A Healing Journey

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD
"plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future."

- Jeremiah 29:11

Today February 2012 comes to an end.

I name this month Rophe, the Hebrew word for "healer."

I still find it hard to believe how the recent events in my life unfolded the way they did, but I know that someday, in eternity, I will understand the real story behind the scenes.

Six months ago, I entered a season which required my daughter and me to leave a treasured place of comfort, my father’s home... the home where I grew up, where every room is filled with warm and beautiful memories.

I spent long hours in God’s presence, asking Him to show me the way He wants me to go, and specifically, to provide us with a place of His choosing.

In an amazing chain of events, by the end of September, within just four weeks, my daughter and I had packed up, bought all the new stuff that she needed for her new place, and moved into a tiny studio not too far from where we used to live.

I say "amazing" because in September 2011, I was in Manila only on the first and last weeks of the month, and Obedient One was at work on weekdays; she only had the weekends off.

It was officially my daughter’s pad, but I understood that God had an important lesson not only for her, but also for me and the rest of my family.

I gave the place a name: My Rehoboth, Part 1.

In Genesis 26, Rehoboth was the name Isaac gave one of the wells that he dug. It literally means “Room Enough.” The place was tiny, but only in the physical sense. Moving into that place expanded my heart for what God was doing, and my heart was ready.

I therefore looked at this season as a very special season of refining, shaking, sifting, and pruning... for me. I have no doubt that my daughter had her own share of lessons, but that is a story she will have to tell herself. In this season, God was bringing me to a new path. I needed to walk close to Him that my heart may be kept soft and pliable, not hardened or vindictive.

The story of this stage of my spiritual journey is told, though not in specific details, in the blog posts I have written from July 2011 to the start of 2012.

I never expected things to start moving fast, but God was orchestrating everything...It was clear He had a different timetable. And as the spiritual strongman over my family, I knew my role was crucial. Being the spiritual gatekeeper, I wanted to be the trailblazer for a Godly path that my family and the generations after me would walk on.

God honored my prayers.

Yesterday, February 28, my daughter and I had our things packed and ready for our move... back to my father’s home.

I woke up feeling weepy. The tiny pad which I had named My Rehoboth, Part 1 had truly become home to us. Although my home is in Bacolod City, I visit my daughter in Manila so often that this city is a second home to me. Well, as the saying goes, home is where the heart is.

There was a feeling of deep connection to Obedient One's studio although she had only lived here for five months, and I had not even been with her all those months, since I'm around for only a few weeks each time I visit her.

Indeed it had become a place of healing, both for me and my daughter. The tiny cottage opens up to a garden of sorts... a rugged assortment of bushes, fruit trees, vines, potted bougainvilleas, ferns, a vegetable plot... and plenty of green grass. On any given day, there is a gentle breeze. The huge mango tree right beside our cottage gives off a cool moisture.

But once more, the cloud was moving, we had to pull up the pegs, and fold up our tent.

I had just finished my breakfast and the van that my friend Jing had so graciously provided for this move was arriving in a few minutes. As I stood at the kitchen sink, I happened to glanced up and the wall plaque hanging on the wall caught my eye.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord...

“Plans for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

TO GIVE YOU A FUTURE!

A gentle breeze blew through the window. I put down what I was doing, and welcomed the presence of God. Know that I am the God of your present, but I am also the God of your future... I am the God who gives you hope.

Yes, hope... a sense of good things happening.

Here is the prayer that Obedient One and I prayed during breakfast:

Thank You, dear Father for these past six months. Your presence has been real, and You never left us to figure things out on our own. You have guided us, provided for us...

You have given us a sense of peace, comfort, and well being in this place. We thank You Lord for this place, it has been a healing place for us...

You have been with us on our healing journey.

Now, as we say good-bye to this place, and to this month, our hearts are overflowing with thanks for what You have done. We are ready for the next level, dear God.

You are the God of our future... You are the God of hope!

George, my daughter's mini schnauzer

new leaves on the banana trees

moringa

green mangoes

this mango tree gives shade and coolness to our cottage

beautiful weeds

this is my daughter's pad... yes, we do our cooking outside

lovely yellow blossoms on the vine

the landlady's house

four o'clock afternoon flowers

more four o'clock afternoon flowers


lush ground cover

George's stuff - ready for the move

Father Heart: A Tribute

Jerry and Barb Osbron

Pastor Jerry Osbron passed from death to eternal life on Thursday morning, February 16, Philippine time.

Although we had known that he had been seriously ill the past weeks, still I received the news of his homegoing with deep sadness and grief.

Even if time and distance has separated Jerry from us these past two decades, there is that special place in my heart reserved for him alone.

Jerry, as many of us fondly call him, has always been like a father to me.

I first met him one Sunday many years ago, in mid June of 1979. My husband Ernie and I, only a year married, had just moved to Bacolod City that week. At the top of our priorities was to look for a God-honoring, Spirit-led church, one where solid Bible teaching and a vibrant worship experience were available... a church where our spiritual gifts could be honed for service, a local church providing spiritual authority and covering, one where we could grow as members of the local body of Christ.

We were welcomed at the door by a long-haired, medium built, American man. I will never forget the kindness of his face and the warmth of his smile. His handshake was firm and sincere.

As soon as we stepped into 18, 18^th Street, Ernie and I knew we were home. Somehow we knew... we had found what we were looking for.

As a newcomer to the city of Bacolod, almost 33 years ago, I was missing my mother and my father. My husband and his family were very kind to me, but the love of a good father can never really be given by anyone else.

Jerry became my spiritual father from Day One. He always will be.

And this is why, even as I rejoice that he is finally home, where he has longed to be, my heart grieves the death of this man who has loved me and my whole family with a love so selfless and so unconditional... I dare say, there will never be a person like him in my life.

I know that all of us who came under the shelter of his love feel the same way. He taught not so much by words as by example.

Nevertheless he was an anointed teacher. He was an avid student of the Book, and offered us golden nuggets of Bible truths Sunday after Sunday. His teaching was not meant to remain as mere information but challenged and fired us to apply what we heard in our daily lives. We never wanted to miss going to the worship services because we knew what was in store. Going to the 18^th Street church was always a worship experience. Jerry and Barb taught many of us how to worship God freely, openly, and from the heart. We were known as the Baptist Conference Church of Bacolod, but we were probably the only Baptists who raised our hands in worship in the early 1980’s.

We would have a different home Bible study every night of the week... the Monday nights at Tito Awi and Tita Apa Valderrama’s place, the Tuesday nights at Nora Tinsay’s... the Wednesday nights at Baby and Stella Mora’s.... Then on Sunday afternoons, a group of us gathered for what we called Body Life meetings at the living room of the Osbron Residence also on 18^th street.

And in between all those days, there would private counselling sessions with Barb and Jerry for our personal concerns. They never said “No” to any of us. They listened... they prayed. The welcome mat was always rolled out for us.

We felt loved... we felt accepted... we felt valued and cared for.

Jerry was often reprimanded by his leaders for being too “Charismatic” in his ways, but that did not deter him.

He opened his home for counselling to the city of Bacolod. He is a prime example of a second mile Christian. He would even give from his own pocket to help people who were in financial need.

When a daughter of one of us was attacked by malicious vandals, her name in bold letters written on the walls of her school together with some unkind adjectives, Jerry would wake up early in the morning to paint over those words.

From him we all learned what it meant to seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness.

From him we all learned what true forgiveness means... I will never forget what he said about forgiveness.

“You know you have forgiven when you touch the scar on your arm, and it doesn’t hurt anymore.”

Even as I write these words, I cannot help my tears from falling.

He worked tirelessly, giving Bible studies to the farm workers of our members... one by one the outreach daughter churches were born...

He was a man who believed in advancing the Kingdom of God in this part of the world.

If there is one word that can describe Jerry Osbron, it is this word: father.

He walked his talk. He lived before us the Father heart of God.

When a friend of mine found out she was pregnant outside wedlock, she went to Pastor Jerry, broken by guilt and shame. What was his response? He put his arms around her, and said, “Dear daughter, you are not judged and condemned, you are accepted and loved as you are.”

He offered to baptize those who had chosen to follow Jesus through the waters of baptism, even if they were not going to become members of the church he pastored. He allowed open communion, meaning that any believer, be he a member of BCCB or not, was welcome to the Lord’s Table at this church.

Again, we knew that the leaders of his denomination had reprimanded him for this.

His reply? We have heard him say this often enough: “I would rather err on the side of mercy than on the side of judgment. For I am secure in my calling – first and foremost I am called to build the kingdom of God and bring people to heaven. It is never my desire to build my own kingdom.”

Words will never be enough to tell the many stories in my heart about this great man of God. Several times he and his wife had visited Ernie and me in the middle of the night, to help me deal with an angry, unforgiving heart. This example of kindness and love melted my heart to pieces.

Jerry was the person who gave me spiritual understanding when my heart was hungry for something more and something deeper. He said, “Your heart is hungry for the ministry of the Holy Spirit. Open your heart to him. He is going to help you soar above the clouds, way above conventional Christianity. Give Him permission to take you beyond the limits of your comfort zone.”

To this man, my mentor and spiritual father, I owe much of what I am today. He taught me how to turn to God for my spiritual hunger to be fed.

“I can only teach you so much. But God is a bottomless well of living water.”

He taught me how to be filled with the Holy Spirit, and how to be a prophetic intercessor.

He taught me how to unlearn the cerebral Christianity that I held on to in spiritual pride... instead, he showed me the path of emptying my heart, that it may be filled with true spiritual riches.

There is a special place of honor in my heart for this man. To me, he is one of God’s greatest gifts.

I will always be grateful to him for having been a model, but of course... the glory belongs to God alone.

Those of us who sat at the feet of Jerry Osbron for the fifteen years that he pastored the Baptist Conference Church of Bacolod can say with confidence that in truth, this man can be given credit for laying the strong and solid foundation of this local body of believers.

Pastor Jerry was a kingdom person. His life was a living sermon.

Farewell, dear and beloved Jerry. I know that the loving Father has already welcomed you into His presence, and I have no doubt that as He put His arms around you, He has already whispered in your ears, “Well done, good and faithful servant... welcome into your eternal rest.”

Though we are sad for the physical loss, our hearts rejoice that you have reached Heaven’s shores.

We will see you again in Eternity. Thank you for your life. You have been such a blessing to all of us, more than words could ever express.

A Profitable Investment

It's my 4th Blog Anniversary today!

Keep your heart with all diligence,
For out of it spring the issues of life.
- Proverbs 4:23

Can it be that,
despite all our expressions of consternation
in the face of evil and innocent suffering,
we are all too prepared
to trivialize the mystery of evil?

- Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger
"Eighth Station"
in Meditations and Prayers
Way of the Cross at the Colosseum
Good Friday 2005




...but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil
you shall not eat,
for in the day that you eat of it
you shall surely die.
- Genesis 2:17

This blog turns four years old today!

What a special day this is... it has been an awesome journey!

This blog was conceived in eternity but born in Chiang Mai, Thailand on February 7, 2008, exactly four years ago. At that time, my husband Ernie was a foreign consultant in Maejo University, helping them to set up their International MBA program, and I was an English language teacher for the presidential staff of the university.

Chiang Mai Sunset
photo source Canvas of Light

In my early blog entries, I wrote about our life in that beautiful place, including some of the spiritual lessons God taught me during the year that we were living there.

Entries from my Chiang Mai Diary:
Homesick
Friends
Images of Chiang Mai
Farewell, Chiang Mai

We arrived back in our homeland after our term ended in September 2008. Home Again (or, New Wineskins)


Just a few weeks after we returned, Ernie passed away unexpectedly.

Songs of Deliverance
Curtain Call

This blog was my traveling companion, and provided a place for me to share my journey through grief.

Saying Good-bye
My Journey Through Grief
The Unveiling of the Tombstone

The love and compassion I received from my blog friends became the food that God used to comfort me. Subsequently, this blog also became a witness to God's healing and restorative power in my life.

The Lonely Road Ahead
Embracing the Sadness


Today, four years later, I am not the same woman that I was when this blog began.

So many things have taken place in a period of forty eight months. Translate those months to days, and they equal one thousand four hundred sixty days.


It has been said that life is like money - we can either waste it, or invest it.

The minutes of our days can so very easily go down the drain, using them for trivial pursuits or the building of our own kingdom.

But it is my heart's desire to invest my life in the pursuit of God's highest goals for me... advancing His kingdom. Thus, I consider that the hours I use each week to maintain this blog is an investment toward that goal.

The prophet Habakkuk says:

Write the vision

And make it plain on tablets,

That he may run who reads it.

For the vision is yet for an appointed time;

But at the end it will speak,

and it will not lie.

Though it tarries, wait for it;

Because it will surely come,

It will not tarry.

- Habakkuk 2:2, 3

The vision is yet for an appointed time... at the end it will speak, and it will not lie.

The primary purpose of this blog is to be a mouthpiece for God's kingdom purposes.

What's more, I firmly believe that we live on a sowing and reaping continuum. The choices I make today will have consequences for eternity, and I am sowing today the seeds that my future generations will reap.

"Generations will reap what I sow..."

And indeed, I appreciate the blog readers who have taken time to see what God is doing, and saying.

Our individual lives are like pieces of a grand puzzle. Blogging has really made the world a global village. With one click, I can visit my friend Felisol or Colleen in Norway, Amrita in India, Michelle in Kiev.

There are my friends from USA... Sharon, Rosel, and Sandy in California... Trish, Dee and Mari in Michigan... Mary, Debbie and Ken in Arizona,

Lili in Maine.... Katie from Ohio... Janette and Sonja from Texas... Mary Leigh from Kentucky... Brenda and Rebecca from Indiana...

Jennifer from Louisiana... Donna from New York... Tammi and Lis from Virginia...Clint and Cindy from Tennessee...

Stephanie from New Jersey... Sandra from Washington DC... Louise and Cathy from Idaho... Steve from Florida...

Elaine and Linda from North Carolina... Amy and Matt from Oregon... Patrina...

my very first blog friends, Bellann from Philadelphia and Kathy from Michigan...

Terry and Nikki and Child of God, dear friends in Canada.

Another click, and I can hop over to Australia to say hello to Crystal.

Beloved is a special blog friend who lives in England...

Very many blog friends... they all have important stories to share with us.

Then there's my family and Filipino friends who read my posts regularly and yet for one reason or another, never bother to leave a response on the comment box...

And there's a special group of blog friends, my Traveling Scarf sisters... each of them having a special place in my heart. I can't name them all.

I also have blog readers coming from Missouri, USA, and Missisauga, Canada - yet I have never found out who they are.

My ongoing prayer is that my life impact theirs with the words that I share on this blog.

Only in eternity will I behold the beautiful masterpiece God has woven out of the stories of our individual lives blended together into one harmonious whole.

Nothing is an accident, not a single tear is wasted.



I consider the hours spent on this blog time well spent, a profitable investment, not a waste. At the start, when this blog really took so much of my time, I had considered closing it down. But as the months and years went by, with much prayer, God has helped me discern when to write, and what to write about.

It bears repeating: At the end of the day, this blog is not about me... it is about the One writing my story.

When it comes to this weblog, my on-line journal, my prayer has often been, Lord, use this blog as a light in the darkness.

It is never my intention to make a literary masterpiece out of this blog. Thus, my posts are often unedited and unadulterated... just a realistic outpouring of the circumstances as they happen, or as a flashback, if it is called for... together with some important faith lessons that I have learned along the way.

What then is required of me, to be used as an agent of life as I go through the valley of death, becoming the voice of hope in the midst of confusion, and being a torchbearer in the darkness of this world?

Only one thing is required - to look unto Jesus, the Author and the Finisher of my faith.


Praise be to God indeed for four years of blogging. To Him alone belong the glory and the honor.

He alone gets the credit for what this blog has become in four years.

It has helped clarify the issues for me...

it has helped clear the path for me to walk on...

it has helped me recognize God's voice in the changing seasons of my life.

I pray that it has become a signpost to a wayfarer seeking direction... a wellspring of fresh water to the thirsty... a garden of refreshing to the weary traveler.

God has promised me that if I am obedient in giving out what He has spoken to me, He will keep pouring in more.

God has been faithful to feed and nourish me as well.



On February 3 and 4, just one month after the personal retreat that my friends and I had in Sonya's Garden in Tagaytay, the Women of Prayer had a start of the year retreat at Jing's beach house located south of Bacolod City. We are a group of women at our church that has met weekly these past years to spend time listening to God through His word.

It was another God-ordained opportunity to receive confirmation from Him.

Over a decade ago, God has made me aware that He speaks to me through the changing seasons of my life. During our two-day retreat, this was again God's word to us. Don't ignore the seasons that you are going through... flow with the seasons of your life.

Yes, indeed it is true. These past four years I have been through many seasons.

Once again God confirmed during our women's retreat that I am entering a season of new things and new beginnings.

And the best way that I can cooperate with Him is to continue to flow with Him, to be in step with the "unforced rhythms of His grace."

Weeping may tarry for the night,
but joy comes with the morning. - Psalm 30:5

Those who sow in tears

will reap with songs of joy. - Psalm 126:5

Day 1 - after an awesome time of worship, preparing to eat lunch

Day 2 - A group picture just before a teaching session with Lyndon, our retreat speaker

After the retreat, unwinding at the beach

The loves of my life:

My first grandson, Forerunner

My second grandson, Full of Hope/Mighty Warrior

A few of my favorite things:

My Spirit Filled Life Bible

My Henri Nouwen collection

My menorah (brought home by Pat from Hawaii) and
"Pray for Jerusalem" glass sculpture (given by Choi-Kuen Tan from Hong Kong)

My prayer shawl, given by Rosemarie

Tear bottle (given by friends from Bradenton, Florida)

anointing oil bottle (given by Trudi, from Dubai, UAE)

mineral crystal (mined from the Swiss Alps, given by Hans Burki)

My prayer for Crown of Beauty blog on its fourth anniversary:

photo source