My Times Are In Your Hand

But as for me, I trust in You, O Lord;
I say, "You are my God."

My times are in Your hand..."
Psalm 31:14-15

It's been four Sundays since Ernie's death. Although there have been many things that have kept me pre-occupied, it's not been easy. That goes without saying.

Obedient One arrived from Manila early yesterday morning. She is on a two-week leave from work to spend Christmas and New Year with us.

Now, we are a family again...minus one. But we have two additions: my daughter-in-law, God-Given, and of course the baby, Matthew.

Whatever the enemy had intended, it is obvious that God has turned it around for good.

My times are in His hand.

We began putting up the Christmas tree yesterday. Christmas was Ernie's favorite season of all. The day before he died, he had asked me, "Lidj, where are we going to put the tree this year?"

I still remember our first Christmas tree. We were married in 1978, but we didn't think of having a tree until our first child was born in 1980. We got a small one, only six-feet high, just the right size for our low-ceilinged living room.

I never did like an over-decorated Christmas tree. I find it too commercial and impersonal. Handmade ornaments suit my style, and not too many bright lights.

So we bought our first few ornaments -- all handmade ones. And every year thereafter, we would use mostly the same ornaments, discard a few, buy new ones. Every ornament has a story -- the very first gingerbread ornament we bought for First Born in 1980 is still around, and so are Worshiper's crocheted drummer boys and Obedient One's stuffed mini McBirdie.

And so putting up the tree this year was something I did not really look forward to doing. It brought back too many memories of past Christmases. We would usually do it in the evening, after dinner, just a day or two before Obedient's December 7 birthday. Ernie would have his collection of Christmas carols playing, and I would have a pot of hot chocolate on the table for everyone. When the children were little, they were welcome to help hang the ornaments, and then when they were asleep, Ernie and I would rearrange them. Then after everything was done, we would sit on the sofa, listen to more Christmas music, and sip our hot choco while admiring the newly-decorated tree. Each year, the tree seemed even more beautiful than the year before.

This time it was just Worshiper and I who did the tree. We did it yesterday morning. There was no music, and no hot chocolate. But we only went as far as putting up the rice lights. I had bought two sets a few days before only to discover that they were not enough. So I told Worshiper that we would continue with decorating the tree tonight.

Obedient and I will buy some more lights later. We will also probably get Matthew his first ornament, if we find one we like. I have decided that we will play the Christmas carols that Ernie loved. He had very good taste in music. He loved jazz, classical, rhythm and blues, choral, Negro spirituals. We have a wide collection of music. He particularly loved the sax, and he would often listen to the light jazz ones.

I realize that Christmas does not have to be sad this year just because a loved one is no longer around. But thank God we can also be free to express how we feel. We don't need to pretend.

Yes, this is a time for me to mourn, but I can still celebrate the true meaning of Christmas.

I have been studying a bit about the history of the actual date of the birth of Jesus, and I realize that it doesn't even fall in December. September is more like it, credible historians say. And even now I am aware that someday there will be a movement toward restoring the date of this important season to the approximate day, to make it more historically accurate.

But as for our family, we will celebrate Christmas this year for what it stands for -- the giving of God's only Son to redeem mankind from eternal death, the penalty for sin.



Last night I came across a beautiful blog. There was a post entitled My Times Are in Your Hands.

The author quotes what Pastor Alistair Begg has written in his year-end newsletter, and I want to also quote it here:

In the opening verses of Psalm 31, it is apparent that the Psalmist is in anguish. As we read on, he seems to find himself in a position of assurance just a few verses later, but then quickly returns to a state of distress.

This cycle of pain and joy is not an unusual experience in our Christian pilgrimage. Most of us are a jumble of emotions and a cross section of experiences. The good, the bad, and the ugly wash over us regularly. The key issue is what we do with these experiences: how does being a believer shape the way in which we view these events and our world?

Verse 15 of Psalm 31 reads, “My times are in your hands.” These six words are the affirmation of the person who knows himself to be­­­­—despite disasters and difficulties—under the care of Almighty God. It is this certainty that will bring equilibrium to us in the span of events that would either inflate our egos or crush our souls. As I have reflected on this verse, I have found nine truths which emerge from the simple statement, “My times are in your hands.”

1. I’m not trapped in the grip of blind force.

2. I am not tossed about on the ocean of chance.

3. I am being trained in the school of God’s providence.

4. Prosperity should not be the occasion of pride.

5. Uncertainty should not be the occasion of panic.

6. Adversity must not become the occasion of self-pity.

7. There is a responsibility to be faced.

8. Humility must be fostered.

9. There is a security to be found.

Is this not a message for us today? My times are in your hands. My Father knows best.

Such timely, comforting words! Do visit the abovementioned blogs for the complete post... and may you all have a meaningful Christmas this year, my dear friends.

Here's our 2008 Christmas tree, taken at 9:09 p.m. Dec. 21,
just after Obedient, God-Given and I finished decorating it,
complete with Ernie's music and the hot chocolate!