Homesick

This journal entry is a beautiful reminder to me that whatever season I find myself in, I must be about my Father's business.

--0--

Journal Entry
Dateline: Chiang Mai, Thailand; January 18, 2008

Patuma Plantation in Chiang Mai, Thailand

Photo credit: Melissa Agustin

A few months before 2007 ended, Ernie and I arrived in Chiang Mai to fulfill a one year work contract with Maejo University, an agricultural state university located in northern Thailand. Ernie accepted the position in early August, and by month’s end, he had packed his bags and boarded his flight. I was to follow him a month later.

Everything happened so fast. Indeed it was a sudden move, and a major one at that.

But I can’t say that I wasn’t prepared for it.

One early morning in March or April of 2007, during a devotional time with the Lord, a thought cut across my consciousness and I received the impression that a big change was coming into my life after September 15 of this year. I was to prepare for a new assignment.

Little did I know that it would involve leaving behind my children, my friends and loved ones, my home, my culture, my homeland, my comfort zone. It would mean leaving my immediate plans midstream, and setting aside projects long before they were completed. It wasn't an easy assignment to accept, but it was a step of obedience that I needed to take.

Ernie had already been here a month when I arrived, and for that I am thankful. When he met me at the Chiang Mai International Airport , it was a much-awaited reunion for us. And when we reached the university flat that was to be our home while we were here, it felt like a homecoming of sorts.

However, in a real sense, my being in this new country allowed me to experience what it means to be a citizen of another country living as a foreigner in a strange land. There are very many things that my Father has been teaching me about this, first hand.


My mindset is that we will only be here a year, so we make sure that we never buy anything we don’t need. After Ernie's bad experience of paying a huge amount for excess baggage upon checking in for his flight from Manila to Bangkok, we both wanted to be sure that we will not have any excess baggage to pay for when we go back. So far, we have only bought a small stove, a small rice-cooker, one reading lamp, and one lounging chair for our living room. For the kitchen, one frying pan, a sauce pan, 4 dinner plates, a few spoons and forks were all that we needed. Just the basics and the essentials, all of which we can leave behind when it is time for us to go.


There are many things that cannot really be expressed in words. But the long and the short of it is that in the few months that we have been here, we have already adjusted to a simple, uncomplicated and uncluttered lifestyle.

And I really find myself enjoying this kind of life.

Once again, I have entered a new season of living in a higher dimension. Somehow, being here has helped me look at life here on earth from a different perspective. Often I am reminded that I am not a citizen of this world, I am a citizen of another Kingdom. Seeing how the Thai people love and revere their king, I have come to love and revere my King in a deeper way. It is often tempting to buy many beautiful things here, but when I think of how difficult it will be to transport them as the maximum baggage allowance I’m entitled to is only 20 kilos... never mind. I tell myself that I have more than enough, and I am content with what I already have.

In the past few years, I have become increasingly aware that I am here on earth to fulfill a kingdom purpose. Nevertheless, a part of me is also often focused on my problems and life issues, and working toward finding solutions for them. I must admit that for the most part of my life, I have also focused on realizing a number of my life goals and dreams.

But even before my coming to Thailand, God had already begun speaking to me about my real Kingdom purpose. Life isn’t really about me, what Oswarld Chambers calls “self-realization” or “self-consciousness.” It has been a delightful experience finding out that this life is really only about one thing: and that is God-realization, a moving closer to the God dreams that God has deposited in me.

Being far removed from the usual activities that filled my time while I was still in the Philippines, I now understand this more clearly. My life on earth has real meaning if I align myself with the plans and purposes that my Father has for me.

I once heard my heavenly Father ask me, “Is your life only about having your dreams fulfilled about your home, your children, your career, your ministries, your relationships, your plans for your present as well as for your future? Is your life only meaningful if you have your problems solved?”

I was struck by these questions. For the obvious answer was that finding resolutions to my life issues did not always mean being drawn closer to the heart of God. On the contrary, it was quite possible that the two were moving in opposite directions!

Ever since that realization, I have been given understanding as to why Jesus, at 12 years old, knew that He had to be about His father’s business while He was on earth.

And so, time and again, I have been asking God to give me this kind of heart – where my life is not about me... but about Him. About His kingdom reign. About His Kingdom authority.


It is very beautiful here, the people kind and friendly, and the food so delicious and amazingly cheap... nevertheless our longing for home never leaves our hearts. We do our daily work heartily, but we often find ourselves thinking of home.

Yes, being here has often made me homesick... homesick for my home, homesick for my loved ones, homesick for my own language and culture. Homesick for the familiar and warm comfort of my own homeland.

This country is not my home, this world is not my home.

Fellow citizens of heaven, this world is not our home. Nothing in this world will completely satisfy or fulfill. Deep inside each one of us is a sadness that this world cannot heal.

It is a kind of heavenly homesickness... a longing to walk in kingdom authority, a longing to be about our Father’s business. A longing to do that for which we have been created. A longing to build his Kingdom, not our own. And ... it is a longing for our true home, Heaven.

View from Doi Inthanon, Chiang Mai

I once read somewhere that when we reach Heaven, it will not be a strange place for us, we will not feel like we’re entering it for the first time. It will be like ... coming home.