6:10 p.m.
Trudi, Moses, Ruby, William, Alberto, Gina and me at the Ninoy Aquino International Airport just before checking in for our flightI am the Lord, your healer...
Exodus 15:26
Exodus 15:26
I'm writing this while on board Thai Airways flight TG 517 bound for Dubai.
Our flight to Manila left Bacolod Silay National Airport early this morning. We went straight to the Ninoy Aquino International airport after arriving in Manila at about 8:00 a.m.
Our flight to Bangkok wasn't due to leave until 2:30 in the afternoon but we decided to wait it out at the airport.
A shot of Ernie's favorite Chinese Noodle Store at the pre-departure of NAIA airport where we would grab a quick meal prior to boarding our flight to ThailandWe had a one hour and a half stopover in Bangkok.
Being in Suvarnabhumi International Airport stirs up many memories in my heart of the time that Ernie and I spent together in this place.
Our flight from Manila landed at 4:30 p.m. (Bangkok local time) and we spent the rest of our time here walking, actually half running, getting off and on 'moving floors' to get to our departure gate for our next flight.
Alberto, Moses and me, upon arrival at the Suvarnabhumi International Airport in BangkokMy mind and heart know that I've been here before at a very significant time of my life. And I had really looked forward to being here again. But it's not the same as it was.
The Suvarnabhumi airport, which was very much a memorable place for me because of the nights Ernie and I would spend in transit - waiting to board our flights to Chiang Mai, or to Manila - had somehow become a strange place.
Deep inside, while walking through the familiar airport, I am longing for the warm feelings associated with the lovely memories to resurface. But nothing like that happens. There is only a vague feeling of emptiness.
It really made me feel so sad, realizing that the person who gave beauty, depth, and meaning to the experience is no longer around.
He will never come back. Not in this life.
The experiences we shared together will only be memories...like a photograph that will eventually fade with time, or an old song that I want to sing, but some of the lines are already forgotten.
Another sad thing about it was that none of my friends who were with me knew what I was going through.
I felt so alone.
We were all half running to reach our departure gate, the Bangkok airport being so huge! While their goal was to reach the gate by boarding time, what I really wanted to do was to stay longer and reminisce.
How I wanted to go to the domestic departure check in area again, to take pictures, to sit at one of the chairs where Ernie and I would sit, eat a meal together, sleep a bit, read some... sharing and enjoying that transition time together, knowing that we were on our way back to a common destination.
It was a shared experience:
...waiting for our flight back home last Christmas 2007, summer break in May 2008
...waiting to board our Air Asia flight back to Chiang Mai last January 2008, and in July 2008 for the last three months of our stay in Thailand.
No one else can really share the memory of those days with me.
How I wanted to have just a few unhurried moments to re-live the experience. But there was no time to do that.
I could only push back the pain and move on.
Catching our breath and waiting to board flight TG 517 to DubaiThe amazing thing though is that God, in His wisdom, must have planned it this way... the fact that we were booked on Thai airways, and that Bangkok was our stopover for our next flight... and for it to happen almost a year after Ernie and I left Thailand.
The heavenly Father knew it was the right time to heal another layer of my heart. He alone knows what He is doing. He is my Creator, and my Re-creator. I don't really understand the process that He is taking me through, but He's completely trustworthy.
At this point I don't know what awaits me at my destination. Again I ask You, dear God, "Let nothing get in the way of Your purposes for me. My times are in Your hand."
Goodbye for now, Suvarnabhumi...
A shot of Bangkok International Airport as our plane was about to take off
A shot of Bangkok International Airport as our plane was about to take off
20 comments:
Lidj,
God has a purpose in bringing you each step of your journey. It's like He is showing you a picture book with pictures from your past to know that He is with you every step of the way. Blessings for you sweet sister on your journey to where God has called you!
Love and Hugs ~ Kat
Lidj This post brought tears to my eyes for I know where you are and what you are feeling.Seems lately I find my self in this position more often than I like.
Some times I wonder , is this how the rest of my life is going to be. Only God really understands what we feel and knows how he is helping us through each day. As we drink the cup that is now ours , it is bittersweet too often, yet God is helping us through each step.
May his sweet sweet spirit be with you today..
Elsie <><
Dearest Lidj,
Your still mourning the lost of your husband, so it's only natural that you would feel this way. I'm not sure if time heals all wounds or not. But the GOOD NEWS is that someday you both will be together again in heaven!
May the rest of your journey bring blessings and peace.
Lidj, I just can't imagine that realization of not ever seeing again the one most important person in your life/heart/soul. The person that made you be you (for he was you). Individuals though you were, you also were one unit. There was a rhythm to your lives together, a balance, he was a tangible inspiration, your partnership was a Grace that filled your life/heart/soul. That longing you feel is more than understandable, for you are yearning for the abundance that was your life together.
I can only imagine the heartache you feel thinking of your Ernie as a memory, thinking of the times you shared and not being able to relive them with him. He's a part of your past, yes, but he's also a part of your present, and he is your future. And I know you know that.
But it's not a bad thing to mourn, as long as you don't live there in that mourning. And I know you don't live in sorrow. You always have your heart where it belongs, in the Joy of the Lord.
"I trust in Your unfailing love. I will rejoice because You have rescued me." ~ Psalm 13:5
Love and Prayers,
Eileen
Dear Lidj,
Your re-creator is with you all of the time. Over and over he has proved that to you.
I don't think for a minute that He wants you to forget your Earnie. He just has lots of tasks in mind for you, things only you can do for him.
He'll help you not feeling alone, but fill your life with contents and new opportunities.
The memory of Earnie will help you carry on.
You'll get inspired and strengthened by thinking of his strength.
Just remember like the Israelites in the desert, God will feed you one day at a time.
From Felisol
Your words and your heart never fail to move me. I am obviously not in your shoes but my husband and I are connected the way you and your precious husband were. I can't imagine a life on earth without him in it any longer. Thank God for the awesome gift of HOPE! Where would we be without it and how would we take one more step if we didn't have that joyful expectation!
Connie
Dear Lidj,
Sharing your heart through this medium, not only touches others, but ministers to those in similar circumstances.
I have not experienced the loss of a husband, but I have experienced the desperate aloneness in a crowded room, saddness in the midst of joy and feeling like I was the only one who ever felt that way.
Jesus is with us in those times. That may sound cliche, but I know and you know it is not. He is a Friend to the brokenhearted, a Best Friend.
As He heals you, may His Spirit continue to heal others through your transparent heart.
Dearest Lidj,
Your testimony of the Lord's presence with you this past year, and especially now, brings a strange sense of security and comfort to me. You are tredding a path I've never walked, you've experienced pain in the past that may lie in wait for me in the future..but your life speaks of an ever-present, loving, comforting, and reassuring God Who will be there most when I need Him.
I can see in you, your life, your blog, that the Lord will never leave us of forsake us. He is with us in the darkest pit and the highest valley. But only those who have walked the journey know fully that truth--as you.
Thank you for shedding light on your journeys so we may have hope for ours to come.
Love and prayers for you as you travel countries and memories, Linda
"Like an old song I want to sing, but some of the lines are already forgotten."
Oh, Lidj! It's Saturday night here, it's raining cats and dogs and I'm home alone. Your fellow travelers may not have known, but I know EXACTLY how you were feeling. I stopped by tonight because there's been so much in the news here about floods in the Phillipines. I just wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you - even more so after reading this lovely post. I love you, my sister and am keeping you in my prayers.
dearest crown of beauty..i cannot stay long because it is almost 4 a.m. here in ontario.
i just came by to ask you to go and see diane...you are the kind of person she needs just now, i think...love terry
How much you must have missed Erniein tha t place Lidj, alll the familiar scenes and things you did. May god comfort your heart.
Have a blessed trip.
This was such beautiful, heartfelt post. I am praying that as you make your journey, you feel God's presence all along the way.
Lidj,
Are you ok? Is the flooding any where near you?
Love,
Yolanda
popping by to see if you are all right... been praying for you ... but i know that whatever the situation, you will ALWAYS be safe in Jesus ...
My heart always hurts for you when you write about missing your husband.
May our loving God take your pain.
Your grief.
Your missing him so much.
Your love.
For Ernie.
For Him.
And shape all of it into more love.
More grace.
More comfort.
To share.
Praying for you, Lidj.
Sweet dreams.
Although it may be painful at times, the Lord continues to heal your heart. My prayers are with you, dear friend. I've also been praying for you as I hear reports of flooding in your country. I hope you are staying dry and safe.
dear crown of beauty..i never realized about the floods that you have been having in your beloved country as we rarely even have the television on and it isn't even in our newspapers.
after reading your friends comments here, i looked it up on google. manila is having it so badly and i want you to know that i am praying for you and that the lord will keep you safe.
you are too precious of a friend to so many of us and our encourager and as passing-thru says..."you are a true mother in israel"..
thinking of you and your entire family and your countrymen....love terry
Jehovah - Rapha....The Lord that healeth!
You are in my thoughts and prayers as I read your heart.
Wondering also about the flooding and it's effects on you. Carrying you to our Almighty Father this day!
Just dropping in for a few minutes; I'll do my best to read the rest of this post later. Whew! The last several weeks have been a blur on the radar screen. As always, your photos fit perfectly with what your story is about. Thank you so much for sharing your life with us.
From what you wrote, I can see how the Suvarnabhumi airport means a lot to you.
Be ever so blessed.
Post a Comment