Mixed Emotions

Main Road Leading to Maejo University Entrance

"But when the cloud was lifted up from the tabernacle,

the Israelites would set out on all their journeys...."

Exodus 40:36

This is my last full day in Thailand for this season. We had the closing ceremonies program for my English classes at noon today. Tomorrow Ernie and I leave Chiang Mai to go back home to the Philippines for a two-month summer break.

Chiang Mai has been "home" to Ernie and me for the past eight months or so. In September 2007 I had packed my suitcases with a heavy heart, and reluctantly said good-bye to my children, my dogs, and my home. The night before I was to leave Bacolod City, I spent several hours at my prayer room, my "Elim." My dog Patches was asleep on the couch, and Sammy, my other dog, was on the rocking chair. I was carefully putting my books and writing things away, and preparing this room for my one year absence. And I was communing with my heavenly Father. I remember saying this to Him then: "Lord, I don't know what will happen in the next twelve months, but at this point I just want to take that step of obedience...for Your glory."

Eight months later, I am preparing to leave again. There has been a sadness in my heart the past few days. Happy at the thought of going back home, yet sad at the thought of leaving. It cannot really be explained. Part of me has developed an attachment to this "home away from home."


We have grown fond of our Thai friends. They are people who are softspoken, gentle, and kind. How can you not love them? We have also fallen in love with this university. Everywhere you look you see trees bursting with the colors of the summer -- pink, purple, yellow, orange. Each morning one hears the bird song in the trees. How could I bring myself to part with such beauty?


In Exodus 40: 36-38 we read:


"But when the cloud was lifted up from the tabernacle, the Israelites would set out on all their journeys; but if the cloud was not lifted up, then they would not journey further until the day it was lifted up."


I wonder how it must have felt for the Israelites to keep watching that cloud: was it stationary, or was it starting to move?


The Israelites lived in tents as they journeyed through the wilderness. And the wise ones among them must have made sure that their stakes were not driven too deeply, that they might quickly pull them out and fold up their tents each time the cloud began to move.


They must also have understood how to travel light, because living in tents meant that life for them was always a transition and a moving on.


Sometimes the cloud didn't move for months. Sometimes, all the Israelites had were a few days before they had to start packing up again.



Part of me longed to be back home, yet part of me felt sad at having to leave. I understand what had happened. Through the weeks and months of being here, I had become comfortable, and had grown somewhat accustomed to living in this place. And yet I knew it was time to go. God's cloud was moving; we had to fold our tent, and pack our things. At least for the time being.


How wise our heavenly Father is to teach me these lessons on how not to become too attached to the things of this world. Yes, this is a valuable and graphic lesson --to watch God's cloud, and to follow it whenever He indicates that it is time for me to move on.


The Israelites' journey through the wilderness teaches me what life in this world is like, and the kind of battle I am really facing. The enemy lures me to lose sight of my eternal destiny. It is easy to become content and satisfied with what this world offers. How quickly the heart settles down into a comfortable spot.


How much better indeed to obey, although it is not often the easier option.


Following the cloud is a safeguard that God provides for my heart, to make sure that I never forget who I am, and where I am going. Whenever I become too comfortable, my Maker knows it is time to come to my rescue. He provides the shaking and the sifting experiences that my heart needs from time to time.