Windows: A Way of Seeing

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After these things I looked,

and behold, a door standing in heaven.

And the first voice which I heard was like a trumpet

speaking with me, saying,

"Come up here, and I will show you 
things which must take place after this."

- Revelation 4:1 "




In heaven's eyes, there are no losers.

February started off quite slowly... gradually picking up speed. Without my realizing it, the month will be over in just a few more hours. 

I have asked Abba Father what name to give it. And as I have pondered over the past weeks, one word kept coming up.

Windows.

Here are a few thoughts on my mind as I look back over the twenty-eight days that have graced this chapter of my life story. 

We can go through life with self sitting at the helm, so to speak.

My rules... my standards... my expectations... my agenda.

But life with self at the center neither satisfies nor fulfills. Rather, it hinders growth, blocks forward movement, puts blinders on our eyes, and boxes us in.

We don't really see very far when all we are focused on is self.

An unhealthy preoccupation with self stifles and stunts, very much like a garden that is overfertilized with chemicals and synthetic growth stimulants, resulting in slow death.

God desires to keep the ground of our hearts moist and soft with His life-giving presence.

The past years, God has brought me through a series of painful inner renovation, and gradual change has come, leading me to decide that self-focus is definitely not the road I want to walk on.

I want to live my life as a gift for others. This is one of my unspoken life metaphors.

From one obedient choice after another, the fallow ground of the heart can be cultivated, and trained to be as broken bread and poured out wine for others.

And God brings us out into a broad place, and enlarges the path under our feet. (Psalm 18:19, 36)

And opens before us windows - into His heart, our own heart, and the hearts of others.


Windows in our hearts allow God's revealing light and fresh wind to come in.


This jar is flawed and imperfect in many ways, but the Father lets His light shine through willing albeit broken vessels.

These are the key lessons in my journey: brokenness, humility, obedience, and trust.

I've personally understood how meaningful that is, to be a person in process.

Until we come face to face with our Eternal Creator, brokenness will be a normal part of our earthly sojourns.


And living my life as a gift for others means that my inner and outer lives are one and the same...

Where I allow others to see my weakness, instead of hiding it.

Yet humbly rejoicing in my victories, in my strengths and abilities... and faithfully carrying out the assignments I have been given.

And in all these, offering my heart as a channel of blessing through which God's mercy and compassion flow.


Yes, I love the person I have become and am becoming!  I embrace the process... and daily look forward to the goal.

I am a person in transition... being shaped, and molded, and conformed to Christ's image.

How I allow God to change me in the seasons of my life is the gift I offer.

Others may reject it, but that is not really my problem. There are many others who stand ready to receive.

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To keep the windows of my heart open, being authentic is absolutely necessary.

What I say to someone in his presence, is the same as what I will speak about him behind his back.

Because what I believe in deep inside will eventually show up in my words, actions, and decisions.

There really is no such thing as a double life. I cannot keep what is inside hidden for long. If not in my speech or behavior, it will show up in my face and body language and in the things that I invest my time and money in.

Henri Nouwen puts it so beautifully:

We like to make a distinction between our private and public lives and say, “Whatever I do in my private life is nobody else’s business.” But anyone trying to live a spiritual life will soon discover that the most personal is the most universal, the most hidden is the most public, and the most solitary is the most communal. What we live in the most intimate places of our beings is not just for us but for all people. That is why our inner lives are lives for others. That is why our solitude is a gift to our community, and that is why our most secret thoughts affect our common life. (source)

Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, 
but on a stand, 

and it gives light to all in the house.

In the same way, let your light shine before others,

so that they may see your good works 

and give glory to your Father who is in heaven. 
- Matthew 5:15

This month God is speaking to me about looking at other people's lives through the window of their own brokenness, imperfection, and pain.

With acceptance, with understanding.

Not with self-righteous judgment.


Windows.

It means letting God's redeeming love be the filter through which I see my world.

Thanks to the lessons from this month, I am reminded of the awesome privilege of seeing people through heaven's eyes...

to listen to people's hearts, more than their words...

to see the inner person beneath the actions...

to discern the gold, not the sand...

to appreciate the treasure beneath the clutter...

to separate identity from behavior...

to believe in the persons they are becoming...

and be amazed by the grace that I find (a line borrowed from Sandi Patty's song).

Then I can gladly accept what others give me of themselves.

How liberating it is to be able to look at life through the window of abundance, not of lack, or disappointment, or even a sickening sense of entitlement.

What a privilege indeed, to be the Father's redemptive agent in the life of anyone that God sends my way.

I arrived in Metro Manila this morning, to spend a few days with my only sister who is in the country for a couple of months.

Today February ends but not before leaving me this precious gift. The gift of perspective.

Therefore, behold, I will allure her,

Will bring her into the wilderness,

And speak comfort to her.

I will give her her vineyards from there,

And the Valley of Achor as a door of hope...

- Hosea 2:14-15

Two songs for this season of my life:

In Heaven's Eyes

In Christ Alone

The February 2017 chapter of my life... in pictures.

An Open Heart: Authenticity and Trust

The currency of blogging is authenticity and trust.

- Jason Calacanis

A blog is only as interesting as the interest shown in others.

- Lee Odden

This blog has been around for more than seven years, and has over five hundred entries. 

One of the main reasons I have kept this blog going is that it has been a repository for the chapters of my life story. But it is not a mere chronicle of events; it is, rather, an interpretation of these events, my attempt to make sense and derive meaning out of my life circumstances.

Hopefully in the re-telling of the stories, one or two readers passing by may find inspiration and encouragement for the journey ahead of them.

In its earlier years, I would get as many as thirty comments for my entries... these days, I'd be happy to get five.

Honestly though, I like to receive comments, for the response that readers leave are a form of dialogue between me and my audience. But since I don't really write blogs for comments, that gives me the freedom to enjoy writing my blog posts, whether others read it or not... whether those who do read it leave comments or not. 

In a sense, the writing is in itself the reward.

The other huge reward I have received from blogging is the friends I have made through the years. They are people from around the globe that I would never have met were it not for their blogs.

Like my own blog, their blogs are very much like open hearts... they allow their readers a glimpse into what is inside - both the beautiful and the ugly, the profound and the shallow, the joys and sorrows, the victories and the defeats.

Recently a dear blog friend who lives in Japan gave me a blog award. Her name is Connie, the blog author of Joyful Solitude.

It's been years since anyone passed on a blog award to me, and I was not expecting to receive one at this point in my blogging life.

Nevertheless I was delighted with the award, because I have known Connie for a number of years now, and I know that when she gives away a blog award, she means it. Connie is married to a Japanese man, and I first met her when they were still living in Saipan. A few years ago they moved to Japan, and I have loved the way she is so honest, and transparent with her struggles as well as her victories living in a foreign land. She is so creative, and has made wise use of her time and available resources. 

I humbly accept this award, and I thank you, dear Connie for finding my blog worthy of this award. You are a dear friend, and one I truly appreciate and admire. Who knows, maybe one of these days, I will be given the wonderful privilege of meeting you face to face!

In accepting this award, we are asked to do three things:

1. Write a blog post about the award, where you thank the person who gave it, post a photo of the award as well as a link to that person's blog.

2. Nominate a few other blog authors that you think are deserving of this award, and post the link to their blogs.

3. Write seven things about yourself that are not commonly known.

Here are five blog authors whose blogs I consider really deserving of this award. I am not very sure that they will do the three things that are required of them, but let me post their blogs here just the same.

I pass on this Lovely Blog Award to the following:

1. Rebecca at Rebecca King's Blog. She lives in England, and is a deep well of spiritual water... and I have loved drinking from her well. (This is her current blog, Soar,)

2. Elaine at Peace for the Journey. An author of two books, she lives in North Carolina, and is a cancer overcomer. I love her for her honesty and depth. She writes beautifully... from the heart.

3. Sara at Back Porch Sheep. She lives in Michigan, and she loves dogs, her job, her family ... oh well, Sara loves life. She truly has a heart of compassion. She writes with such a depth of insight, I often find myself nodding in agreement with what she says.

4. Mayang at Home With Father. She is a dear friend of mine, we go to the same church here in Bacolod City. I have seen her journey of faith. She truly desires to be a woman after God's heart. Her blog will encourage you.

5. Denise at Simply Surrender. She is one of my dearest blog friends. She lives in Maryland. In the fall of 2013, I visited the USA and stayed till early 2014... and she and I made plans of meeting face to face in Wasington D.C. I would have loved to see this dear friend, but maybe next time. Her writing literally takes my breath away. And her photos... oh, her photos! Check out her blog and find out for yourself.

Here are a few things about myself, some of which most people already know, I think.

1. Even at 62, I still love wearing denims and sneakers. I want to dress comfortably, and when I have a favorite pair of denim pants, I keep wearing them (wash and wear again) until they wear out. I love 100 percent cotton blouses and shirts. If I have to dress up, I'd rather be in relaxed formals than a stiff gown or dress. 

2. Generally speaking, I don't do make up. When I go out, I only wear light lip gloss and light eye-shadow. For dressing up occasions, I like the "no makeup look" makeup. And I only like MAC.

3. I love simple elegance, and classical music.

4. I don't mind being alone... it's okay for me to go to a coffee shop or eat in a restaurant all by myself.

5. I love Facebook and blogging because it keeps me connected to my friends around the world.

6. I miss having deep, intelligent conversations about spiritual matters with another human being.

7a. Someday soon, with God's help, I will begin writing my book.

7b. Someday, I would really like to have a golden retriever and take him out for walks.

Thanks... I guess that is all I have to say for now. 

Life Metaphor

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Your eyes saw my unformed body;

all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

- Psalm 139:16

Place me like a seal over your heart,
like a seal on your arm;
for love is as strong as death,
its jealousy unyielding as the grave.
It burns like blazing fire,
like a mighty flame.
Many waters cannot quench love;
rivers cannot sweep it away.
If one were to give
all the wealth of one’s house for love,
it would be utterly scorned.

- Song of Songs 8:6, 7




“At that time,” declares the LORD,
“I will be the God of all the families of Israel, and they will be my people.”

This is what the LORD says:

“The people who survive the sword
will find favor in the wilderness;
I will come to give rest to Israel.”

The LORD appeared to us in the past,saying:

“I have loved you with an everlasting love;
I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.
I will build you up again,
and you, Virgin Israel, will be rebuilt.
Again you will take up your timbrels
and go out to dance with the joyful.
Again you will plant vineyards
on the hills of Samaria;
the farmers will plant them
and enjoy their fruit.
There will be a day when watchmen cry out
on the hills of Ephraim,
‘Come, let us go up to Zion,
to the LORD our God.’”

- Jeremiah 31:1-6




Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

- Isaiah 40:28-31



Then Moses went up to God,
and the LORD called to him from the mountain and said,
“This is what you are to say to the descendants of Jacob
and what you are to tell the people of Israel:

‘You yourselves have seen what I did to Egypt,
and how I carried you on eagles’ wings
and brought you to Myself.

Now if you obey me fully and keep my covenant,
then out of all nations you will be my treasured possession.
Although the whole earth is mine,
you will be for me a kingdom of priests and a holy nation.’

These are the words you are to speak to the Israelites.”

- Exodus 19:3-6

Tomorrow is my 59th birthday.

The 27th of March has always been a very special day, and March, a very special month for me.

I believe it is because ever since I was a little girl, this date has always been celebrated.

Yes, from the time I was born, my life has been celebrated.

I have seen pictures on my baby album... my mother and father beaming with pride over me their first born daughter. When I turned one year old, there was a huge birthday party, with over fifty guests present. There is even a handwritten list in my father's handwriting of all the gifts I received.

Then, every year thereafter, up to the time I turned 18, my birthday has been celebrated with a party.

I look back at all those years today... those years when I have been celebrated as a person. And I am humbled, and deeply touched.

Looking back, I can only feel my heart overflowing with thanksgiving for the kind of upbringing that God has provided for me.

As a child, just growing up and learning to find myself, I remember that I was a bit self-centered. Growing up, there were times when I felt I was merely being tolerated, not really fully loved, and often misunderstood. I remember that deep inside I had certain demands that life turn out for me as I wanted it to.

Well, I believe those feelings are normal of any young person.

My perspective began to change when God gradually revealed His plans for my life, revealed to me that He was my God and Creator... Redeemer and King.

In 1953, I was born into this world... but I know that God had conceived the idea of me and carried me in His heart for millenniums.

And so today, on the eve of my 59th year, my heart is brimming over with thanksgiving to God... for celebrating me.

He sent me parents, a sister, and aunts, uncles and cousins, dear friends... who celebrated and valued me as a person.

Then when the time was right, in 1978, He gave me a dear husband who celebrated me as well.

And today, on this my 59th birthday... I can say that I am surrounded by family members who love me and appreciate me: my two sons First Born and Worshiper, my daughter Obedient One, my daughters in love God-given and Chosen One, and my two grandsons Forerunner and Full of Hope/Mighty Warrior... and numerous friends who truly care.

I cannot ask for more, really.

My life may not be perfect in the eyes of some - but for me, the boundary lines have fallen in pleasant places!

O Lord You are the portion of my inheritance
and my cup,
You maintain my lot,
The lines have fallen to me in pleasant places;
Yes I have a good inheritance.

This is the cry of praise that is on my heart this early morning as I write this post...





And today I will do something very special: I will put into writing my life metaphor. This is the first time I will ever do it, because I haven't really thought much about what my life metaphor is.

I didn't even know there was such a thing as a life metaphor. But a month or two ago, during one Sunday morning, the words of my pastor, Joe Ascalon, struck my heart deeply. As he was giving the message, he asked this question: "What is your life metaphor?"

Off and on, during the quiet moments in the midst of the busyness of these past two months, I have found myself contemplating this question.

I couldn't figure out what my life metaphor was.

Because, really... we don't start out in life with our life goals clearly spelled out for us. These things just somehow begin falling into place, not really intentionally, but more as a consequence of our life choices.

I realize now that we all have a life metaphor that may not be clearly spelled out, but it is there as a motivating, guiding force that leads us.

Without our knowing it, there is an underlying life metaphor that begins to define us... who we are, what goals we reach for.

I returned to my home city of Bacolod last Friday after having been in Manila for 35 days - more than a month. Really, I felt like staying longer in Manila... but there were a number of important things for me to do here at the end of this month.

Now I realize that above all my reasons for coming back on Friday God had an important line for me to hear on Sunday morning. Yesterday, at church, Pastor Joe during his sermon, mentioned one line that caught my attention.

He said, "Establish a life statement and live it out."

Wham! It hit my heart again. Yes Lord, I hear You.

So, last night, I spent time in God's presence... listening to worship music, and thinking of some of my favorite verses.

And suddenly, I saw my life metaphor before me... not written in black and white, but in a picture - a picture of a long road... covered with clouds at some points, shrouded in mist at some points, many rocky places... a few rivers to cross over... meadows of beautiful flowers bathed with sunlight at some points... through valleys, through mountains... and at the end of it, so far away, was a place that filled my heart with such joyous anticipation.

It was my life metaphor... as clear as daylight to me.

My life is a journey to the heart of the One Who loves me.
My life is a response of love to that love.

Wow! I couldn't believe it. All I did was ask the Father to show me what my life metaphor was, and He showed me.

I woke up early this morning to write this post. I played my favorite worship songs...

And He is speaking to me now, not in audible words, but more as a truth realization, and as he "speaks" I am typing the words.

These are the impressions I am receiving:

Your whole life is a journey, a sacred pilgrimage that takes you nearer and closer to the heart of the One who loves you with an everlasting love... My heart!

Your life is a lifetime of drawing near to Me, longing for more of Me, hungering to know Me more, and seeking to obey Me.

And as you are seeking, you are receiving.

What you want, what you long for the most, is what you receive... in full measure, and way beyond what you ask or imagine.

For I am the God who sees your heart. I am the God of the multiplication... who rewards the one who seeks Me beyond what your eyes can see, or what your mind can comprehend.

Your life is a fragrant offering of worship to me. Imperfect as you think the circumstances of your life have been, I am the God who holds the imperfect pieces of your life in My eternal hands.

Your life is not a struggle or a striving... Your life is a river flowing... Your life is a dance... your life is a song.

I have created you not for striving... but for rest.

And indeed you are loved by others... because out of your heart flows My love and My compassion for them! In your eyes are reflected the love of My heart for this dying world. And yet it is never a burden for you... never too heavy for you to carry.

I want you to continue living and abiding in My love as you journey closer to your heavenly eternal home. You impart My peace... you impart My rest... you impart a sense of shalom... you create an atmosphere of worship... in the lives of people to whom I send you.

Amen and amen. So be it, dear Father. So be it, my Lord.

As I journey down this road, I want to be a voice of hope, a ray of light, a word of encouragement, a helping hand, a messenger of faith, a speaker of truth...

I want to be a reflection of the Father's heart...


At this very moment, out of my heart flows a response of love to His invitation for me to keep drawing near to Him!

His words are so clear, and minister deeply to my heart. Heaven is a topic so dear to my heart, it really is a place I am longing to see!

Below are three of my favorite songs for this season, in response to what God has spoken to me.

I pray that you will take time to listen to the songs, and that as you do so, your time spent today on this blog will be a time of personal encounter with the Living God, the One who loves you with an everlasting love.

Oceans Will Part
by Hillsong

If my heart has grown cold
There Your love will unfold
As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand
When I'm blind to my way
There Your Spirit will pray
As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand
As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand

Oceans will part nations come
At the whisper of Your call
Hope will rise glory shown
In my life Your will be done

Present suffering may pass
Lord Your mercy will last
As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand
And my heart will find praise
I'll delight in Your way
As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand
As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand

Oceans Will Part

Eagle's Wings
Hillsong

Here I am waiting
Abide in me I pray
Here I am longing for You
Hide me in Your love
Bring me to my knees
May I know Jesus more and more

Come live in me
All my life take over
Come breathe in me
And I will rise
On eagles wings

Here In Your Presence
New Life Worship


Found in Your hands, fullness of joy
Every fear suddenly wiped away here in Your presence
All of my gains now fade away
Every crown no longer on display, here in Your presence
Heaven is trembling in awe of Your wonders
The kings and their kingdom arestanding amazed

Here in Your presence, we are undone
Here in Your presence, Heaven and Earth become one
Here in Your presence, all things are new
Here in Your presence, everything bows before You

Wonderful, beautiful, glorious, matchless in every way
Wonderful, beautiful, glorious, matchless in every way

Here In Your Presence


Watch New Life Worship sing this awesome song of worship (YouTube)

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD,
“plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

- Jeremiah 29:11

This post is lovingly dedicated to my pastor, Joe Ascalon.
Today, I want to say that I love you, and I honor you, and I respect the kingdom assignment that God has called you to do.

Re-creating Your Environment

Spring

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... in humility value others above yourselves,
not looking to your own interests
but each of you to the interests of the others.
In your relationships with one another,
have the same mindset as Christ Jesus...

- Philippians 2:3-5

Journal Entry: NAIA Terminal 3, Manila, August 24, 2011, 12:45 p.m.

I am here at the Chaikofi Brewing Lounge of the NAIA Terminal 3. In about an hour I will board my flight back to my home city of Bacolod.

Within these few uninterrupted moments I want to quiet my heart and put my thoughts to words, enjoying the unhurried time and private space available to me in this little corner of the busy airport.

Upon waking up at 4:30 this morning, I knelt before God, and spoke heart to heart with Him. In this new season of my life I have a fresh determination to draw even nearer. I will not be satisfied with standing at the fringes of His glory. My desire is to be near where the king is seated in all His glory and royal regalia.

I want to behold Him in the beauty of His holiness... and take the necessary steps in that direction.

It is an ongoing journey, I look at it as my sacred pilgrimage, this shaping and molding of my character that it may become more and more like my Master’s heart.

There are seasons when I make quick and steady progress... but sometimes it takes longer.

To keep moving on means dealing with the distractions, and hindrances along the way.

All I really want is to go through life as an agent of reconciliation...

with a heart open to learn what there is to learn, for admittedly I, too, have many areas of blindness...

a willingness to walk in humility, beyond the first mile...

and giving what I can -- not out of my limited store of material provisions, but from the wellspring of God’s love... gifts of sincerity and kindness.

But there are times when the gifts I offer are not good enough, because what the other desires can be satisfied by no one else but God alone.

Only God is able fill the deepest longing of the human heart. No man can ever meet such a deep need.

Look to a mere human to address that need – and the result is an idol created in the image of what the heart is longing for... be it a person, a perfect situation, a thing.

And, a false god is not only powerless to bring change... it never truly satisfies.

There will always be one more thing missing, another thing gone wrong. Somehow others will always fall short.

But there are no lasting earthly solutions to the human dilemma. Only divine interventions.

I worshiped God this morning not with many words, but with tears.

I came to Him in need of a deep spiritual cleansing from the defilement of spoken words... demeaning and maligning words.

My Lord God met me with open arms; He embraced me with compassion and understanding.

To God I lifted up my daughter, still fast asleep on the other bed. A mother’s love goes very deep, but I can’t always be there for her. How thankful I am that God’s love goes deeper still.

Hide us in the cleft of Your rock, my Lord.

Because the lens we use to look at others is shattered by the Fall, we always have an incomplete picture, and our perspective will always be clouded.

Only God has an eternal vantage point, He sees all angles.

Break through, dear God... break through for the ones I love.

I thanked my Father for teaching me to walk the path of understanding.

For giving me the ability to listen, not to another person’s spoken words, but the unspoken words of the heart...

not with judgment, not even self-protection... but with compassion.

I prayed the mercy prayer, Father forgive them for they know not what they do.

You can re-create your environment, My child. These are the words I heard God speaking in my spirit.

You have received power and authority to re-create the spiritual climate around you.

To be an agent of reconciliation is a high calling.

To speak words of life, imparting grace to the hearer. Sometimes words are not even necessary... the spiritual atmosphere can be positively charged by constructive silence, the silence that heals and seeks to understand.

In everything showing honor and deference.

There is great power in honor.

Honor is the language and conduct of royalty!

Showing honor is the mark of nobility and kingly status!

With my words I want to weave
a tapestry of beautiful memories to warm the hearts
of those I will someday leave behind.

A legacy of honor. That is what I want to leave behind.

I believe my prayers have found favor in God’s eyes.

I quickly went down to prepare a simple breakfast of cheese and garlic omelette, steamed rice, kefir, and fruit. It was a mother’s little way of saying good-bye to her youngest child and only daughter. When Obedient One comes home tonight, I will already be back in Bacolod.

Before walking out the door, my daughter hugged me and gave me that sweet smile – reserved for me alone. Despite the many life lessons she still needs to learn she knows my love for her is unconditional... that I will always try to understand. She is secure in knowing that I give her enough room to grow.

We all go through learning seasons... My most valuable lessons were always learned the hard way. At 58, I have not only learned, but also unlearned, many things. Nevertheless, much spiritual ground remains to be discovered and experienced. I am a lifelong learner, God's masterpiece in the making.

And I have no doubt that this young woman, just like me, is going through her learning seasons as well. God has a special curriculum and timetable for her, for me... for any one who is willing to be taught.

Again I prayed a short prayer for her: Hide her in the cleft of Your rock, my God. Thank you that she has an obedient, teachable heart.

After breakfast I spent some time in our backyard. My maid Irene and I cut off dead leaves and added compost material to the potted plants. We pruned the bushes and loosened up the soil around the plants. More work remains to be done. Gardening is a process...to be enjoyed it must be done in stages. There is always a time of waiting involved.

... Hope rose in my heart as I realized that the time I spent in the garden was a picture of what God was doing in the garden of my relationships.

It is a new season, I can feel it in the air.

See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland.

- Isaiah 43:19

A way out of the wilderness... streams in the wasteland... yes, indeed!

Making a choice to overlook the pain, and entrusting the difficult situation to God... it is easier said than done. But this is always my desire - to be a woman of peace... to be free to bring my relationships to a higher level.

Layers of deep-seated dirt, accumulated through the years, in the natural as in the spiritual, are being exposed.

Yes, indeed we can re-create the spiritual climate in which we operate – by taking a proactive stand and choosing to speak words that give honor... words that heal, never words that demean and devalue.

Conflicts... they need not be the hindrance. They can be the platform for growing in grace and humility.

My dear friend Bill Mills once said, "We can go through anything with one another."

How true! I create the climate for my relationships; it is my responsibility to cultivate the seedbed on which my relationships thrive and grow to maturity.

Before long my bags were ready and it was time to say goodbye to my sister. We do not see each other too often, and I was grateful for the brief time we had together.

Lord, may it be eternally spring in the garden of our hearts, I prayed as we parted ways.

I believe that in heaven it will be eternally spring... the same environment I seek to cultivate in my relationships.

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD my Rock and my Redeemer.

Eternally spring! What a marvelous promise!

View from my window seat as the plane approached the runway of the Bacolod Silay National Airport. Joy and delight seemed to leap from the greenery of the agricultural lands that greeted my eyes. It has never felt so good to be back home!

The Cry of My Heart: Redeeming the Time

Crying Heart
by Craig Cmehil

photo source

“Is not My word like a fire?" says the LORD,
“And like a hammer that breaks the rock in pieces?”
- Jeremiah 23:29

Now therefore, thus says the LORD of hosts: “Consider your ways!”
- Haggai 1:5




Judge not, that you be not judged.
For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged;
and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you.

And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye,
but do not consider the plank in your own eye?

Or how can you say to your brother,
‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’;
and look, a plank is in your own eye?

Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye,
and then you will see clearly to remove
the speck from your brother’s eye.

- Matthew 7:1-5




Do not judge according to appearance,
but judge with righteous judgment.
- John 7:24

Taking Stock

Another month ends today.

Another opportunity to pause and look back over the past weeks... to reflect... take stock of my inner condition... evaluate my present spiritual position.

This practice of naming each month is part of my desire to live the reflective life, to examine where I have been and see the direction I need to take.

To always be upward moving and forward going - that is my heart's desire... not tossed to and fro emotionally by the circumstances I find myself in, but to have an anchor that steadies me, whether I am sailing on calm seas or turbulent waters.

These past few days I have been waiting on Jesus to reveal again where I am.

Socrates a famous philosopher once said that the unexamined life is not worth living.

I agree wholeheartedly.

Thus I examine my inner life, my thoughts, my attitudes, my words, my feelings, and hold them up against the searchlight of God's word, draw near my Abba, and ask Him, "What do You see?"

Not that I may become overly introspective ... but that He may bring change; that I might become more and more Christlike, a reflection of His character and nature to this world where I serve as an ambassador for Him, never to forget that I am a citizen of another kingdom.


Choosing Life

There has been a cry on my heart the past days.

Details are not important. One thing that has been a source of comfort to me is knowing that because I love God, everything I go through in this life will work together for good.

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28

Every situation that I encounter has a spiritual significance.

Looking back at the events of the past month helps me realize that God is opening my eyes to understand what is happening in the spiritual realm around me.

When difficult circumstances arise, there are always two kinds of response to choose from: a response that gives life, or a response that leads to death.

In the past, it would have been easy for me to respond with finger-pointing or offense. Today such a response of death no longer appeals to me.

A life-giver, that is what I choose to be.

To respond with life as the month ends helps me welcome the next month with the right spirit.

On this post I take time to articulate and translate these feelings, the cry of my heart, into words. If not, the moment passes by too quickly, and before I know it, the prompting is gone, and the opportunity lost.


The Purpose for Seasons

I love the changing of the seasons. I also love the changing of the months!

God allows these changing seasons, months, weeks, and days, for a divine purpose: that we may not be stagnant pools of water, unchanged by the events and circumstances of our lives, hardened by our prideful arrogance and made callous by self-righteousness.... but rather softened by hope and compassion.

Unless our hearts are softened by a response of hope, it is easy to believe we are moving forward when in fact we're not!

Week in, week out - events come and go... but until the Holy Spirit is given freedom to break up the fallow ground of our heart, it remains hard and unchanged.

Jesus warns us of the subtlety and deceitfulness of sin. He knows we can be entrenched... in our unenlightened opinions of ourselves, the world, or the people around us.

Sin dissipates... yes, it does. I've seen this in my own life and in the life of others as well.

I don't mean the overt sinful acts... but the more insidious, hidden ones - the sins of smugness, complacency, the refusal to budge from our treasured doctrinal standpoints, prejudices we are unwilling to let go of... religious pride... a Pharisaical spirit.

These hidden sins create blind spots in our spiritual vision rendering us unable to look deeper within... oblivious to our true spiritual condition.


The Gift of Time

God has been speaking to me about time these past weeks. Time is a gift I give, a friend I send to accomplish My purposes in your life.

Take time to grow. Yes, Lord. I need time to grow, to mature, to learn new things, and to let go of attitudes that ensnare.

Time heals. Over time, we begin to look at things differently. Oh, how we need to spend time with God and His word, allow Him to teach us... change us... and soften the hard areas of our hearts!

How the Father longs to give us a redeemed perspective, help us understand how to be a life-giver in another person's life!

We all need time to develop the mind of Christ, and let Him expose and remove our faulty ways of thinking.

Paul in his epistle to the Ephesians reminds us to beware of dissipation ... of wasting the time that is at our disposal.

Time is a vital tool in God's hands and in ours. But the enemy tempts us to pour our energies into trivial pursuits, engage in worthless activities each day, take on assignments God never intended for us to undertake... or be motivated by what leads us away from our true calling.

Our wrong opinion of another, a false judgment, dissipates us!

Unnecessary words also dissipate... even "words" not spoken per se, but put down in writing and published in cyberspace. Sad but true - time spent on too much blogging or surfing the net...on twitter... on facebook... also dissipates.

The thief comes to steal, kill and destroy. But Jesus has come to give life, abundant life!

God calls us to renewal... to repentance... to have a change of heart... to make a paradigm shift.

We are called to kindness and compassion, to righteous judgment -- of ourselves, and of others.


A Heart of Wisdom

And tonight, I open my heart before God, the One who redeems my life from the miry bog. I have asked Him for clarity.

Where do I go from here? I have asked Him.

Give words to what is on your heart is His gentle reply.

Hence this post where I have verbalized the cry of my heart.

August is at the door, waiting for July to leave. In just an hour or so, July 2011 will say good-bye... never to come back.

That is how time is -- month after month, week after week, day after day. Time marches on.

That's why I so appreciate the Ephesians 5:15-17 passage which is such a clear reminder that I am to make good use of the time available to me:

See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise,
redeeming the time, because the days are evil.
Therefore do not be unwise,
but understand what the will of the Lord is.

How easy it is to waste time, by not understanding what the will of the Lord is.

May God show me with every decision how to make choices in light of eternity!

Already 57 years of my life are gone, and I am now in the fourth month of my 58th year.

Psalm 90 is a very beautiful prayer written by Moses, and again, verse 12 speaks to me about time:

So teach us to number our days,
That we may gain a heart of wisdom.

I have named this month Redeeming the Time.

Many thoughts fill my mind as the month of July ends. I have been thinking: What changes has this month brought to my heart?

Have I become a better person after thirty one days?

Have I become kinder, wiser, closer to God?

Are the words I have spoken of another person a balm of healing to his heart if he were to hear them?

Have the thoughts that I have entertained in my mind been the redeeming kind?

It is easy to be judgmental, and find fault... but when God reminds me to think redeeming thoughts, I know He wants me to have a different perspective when tempted to be critical or to focus on the way other people fail to measure up to my expectations.


Expecting from God

Ah, expectations! Some expectations are reasonable and important.

But more often, the expectations we have of others can cripple... even kill, relationships. Because when we make our expectations the ultimate measuring rod for another, then most likely we will be disappointed. And our disappointment with that person will poison the way we look at him or her. And looking at another person with a poisoned point of view can cause a relationship to die.

Indeed, expectations can kill; disappointment is poisonous.

The enemy of our souls knows exactly when and how to use these subtle deadly weapons of self-righteousness and self-focus.

Self-righteousness says, I am the standard...do it my way. If you don't meet my expectations, then you are a disappointment to me... and I shut you out of my life.

Do you see how self-righteousness is really all about I... me... my?

As a young Christian in the early 1970s, I told God that anything He wanted for me, I wanted as well. And anything He didn't want for me, I also didn't want.

Through the years, as I walked in obedience one step at a time, God did reveal to me what He wanted. Let your expectation come from Me alone, and You will never be disappointed.

My soul, wait silently for God alone,
For my expectation is from Him.
- Psalm 62:5

It certainly isn't easy -- being on the high road of being a Christ-follower in the truest sense of the word.

But this extremely important lesson can only be learned the hard way. And after 38 years of learning to obey the voice of Jesus, this has indeed become the cry of my heart: to be what He wants me to be...and to do what He wants me to do.

...to consider my treasures in heaven as more important than my treasures here on earth,

...to look at whatever resources I have - be it time, abilities, or finances - as a means to building God's kingdom.

Now that my husband has passed away, and my three children are grown and have careers of their own, I am free to be used by God in whatever way He wants to.


Giving My All

Elaine Olsen in her blog post a week or two ago spoke about the widow who put in all she had into the offering. Two coppers -- it was all she had, yet she willingly gave it all.

This is the cry of my heart: to be selfless, and offer to God the last two coppers I have.

To give Him my all, and then trust Him for the outcome of my efforts.

To keep growing into the kind of woman God wants me to be.

To reflect the generosity and kindness of His heart in the midst of a selfish... grasping... and greedy generation.

To be kind in my assessment of others.

Not withholding good, an act of kindness, when it is within my power to give it. Often the act of kindness required of me is a good word, an understanding heart from which to view another person.

Not having a book keeping mentality... where I constantly update a mental list and keep a running balance of what I have done and what others owe me!

To release forgiveness to those who have hurt me... instead of nurturing offense in my heart.

To speak healing words, being a redemptive agent in the midst of people I live and associate with.

I am not able to always live this way for I, too, am a person in process. But this is my goal and my desire: to be a mouthpiece for God's heart. Yes, to reflect His heart to a dying world.


Understanding the Times

Still on the subject of time, the passage of 1 Chronicles 12:32 will always be among my top favorite verses:

...the sons of Issachar who had understanding of the times,
to know what Israel ought to do...

This is the cry of my heart. To be as a son (daughter) of Issachar... who has understanding of the times... to know what she ought to do...

...motivated not by greed, or by a growing earthly bank account... but fueled and empowered by the love of Christ burning in my heart

...growing in Christ-like humility... and simplicity

...appreciative and thankful -- with my eyes wide open to see what others do for me, and thank them

...showing compassion to those who are heavily burdened in any way

As I read back over what I have written, I realize that this is the character of nobility, the nature of one whose heart is large enough to overlook the failings of another person, and instead, go beyond what is required... and willingly walk another mile... gladly give more than what is expected.

Help me spread Your light... surprise another heart with an act of generosity!

Spare me, save me from calculated moves...

Teach me new steps to the heavenly dance of freedom! I am free to love, I am free to give... expecting nothing in return!


Leaving Room for Growth

In the past ten years of my life, as my children were graduating from university and beginning to earn a living, God enabled Ernie and me to have a paradigm shift in the way we do family.

God taught us through the ministry of Family Foundations International that the thoughts we think and the attitudes we carry inside of us are the wellsprings of the words we speak to one another.

Through this ministry, God healed us of layers of emotional wounding where lies about God, ourselves, and others were effectively hiding and festering.

The setting free happened in stages, but the new freedom we experienced gradually enabled us to give God the opportunity to heal our family of wrong parenting, coming mainly from the blindness of perfectionism, self-righteousness and pride.

When I became a mother-in-law to my sons' wives, I prayed that God would give me daughters in law who would be like Ruth to Naomi.

But God spoke a clear message to my heart: it always starts with me.

Live by the simple principle of sowing and reaping. What you sow, you reap.

If I wanted my daughters-in-law to really love me, then I had to be the example of unconditional love to them. To accept them as they are. To allow them to make mistakes without judging them. To not expect them to do things the way I did. God said that I was not the standard, that my role was to guide, to be a model, to be a blessing.

This kind of attitude has freed me tremendously from finding fault with my new daughters when they do things differently, a common pitfall with many mothers in law.

Why be on the lookout for what others do wrong? Isn't it a lot better to be on the lookout for what others do right?

So God has enabled me to truly appreciate them, and enjoy them, and have a growing, meaningful relationship with both of them. They are their own persons, intelligent, resourceful, industrious, hard workers, teachable, willing to learn, gifted with many abilities, and they bring fresh blood to our family.

I am thankful for how my heavenly Father helps me establish a culture of acceptance in my home. There is room to make mistakes, and there is room to grow.

This gives me the freedom to be myself as well, enjoying the journey, drinking and savoring each moment... instead of being in a constant hurry with a daily list of many things to accomplish.

I don't want to miss the meaning of each moment as it comes, or be blind to the hidden beauty of the person in front of me.

We are all people in the process of growth... there is enough time and a wide space for transformation to take place.

There is so much hope ahead of us!

This is the cry of my heart - for wisdom, for understanding what the Lord wants.

That I will not be guilty of dissipation - time fluttering by at my fingertips - when I am called to be about my Father's business, building His kingdom, first in my heart, in the heart of my immediate family, and in the lives of those whom God has called me to serve.

To do ministry as He wants it done, not the way I want it done...

To be a second mile Christian...

This is the cry of my heart - to see that I walk circumspectly, not as a fool but as wise... redeeming the time, because the days are evil.


My prayer:

Father, this is the cry of my heart: that You will help me grow in wisdom, and enable me to understand Your will.

You know my heart's desire, to respond with humility when confronted with manipulation and control. I do not need to defend my position, You already are doing that.

In these the remaining years of my life, I am discovering the gentle beauty of simplicity.

Thank you for being on my side... rooting for me... cheering me on... helping me be a model, a Godly example, to my immediate family - my two sons and three daughters and grandchildren.

More than anything else, I want my life to be a blessing and a legacy to them. May they and others who are watching my life learn from me.

I never, ever want to be too full of myself, my rules, or my agenda... that I miss out on the beauty of each moment as it comes.

Only Your will, always Your will, not mine... be done in my life.



A Prayer for Elijah

And as July ends, this too is the prayer and the cry of my heart for my dear grandson Elijah, who turned eight months old on July 13.


Dear Elijah,

On this the eighth month of your life, I pray that you will grow up to be as a son of Issachar... understanding the times... that you may know what you ought to do.



May you be trained to be about your Heavenly Father's business at a young age.

May you be a man who is not self-absorbed... but rather one who gives people a wide space and the freedom to be different.

Elijah at eight months

May God give you an understanding heart where you sow and reap seeds of love.

I do declare and decree today that you will grow to be a man whose eyes will see and appreciate what others do right...rather than be continually focused on their faults.

As always, you will need the humility of Christ to be this kind of person. To be teachable... to be willing to change.

I pray that you will understand what it means to redeem the time... to discern the things God has called you to do.

May God indeed grant this the prayer of my heart for you.

Love
Nana


Liberated from Fault-finding by Enoch E. Byrum

Contending

Touch of Faith

by Simon Dewey

As Jesus was on his way,
the crowds almost crushed him.
And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding
for twelve years, but no one could heal her.
She came up behind him
and touched the edge of his cloak,
and immediately her bleeding stopped.

- Luke 8:43-44

...God, who gives life to the dead
and calls those things which do not exist
as though they did...

- Romans 4:17

In just a couple of hours from now, the month of April comes to an end.

After looking back at the past four weeks, I have thought of the best name to give this month.

Contending.

This is where I am today.

Many changes have taken place deep inside of me. I'm not the same person that I was thirty days ago.

Putting words to a profound experience is never easy. All I know is that I have been given a new perspective from which to view my life, and with it, the invitation to live at a higher dimension.

This month taught me to never take my faith for granted. Not for a single moment. It is easy to slide... to forget... to become complacent... to be presumptuous.

This month I am deciding to watch more carefully the attitudes that form in my heart.

I am asking the Father to help me guard against that old enemy, the same one that brought about the downfall of Adam and Eve - pride... and its many subtle forms, such as self-righteousness and a judgmental spirit.

I'm not forgetting that my heavenly Father is watching over me. Nothing will separate me from His love. But this month I was reminded that I need to contend for my faith. To contend for my destiny and that of my family.

Quoted below are two Bible passages that best sum this up.

...continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling,
for it is God who works in you to will and to act
in order to fulfill his good purpose.
- Philippians 2:12, 13

Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet
to have taken hold of it.
But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind
and straining toward what is ahead,
I press on toward the goal to win the prize
for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
- Philippians 3:13, 14

I want my faith to grow several notches higher.

Watch where my pace has slackened...

Take a spiritual inventory... determine what has caused me to lag behind.

Ask Jesus to blow His wind upon my heart, fan the embers into a blaze...

Heed God's call for a deeper intimacy with Him.


I am fighting for my faith... taking charge... manning my post of prayer... of worship.

Let me take the focus off me... my circumstances... my pain... or even the wrong things people have said, or done, or failed to do...

If needed, to forgive again... release anyone who has offended or disappointed me... let go of another hardened layer of unforgiveness.

At a practical level, take steps needed to unclutter. Get rid of the excess baggage of my life...

Let everything, if possible, go through a sifting process, so that only the essential will remain.

Simplify.

De-accumulate.

Take back spiritual territory I may have lost by default.

It is all part of the contending.



Many years ago, I pleaded with God about an area in my life that needs healing. His clear word to me was the story of the woman who suffered for many years with an issue of blood. She was considered ceremonially unclean because of her condition. Her finances were depleted from seeking medical help for years, to no avail. Luke documents the story in Luke 8:43-44, quoted above.

This woman knew the hope of her healing was found in Jesus alone. Jesus is her last recourse. She elbows her way into the crowd... pushes her way in. She was desperate... if she could come near and touch the hem of His cloak... she knew she would be healed.

Her was a "pushy" but quiet kind of faith. She was a contender. And she won.

She received her healing.

Jesus did not turn her away empty. Instead, He affirmed her, saying: Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace.


This is where I'm at.

I am holding on to this Scripture...

I want to dine at God's table, feast on His word heartily. Let His word nourish me...

Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts. - Hebrews 4:7

Pushing my way in...

Making every effort...

Approaching God's throne of grace with boldness and confidence.

Yes, I am determined to push my way through the crowd... in a quiet kind of way. Not prideful. Without blowing trumpets. But confident.

I will press on.

Touch the hem of His garment. And receive power.

By the grace of God, I desire to do what needs to be done for my faith to grow deeper... to cooperate with Him in transforming me from one level of growth to another.

Being transformed into the image of Christ... from glory to glory.


Higher Ground
lyrics by Johnson Oatman Jr

I’m pressing on the upward way,
New heights I’m gaining every day;
Still praying as I’m onward bound,
“Lord, plant my feet on higher ground.”

Refrain:

Lord, lift me up and let me stand,
By faith, on Heaven’s table land,
A higher plane than I have found;
Lord, plant my feet on higher ground.

My heart has no desire to stay
Where doubts arise and fears dismay;
Though some may dwell where those abound,
My prayer, my aim, is higher ground.

I want to live above the world,
Though Satan’s darts at me are hurled;
For faith has caught the joyful sound,
The song of saints on higher ground.

I want to scale the utmost height
And catch a gleam of glory bright;
But still I’ll pray till Heav’n I’ve found,
“Lord, plant my feet on higher ground.”

Below is a beautiful version of this hymn, sung by Michael Chauncey.

The month in pictures:

April is summertime in our country. It is the month when flowers bloom, and schoolchildren are on a school break.

This was a month that I celebrated the love of family and friends.

It also gave me another opportunity to conduct more Ancient Paths seminars where we once again experienced God's healing breakthroughs.

Above all, it was the month we celebrated the Passover, and remembered the passion, death, and resurrection of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Remembering Ernie... Eight stones left at his grave, one for every member of our family.

The yellowbell vine over our front gate has grown back and is in full bloom!

Beautiful orchids at my friend Ang's home.

Last Sunday in church with my best friend Melanie, just a few days before she went back home to Virginia.

Farewell dinner for Melanie...

Dear friends Delbert and Lora Hooge, founders of the School of Tomorrow schools here in our country. We became good friends while I was the school principal and ministry head of our church school for eighteen years! They were in Bacolod City for a few days this month, and this picture was taken during breakfast one morning, just touching base.

This is a dear friend of mine, Lourdes. She and I go to Felizia's once in a while to celebrate our friendship over a classic margarita or two!

After the Ancient Paths Level Two Seminar last April 9. See all those beautiful smiling faces!

Our Passover meal as a family.

Pictures of our Resurrection Sunday lunch together as a family:

Obedient One was with us during Holy Week.

My sister in law Faith who resides in L.A. with her husband Jun (Ernie's younger brother) spent Holy Week in the Philippines. I love Faith... she has always made me feel so special. Even though she lives miles away, she reaches out to me and my family. Below are some pictures of our time together with her.

My first born son with his first born son, Matthew.

Faith with First Born, God given and Matthew.



Faith with Worshiper, Chosen One, and their baby Elijah.





Faith together with Leila, Ernie's youngest sister.