Sentimental Journey

Arrival In Chiang Mai
Oy, her daughter Nok, and me outside the Chiang Mai Inernational Airport
January 7, 2010

As I write these words, I am at the Suvarnabhumi International Airport in Bangkok on board my Thai Airways flight TG120 awaiting take off. It is now 7:00 p.m. My destination: Chiang Mai, Thailand.

My friends Ut and Oy had been inviting me to visit Chiang Mai since Ernie died a little over a year ago. I knew there would be an opportunity for this to come about, but never expected it to happen at this time.

On September 27, 2007, I boarded this same flight, TG621/TG120 Manila-Bangkok-Chiang Mai, to be reunited with my husband Ernie who had gone ahead a month earlier. We knew it was his assignment from the Lord, but he heard the call first before I did. He accepted it without hesitation; I was resisting it up to the day I left the Philippines.

And I still remember that day so clearly. In my carry on bag were several pens of his insulin shots and a giant canister of Glucerna, his diabetic drink. We were ready with two months of his medicines, not being sure if we could purchase them in the new country that was to be our home for the next twelve months.

We were to be in Chiang Mai for a year, with Ernie working as the foreign consultant for the International MBA program for Maejo University.

That trip of mine was the culmination of just a month of preparing myself for a year-long absence from my home, my family, my friends, my culture.

Many things had taken place just months before: the termite infestation and the electrical re-wiring of our two homes in Bacolod City...the rift in family relationships... so many painful things.

I know I was tired emotionally and physically, yet as I look back I remember that there was a spiritual strength inside of me enabling me to hold on, to not give up, to keep on hoping, to keep on trusting and believing in the best.

It could only have come from the Lord; I knew I had no spiritual resources of my own. I only knew faith had to be kept alive in my heart.

Ernie had undergone an angioplasty in January 30 of that year (2007). Five stents were implanted in his arteries and his doctor prescribed medication that were to be taken FOR LIFE.

I felt it was a severe life sentence.

But I never heard my husband complain. Never. Not even once did he ever complain. The daily insulin shots, the fifteen pills or so he had to take. The strict diet he had to adhere to.

I guess when you have come face to face with death, something happens to you deep inside...you are just grateful to be alive.

Before I left Bacolod City I withdrew all our savings, which wasn't much in the first place, and paid off whatever outstanding debts we had. The money was not enough to pay everything, but as I look back now, it was a prophetic act. There is a coming day, and it will be soon, when whatever debts that remain to be paid, will be PAID IN FULL. I believe it, I claim it.

I also remember the difficult and painful time I had with a dear loved one, just a few months after Ernie's angiosplasty. Harsh words were spoken about me, my family, my husband. Painful words that hit my heart like daggers, and all this at a time when I was going through a deep emotional adjustment of dealing with my husband's medical condition.

However, in remembering, I look at those events as I would look at a scar. I remember the circumstances, but the wounds are healed. Forgiveness has been released, and reconciliation has been made. There is no pain anymore.

Somehow, in looking back, I am amazed at how much Ernie and I went through that year.

It is only now that I'm beginning to realize in a fuller measure, with deeper understanding, just how much our being sent to Chiang Mai for a year was an act of grace and compassion by God.

And after that year in Thailand, we had returned to the Philippines despite the request of Dr. Thep, the president of Maejo University, for us to renew our work contract for another year.

"Just let me go back home," Ernie had said. "I want to go back home."

We returned to our homeland on September 28 of 2008, and less than two months after, Ernie did go "home."

But it was a beautiful year for us. It was a year of healing, and coming to terms with the unresolved issues of our lives. A deeper understanding of our calling. Before we left Chiang Mai, God spoke clearly to me about the next level of my life.

Ernie never complained but I knew he was getting tired. And out of God's mercy, God took him home to enjoy eternal rest.

And now as I retrace my steps, making this unexpected journey to that lovely place where my husband and I spent the last year of his life, I can only say "Thank You" to my heavenly Father for this divine, God-ordained, God-given, opportunity.

In just a few more minutes my plane will touch down in Chiang Mai. This is indeed a sentimental journey for me. But I believe this is a journey God wants me to take, one planned by Him to bring about yet another layer of healing to my heart.

Thank You, Father. Thank You. You hold the times and seasons of my life in Your hands.

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