Just a tiny weed in my father's gardenIn acceptance lies peace.
This is the title of a poem by Amy Carmichael which I first read many years ago. I’ve never forgotten it.
Amy is one of my favorite authors. She has added color and shape to my spirituality.
But so have many others: AW Tozer, CS Lewis, Francis Schaeffer, Henri Nouwen, Catherine Marshall, Elisabeth Elliot, Lilias Trotter…
I call them my friends, for they have contributed so much to the shaping and the molding of my inner man.
The first four months of the year are nearly over. Only two-thirds remains of this“new” year 2009.
Was it just a year ago when Ernie and I were preparing to leaveChiang Mai , Thailand for a two month summer break back here in the Philippines
And was it just seven months ago when we were packing our suitcases and cleaning ourMaejo University flat thoroughly, preparing to leave Thailand
And was it just five months ago since we buried Ernie’s earthly tent?
On January 1, 2009, I sensed God saying that this year would mark a new beginning for me.
Officially, I am a widow. How is that for a new beginning?
But honestly, there is something in that word that doesn’t agree with me. I don’t think it’s denial, I just don’t want to be called by that term.
When I think of widows, the picture of a woman to be pitied comes to mind. Naomi. The widow of Zarepath…
Ernie was a strong pillar for me. Someone who always knew what to do, someone who always seemed to provide support, encouragement, affirmation.
And when he left, I suddenly found myself alone. During the first weeks after his homegoing, there were many nights when it seemed like I was surrounded by a deafening silence. I wasn’t used to not having him around to talk to!
In the weeks that followed, I realized that whatever decision I needed to make, I now had to make it alone.
Well, this was the reality I had to live with.
But the amazing thing is that although I was alone, I did not feel lonely. I missed my husband, but it wasn’t the end of the world. There was no need to re-arrange the furniture in our bedroom. I was happy to leave things the way they were.
Somehow, I did not feel like I was a widow. And I certainly did not want to impose myself on others with a sense of self-pity and helplessness.
On the contrary, after Ernie’s death I felt like there was something to look forward to, for as I have often said, I am a firm believer in life out of death, gaining through losing, descending into greatness!
It helped to know for sure that he is in heaven.
But I believe that what helped me the most was my quiet acceptance of these recent events of my life.
In acceptance lies peace.
The first three months of this year were like a whirlwind of activities for me. I was inManila at the start of the year, to be with my daughter, and also to conduct a series of Ancient Paths seminars with the New Life Church in South Manila .
In February, I was back in Manila, a surprise trip that my sister in law Sue gave me, and not only was I able to spend Valentine’s Day with my daughter, Sue and I were also able to visit a couple of lovely tourist places in Quezon Province.
In March, I was in Guam for a week, and when I returned toBacolod
In early April, my daughter Obedient One came home for ten days to spend Holy Week with us.
And on April 14, I flew toManila to look after our Manila
On April 19, five days after I arrived here, the 102-year old mother of Vito, Sue’s husband, died. I had to make a quick trip back toBacolod
What a beautiful funeral it was, and I am just so glad I decided to go home for the special occasion.
I was back inManila
About a week ago, I noticed that some plants near the front wall were bent, as if someone had stepped on them. I quickly realized that someone had climbed up the wall and had gotten into our property. I looked around, but there was nothing damaged or missing.
For a while thoughts raced through my mind. What else could I do to make our doors and windows secure?
Our housekeeper also gave word that she was not sure about coming back. Again, more thoughts going through my mind. My daughter lives a very busy schedule. She needs a housekeeper to maintain this big house, cook her meals, and do her laundry. The intruder may decide to pay us another unwelcome visit…
How I wished Ernie were around so I could ask him what needed to be done.
Then early one morning, I was awakened by “Someone” speaking to me.
Therefore the Lord will wait,
That He may be gracious to you;
And therefore He will be exalted,
That He may have mercy on you,
For the Lord is a God of justice;
Blessed are all those who wait for Him.
-Isaiah 30:18
The Voice went on to say:
“I have compassion on you. I understand what you are going through. You are not helpless and alone. I am here to help you, I rise to show you compassion. I will take care of you. I have not abandoned you.”
Wow! And I wasn’t even up yet. I mean, God was already speaking to me as soon as I awoke.
God spoke those words to me last Thursday, April 23.
Last night, as Obedient One and I were having our evening devotions, I told her:
“My dear daughter, our life here on earth is not defined by how secure our doors and windows are, our well being is not dependent on a housekeeper. Our joy doesn’t come from things happening the way we want them to. We will not allow the enemy to give us a sense of bad things happening. Rather, we will let the Lord, our Keeper, Protector, and our Peace, give us a sense of good things happening!”
And this is how the first four months of this year has been for me.
My spirit is at peace.
IN ACCEPTANCE LIES PEACE
by Amy Carmichael
He said, “I will forget the dying faces;
The empty places,
They shall be filled again.
O voices moaning deep within me, cease.”
But in vain the word; vain, vain:
Not in forgetting lieth peace.
He said, “I will crowd action upon action;
The strife of faction
Shall stir me and sustain;
O tears that down the fire of manhood, cease.”
But vain the word; vain, vain:
Not in endeavor lieth peace.
He said, “I will withdraw me and be quiet,
Why meddle in life’s riots?
Shut be my door to pain.
Desire, thou doest before me, thou shalt cease.”
But vain the word; vain, vain:
Not in aloofness lieth peace.
He said, “I will submit, I am defeated.
God hath depleted
My life of its rich gain.
O futile murmurings, why will ye not cease?”
But vain the word; vain, vain:
Not in submission lieth peace.
He said, “I will accept the breaking sorrow
Which God tomorrow
Will to His son explain."
Then did the turmoil deep within him cease.
Not vain the word, not vain;
For in Acceptance lieth peace.
"In Acceptance Lieth Peace," Toward Jerusalem
Listen to this beautiful song, He Who Began A Good Work In You, by Steve Green:
I want to dedicate this blog post to my friends and loved ones who I know frequently visit my blog, their own way of keeping in touch with me:
my sister who lives in USA,
my sister in law Faith who lives in California,
my daughter in law God-given who lives in Bacolod City,
my best friend Melanie who lives in Virginia,
my friends:
Mari from San Diego,
Jun who also lives in San Diego,
Angelina from Hong Kong,
Jessa from New Zealand,
Ut and Oy from Chiang Mai, Thailand,
Tina from Manila,
Jing and Mayang from Bacolod City... and others whose names I may have missed.
Dear loved ones, may you be encouraged in knowing that you are safe and secure in the loving hands of our Lord. Thank you for having kept me company through my journey.
Amy is one of my favorite authors. She has added color and shape to my spirituality.
But so have many others: AW Tozer, CS Lewis, Francis Schaeffer, Henri Nouwen, Catherine Marshall, Elisabeth Elliot, Lilias Trotter…
I call them my friends, for they have contributed so much to the shaping and the molding of my inner man.
The first four months of the year are nearly over. Only two-thirds remains of this“new” year 2009.
Was it just a year ago when Ernie and I were preparing to leave
And was it just seven months ago when we were packing our suitcases and cleaning our
And was it just five months ago since we buried Ernie’s earthly tent?
On January 1, 2009, I sensed God saying that this year would mark a new beginning for me.
Officially, I am a widow. How is that for a new beginning?
But honestly, there is something in that word that doesn’t agree with me. I don’t think it’s denial, I just don’t want to be called by that term.
When I think of widows, the picture of a woman to be pitied comes to mind. Naomi. The widow of Zarepath…
Ernie was a strong pillar for me. Someone who always knew what to do, someone who always seemed to provide support, encouragement, affirmation.
And when he left, I suddenly found myself alone. During the first weeks after his homegoing, there were many nights when it seemed like I was surrounded by a deafening silence. I wasn’t used to not having him around to talk to!
In the weeks that followed, I realized that whatever decision I needed to make, I now had to make it alone.
Well, this was the reality I had to live with.
But the amazing thing is that although I was alone, I did not feel lonely. I missed my husband, but it wasn’t the end of the world. There was no need to re-arrange the furniture in our bedroom. I was happy to leave things the way they were.
Somehow, I did not feel like I was a widow. And I certainly did not want to impose myself on others with a sense of self-pity and helplessness.
On the contrary, after Ernie’s death I felt like there was something to look forward to, for as I have often said, I am a firm believer in life out of death, gaining through losing, descending into greatness!
It helped to know for sure that he is in heaven.
But I believe that what helped me the most was my quiet acceptance of these recent events of my life.
In acceptance lies peace.
The first three months of this year were like a whirlwind of activities for me. I was in
In February, I was back in Manila, a surprise trip that my sister in law Sue gave me, and not only was I able to spend Valentine’s Day with my daughter, Sue and I were also able to visit a couple of lovely tourist places in Quezon Province.
In March, I was in Guam for a week, and when I returned to
In early April, my daughter Obedient One came home for ten days to spend Holy Week with us.
And on April 14, I flew to
On April 19, five days after I arrived here, the 102-year old mother of Vito, Sue’s husband, died. I had to make a quick trip back to
What a beautiful funeral it was, and I am just so glad I decided to go home for the special occasion.
I was back in
About a week ago, I noticed that some plants near the front wall were bent, as if someone had stepped on them. I quickly realized that someone had climbed up the wall and had gotten into our property. I looked around, but there was nothing damaged or missing.
For a while thoughts raced through my mind. What else could I do to make our doors and windows secure?
Our housekeeper also gave word that she was not sure about coming back. Again, more thoughts going through my mind. My daughter lives a very busy schedule. She needs a housekeeper to maintain this big house, cook her meals, and do her laundry. The intruder may decide to pay us another unwelcome visit…
How I wished Ernie were around so I could ask him what needed to be done.
Then early one morning, I was awakened by “Someone” speaking to me.
Therefore the Lord will wait,
That He may be gracious to you;
And therefore He will be exalted,
That He may have mercy on you,
For the Lord is a God of justice;
Blessed are all those who wait for Him.
-Isaiah 30:18
The Voice went on to say:
“I have compassion on you. I understand what you are going through. You are not helpless and alone. I am here to help you, I rise to show you compassion. I will take care of you. I have not abandoned you.”
Wow! And I wasn’t even up yet. I mean, God was already speaking to me as soon as I awoke.
God spoke those words to me last Thursday, April 23.
Last night, as Obedient One and I were having our evening devotions, I told her:
“My dear daughter, our life here on earth is not defined by how secure our doors and windows are, our well being is not dependent on a housekeeper. Our joy doesn’t come from things happening the way we want them to. We will not allow the enemy to give us a sense of bad things happening. Rather, we will let the Lord, our Keeper, Protector, and our Peace, give us a sense of good things happening!”
And this is how the first four months of this year has been for me.
My spirit is at peace.
You will keep him in perfect peace,
Whose mind is stayed on You,
Because he trusts in You.
-Isaiah 26:3
IN ACCEPTANCE LIES PEACE
by Amy Carmichael
He said, “I will forget the dying faces;
The empty places,
They shall be filled again.
O voices moaning deep within me, cease.”
But in vain the word; vain, vain:
Not in forgetting lieth peace.
He said, “I will crowd action upon action;
The strife of faction
Shall stir me and sustain;
O tears that down the fire of manhood, cease.”
But vain the word; vain, vain:
Not in endeavor lieth peace.
He said, “I will withdraw me and be quiet,
Why meddle in life’s riots?
Shut be my door to pain.
Desire, thou doest before me, thou shalt cease.”
But vain the word; vain, vain:
Not in aloofness lieth peace.
He said, “I will submit, I am defeated.
God hath depleted
My life of its rich gain.
O futile murmurings, why will ye not cease?”
But vain the word; vain, vain:
Not in submission lieth peace.
He said, “I will accept the breaking sorrow
Which God tomorrow
Will to His son explain."
Then did the turmoil deep within him cease.
Not vain the word, not vain;
For in Acceptance lieth peace.
"In Acceptance Lieth Peace," Toward Jerusalem
Listen to this beautiful song, He Who Began A Good Work In You, by Steve Green:
I want to dedicate this blog post to my friends and loved ones who I know frequently visit my blog, their own way of keeping in touch with me:
my sister who lives in USA,
my sister in law Faith who lives in California,
my daughter in law God-given who lives in Bacolod City,
my best friend Melanie who lives in Virginia,
my friends:
Mari from San Diego,
Jun who also lives in San Diego,
Angelina from Hong Kong,
Jessa from New Zealand,
Ut and Oy from Chiang Mai, Thailand,
Tina from Manila,
Jing and Mayang from Bacolod City... and others whose names I may have missed.
Dear loved ones, may you be encouraged in knowing that you are safe and secure in the loving hands of our Lord. Thank you for having kept me company through my journey.
9 comments:
dear crown of beauty,
i haven't been here for a few days and i was quite moved this morning as i read your post about ernie.
it is the first i read about him, other than the precious poem you have of him on your side bar.
we have in the sisterhood of the traveling scarf a sister, diane who is going through the same sadness.
i feel so uncapable of offering comfort to either of you because i have so little understnading of what you are going through.
i just know one thing that i feel sad but i am so glad in the case of both you and diane that the lord is right beside you and he is comforting you,
what would we ever do without him, eh?
i have diane in my favourite links if you would like to see her sometime crown of beauty..
now i must read your ruby tuesday.
i never realized that you were a ruby tuesdayer until i came here this morning.
i guess that is how you met my felisol. i only know that i have always enjoyed your comments over at her place...
god bless you and take care....love terry
You know, one of the things most precious to me, is your heart for our Lord. No matter what. You inspire us all to get closer and deeper with Jesus.
Your life and marriage continues to be a standard that points the way...always, always to Jesus!
Thank you so much for the blog award. I am so humbled and grateful for your kindness.
Your posts often bring tears to my eyes, not waters of sorrow, but those of joy, thanksgiving, and cleansing. You write with such a heart, such joy, strength, and passion for Jesus Christ.
Thank you for your words of kindness to me. We share an appreciation for many of the authors you mentioned. During the 1980's, I was going through much pain and distress. I began reading the works of Catherine Marshall, and my life has never been the same.
The Amy Carmichael poem is so inspiring. What a great woman of faith she was!
I will be sure to read your post about waiting. Isn't God so wonderful? The scripture that we both used is such a blessing to my heart.
Take care. You are a remarkable woman of grace, and I thank God for our new friendship.
Peace to You in Christ our Lord,
Andrea
I needed to read this, thank you! Did you ever wrestle to stay at peace? I have, and it's not pretty. It has been a wrestling season once again for me.
It is awesome how the Lord is speaking to you. May His voice become clearer and clearer in Jesus' name! Amen!!
You are such a lovely woman of God and you continually pour out and bless me.
Lovingly,
Yolanda
The picture of the "weed" is BEAUTIFUL! As I've said before, your pictures are so wonderful.
Another beautiful post that speaks to all of our hearts.
This verse was in my mind as I read your post.
John 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
I'm not sure when I last thought about this, so it's good to be reminded.
It's true. Acceptance does bring peace. Isn't it two-fold, though? We must both accept what God allows and brings into our life, AND accept what He says about us. Accept His truths and His promises as OUR truth.
To accept the first without the second sometimes beings a downward spiral of despair. Or, for others, it causes them to never grow and move on in life. Acceptance of what has happened gives you peace with the past, but no hope for the future.
But to accept the second without the first is to find ourselves struggling with the age-old questions of why a God who promises such wonderful things can allow such difficult things to enter our lives.
To accept BOTH is to acknowledge that the God who loves us more than we can imagine is also the God who knows more than we could ever comprehend. It is to trust that everything in our life is somehow a part of a perfect and beautiful plan that covers both our past and our future. And in THAT acceptance lies peace. At least, that's what I've found!
I am encouraged now to share what the Lord spoke to me on the 26 as I worked through a struggle within my own being....yes indeed..our Lord is compassionate.
Thank you for sharing your family and your heart here ..and let us continue to glorify God in all our writings.
blessings
donna
Dear Lidia,
You are always in my mind.
love,
Oy
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