These things says He who is holy,
He who is true:
"He who has the key of David,
He who opens and no one shuts,
and shuts and no one opens.
I know your works.
See I have placed before you an open door,
and no one can shut it..."
- Revelation 3:8
It's only three more days before January 2010 comes to an end.
My original plan at the start of this new year was to write a well-thought out blog post, one that would outline the highlights of my 2009 journey - its blessings, new insights, and new revelations from the Lord.
And to share what I expect my spiritual journey to look like in the months ahead.
Obviously, things didn't work out that way.
As the new year rolled in, I was making final arrangements with my Thai friends Ut and Oy to visit them.
By January 6, I was back in Manila...and the next day, Thursday, I arrived in Chiang Mai, Thailand.
On Friday evening, Ut and Oy treated me to dinner at the Palaad Tawanron, an amazing restaurant at the foothills of Doi Suthep.
"This is your official welcome dinner," Ut announced when we reached the place.
The next ten days my friends brought me to many lovely places. We went to three mountains: Chiang Dao, Doi Ankhang, and Doi Tung in Chiang Rai.
Doi Tung is popularly known as "Switzerland in Thailand." Here we visited the Royal Villa and the Mae Fah Luang Gardens. This place cannot be explained, or described...only experienced.
While in Chiang Rai, we went to Mae Sai, the major border crossing between Thailand and Myanmar. Mae Sai is actually the name of one of the two rivers (the other one is Mae Ruak) separating the two countries, mae being the Thai word for "river."
There is a bustling market in Mae Sai selling a wide variety of cheap Chinese, Thai, Burmese and other Asian goods!
We also went to the Golden Triangle, the amazing part of Thailand where three countries- Thailand, Myanmar, and Laos - share a common border, where the mighty Mae Ruak and MeKong rivers merge and become one!
In addition to the beauty of God's creation that my eyes feasted on, this trip of mine to Thailand can be called a truly delightful gastronomic experience! We ate, and we dined, and we feasted on many different kinds of Thai dishes.
There's no question about it, Thai food will forever be my favorite.
On January 18, I boarded my flight back to Manila after spending ten full days in northern Thailand.
My heart was filled with thanksgiving for the bond of friendship that grew even stronger because of this visit.
I also received a strong sense of healing and comfort, for I was able to re-visit many places in Chiang Mai where Ernie and I used to go, including the university flat where we stayed during our year in Maejo University, and the building, the Faculty of business, where Ernie used to work.
A few days before my departure, I had an opportunity to visit some of Ernie's friends at the IT.
One of the highlights of my trip was the special dinner for me attended by former students of the English classes that I taught.
So many beautiful things happened within those twelve days (the two additional days were the days I traveled). I would have loved to share a little about this recent trip on my blog.
Sadly, my USB containing hundreds of the special Chiang Mai pictures I had taken was partially damaged by a virus at the internet cafe.
Today, I mailed the USB back to Ut in Thailand who offered to have it repaired. I sent it off with a prayer that God will keep it safe.
I then spent one week in Manila with Obedient One before finally returning home to Bacolod City.
Here I am, back in my hometown. I can't believe that the month is nearly over! Only 28 days into the new year and already, so much has already taken place!
From experiencing the joy of a beautiful family wedding,
to our lovely Christmas and New Year celebrations,
the prospect of cultivating a relationship with Chosen One, my new daughter in law,
the unexpected sentimental journey back to Thailand,
the death of my dear aunt,
spending time with my daughter and re-connecting with a few special friends in Manila,
and now, resuming a sense of normalcy in my life back home in Bacolod...
When things are happening very fast for me, I need time to process my thoughts and my feelings.
Without going into details, there is a recent turn of events in my life that I can neither understand nor explain.
In trying to trace its roots, I can only conclude that an enemy has planted poisonous weeds, aiming to sow division and discord into my family.
And much as I want to take a more active stand to prevent further damage, I am not sure I know how to go about it.
However, it does help to be vigilant, be aware of the enemy's subtle schemes, with each one of us standing together as one.
Still my heart aches. All I am longing for is a kind word...and a more understanding heart.
But just like the USB with the damaged picture files, I can only leave it all in God's hands...knowing that an Expert Hand can remove the virus and retrieve my precious files.
That's the best I can do...for now.
Even as I write these words, my memory takes me back to a precious time in Rasa, Switzerland.
It was during one evening session at the Life Revision Retreat that I found myself asking Hans this important question: "What can I do to undo... (the consequences of a particular event in my life) ?"
My heart was quite agitated, and didn't realize that the words were coming out of my mouth very fast.
Hans Burki, our 75-year old mentor, quietly said, "I'm sorry, Lidia...but I cannot answer your question until you are able to say it... v-e-r-y ... sl-o-w-l-y."
He then instructed me to wait for a full minute, counting from sixty down to zero.
When 60 seconds were up, he motioned for me to repeat my question. Of course, I blurted it out, just as I did earlier.
He made me wait another 60 seconds.
Finally I realized that Hans wanted to quiet my heart...to enable me to hear what the Lord was about to say.
I repeated my question.
"Hans...what...can...I...do...
to...undo...the...consequences...
of...this...event..in...my...life?"
Hans didn't immediately answer. Instead, he took a deep breath and looked lovingly into my eyes.
His eyes were so gentle, full of kindness and compassion.
Then he spoke. "Dear one, there is nothing you can do ... to undo it."
I was about to interrupt him, but he raised his hand and motioned for me to remain quiet. Then, ever so softly his next words came out:
"Rest in God, rest in His love."
Then he read Zephaniah 3:17 to me,
The LORD thy God in the midst of thee is mighty;
he will save,
he will rejoice over thee with joy;
he will rest in his love,
he will joy over thee with singing.
Nothing more needed to be said after that.
At the end of the session, he waited for me by the door and invited me to walk to a spot in the portion of the Swiss Alps where we could look at the valley below.
It was a lovely June night, and the spring season was coming to an end. Looking down into the valley, I saw before me a breathtaking view, so quiet, so serene...
I felt so small in comparison to it all!
Above us was the vast sky with countless stars, around us was the rugged Alpine terrain with its rows of snow capped mountains, nearby hills and terraces, and down below stretching as far as our eyes could see, was Centovalli, literally "a thousand valleys" dotted with lovely Swiss chalets, stone churches with bell towers, meandering rivers and streams, mountainsides of flowers, and graceful waterfalls.
Creation was asleep, resting in the Father's embrace, trusting that all is well...
with nothing but the pale light of the moon tenderly casting its glow over all this loveliness...visible at that moment in time to no one, but Hans and me!
My words can never do justice to what my eyes beheld...
And in the midst of such indescribable beauty, I suddenly had the sense of what it means to rest in my Father's love.
Hans never said anything. We just stood there looking, and drinking in God's presence. After a few minutes, I heard him say, "It's time to go back now."
In reminding me of that night in Switzerland in 1997 twelve years ago, what was God's message for my heart today?
Only this:
Close the door.
Let the matter rest.
There is nothing that you can do to undo... rest in My love.
The Holy Spirit seems to be saying to me, "Look, there is an open door. Seize this moment...it is an eternal moment."
There is more than just words...there is a sense of understanding, of divine kindness filling my heart.
It seems like God is saying, "I know what you are going through, and I understand. Trust me, I can take care of it."
Tonight God is speaking to me about "closures."
And open doors.
Before God can bring me to the next level of my life, He wants me first to deal with any unfinished business. Tie the loose ends together.
This unfinished business is once again in the area of trusting Him in my seasons and in my storms, turning my circumstances over to Him.
I have to settle this issue in my heart, once and for all: He is the Captain of my ship, He knows the direction I need to take to reach my safe haven.
A closure is:
"a sense of psychological certainty or completeness,"
"a bringing to an end; a conclusion"
"a feeling of finality or resolution."
It is accepting, and coming to terms with, the questions in my present for which the answers are not available at the moment.
There are closed doors that give me a sense of finality and indicate that something is over.
Nevertheless, it is true. Some doors remain open, some wounds are not completely healed. There are issues that are not immediately resolved. God intends for them to be dealt with at another time.
Because this is an imperfect, fallen world, I need to accept that there will always be imperfect situations and relationships in my life.
Then there are doors that are wide open.
An open door is a door into the future.
New opportunities.
New lessons.
New revelations.
An invitation to come up higher...to draw nearer.
God says that the door of trouble can become an open door of hope - and in the wilderness, God says He will give me back my vineyards, and I will sing again as in the days of my youth.
It's amazing how a certain memory of what happened over twelve years ago can give me a sense of closure, and bright hope shining, at this juncture in my journey!
When I started writing this post about an hour ago, I had no idea how it would end. It has often happened that right in the middle of a post, God speaks, clearing up my blurry understanding, or giving me a different perspective.
I thank God my Father for doing this for me right this very night. Allowing me to experience His kindness and compassion through what Hans said and did many years ago.
Hans was God's life messenger to me in my past. And life giving words spoken twelve years ago still have the power to speak healing to my heart today, for an entirely different wound, and pain.
Healing words released in the past have fruits that are able to heal today!
Indeed, the year 2010 is a year of breakthrough. A year of double grace.
But to experience the promised breakthrough, I need to take my position of faith.
Yes, it's all about faith...and maturing...and growing...and becoming strong...
and becoming a woman after God's heart this new year.
I want to end by quoting Marsha Burn's post for today, January 28, 2010 over at Small Straws in a Soft Wind:
he will save,
he will rejoice over thee with joy;
he will rest in his love,
he will joy over thee with singing.
Nothing more needed to be said after that.
At the end of the session, he waited for me by the door and invited me to walk to a spot in the portion of the Swiss Alps where we could look at the valley below.
It was a lovely June night, and the spring season was coming to an end. Looking down into the valley, I saw before me a breathtaking view, so quiet, so serene...
I felt so small in comparison to it all!
Above us was the vast sky with countless stars, around us was the rugged Alpine terrain with its rows of snow capped mountains, nearby hills and terraces, and down below stretching as far as our eyes could see, was Centovalli, literally "a thousand valleys" dotted with lovely Swiss chalets, stone churches with bell towers, meandering rivers and streams, mountainsides of flowers, and graceful waterfalls.
Creation was asleep, resting in the Father's embrace, trusting that all is well...
with nothing but the pale light of the moon tenderly casting its glow over all this loveliness...visible at that moment in time to no one, but Hans and me!
My words can never do justice to what my eyes beheld...
And in the midst of such indescribable beauty, I suddenly had the sense of what it means to rest in my Father's love.
Hans never said anything. We just stood there looking, and drinking in God's presence. After a few minutes, I heard him say, "It's time to go back now."
In reminding me of that night in Switzerland in 1997 twelve years ago, what was God's message for my heart today?
Only this:
Close the door.
Let the matter rest.
There is nothing that you can do to undo... rest in My love.
The Holy Spirit seems to be saying to me, "Look, there is an open door. Seize this moment...it is an eternal moment."
There is more than just words...there is a sense of understanding, of divine kindness filling my heart.
It seems like God is saying, "I know what you are going through, and I understand. Trust me, I can take care of it."
Tonight God is speaking to me about "closures."
And open doors.
Before God can bring me to the next level of my life, He wants me first to deal with any unfinished business. Tie the loose ends together.
This unfinished business is once again in the area of trusting Him in my seasons and in my storms, turning my circumstances over to Him.
I have to settle this issue in my heart, once and for all: He is the Captain of my ship, He knows the direction I need to take to reach my safe haven.
A closure is:
"a sense of psychological certainty or completeness,"
"a bringing to an end; a conclusion"
"a feeling of finality or resolution."
It is accepting, and coming to terms with, the questions in my present for which the answers are not available at the moment.
There are closed doors that give me a sense of finality and indicate that something is over.
Nevertheless, it is true. Some doors remain open, some wounds are not completely healed. There are issues that are not immediately resolved. God intends for them to be dealt with at another time.
Because this is an imperfect, fallen world, I need to accept that there will always be imperfect situations and relationships in my life.
Then there are doors that are wide open.
An open door is a door into the future.
New opportunities.
New lessons.
New revelations.
An invitation to come up higher...to draw nearer.
God says that the door of trouble can become an open door of hope - and in the wilderness, God says He will give me back my vineyards, and I will sing again as in the days of my youth.
Therefore I am now going to allure her;
I will lead her into the desert
and speak tenderly to her.
There I will give her back her vineyards,
and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope.
There she will sing as in the days of her youth...
- Hosea 2:14
I will lead her into the desert
and speak tenderly to her.
There I will give her back her vineyards,
and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope.
There she will sing as in the days of her youth...
- Hosea 2:14
It's amazing how a certain memory of what happened over twelve years ago can give me a sense of closure, and bright hope shining, at this juncture in my journey!
When I started writing this post about an hour ago, I had no idea how it would end. It has often happened that right in the middle of a post, God speaks, clearing up my blurry understanding, or giving me a different perspective.
I thank God my Father for doing this for me right this very night. Allowing me to experience His kindness and compassion through what Hans said and did many years ago.
Hans was God's life messenger to me in my past. And life giving words spoken twelve years ago still have the power to speak healing to my heart today, for an entirely different wound, and pain.
Healing words released in the past have fruits that are able to heal today!
A gentle tongue is a tree of life...
- Proverbs 15:4
- Proverbs 15:4
What the enemy says, and what God says are two completely different things. So whose voice will I accept? Whose words will I believe?
Indeed, the year 2010 is a year of breakthrough. A year of double grace.
But to experience the promised breakthrough, I need to take my position of faith.
Faith is the substance of things hoped for,
the evidence of things not seen.
- Hebrews 11:1
the evidence of things not seen.
- Hebrews 11:1
Yes, it's all about faith...and maturing...and growing...and becoming strong...
and becoming a woman after God's heart this new year.
I want to end by quoting Marsha Burn's post for today, January 28, 2010 over at Small Straws in a Soft Wind:
Keep looking up, and refuse to allow discouragement to keep you from breakthrough.
There are things over which you haven no control, things that are beyond your level of responsibility and authority.
These are the circumstances that you need to release to me, says the Lord.
That means you must let go completely. Otherwise, your thoughts and emotions concerning these issues only hinder the work of My Spirit.
Answers and breakthrough will come as You seek Me, and I will give you peace when you trust Me.
You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You. - Isaiah 26:3
Marsha Burns, Small Straws in a Soft Wind
16 comments:
My dear sweet friend. GOD had "much" HE wanted to do in and through your life this month. HE knows what is best for each of us. He will continue to grow both you and I as we seek HIM.
Thank you for always being an encourager and prayer warrior. I love coming here. GODS word through you always speaks to me.
Hugs, prayers, love, and blessings, andrea
"Indeed, the year 2010 is a year of breakthrough. A year of double grace."
That is what I am hoping for as well for myself and I will be praying it is that for you as well.
What a beautiful synopsis of your year!! God was very busy in your life.
I love Zephaniah 3: 17. It is truly like a love song from God to us.
Blessings to you,
Leah
Lidj, I've been having so much trouble accessing your blog, and when I finally get here suddenly I will be thrown off, or I can't comment.
It's not just your blog but it's been happening on other blogs too.
Anyway, I want to say that I did get to read some of what you wrote on a previous post, and I loved your reflections.
As to this post, well, I've been thinking a lot lately about how we have one idea or plan for ourselves in our lives, and sometimes God has a very different plan for us.
I'm sorry you have been feeling so uneasy and unsettled. Life does that to us sometimes.
I did a post about that recently on my prayer blog. I've had a few things going on in my life too, and things from the past that have cropped up that leave me with a feeling of almost spiritual imprisonment.
Here is a verse and a quote that helped me, maybe they will help you too:
"Be still, and know that I Am God;..." ~ Psalm 46:10
"Whenever anything disagreeable or displeasing happens to you, remember Christ crucified and be silent." ~ St. John of the Cross
Love and Prayers,
Eileen
What beautiful places you visited on your trip. The gardens look so lovely. The year of 2010 does seem to be a breakthrough year, a year of open doors and invitations. What a blessing!
PS - congrats on your win at Heart 2 Heart!
Came over from Kat's blog to congratulate you on your win. Hope it is okay to stay on as a follower. :-)
This writing is so full of truth. So often when we are called to close the door on something and rest in the Lord, it makes me feel like I'm not 'doing' enough... and that becomes the whole point. He usually wants me to 'stop doing', worrying, fearing, fretting, whatever it is... and rest IN His promises that He will handle what we don't understand... He has carried you right throughthe concerns you began with, and given you some very clear direction as your wrote, and so He has lead you... into the rest and faith He desires for you.
This really blessed me today.
I loved hearing about yoyr wonderful trip, which no doubt is part of His plan in your healing process. What a wonderful time you had... memories for a long time to come.
Love,
Sonja
Hi Lidj, Every time I visit your blog, each posting has a message for me. I know that God is using you for this. Sometimes when we feel nothing is working, is when "everything" is working the way God wants it to. Our human understanding is so small compared to his. Open your eyes and look ahead to wonderful things that God will bless you with for your good works! Have a nice evening!
How very weird that God in recent times has brought back quite powerfully a 12-yr-old memory--with pain stuffed down deep now spilling over needing 'closure'. That message, that perfect illustration of 'resting' in His love speaks to me as well, as well as that wonderful gastronomic experience in Thailand! We love Thai food here as well.
I will remember you and cover you in prayer over this week as I seek His healing grace in my own life. I hope to write you later.
With much love,thoughts and prayers,
Sita
Isn't He amazing that even with the words we write, He just simply writes it in our hearts what He wants for us to say?
I can't wait for what the Lord has in store for you this year. But praying for His protection over you.
Whenever we have prison fights and some sustain huge lacerations, we send them to the ER doc so their painful cuts can be closed up or sutured. Being sutured, this will provide the healing the painful wound needs.
Sometimes, we are antsy when we don't get answers to our requests [prayers]. But I think we must evaluate if we are hurting somewhere and we need to provide closure to those areas. Only then, God can bring the healing and restoration He loves to do for His children. Thank you for this wonderful post. And may God bless you more.
Lidj--I tried to get to the Jezebel post the other night, but Blogger wouldn't let me access it! Your comment at my blog made me cry. You just touched my heart; God gave you the words I needed at that particular moment. Thank you.
I totally understand you saying God speaks mid-post and tells you where to take it. I think that's how God reveals life, though--we write, we walk, we close doors we'd rather leave open; and in the midst of it all, he suddenly reveals his plan.
Beautiful heart shows in this post. May God heal you & work things out in His way.
Dear Lidj,
"See, I have set before you an open door, and no one shall close it."
God's doors never closes, but I think one sometimes has to leave it up to him to deal with the evil coming from ungodliness.
My dad used to quote Matth. 10.
11"Whatever town or village you enter, search for some worthy person there and stay at his house until you leave. 12As you enter the home, give it your greeting. 13If the home is deserving, let your peace rest on it; if it is not, let your peace return to you. 14If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, shake the dust off your feet when you leave that home or town."
Sometimes we can only pray and step aside to let the Lord himself fight the battle.
I pray for you that the Lord will keep his hands firm around you to protect you from all evil.
I pray that He will lead you on righteous paths for the sake of his name, and give you peace.
From Felisol
2010! A year of breakthrough! A year of double grace! I love it!
Rest in His love and let Him heal all of your hidden places in your heart. I believe you have found the pathway to complete healing Lidj. Praying for you today.
Christy
Oh my friend.... your heart here, so beautifully displayed. Funny thing is I wrote about Hosea 2;14-16 today on my blog too. I love how that happens...
The picture from Switzerland was such a stunning revelation. I loved what is written here.
I know, I just know... God's got amazing things in store for you...
Hugs & Love sent your way, friend!
Lidj,
"There is nothing that you can do to undo... rest in My love."
How beautiful!
He knows how we're made. Weak. Needy. Prone to make mistakes.
But He wants us to just rest in His sweet love.
Makes me think of how we held our children in our laps when they were younger.
And we loved on them and consoled them.
That's what He wants us to do.
Incidently, there's a great little Thai restaurant in the town where I work.
Love that Thai food!
Sweet dreams.
You have so much to write about each time you post. My writing has hit a dry spell .. maybe I'm in need of just sitting and being still. I have to agree with your love of Thai food. It's one of my favorite too.
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