Face to Face

Dawn Sky

If there is a prophet among you,

I, the Lord make Myself know to him in a vision;

I speak to him in a dream,

Not so with my servant Moses,

He is faithful in all my house,

I speak to him face to face...

(Numbers 12:6-7)

One day in 1972, when I was a second year university student, a classmate gave a speech to convince in our speech class. It was entitled "The Man You Cannot Ignore." Though she only spoke for a few minutes, her words had a deep impact on me. Much of what she said were answers to many questions in my heart, some dating back to when I was still a child.

The next week, I joined a small group that met weekly to study what the Bible had to say. It was a year later, in December 1973 that I came to know Jesus as my true Lord.

After taking this step of faith, one of the things that really changed in my life was how I regarded the Bible. From just being another book it became, The Book... and began to hold a very special place not just on my desk, but most importantly, in my heart.

There was a growing spiritual hunger to read it; each morning I couldn't wait to discover the gold between its lines and pages. There were days when I'd wake up before dawn, sit at my desk and begin reading.

In addition to this special book, other authors began to gain prominence in my reading list. Books written by C.S. Lewis, Francis Shaeffer, A.W. Tozer, Andrew Murray, and others found their way into my daily diet.

One line that has impacted me so much in my Christian growth was from the writings of A.W. Tozer. He wrote:

"You are as holy as you want to be."

It must have been 25 years ago when I came across that line, and it never left my heart.

For me that line meant that if I wanted to be the woman God wanted me to be, I needed to know what God wanted, and for me to know what God wanted, I needed to know Him more and more. And in order to know Him really well, I needed to spend quality and quantity time with him... and not only when it was convenient for me. It meant going out of my way.

I was not really able to do all of that in exactly the way I wanted to. The truth is that there has been so much wasted time in my life that could have been used in a more profitable way.

But in setting the goal of getting close to God, discovering as much as I could of who He was and what was on His heart, finding ways and means to grow, learn, and understand... the way was paved for me to be the woman that I am right now.

The process is still ongoing. My life may have taken a different turn, compared to most of my contemporaries, but I have never regretted putting my relationship with God as a top priority.

In studying the lives of men and women in the Bible, we see that there are several levels of intimacy with God.

Those who truly desire to know God begin with being part of the seventy, a select group of followers who have made a commitment to be His disciples. This is "the outer circle" of relationship.

After these things the Lord appointed seventy others also, and sent them two by two before His face into every city and place where He Himself was about to go. (Luke 10:1)

Then there were the special twelve, handpicked by Jesus, the apostles with whom Jesus spent much of His daily life. They belonged to the second level of relationship.

Then He called His twelve disciples together and gave them power and authority over all demons, and to cure diseases. He sent them to preach the kingdom of God and to heal the sick. (Luke 9:1)

At the next level are the "chosen few," usually just about two or three friends who are very special. This is true in God's relationships with His people as well. Jesus had Peter, James and John who were closer to him than the rest of the twelve. In the book of Exodus we read of how Moses and Joshua had a special relationship with God. This speaks of the inner circle, or the third level of intimacy.

So Moses arose with his assistant Joshua, and Moses went up to the mountain of God. And he said to the elders, "Wait here for us until we come back to you." (Exodus 24:13-14)

The highest level is the place in our friendships reserved for only one. There is a friend like no other, the one who shares our deepest joys and sorrows, and one who sees our hearts and cares for us like nobody else does. It is a mutual relationship, not a one-sided one. This is the place that Moses had in God's heart.

Many others in the Bible are described as having reached this level.

Abraham held very special title as Friend of God.

Are you not our God, who drove out the inhabitants of this land before Your people Israel, and gave it to the descendants of Abraham Your friend forever? (2 Chronicles 20:7)

David was called the man after God's heart.

Enoch was mentioned in the Bible as the one who walked with God, until one day, God just took him home.

Mary of Bethany was the woman who chose the one thing that really mattered, the better portion, and nothing could ever take it away from her.

John was called the beloved.

Now, there was leaning on Jesus' bosom one of His disciples, whom Jesus loved. (John 13:23)

It is not that God they were God's favorites. They have simply reached the highest level of friendship with the Almighty by their own choice. They have traversed the journey of desire, and have made it their lifestyle to constantly seek after God, hunger for Him, long for Him as a thirsty deer pants for water. They have a secret place where they commune often with Him, face to face. They are those who understand what David meant when he wrote, "Deep calls to deep."

And even now, the Father is looking for men and women who will enter into this highest level of intimacy with Him.

But the hour is coming, and now is, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth; for the Father is seeking such to worship Him. (John 4:23)

To this special company of saints, God reveals the secrets of His heart. John, the beloved friend of Jesus, was able to receive much revelation from the Lord because of his very special close relationship with Him.

This continues to be the cry of my heart: that I be among those who travel the road to becoming true worshipers of God. Like Mary, I don't want to be easily distracted by the mundane and the routine, the convenient, the comfortable. I want to sit at His feet, to press in, and not easily let go.

It's not been easy living this way. There is a downward pull in this world, particularly for those whose eyes are set on this heavenly goal. The path of least resistance opens up in the most unlikely places. The tyranny of the urgent has distracted me time and again into making wrong priorities. The temptation to build the kingdom of self lurks behind any endeavor I seek to accomplish.

But I have already tasted the goodness of the Lord, and have drunk from the fountain of life, and I want more.

For me there is no turning back.

I don't want my daily choices to be determined by what best serves my own purposes and agenda. That's always an easy path to take.

I want to enter by the narrow door, where it has been said that one needs to bend, or stoop, in order to get in. For it's true, the closer we get to God, the more selfless and humble we become.

In desiring this, it doesn't mean that I become a misfit, a fanatic, or someone who is "too heavenly minded she's no earthly good." I'm not living in a time warp, and the calendar did not stop moving after the 15th century. Daily, there are many practical decisions to be made pertaining to life in this world. Jesus counts on me to be a wise steward of time, abilities, possessions, positions, and opportunities He has entrusted me with.

This world is still the place where I go through a refining process; I continue to be a learner in a school where I learn, often through the hard way, to obey and build my character.

Seeking intimacy with God means that I am continually beholding Him. My eyes are on Him, not on myself, not on this world. It means that I am becoming more like His Son, and my heart is a well-watered garden, a fertile ground for the Holy Spirit to grow His fruit and bestow His gifts.

I am living my life before an Audience of One. It is God alone Whom I seek to honor and to please.

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The tabernacle shows us a beautiful picture of these levels of intimacy.

The outer court is where one offers daily sacrifices of goats and bulls and go through the ceremonial washing of hands and feet. This is the area of need, the need to repent and to be cleansed.

The Inner Court, or the Holy Place, is the place of extreme activity. The bread has to be replaced daily, the lamps filled with oil, and the incense to be kept burning on the altar. Here service to God is offered, revelation is sought, and intercession made. It is a place of serving God and asking for others.

Then comes the Most Holy Place, hidden from view, and separated by a thick curtain from the rest of the tabernacle. This is the place reserved for those who have desired to go deeper, the ones who are willing to pay a high price to reach this far.

In relating to my God, I don't want to be a mere spectator, watching from a distance. The outer circle is not the level for me. I want to draw near...very near.

My desire is to be one of those who go past the outer and the inner courts to reach the Holy of Holies, the place where God's shekinah glory is ever present, and where God reveals the secrets of His heart. This is the place of rest, the place of beholding.

The veil to the entrance of this innermost sanctuary was literally torn when Jesus died on the cross. Indeed, the way to His heart is open.

I hear the voice

The voice of the One I love

He's calling my name

Come up higher

You'll hear the angels sing

Come up higher, my beloved

Come up higher

And leave this world behind

You'll find Me to be beautiful

I am running

Running after You

You've become my soul's delight

I am running

Running after You

Here with You I find my life

One thing have I desired

This will I seek after

To dwell in Your house forevermore

Now I'm running after

The thing that really matters

You've become my joy and song

(Running, by Klaus Kuehn)