A Pleasant Surprise

"An Open Door"
At Jing's farmhouse, taken on January 30, 2009

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you,
says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil,
to give you a future and a hope.

Jeremiah 29:11

A few weeks before Ernie and I left Chiang Mai, Thailand, last September, I asked God to reveal the specific assignments that He had for me once I was back in the Philippines.

In a post entitled Homestretch, written when there were only two months left before our departure, I shared that I had some apprehensions about re-entering life back in my homeland.

When we finally arrived back in our country, I had mixed feelings. In a blog entry, Home Again, or New Wineskins, that I did a day after, I wrote these lines:

But at this point, I don't exactly know what awaits me. Honestly, I feel like I'm always being poured off from one container to another. Barely have I settled down before it's time to pour me off again into another vessel.

I went on to describe the process in wine-making called decanting, where wine has to be poured off into another container after it has been allowed to settle for a while. This process helps remove the wine from its dregs, and if done properly, allows the fermentation to result in a smooth and pleasant tasting wine.

I have long understood that as a Christian, I am called to be ready in season, and out of season. That foremost on my mind is the thought that I must be about my Father's business. And having to go through the unsettling process is inevitable. Oswald Chambers says "we are to be as broken bread and poured out wine...."

Those lines are so beautiful... and so true for anyone who wants to truly follow Jesus. And if I am after the end goal of Christlikeness in my life, becoming as a smooth, mellow, and sweet-tasting wine, then there is no other way.

Nevertheless, it's not easy. And there are no shortcuts.

Not only is the wine being aged and sweetened. The old wineskin also needs to be reconditioned for the new wine.

Whether I see myself as the wine, or as the wineskin...either way, there is a painful process involved.

One has to die daily.

One year of living in Thailand has helped Ernie and me to let go of even more of ourselves. It taught us to be less demanding, and to look at many unpleasant circumstances around us without negative judgments.

This is probably what enabled me to quietly go through the pain of losing Ernie... accepting it, embracing this season although I wasn't expecting anything like this to happen. There was so much peace and comfort to just treasure it all in my heart. I did not have to explain how I really felt to anyone, and that made me feel good.

Whenever anyone asked me, "How are you?" I would just sweetly smile and say, "I'm doing fine, and I'm moving on." It was an honest answer, but of course there was more to me than simply moving on.

God knows. That was the most comforting part. With God, no words are needed. He understands perfectly.

--0--

As I kept seeking God for the answer to my question, one thing became increasingly clear to me during our last few weeks in Thailand.

I knew that I would not simply pick up from where I left off once I got back. Sure, there were the things waiting to be sorted out, and portions of our house that we had begun to repair and renovate but which had to be put on hold, the M.A. courses taken that I had to set aside for the time being. But I also knew there were new assignments in store.

God had begun impressing on my heart that I was to devote more time to my church, specifically to be a life-giver, to be a mentor, to be a redemptive agent. Those words were quite specific.

I had only been back a few days when I received several calls from beloved friends and care group members asking if I would be available to teach and "mentor" them in the weeks to come.

This was a confirmation of what God had been putting on my heart.

For the longest time, I've nursed ambivalent feelings about our church. I don't really want to go into the details of what happened. We all go through these things and I guess there were still some raw areas in the process of getting the relationships healed and restored. All I can say is that for many years, I felt that Ernie and I were not really wanted, or needed; our presence was merely being tolerated.

We have our own reasons for feeling this way. Nevertheless, we held on, and we stayed on, learning how to forgive and overlook a hurt, learning to withhold judgments, serving wherever and whenever we felt we could...but to be honest, my heart hadn't really found its way back home yet.

Although things were never openly discussed, through the years my husband and I knew we had to keep holding on to God. And God helped us, made us willing to adjust, look within, change gears, back off, move forward, try again... and we learned many valuable lessons the hard way.

I believe our efforts at keeping our hearts open, instead of closing them, have paid off, by God's grace.

When Ernie and I got back, we felt accepted, loved, welcomed in our church. This time, it really felt like a home-coming for us.

Less than two months after, Ernie was dead.

It was all part of God's design for me and my husband. A week before he died, Ernie preached his "farewell" message in church.

Did anyone know that Ernie was about to say good-bye? No one, absolutely no one knew. Only God did.

As the casket bearing Ernie's body was rolled into the Ikthus main hall of our church, and our beloved friends, around 300 of them, gathered that first night for the nightly services, my heart was grieving, yet rejoicing at the same time.

This was such a beautiful closure to Ernie's earthly life, to say goodbye to him in the context of our church family. It was truly a healing moment for me.

Read Saying Goodbye, the blog post I wrote about Ernie's funeral.
To visit our church blog with posts, pictures, and videos about Ernie click here.

Again, I can only thank God for having made it all possible for me.

--0--

The Women of Purpose ladies group is one of the groups in our church that I have begun to be involved with when I got back.

On this post I will share some of the pictures of our "Women of Purpose" overnight retreat at Dan and Jing's farmhouse in Abuanan on January 29-30. Dan and Jing are dear friends of mine. They have a huge mango orchard with a beautiful farmhouse. Although only six of us were available for this overnight retreat, we all felt that it was meant to be that way. God was able to speak powerfully to us as a group, and individually. Somehow, each one of us got answers to what we were asking God.

This retreat lasted only twenty four hours, and yet it had a quiet impact on me. That's why I entitled this post, "A Pleasant Surprise." I had been seeking further guidance regarding important decisions I needed to make in the near future. My heavenly Father has once again been faithful. He was true to His promises:

"Call out to me and I will show you great and mighty things you do not know." (Jeremiah 33:3)

'Ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find, knock and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks, finds, and to him who knocks, it will be opened." (Matthew 7:7-8)

"Your ears shall hear a word behind you saying, this is the way, walk in it." (Isaiah 30:21)

"You will seek me and find me, when you search for me with all your heart." (Jeremiah 29:13)

"He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him..." (Psalm 91:15)

Me, ready to hear from God

A mug of steaming hot coffee on a cold January morning

At the dinner table on Thursday evening
From L-R: Jing, Indang, me, Mayang, Rose, Divs

Mango trees at Dan and Jing's mango orchard

Tea for six just before we left the farm on Friday afternoon