Treasuring... Pondering

Sunset

photo source

When they had seen him, they spread the word
concerning what had been told them about this child,
and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them

But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.

- Luke 2:19




“Why were you searching for me?” he asked.
“Didn’t you know I had to be in my Father’s house?”
But they did not understand what he was saying to them.

Then he went down to Nazareth with them and was obedient to them.

But his mother treasured all these things in her heart.

- Luke 2:49-51

This is not just another end-of-the-month post.

It is also an end-of-the-year post, which makes it very significant.

But more than that, I believe that this year, being one of the most difficult and challenging of all my 58 years, deserves a special mention in my life story.

Honestly, I am surprised at how much my heart has been able to carry.

This leads me to one obvious conclusion: it is my God, my Father, my Protector, my Deliverer, my Redeemer... my All-In-All... Who has built strength inside of me all these months.

When this year began 364 days ago, I had absolutely no idea as to how it would end. All I knew was that it was going to be a year of promotion for me. But God chose not to reveal the exact details of how this promotion was going to happen.

In just a few minutes the sun will set... it will be the last sunset for the year 2011.

Then the countdown for the new year will begin. And the world will rise to a new dawn tomorrow, the very first sunrise for 2012.

As this year ends, I find myself facing very different circumstances. Somehow, I realize that this is true not only for me, but for my family and a number of my friends as well.

My daughter-in-law God-given is watching her own father go through what they call "active dying." Diagnosed in early October to be in the terminal stages of lung cancer, he has experienced a steady decline in his health. I know my dear God-given will celebrate New Year's eve with our family tonight with a heavy heart. Surely my First Born son wants to be there for his wife, but how does one prepare or receive equipping for this? Painful situations can take us by surprise!

I really wish to be a strong shoulder for God-given to lean on, offer an understanding heart for her to draw comfort from... but I realize how inadequate I am for such a deep need. Yes, I might be able to offer her some support, but after all is said and done, only God can be a Strong Tower for her at this difficult time.

At this writing, my second born son, Worshiper, his wife Chosen One, and their baby Elijah, are in a crowded airport in Manila about to board their flight back to our city, so they can be home with us for New Year's Eve. They will arrive tired, and travel weary.

My last born and only daughter, Obedient One, is still out with high school friends. They hardly see one another, ever since Obedient began living and working in Manila five years ago. Living separate lives, yet still united in their hearts by a beautiful friendship, Obedient and her friends are entitled to this bonding time, nurturing a relationship that will grow more mature as the years go by.

God-given is in the adjoining house, in her kitchen, preparing a special dish with a sad heart. First-Born is on his way to the airport to pick up his brother and family who will be arriving in a few minutes.

And so I was alone this afternoon, putting the finishing touches to our special New Year's Eve dinner, our last one for this year.

How different everything is this time!

In years past, I would be assisted by two or three maids in preparing this meal, with my husband Ernie rushing in and out of the house for last minute errands... getting the wine... picking up the pecan pie... or watching a video with the children to keep them quiet.

Then we would get ready to have a traditional family dinner with Ernie's extended family at Vito and Sue's home, to literally welcome the New Year with a bang.

But my nieces and nephews have all married and now have families of their own. The past couple of years, we have not had the usual New Year's Eve extended family dinner.

In a way it seems more meaningful to quietly say goodbye to the year that is ending...

When Worshiper and his family arrives, we will all sit down as a family to thank the Lord for His goodness...

My one and only sister is in Manila. Celebrating the holidays alone, away from her loved ones...

How I wish we could be together at this special season. But circumstances get in the way. And it just is not possible.

And now the table is set. And the soft music from Steve Green's Christmas album is playing in the background. A candle is lit. And my heart is overflowing with love as I lift up each and every member of my family to God.

Be their vision for the new year, dear Father. Even as the sun sets for the last time this year, give them a heart of thanksgiving and hope, as they look back to the past year, and acknowledge that You have been faithful... You have been more than enough.

I remember some of my friends as well:

For Miriam as she carries the hope in her heart for the complete recovery of her husband who had a massive heart attack in October.

For Melanie as she celebrates Christmas and New Year alone while her husband works on an important project halfway around the globe.

For Pat as she faces the uncertainty of the many changes she is experiencing within herself and with that of her family.

For Matt and Amy needing comfort as they grieve the recent loss of their mom Judith.

For other dear friends on blogland facing their own share of personal or family health issues - Elaine, Bellann, Felisol, Saija, Linda, Dee...

It has not been an easy year for me, but as it ends, there are no regrets. And I appreciate these few quiet moments for me to look back.

I find myself thinking these thoughts:

A year of "promotion"? So this is how promotion looks like!


Please do not misunderstand. I am not being sarcastic. I am simply trying to say that looking for that promised promotion required of me to look deeper within, beyond my physical circumstances.

It requires of me to evaluate the events of my past year with righteous judgment, so that I do not fall into the trap of jumping to the wrong conclusions about what people have done, or have failed to do, and what have taken place within the past twelve months of 2011 as a result of things that were clearly beyond my control.

When it seemed that God had cut off my mooring points and felt like I was drifting off to uncharted waters, it was necessary to remind myself that I was in a safe place. In the midst of the darkness, I was not going to lose my way.

Yes, it was easy to react in fear and worry and offense over the uncertainties I faced during the last three quarters of this year. And initially, I did.

But eventually, I learned how to tap into the unlimited resources of heaven available to me... to combat anxiety by choosing to let my case rest in God's hands. I was given grace to respond in faith, obedience, and worship.

Trusting God for the unknowns. Believing He keeps my own heart very close to His.

I started the year with a lot of walking. (January)

And yielding. (February)

And experiencing so much unspeakable and indescribable beauty. (March)

I started the year with Joshua, and through the pages of this man's journey, I saw parallels in my own walk of faith.

In graphic terms I understood what it means to be a sojourner, and that as one, I was being called by God to contend for my faith. (April)

Teaching me first hand what it means to stretch out my javelin of spiritual authority over my family and life circumstances. (May)

To be thankful. (June)

To redeem the time. (July)

That there is eternal value in looking at myself as a pilgrim on a sacred pilgrimage. (August)

I went through the land of Jezreel where God spoke this truth to me: Into the prepared ground of my heart, He sows good seed. God Will Sow. (September)

To believe that there is a coming Rehoboth, a spacious place, for me to stand. (October)

On the eleventh month, God gave me important lessons on becoming an overcomer. (November)


And now here I am standing at the threshold of another year. As the year 2011 ends... my deep desire is to be like Mary, the mother of Jesus. I am treasuring up... I am pondering... all these things in my heart.

This is my name for the month of December - Treasuring... Pondering.

One morning, while I was in Manila earlier this month, the sun shone brightly and God surprised me with these words: How does it feel to be out of a dark prison?

His words caught me by surprise because I didn't realize it, but it was true.

I was out... I was free.

There was a new road ahead of me.

For all that this year has been, there is a road of freedom opening up before me!

There's more on my heart - words waiting to be spoken, or written.

But for now let these few parting thoughts suffice:

I am treasuring up 2011 in my heart.

I am pondering on the beautiful opportunities I have been entrusted with -- to grow and become mature, to honor God with my words, my attitudes, and my choices.

More often than not, in sharing my story, I tend to use many words.

But Mary had a quiet heart. She was a woman of few words. She treasured up... she pondered. As I pay tribute to 2011, acknowledging what God has done, I will do the same.



Thank you, Lord, for enlarging my heart this year. You have made my heart large enough, and strong enough, for the many things You have taught me.

Thank you for everything that this year has brought into my life.

Thank You for the promotion! Indeed this year that is about to end is a preparation for better things ahead - for me, and for my loved ones.

As the year ends, these words of Scripture from Haggai 2:6-9 fill my heart with hope:

“This is what the LORD Almighty says:
‘In a little while I will once more shake the heavens and the earth,
the sea and the dry land.
I will shake all nations,
and what is desired by all nations will come,
and I will fill this house with glory,’ says the LORD Almighty.
‘The silver is mine and the gold is mine,’ declares the LORD Almighty.
‘The glory of this present house
will be greater than the glory of the former house,’ says the LORD Almighty.
‘And in this place I will grant peace,’ declares the LORD Almighty.”

Be It Unto Me...

photo source

And Mary said,
"Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word."

-Luke 1:38

And Mary said:

“My soul glorifies the Lord
and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,
for he has been mindful
of the humble state of his servant.

From now on all generations will call me blessed,
for the Mighty One has done great things for me—
holy is his name.

His mercy extends to those who fear him,
from generation to generation.

He has performed mighty deeds with his arm;
he has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts.

He has brought down rulers from their thrones
but has lifted up the humble.

He has filled the hungry with good things
but has sent the rich away empty.

He has helped his servant Israel,
remembering to be merciful
to Abraham and his descendants forever,
just as he promised our ancestors.”

- Luke 1:47-55

What no eye has seen,
what no ear has heard,
and what no human mind has conceived—
these things God has prepared for those who love him.

- 1 Corinthians 2:9

This has been a different kind of Christmas for me. Very different.

When I got back from Iloilo City on December 20, my son Worshiper, his wife Chosen One and their baby Elijah had already left for Manila to spend Christmas with Chosen One's mom.

As some of you know, Worshiper and his family and I live together in one home. With them away, it was really quiet around here.

I realized that I was all alone...


Five days before Christmas... most pre-Christmas parties had already taken place and the Christmas countdown has begun. During the holiday season, everything around here stops... to make room for the Christmas celebration. Only the shops, the supermarkets, and the thoroughfares are bustling with activity... and within the four walls of most homes, families are busy with the gift wrapping and all the cooking.

There were no Bible studies for me to give, no teaching sessions to prepare for, no healing seminars to coordinate...

So I busied myself with attending to my garden... cutting the grass... pruning the bushes.

On Thursday, three days before Christmas, I went to the supermarket and bought foodstuff to fill the pantry and the refrigerator...

and looked forward to being with my only daughter Obedient One who finally arrived on the dawn flight, one day before Christmas.

The real Christmas celebration here happens on the 24th of December, Christmas Eve. It has been the tradition in Ernie's family to spend Christmas Eve together at his sister Sue's home. And although Ernie and his parents have already gone home to heaven, we have continued with this yearly event.

This year, my son Worshiper and his family spent Christmas in Manila, and First Born son and his family spent Christmas Eve with his wife Chosen One's folks.

It was therefore only Obedient One and I who went to our Christmas Eve family celebration.

In years past there would be a lot of laughter...teasing... noisy young children running around...


We find ourselves at a different season... a different kind of family Christmas... more quiet... more subdued...

As I sat there... posing for the family pictures, it felt like a sacred moment for me. Nothing was expected of me... and neither did I expect anything of the others - I was loved, and accepted... and I loved them in return.

We are a family that have weathered many storms individually, and corporately.

Deep issues of the heart are not openly talked about... private things are kept to oneself... but there is communion... yes, there is quiet acceptance... there is love.

As we stood around the buffet table, beautifully prepared by Sue... with her personal touch of elegance and grace ... she prayed this Christmas thanksgiving prayer:

Thank You Father, for the meaning of Christmas... that we are able to celebrate it as a family... thank You for how You have brought us through the past year... thank You for having remained faithful... thank You for the memory of Ernie... for giving him to me as a brother... he has truly blessed my life... Thank You... only thank You... always thank You.

Then we all sat at the dinner table to partake of our Christmas Eve meal as a family.


As I write these words, it's the morning after Christmas... a rainy and windy morning.

It was still quite dark when I awoke... and this verse was already resonating in my heart:

I meditate on You in the night watches...

It felt good to be talking to my heavenly Father at that early hour, even while I was still hugging my pillow and snuggled under my blanket on a chilly morning. I love you, my Father... Thank you for You are completely trustworthy... You are my hope... You are my Strong Tower...

Om this cool December morning, this heart of mine wants to recommit my life to God my Maker.

The words of the beautiful Christmas message spoken by Butch at church yesterday still resonate in my heart:

It's understandable when little children fear the dark... but what a tragedy when grown men fear the light!

God wants us to come out of hiding... and into the light!

God wants us healed... He wants us alive!

Christmas is the time:

to release our fears...

to renew our faith...

to receive, and release forgiveness...

to rebuild relationships.

A better and more timely word could not have been spoken. Yes... as the year comes to a close, steps of obedience will be taken ... small steps in the right direction.

I will learn to put my fears behind me... and like Mary say to God, "Behold I am Your maidservant, be it unto me according to Your word."

Whatever weight or burden I have been carrying, today I turn it over to the One Who is able to do something about it.

This morning I am turning it all over to Jesus my Savior.

My Yeshua Ha'Mashiach.

I put on the garment of praise, and shed off the spirit of heaviness.

I receive the anointing of the oil of joy...

I put on the crown of beauty...

And I decree, declare, proclaim that the promises of the Lord for restoration, provision, and redemption are mine in the coming year!

Indeed, I decree today that I will live in the realm of the supernatural!

Thank You my Father, for a different kind of Christmas... and for speaking to my heart once again.

Our church was packed for the Christmas Eve worship service

This song brought tears to my eyes as we partook of the Lord's Supper

Obedient One and God Given, at our church grounds after the worship service

First Born, God given and their son Forerunner, posing at their Aunt Sue's Christmas tree

Some of Sue's Christmas angels

There's another angel at the top of this tree!

Dinner table all set for our Christmas Eve family meal

Ernie's two sisters, Sue and Leila

me, with Ernie's sisters

Leila with husband Jay

Christmas dessert

rib eye steak, homemade ham, buttered corn, brown rice, potato salad, seafood chowder

the Christmas candles are lit

22 karat gold - edged dinner plates!

gold-rimmed glass

gold plated spoons and forks

Sue's eldest son, Vince, and wife Rhea

Sue's daughter Tisha and husband Jeff

champagne!

Clockwise: Vince (standing), his wife Rhea, Obedient One, Jeff, Tisha, Sue, Vito, Jay, Leila, and me

Obedient One and me, Christmas 2011

another photo of me with my two sisters in law

Standing: (L - R) Vince, Joash, Rhea, Hanna, Jay, Obedient One
Sitting: (L-R) Jeff, Tisha, Vito and Sue, Leila, me with Toby
On the floor : Caleb and Justin



Back in my home, here are a few shots of my Christmas tree:

E is for my beloved Ernie... Christmas was such a special time for him!

Two new ornaments at my tree this year:
special gifts from a dear blog friend, Trish

A Christmas cross

a special Christmas ball

my very own special tree... each ornament has a story to tell!


A lovely quote copied from Saija's blog:

Christmas - that magic blanket that wraps itself about us,
that something... so intangible that it is like a fragrance.
It may weave a spell of nostalgia.
Christmas may be a day of feasting, or of prayer,
but always it will be a day of remembrance -
a day in which we think of everything we have ever loved.

~Augusta E. Rundel

In Quietness and Trust

Native Christmas lantern made of sea shells hanging by our front window






Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.

- Psalm 20:27




Rejoice in the Lord always.
I will say it again: Rejoice!
Let your gentleness be evident to all.
The Lord is near.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation,
by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving,
present your requests to God.
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding,
will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

- Philippians 4:4-7




This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says:
“In repentance and rest is your salvation,
in quietness and trust is your strength... ”

- Isaiah 30:15

A week ago today, December 13, I arrived back in my home city of Bacolod.

I was gone for a total of nineteen days - nine days doing the Ancient Paths ministry in Cebu City, and ten days with my daughter in Manila.

In a previous post I wrote that by an unexpected turn of events, my daughter had to move out of our ancestral home and transfer to a tiny studio not too far from where she used to live. When I arrived in Manila from Cebu, it was my first time to be with my daughter at her new place.

Having been used to a huge four bedroom home with lovely living rooms and glass doors that gave us ample view of my father's front and back gardens, I thought that staying with Obedient One in her one-room affair and sharing the sofa bed with her at night would be difficult for me.

On the contrary, it wasn't.

Call it divine providence, but for the first few days upon arriving in Manila, I was sick with a severe head cold and was asleep most of the time to really be bothered about anything else.

Nevertheless, despite the tiny size of my daughter's new place, I found it cozy and homey. I loved the peace and quiet as well as the serene spirit that I experienced there. Her pad is situated under a huge mango tree, and surrounded by a garden, so the greenery all around provides such a restful and welcoming atmosphere.

Ten days went by too quickly. It was with a heavy heart that I said goodbye to Obedient One on the morning of my departure.

Obedient One, taken at Cyma Greek Taverna where we celebrated her birthday

Indeed, my only daughter is my little girl that has grown up to be my friend!

She will always have a special place in my heart.


When I got out of the Bacolod City airport terminal, Worshiper, my second born son, and his wife Chosen One, together with their one year old son, Elijah, were waiting for me. Since it was already evening when I arrived, Worshiper decided to treat us all to dinner at a new restaurant in town. It was a lovely homecoming meal spent with family.

Back in my home city, there was no time to lose. Events were already in store for the next few days...

Wednesday, December 14 - my friend William celebrated his 60th birthday. William is the national coordinator for Family Foundations International, Philippines. He is not only a dear friend, he is a model, a leader, a mentor. His life has been such a blessing to me and my whole family!

William's birthday cake

William with his wife Ruby, and their children Stefanie, Joshua, and Joel.

Thursday, December 15 - our family had a pre-Christmas misono lunch because Worshiper and his family will be leaving for Manila to celebrate Christmas with his wife's family.

sumptuous Japanese misono of bean sprouts, sliced vegetables, beef, chicken, shrimps, and garlic rice

my first grandson, Forerunner

First Born son and his wife God given

Matt hates group pictures, but I wouldn't let him go...
and I think little Elijah is wondering what the fuss is all about!

Worshiper, Chosen One, and little Elijah

Elijah and his Nana, at Starbucks

Friday, December 16 - our women's group that meets weekly for a lunchtime Bible devotional had a Christmas lunch party, and in the evening, our intercessors' group at church got together to listen to a teaching that I gave on Lectio Divina.

"Women of Purpose" Christmas lunch get together

Some of the intercessors enjoying pizza on a stormy night

Tropical storm Sendong (International name: Washi) made landfall in central Philippines Friday afternoon, so it was quite a rainy afternoon and evening for us.


The next day, Saturday, December 17, I was scheduled to leave Bacolod for Iloilo City, located on another island, to conduct an Ancient Paths seminar. Earlier that morning the storm moved out of central Philippines... but picking up speed, it headed toward the southern part of our islands.

I arrived at the port of Bacolod to find it jampacked with passengers. All fast ferry trips the day before, as well as the first trip that morning, had been cancelled due to the storm. That morning no sea vessels could leave the port without Coast Guard clearance. My two sons were urging me to cancel my planned trip and to rebook my ticket for the next day. However, I decided to wait it out.

Three hours later, I was on board the Weesam fast ferry bound for Iloilo City.

There were huge waves when we reached open seas a few minutes later... it was quite a scary boat ride. I can't deny that I was worried, so I prayed quietly in my prayer language... mostly to keep my heart at rest.

But in my heart of hearts, there was peace... a sense of destiny.

Half an hour later we reached the Strait of Guimaras... and to everyone's relief, the sea suddenly became calm!

I reached Iloilo City never doubting that I was in the right place at the right time.

Arrival at the Port of Iloilo on a stormy morning

However, while facilitating the Lord's ministry of healing and reconciliation in this city over the weekend, I was very much aware of the devastation that had taken place in another part of our country.

Today after three days in Iloilo, I am finally back home. The seas were quite calm during my return trip back to my island.

Sea was peaceful on my return trip to Bacolod

But as of this writing, there is sorrow and pain in the southern part of our archipelago. The death toll due to the sudden and unexpected floods in Cagayan de Oro and Iligan cities is expected to exceed a thousand.

The southern islands of Mindanao are seldom hit by typhoons; the people were therefore unprepared for such a phenomenon. According to our environment experts. a combination of several factors also contributed to the calamity: extreme climate change, sea level rise, storm surge, river basin overflow, and saltwater intrusion were some of them. Because these two cities are coastal areas sitting under mountain ranges, they were vulnerable to the kind of disaster that struck them. What made matters worse was the huge amount of rainfall dumped on these areas in just a period of twelve hours.

Hundreds of decomposing bodies are unclaimed, and unidentified. Authorities fear that entire families were washed out to sea by the sudden surge of flood waters that rose without warning in the dead of night.

With our nation still reeling from this recent calamity, I want to celebrate Christmas this year in a very simple, and quiet way.


I am asking the Lord to fill my heart with a sense of quiet rejoicing that He has come to bring peace and hope in the midst of our pain.

Tonight also is the start of the Jewish festival of lights, called Hanukah. We will not be able to celebrate it this year, but still I am thanking God for the significance of this feast in my own life.

I thank God for being the Peace in the midst of my storms...

for being the Light in my darkness...

the sure Hope in the midst of uncertain times...

the Healer, the Redeemer, the Restorer!

I thank God for the bright hope and assurance that He gives through the following promises found in His Word:

The LORD tears down the house of the proud,
but he protects the property of widows.
- Proverbs 15:25

A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows,
is God in his holy dwelling.
- Psalm 68:5

Leave your fatherless children, I will preserve them alive;
and let your widows trust in me.
- Jeremiah 49:11

The feast of Hanukkah is also a feast of new beginnings!

This season, as the old year comes to an end, I am looking forward to the jubilee blessings in store for me, for my family, for our nation!

I am thanking God for the many blessings that He has continued to rain down on me and my family, and will continue to do so in the days, weeks, and months to come!

Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
See I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up;
do you not perceive it?

- Isaiah 43:18, 19


Linking up with Joan at Reflections of His Grace

Forgiveness Frees!

"Joyful Worship"

photo source

To love at all is to be vulnerable.

Love anything,

and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken.

If you want to make sure of keeping it intact,

you must give your heart to no one,

not even to an animal.

Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries,

avoid all entanglements;

lock it up in the casket or coffin of your selfishness.

But in that casket

-- safe, dark, motionless, airless --

it will change.

It will not be broken;

it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.

- C.S. Lewis

I'm back in Manila; I arrived here last Saturday. After the ten days of ministry in Cebu City that Pat and I did with the YWAM staff and students, I chose to fly directly to Manila instead of going back to my home city.

It was a good opportunity to be with my daughter Obedient One on her birthday.

Well, I never expected to be sick... but, I guess it is one of those things that one simply cannot predict.

On Saturday night, my head felt heavy and congested. On Sunday morning, on our way to my friend Alberto's church, I felt nauseated and had to relieve myself a few times.

But in spite of how I felt, Obedient One and I still managed to have a special lunch at our favorite Greek restaurant, an early celebration of my daughter's birthday. We feasted on our favorite food - roka salata, and charbroiled lamb chops.

Beginning Sunday night, up to yesterday... I was cooped up in my daughter's little pad... sick. I didn't really feel bad about having to be in bed... it was just nature's way of forcing me to be still and get some rest!

On those four days, it was cloudy, rainy, damp, and cold!

Today the sun is out... and I am much better... so off I went to my fave coffee shop nearby... good old Starbucks!

I'm here sipping my cafe latte, and writing my first post for December.

I will try to keep this post short... and sweet -- my way of keeping in touch with the rest of my blog neighbors. And also, it's time to give a brief update of what God's been doing in my heart these past days.



I feel good about how the landscape of my heart is changing.

God is obviously at work in ways we do not foresee...

We are not the masters of our destiny, but by our choices we do participate in either hastening or delaying its fulfillment.

There is an upward call to obedience.

And to humility.

Humility is the willingness to admit that I do not see all angles.

Sometimes, without my knowing it, I may have said words, or done acts that have sown seeds of unkindness... an act of enemy sabotage.

It helps to be open-hearted about these things... letting the Father show through His mirror how He perceives the situations we find ourselves in, allowing Him to reveal our blind spots -- those areas in our life we are not aware of, but clearly seen by others and by God.

Open the door of self-protection around our hearts, open this door even just a crack... and say to Him, "Show me what You see, Father." Then give Him permission to do so.

And today I am just rejoicing for redeemed relationships.

I cannot force another person to see things from my perspective, but for sure, if God is opening a door for me to walk through, then I know the assignment is not for anyone else to do, but for me.

So today, I am choosing joy... I am choosing forgiveness... I am choosing to let God lead the way.

Unforgiveness is such a heavy load to carry. The enemy is so subtle in tricking us into thinking that we are entitled, or that we have a legitimate right, to carry and nurture offense in our hearts.

In the past years, that was the lie I bought.

Not anymore.

We really have no rights... and where there have been hurts and offenses, my Father reminds me to pray the mercy prayer - "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do."

That prayer sets me free... opens up a pathway for Him to redeem and heal and restore.

It is a beautiful lesson I have learned... one for which I am truly thankful.

I'm 58, turning 59 in a few months, and God has taught me many lessons through the years. But to forgive someone who has wounded me deeply... to forgive that someone from my heart... is a lesson not easily learned.

To feel so self-righteous and so justified in nurturing a grievance, harboring a grudge... it is an easy stance to assume.


But today, I am just so glad that is not my choice.

I say this with utmost humility... the lesson has been learned the hard way.

There was a time in my younger years when I was spiteful... I was vindictive... I was unforgiving.

It was a dark and oppressive place to be, believe me.

But then forgiveness comes and brings me out into the light... a spacious place to stand.

Forgiveness is the ultimate, and most powerful weapon, in our spiritual arsenal.

Choosing to forgive is an act of warfare against enemy schemes who would rather have us bound and tied in chains of bitterness and a vengeful spirit.

The long and the short of it is that Satan desires to keep us bound in unforgiveness that we might spend eternity in hell.

Didn't Jesus teach (read Matthew 18:21-35) that if we do not forgive our brother from the heart, the Father will also not forgive us? And if we are not forgiven... it can only mean one thing!

What a dreadful and terrible consequence of unforgiveness -- eternity in hell for refusing to forgive!

But really, I can keep no credits for myself. If I am able to forgive, it is only because I too have been forgiven... I can choose to walk in the opposite spirit of the world only by God's power, and by His mercy, I have been given grace... enabled... empowered to look beyond my limited perspective.

However, the willingness to walk down the road of obedience helps.

Another aspect of walking in forgiveness is choosing not to get others to be on our side. The enemy loves to have us give a one-sided version to others about what happened, a subconcious yet self righteous method of self-defense. In bringing others into the arena, a cycle of false judgment is set in motion, instigated by none other than the father of lies, which entraps and defiles those who do not have the benefit of knowing the other perspective.

In my long journey to reaching this place where I now stand, I have realized that the more mature one is, the more quiet and understanding he is about the failings of others, yes, even in areas of deep wounding. It is good for a man to bear his pain in silence. Indeed...there is wisdom in letting our words be few. Taking this road keeps the pathway to healing open.

It has been said that forgiveness is mandated, but reconciliation is not always possible. Yes... in many cases, forgiveness needs to be released if only to set yourself free from your self-imposed prison.

But how much sweeter it is if forgiveness is followed by reconciliation. This I believe is the ultimate goal of our heavenly Father... for did not the precious blood of Jesus Christ flow on Calvary to purchase our forgiveness?

I have often prayed, "Father, let not the death of Jesus on the Cross be put to waste in my life."

Bill Mills, a dear author friend of mine, once said, "As Christians who have truly received forgiveness, we can go through anything with one another."

I believe so, too.

When God opens our eyes to see the truth of what forgiveness can do to us, only a fool would choose the prison of unforgiveness.


So today... on this bright sunny morning, I am thanking God for the freedom and joy that forgiveness brings!

Linking with Jen at Soli Deo Gloria