Embracing the Sadness

photo credit

Now that I am out of the tunnel of grief, I can begin to look back on my journey and share some of the things that meant so much to me during the cold winter of my past months.

There were many things happening in my external world, and that was a blessing in disguise. Those of you who have been following my blog for some time now know what I am talking about.

But in the quiet in-between moments, when I could be alone with my thoughts and my feelings, when I was missing my husband the most... I found it very helpful to embrace the sadness and not try to run away from it.

I would sometimes see myself dancing...ever so gracefully, even if in reality I don't dance. Just thinking of my season of grief as a dance brought a measure of healing and comfort to my heart.

Watch this lovely video of Polina Semionova and you will know what I mean.

(Note: So sorry the original video has been taken down, but the more recent one above is very similar to the one I originally embedded.)

My dad used to play Handel's Largo and Schumann's Traumerie on the piano when I was a little girl. Some evenings, after dinner, he would sit at the piano and play quietly. I remember watching the expression on his face - so serene, so peaceful. This music created such a beautiful environment for my growing up years.

Listening to classical music also helped, especially so because not only my dad, but also my husband, loved classical music.

One of my favorites is Handel's Largo. (Click on video and continue reading...)

It felt good to embrace the sadness without going into self-pity, or feeling sucked into the darkness. Sometimes the grief would surface only for a moment, and just as quickly go away!

During such moments, I would just pause... welcome the feelings, never resist them. I acknowledged that they were there... I did not struggle, nor wished I were out of that long road.

The grieving process did not become a burden or a struggle for me.

Of course, no one can tell us how we should grieve. In my case there were no classes that I could attend to help me.

Besides, most of the time life was going on for me, just as it was for the rest of my family, my friends, and the world.

Life went on...

The best thing that helped me was knowing that my heart was in the hands of my heavenly Father...the only One who truly cares and understands. It was in this hope that I gained strength.

I grieved but not as those who have no hope.


And here I am today, being able to talk so openly about something that was, and still is, so painful and so deep.

But if this will help someone who needs to hear these words today, then I believe my experience will have been worth it all.

My friend Saija has just lost a dear sister. Her recent post was so beautiful... I really have to share on this blog entry the poem she posted there.

What comfort, what strength this poem brought my heart!

God gently and quietly walks with us during the season of our life that we need His comfort and His strength. This I have experienced to be true in my own life.

Here She Comes

I am standing upon the seashore;

a ship at my side spreads

her white sails to the morning breeze

and starts for the ocean.

She is an object of beauty and strength

and I stand and watch her until at length

she hangs like a speck of white cloud

just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.

Then someone at my side says, "There! She's gone."

Gone where? Gone from my sight - that is all.

She is just as large in mast and hull and spar

as when she left my side,

and just as able to bear her load of living freight

to the place of destination.

Her diminished size is in me, not in her.

And just at the moment when someone at my side says,

"There! She's gone."

there are other eyes watching her coming

and other voices ready to take up the glad shout,

"Here she comes!"

... and that is dying.

- Author unknown

The Lonely Road Ahead

Grief is a long, lonely road.

When a beloved husband passes away, you suddenly find yourself on this road.

It is cold, your heart feels numb, and deep inside of you is a gnawing, knotted pain that never leaves. Crying doesn't help. The heart refuses to be comforted. The silence is deafening.

And although there may be others who seem to be with you on this journey, I have realized that it is a road not meant to be shared with anyone else...except God.

The picture above could help depict what I am trying to say.

In my journey through grief, I walked alone. I knew God was there, but most of the time He was silent. I appreciated that of God. He did not intrude, He did not try to do all sorts of things to make me feel better. I just knew He was there walking with me.

I was never devastated by Ernie's death. But I had to go through the valley of grief.

Not outwardly, though. As I said, it was a private kind of pain... a journey intended for me alone.

It was the only way I could appreciate the strength that God gently infused into my heart. Yes, the healing came so gently, I was unaware of it happening.

One morning when I awoke, the song was back in my heart.

I often wish I were a writer who could adequately put into words what I have been, and am still, going through.

For me, grief was a dance... and there were times when I would see myself as a ballerina...

going through the graceful moves...

of the dance of grief.

photo credit

So beautiful. So comforting.

Can anything as painful as death be so beautiful?

Yet God seemed to be whispering...can you be patient with the process?

And I was.



At first I did not want to use the word death... in referring to what happened to Ernie.

Death was a merciless enemy. I didn't want to honor its cruelty by using the word.

But then I realized, why not?

C.S. Lewis called death a severe mercy. It has become the ultimate paradox, a divine exchange.

Out of death comes life.

And the more I think about it, the more I realize that my husband and I were not unprepared for it. The reality of God's love has cushioned my heart from death's blows.

What the enemy has meant for evil, God has turned around for good.

Even death is a beautiful thing in the eyes of God...because He has redeemed its meaning for you and me.

Death is the passport to eternal life... and ultimate and complete healing and restoration only take place after we pass through death's door.

My beloved husband entered into his eternal rest when he left this earth.

Now I am discovering a new level of relating with God.

I know I have entered a new and important season of my life where I am experiencing first hand what God means when He says:

I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness,
And you shall know the LORD.
It shall come to pass in that day
That I will answer, says the LORD;

I will answer the heavens,
And they shall answer the earth.
The earth shall answer
With grain,
With new wine,
And with oil;
They shall answer Jezreel.

Then I will sow her for Myself in the earth...

- Hosea 2:20-23

Jezreel, God Will Sow, is the word of comfort that God is speaking to me in this season of recovery and moving up to the next level of my spiritual journey. And needless to say, sowing involves a kind of dying, of going into the deep earth, of taking that cold and lonely journey alone, before new life springs forth.

Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.

At the appointed time, God comes like the spring rains that water the earth.

Vineyard Sunrise in Spring
photo credit

I woke up this morning thinking of my blog friend Sandy. Last night as I was about to log off, I suddenly remembered her. Sandy is a beautiful woman with a beautiful heart. We have never met, and the truth is, I do not really visit her blog very often, just once in a while.

As I read her recent post, and the one before it, I found out that something very sad had happened in her life.

So here I am... writing this special post for my friend Sandy.



May God's comfort and strength be real to you in this season of your life.

I love you, Sandy. I know a little of what you are going through. If I were near, I would come over and sit quietly with you.

Rest in God's love.

Here is a song that was on my heart for you as I awoke:

Lovely Blogs

Thank you, Crystal Mary, for passing on the "One Lovely Blog" Award to my blog. Crystal Mary is from Australia.


The rules of the award are:
1. Link back to the person who nominates you for this award.
2. Pass it along to 7 other inspiring bloggers
3, Share 7 things about yourself.


I'm passing on the award to the following inspiring blogs:

Beautiful Descent by Amy

A Doxology in Darkness by Judith

Carpe Diem, Gorgeous by Colleen

Rainbow Gulf of Love by Gladwell

Steveroni's Blog by Steve

Sweet Pearlie May

These blogs truly reflect the lovely and creative hearts of their authors!


Now, here are seven things about myself:

1. I was born in 1953 (that makes me 57 as of this writing)

2. I was born again in 1973

3. I have two sons (ages 30 and 27), and one daughter (25)

4. I have two dogs - a dachshund and a Basset hound/dachshund mix breed

5. My husband of 30 years went home to heaven in November 2008

6. For this season of my life, sharing my spiritual journey with my cyber friends is one the best things that happened to me.

7. My name Lidia means "Beautiful Light."

Valley of Vision

Flower in Morning Sun

photo credit






Where there is no vision, the people perish...

- Proverbs 29:18




Write the vision
And make it plain on tablets,
That he may run who reads it.

For the vision is yet for an appointed time;
But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie.
Though it tarries, wait for it;
Because it will surely come,
It will not tarry.

- Habakkuk 2:2-3

We may have shining moments of inspiration on the mountain tops, but most of our lives take place down in the valleys.

I remember being admonished by Hans Burki, the Swiss retreat director that I have mentioned on some of my previous blog posts, as we were about to end the month long retreat we had up in the Alps, "Live out in the valleys what you have experienced up here in the mountains."

As my friends and I left Rasa to go back to Zurich, and eventually to our own countries, I looked forward to the weeks ahead of me with a sense of excitement and several noble intentions.

My peak experiences had equipped me with new tools to do some changes in my life, and I was ready and eager to work on those changes right away.

The month we spent up in the Swiss Alps to personally experience the spiritual disciplines of solitude, meditation, and contemplation under Hans was such a life changing experience for me.

I really thought it would be easy to apply and live out the spiritual principles we were taught.

But later I realized that down here in the valley, life was different. Up in the mountains there were no distractions, it was easier to focus, and to concentrate.

Down in the valley of everyday life, it was another story.


Being a city girl, I have not experienced what it's like to live in a real valley -- that stretch of low land lying between hills or mountains, and usually having a stream or a river flowing through it.

It's good to know God does not require me to live out my life in a literal valley.

I really am not a valley kind of person, I prefer to spend my time up in the mountains.

However, time in the valley is very important for growth. The valley is where the battles of life are fought, where I learn to strike the right balance between activity and inner silence, where I become adept at hearing the voice of God above the noise and empty chatter around me, and where I gain the skills in making God honoring choices as I travel on.

Then I give myself time to be recharged, renewed, and refreshed by going up the mountain regularly.

It isn't so easy to reach a mountain where I live, but I have discovered that there are wonderful "mountain substitutes" right where I am!

What are these mountains that I speak of?

My bedroom, for one, is a spiritual mountain for me...

my prayer room...

a coffee shop, especially Starbucks.

One or two afternoons a week I would buy me a Cafe Latte grande, find a comfortable spot, bring out my Bible, my books, my prayer journal, and sometimes, my laptop...and for the next three or four hours spend a most delightful time, just me and God, up on that "mountain."

But one can't stay up in the mountains forever. Before too long, it's time to go down to the valley again.

Cagayan Valley, Philippines photo credit

Yes, it's great to be up on the mountain, but the valley is where we need to go to have our spiritual faculties sharpened, tested and proven.

Recently I came to realize that vision is not gained up in the mountains of our lives.

We get perspective from the mountain, but vision is gained down in the valley.

Vision is a way of seeing, using our spiritual eyes to see beneath the surface, beyond what our natural eyes are looking at.

Vision is discernment, or perception.

We need to have a vision of what God has called you and me to be.

We need to have a vision of where our journey is taking us.

We need to have an understanding if our provisions are adequate, or if they are running low.

Vision is vital, for without it we will certainly lose our way.

Vision can be likened to a road map, although unlike a literal map, the specifics will not always be clearly spelled out.

We gain that much-needed vision while we are in the valley.

Boxley Valley Sunrise

On a more personal note, things began to fall into place for me when I saw the vision of what God has called me to be. I have already shared part of this vision on the sidebar of my blog, as well as in several of my earlier posts.

God is calling you and me to know Him more, but unless we are willing to spend time in the valley where our faulty spiritual foundations are exposed, we will find it difficult to make spiritual progress.

In our heart of hearts there is always a longing to go deeper, to see beyond... Do you know what I mean? It almost feels like a burning ache, a continual hunger for something more.

This longing did not originate with us, it was placed there by God, for this really is what God desires of each one of us His children. He doesn't want us to just know about him intellectually, he wants us to have a true encounter with Him.

And it is down in the valleys of our lives where we come face to face with this hunger, that deep longing to be satisfied.

Being involved in a deep level healing ministry, I have seen the many ways that this hunger drives men and women into many false and harmful ways of seeking satisfaction.

And the valley, if we stay there long enough, is where we come to understand that this ache...this longing... this hunger, was given by God and that He alone is the One who can answer it!




God invites us to spend time in the valleys of life to discover for ourselves the many ways by which He reveals this truth to us.

Spending time in these valleys has truly changed me.

It continually amazes me to realize that in these valleys are many God-ordained opportunities for the diligent seeker to find Him, draw closer to His heart, and receive satisfaction for the spiritual longings of our hearts.


There is the Valley of Achor, literally a valley of trouble or temptation. Yet this valley has opened up for me a door of hope, a place of rest, singing, and restoration.

There I will give her back her vineyards, and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope. Hosea 2:15

Sharon will be a pasture land for flocks, and the valley of Achor a resting place for herds, for My people who seek Me. Isaiah 65:10


I have also spent time in the Valley of Baca, literally a "valley of tears." But surprisingly, this valley was the place where I regained my strength, and when I watered it with my tears, the tears became a refreshing pool of encouragement and new strength for the journey ahead.

Blessed are those whose strength is in you, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage.As they pass through the Valley of Baca, they make it a place of springs;the autumn rains also cover it with pools. They go from strength to strength... Psalm 84:5-7


Among my favorite valleys to visit is the Valley of Gerar, it literally means the valley of rumination, or meditation. It is the valley where Isaac dwelt for a time, watered by the wells of Abraham that Isaac dug again after they were stopped up by the Philistines.

Understandably, this valley is such a special place for me.

So Isaac moved away from there and encamped in the Valley of Gerar and settled there. Isaac reopened the wells that had been dug in the time of his father Abraham, Genesis 26:17-18


There are other valleys...

the valley of the shadow of death, where I discovered the comfort of the Shepherd's care (Psalm 23)...

the valley of Elah, that fearful place of confrontation where David slayed Goliath, and it became a valley of vindication (1 Samuel 21)...

the valley of burial in Moab where Moses' body was laid to rest (Deuteronomy 34:6).

There is the valley of decision, or the Valley of Jehoshaphat, where the nations will be gathered in the last days and will be judged on the basis of how they have treated the nation of Israel (Joel 3).

And of course, the valley of vision, the best place to learn how to prepare ourselves for the day of adversity and judgment (Isaiah 22).

Death Valley

More than the idyllic, pastoral scenes depicted by the pictures, the valley is where God calls us out of our comfort zones, that we may learn to endure and persevere, and depend on Him alone.

Here we grapple with the routine, the mundane, and sometimes ugly and pain-filled issues confronting us. This valley is real, not a beautiful painting on exhibit.

Cancer, financial reversals, a rebellious daughter, a son caught in the web of drug abuse or alcoholism, adultery...and what about old age, or just the daily grind, the exhaustion of working at a job that has ceased to be meaningful for us... these are just some of the issues we may be facing in our individual valleys.

But truly, God intends for us to run to Him, to cling to Him, to cry out to Him in our valleys...that we may know the truth that He walks with us in our journey, and in knowing, be transformed.

It is truly a place of being re-aligned and re-positioned for His purposes, where God brings us out into a broad place, a larger place of understanding the ultimate goal He has for you, and for me: to experience the reality of His love.

Indeed, the valley is that special place where vision and encouragement for the next step of the journey are given.

Sunrise, Yosemite Valley
by Albert Bierstadt

Lord, high and holy, meek and lowly,

Thou hast brought me to the valley of vision, where I live in the depths but see Thee in the heights; hemmed in by mountains of sin I behold Thy glory.

Let me learn by paradox that the way down is the way up,
that to be low is to be high,
that the broken heart is the healed heart,
that the contrite spirit is the rejoicing spirit,
that the repenting soul is the victorious soul,
that to have nothing is to possess all,
that to bear the cross is to wear the crown,
that to give is to receive,
that the valley is the place of vision.

Lord, in the daytime stars can be seen from deepest wells,
and the deeper the wells the brighter Thy stars shine;
let me find Thy light in my darkness,
Thy life in my death,
Thy joy in my sorrow,
Thy grace in my sin,
Thy riches in my poverty,
Thy glory in my valley.

The Valley of Vision, A Collection of Puritan Prayers and Devotions

Antelope Valley, California
photo credit

Be Thou My Vision

translated from Old Irish by Mary Byrne
English versification by Eleanor Hull

Be thou my vision, O Lord of my heart,

Naught be all else to me, save that thou art;

Thou my best thought by day or by night,

Waking or sleeping, thy presence my light.

Be thou my wisdom, thou my true word,

I ever with thee and thou with me Lord;

Thou my great Father, I thy true son;

Thou in me dwelling, and I with thee one.

Be thou my battle shield, sword for the fight;

Be thou my dignity, thou my delight;

Thou my soul's shelter, thou my high tower:

Raise thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.

Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise:

Thou mine inheritance now and always;

Thou and thou only first in my heart;

High King of Heaven, my treasure thou art.

High King of heaven, my victory won,

May I reach heaven's joys, O Bright Heaven's sun!;

Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,

Still be my vision, O Ruler of all.

Something to be Grateful For

Sunrise in Yosemite Valley

by Gilbert Munger

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life.
It turns what we have into enough, and more.
It turns denial into acceptance,
chaos into order,
confusion into clarity….
It turns problems into gifts,
failures into success,
the unexpected into perfect timing,
and mistakes into important events.
Gratitude makes sense of our past,
brings peace for today
and creates a vision for tomorrow.

~ Melodie Beattie

This month, July, I want to celebrate thankfulness.

The famous American conservationist, naturalist and writer John Muir (1838-1914), penned these beautiful lines:


The grand show is eternal. It is always sunrise somewhere; the dew is never dried all at once; a shower is forever falling; vapor is ever rising. Eternal sunrise, eternal dawn and gloaming, on sea and continents and islands, each in its turn, as the round earth rolls.


Yes indeed, there is always something to be thankful for.

It was Papa, my father, and Mama, my mother, who taught me that early in life.

As a young girl of around 6 or 7, I would remember waking up to the sound of classical music playing in our living room, Such lovely music would always do something to my young heart - fill it with a sense of excitement, something to look forward to, give the message that life was beautiful...that everything was going to be okay.

As my sister and I hopped out of bed, Papa would greet us with his big cheerful smile, "It's another lovely day, my daughters. Time to get ready for school."

Mama would be at the kitchen, preparing breakfast , so it was Papa who would bathe us, help us get dressed, and fix our hair. I remember that he would sometimes braid my hair, and as he gently brushed it, he would say to me, "Look at that lovely girl in the mirror." And there he was standing behind me, beaming with pride.

The breakfast table would be prepared with good things to eat - simple nutritious food. Always rice, and something to go with it, like omelette, or sausages... then oatmeal... a slice of fruit... maybe a hardboiled egg... a glass of milk.

It was a morning routine that deeply embedded in my heart the gentleness of a father's love... the faithfulness of a mother's care.

It wrote the unspoken message in my tender heart: there is always something to be thankful for. I am going to be cared for. Everything is going to be all right.

Then the school bus would come. Our school things would be ready by the door, our lunch boxes prepared, and Mama or Papa would send us off with a hug and a kiss, and as my sister and I went up the bus, our hearts were full, ready to start the day.

All this ritual never took more than an hour, for we had to be quick. But I do not recall at that early age being harassed, or hurried...there is such a gentleness in the memories of my early years.

Life was good.

I did not think that it required much effort to keep our home neat and tidy, our floors shiny, our bathrooms clean and sweet smelling... Nor was I aware that after we left, my parents would also leave soon after, to go to the government offices where they faithfully worked until the days of their retirement.

My parents were simple folks who had simple wants and simple joys - but I believe they have left me with a most important legacy - thankfulness.

It wasn't a daily lesson on saying a verbal thank you, not at all. I learned that life is good and that there is something to be thankful for in the way my parents loved us consistently. It was an unspoken message that left a deep imprint on my heart.

There is something about gratitude that makes my heart soft and open. Not resisting what life has to offer. Gratitude helps me to go through life with open hands, one of the many threads running through the fabric of my life.

It is not easy to live this way, I know, in a world that constantly screams at us, forcing us to focus on what is wrong, and concentrate on how others have mistreated us, or said unkind things of us... it's not easy.

I suppose that is the reason why Paul had to remind us to do all things without grumbling and arguing, because it is so easy for us to fall into that faultfinding habit.

But really the words of Paul are so wise,

Do all things without complaining and disputing
that you may become blameless and harmless,
children of God without fault
in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation,
among whom you shine as lights in the world,
holding fast the word of life...
(Philippians 2:14-16)

I have realized that thankfulness is still the best antidote to a grumbling and complaining spirit.


Life has not always been kind to me. There have been many disappointments, plans that have miscarried, a relationship that's taking forever to heal...

The past weekend I nursed a stubborn head cold that kept me in bed, giving me too much time to think on all the things that needed attending to in my life...

I've also been wondering why a particular loved one in my life has continued to nurture something against me, and for the life of me, I just can't figure out what else I need to do to make her forgive me and love me and accept me just as I am...

things not right,

things that need fixing and repairing,

things that need to be sorted out...


There's just no escaping the reality of this imperfect life, and that we live with so much brokenness in this world...

we go through that everyday!


But it need not be my focus.

Because the truth is that there is so much beauty around us, and that these are mere shadows, or blurred reflections, of the gloriously beautiful life that is waiting for us in eternity!

Yes, thankfulness does that to us - it helps us to be heavenly minded, reminding us that the imperfection around us is not all there is to life!

Daily I still choose to wake up at sunrise each morn and look at it as a message from heaven... there is always something to be grateful for!


This July our family celebrated the birthdays of my two daughters-in law.

My two daughters-in-law are so special. They are literally God's gifts to me, and I am thankful to God for this season when I am learning to be another mother in their life, the woman who raised and brought up their husbands, and someone from whom they can also learn new things in this new journey that they are on.


Chosen One's birthday was on July 1.

Chosen One with her husband, Worshiper
Breakfast at home, July 1, 2010

You are a gift to our family, Chosen One.

I have enjoyed getting to know you better. You are a delight with your childlike ways, so full of excitement at each new day. You are not demanding, and I love your simplicity. It is not difficult to make you happy! You bring joy to us, always sitting in front of a cook book, thinking of what to cook. You delight us by your baked goodies, and faithfully providing meals for your husband. You are a good wife to my son.

You inspire him, you encourage him, you try to build up his faith, and you are always believing in the best that is still to come.

You have a heart of faith, dear Chosen One!

I know you must miss your old life with its many opportunities in the big city of Manila, yet you willingly gave them up, to live with your husband in this city. A new place, a new culture, a new language, a new church, new friends, a different lifestyle... yet I never sensed any heaviness in you.

You have tried to adjust, and to blend, and to find a spot where you can be planted, grow, and in the past six months I have seen you bloom in the process!

As you prepare to be a mother of your first baby, who is due to be born by December, I know God is enlarging your heart, and increasing your sphere of influence, with every obedient step you take in the right direction.

I thank God for you!

Chosen One on her birthday

God-given's birthday was on July 10.

God-given with her husband, First Born
At Kai Sei Japanese Restaurant, July 10, 2010

You are a gift to our family, God-given.

You already know that because I've said it to you so many times before. And for the past two years that you've been with us, I have kept discovering many new things about you. What touches me the most about you is your cheerful disposition. You have a sense of humor that just brightens up the atmosphere wherever you are...always finding something funny to laugh about! You really are a light to our family, my dear God-given!

You work hard at your demanding job, and yet each time you come home, you have a bag of something to cook and to prepare. I appreciate your efforts at taking good care of your family - your husband and your son. You look after their needs, you are a good wife and mother!

I love your positive disposition, never opting to give up, although I know that your life is not easy. Yes, you are willing to adjust, willing to give room for First Born to grow and mature, always encouraging him to reach greater heights. You are such a positive influence to him.

And I love your simple and practical ways! Never demanding, but rather always looking for ways to make things better. Your heart is full of hope!

I thank God for you!

This is me and God-given, during her birthday dinner at Kai Sei. I was not well that weekend, but I was glad we were able to celebrate her birthday as a family.
July 10, 2010

Chosen One and God-given




...after a certain number of years our faces become our biographies.

- Cynthia Ozick

Desert Flower

Desert Flower in Death Valley

photo credit

Therefore I am now going to allure her;
I will lead her into the desert
and speak tenderly to her.

There I will give her back her vineyards,
and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope.
There she will sing as in the days of her youth,
as in the day she came up out of Egypt.

- Hosea 2:14-15

For our light affliction, which is but for a moment,
is working for us a far more exceeding
and eternal weight of glory,
while we do not look at the things which are seen,
but at the things which are not seen.
For the things which are seen are temporary,
but the things which are not seen are eternal.

2 Corinthians 4:17-18

My friend celebrated her birthday today. She turned 68, but she looks so much younger than her age.

I call her Desert Flower.

Our friendship dates back to 1979, that is more than 30 years ago!

Ernie and I were only married a year when we moved to Bacolod City from Manila. We began attending this new church and this was how we met Desert Flower and her husband, V.

It was a young, vibrant church with only about 20 attending in its first few months. We were nourished on good solid teaching from the Bible Sunday after Sunday and during the small group Bible studies in homes the rest of the week.

Those are memorable years for me. We were like a family, growing together as the foundation and building blocks of our faith were being strengthened, individually and corporately.

Desert Flower and V. have seven children - five girls and two boys.

Somewhere along the way, their marriage broke up.

That was many years ago. Today Desert Flower lives alone, as all her children are now grown and have families of their own.

Her life is a monument to the audacious faith that I wrote about in one of my recent posts.

The sad circumstances of her life will not be the focus of this post...but rather the person that she has become today because of them.

When she shares about her past, I see no trace of anger or bitterness in her. She doesn't even talk much about details. "It's all under the blood now," she tells me. "I don't dwell on them anymore."

She says she has cried buckets of tears, and yet the tears easily flow today especially when she realizes the goodness of God in her life.

Her children and grandchildren are the focus of her prayers. Her mother's love for all of them knows no bounds. "Lidj, please pray for my daughter... or please pray for my son... or please pray for my grandson... " are the messages she would send me on my phone every now and then.

I call her Desert Flower because she is a woman who has managed to bloom in the midst of the painful and difficult circumstances of her life.

A desert flower survives the harshest wilderness condition, extreme heat by day and extreme cold by night.

For many months the plant appears dead and dried up, but unknown to the naked eye of the passerby,

it has driven its roots deep into the hard desert soil,

waiting patiently to find water...

and with the right combination of heat and cold, this plant begins to come to life, puts out buds, and blooms!

And this is exactly the way I see Desert Flower. To say that she has "survived" is an understatement...for the amazing truth about her is that she has overcome.

And continues to do so. Her roots have found water and tapped into that eternal well which never will run dry.


On this post I want to honor my friend, and encourage her heart.

Desert Flower
She and I had coffee and a bagel at Starbucks this morning.
July 13, 2010

I have great admiration for you dear Desert Flower.

You have held on to your faith, you have not faltered, you have not let go of your God. And He has not disappointed you.

You have diligently sought Him, and you have found Him.

He is your True Love, the One who will not disappoint you, leave you, or forsake you.

He has poured healing oil over the wounds of your heart.

He is your fountain of living water, He waters the dry and parched places of your soul.

Nothing that anyone has done to you is a statement of your true value.

The Heavenly Father knows your worth. You are precious in His sight. He has kept your tears in a bottle, and He is turning your teardrops into precious stones and He holds them close to His heart.


May your legacy of a forgiving heart be passed on to your children, and your children's children... may your family relationships be forever changed.

I declare today that no weapon formed against you and your loved ones will prosper. More than vindication, restoration will come. All the sorrows that your family has endured will not go to waste, for He is the God who turns our mourning into dancing, our sorrow into gladness!

May you continue to bloom for Him, even in the seemingly dry places where you find yourself...changing from glory to glory, until the day that He calls you into His presence.


I dedicate this song to you, dear friend.

God of Our Yesterdays
Matt Redman

We were in the darkest night,
And wondered if our eyes would ever see the light,
You were there, Lord,
We were in the storm again,
And wondered if we’d ever live in peace again,
You were there, Lord,
You were there is the struggle,
You were there in the fire,
You were there all the time.

Praise you, the God of our yesterdays,
Praise you, the God who is here today,
Praise you, our God, as tomorrow comes.

So whatever lies ahead,
Whatever roads our grateful hearts will come to tread,
You’ll be there, Lord,
And we will fix our eyes on you,
And know that there is grace enough to see us through,
You’ll be there, Lord,
You’ll be there in the struggle,
You’ll be there in the fight,
You’ll be there all the time.

Praise you, the God of our yesterdays,
Praise you, the God who is here today,
Praise you, our God, as tomorrow comes.
We thank you for grace in our yesterdays,
We thank you for peace in our hearts today,
And thank you, our Joy, as tomorrow comes,
We will trust you, God.

You’re always closer than we know,
Always more involved and in control,
We will trust our lives to you,
The One who was, and is, and is to come!

Praise you, the God of our yesterdays,
Praise you, the God who is here today,
Praise you, our God, as tomorrow comes.
We thank you for grace in our yesterdays,
We thank you for peace in our hearts today,
And thank you, our Joy, as tomorrow comes,
We will trust you, God.

Deep Calls to Deep

Jog Falls, India

Deep calls unto deep at the noise of Your waterfalls;
All Your waves and billows have gone over me.
The LORD will command His lovingkindness in the daytime,
And in the night His song shall be with me—
A prayer to the God of my life.

- Psalm 42: 7-8

Behold, the days are coming,” says the Lord GOD,
“That I will send a famine on the land,
Not a famine of bread,
Nor a thirst for water,
But of hearing the words of the LORD."

- Amos 8:11

Superficiality is the curse of our age....
The desperate need today
is not for a greater number of intelligent people,
or gifted people,
but for deep people.

- Richard Foster in Celebration of Discipline

This morning I read aloud the words of Psalm 42:7-8, quoted above.

As I sat quietly for a few minutes, letting the words sink in, I heard this resonance gently come up:

I long to enter into the depths of Your heart, my Father. I have no desire to remain in the shallows.

It was a simple prayer that remained in my heart for the rest of the day.

There was a heavy downpour this afternoon, for which I am truly grateful. It had been hot and humid the past few days.

It is almost midnight; all is still except for the refreshing sound of gently falling rain on the roof.

I reflect on these words of Herman Moldez:

The rains bring back to life what we thought was dead...

and on these uplifting words from Jeremiah 31

I will build you up again
and you will be rebuilt, O Virgin Israel...

... the LORD will ransom Jacob
and redeem them from the hand of those stronger than they.

They will come and shout for joy on the heights of Zion;
they will rejoice in the bounty of the LORD—
the grain, the new wine and the oil,
the young of the flocks and herds.
They will be like a well-watered garden,
and they will sorrow no more.

What a beautiful day this has been, dear Father.

On my bed I remember you;

I think of you through the watches of the night. - Psalm 63:6

Deep Calls to Deep

Author Unknown, Arr. Steve Bell

Deep calls to deep
And my soul finds no resting place but Him
He is my God
The yearning of my soul His touch can still
And each rare moment
I felt His presence
I shall remember
And forever cherish

Deep calls to deep
For he created me to be His own
He understands
The joy and pain of life He too has known
And each rare moment
I felt His presence
I shall remember
And forever cherish

Deep calls to deep
And at His feast I am a welcomed guest
He gives me food
The hunger of my soul is laid to rest
And each rare moment
I felt His presence
I shall remember
And forever cherish