

The events of the past weeks have been happening so fast. On November 1, we remembered Ernie's miraculous recovery from his 2006 heart attack. On November 2, we celebrated Ernie's 62nd birthday.

He delivered his last sermon in church entitled "Cultivating Contentment" on November 16, one week before he died. The main point of his teaching was to cultivate detachment, saying that "we take nothing with us when we die because everything is on loan while we are on earth. We need to learn to claim ownership with a sense of serene detachment...to possess without being possessed."

All who heard him teach in church that Sunday realized when he died a week later that this was Ernie's way of saying good-bye to the church that he loved and where he had served faithfully for 29 years.

In picking up his stuff from his office on Friday morning, I also helped Ernie say good-bye and close the door to the final chapter of his life in the university.

And now, I have to face the important business of moving on.

God really has such wisdom in the timing of Obedient One's birthday.

My stomach tightens into a painful knot each time I see many of Ernie's things around our home, a lump rises in my throat, and tears well up in my eyes. After all, it's only been two weeks since he died.

But it is important that I celebrate this day with my daughter. That is why I am here with her. I will surely devote a separate post to write about her.

I do want to thank God for Obedient One's birthday, giving me an important reason to come to Manila at this time. Somehow I sense that within the next few days, God will remove still another layer of grief from my heart, bring healing for my pain, and shed more light on this path that I am on.

Older posts about Ernie:

Stones of Remembrance
Homesick

Visit our church blog with posts, pictures, and videos about Ernie here.