Generosity: A Sanctuary of Beauty

Purple Flowers

by Rose Ann Hayes

(quote from Jeff Goins added)

image source

For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.

- Proverbs 23:7

A generous person will prosper;

whoever refreshes others will be refreshed.

-Proverbs 11:25

I write because I don't know what I think until I read what I say.  

-Flannery O'Connor

It's been over a month since I last posted an entry on this blog. Tonight I'm grateful for the opportunity to write another chapter to my life story. I've entitled it Generosity, the name I am giving the month of November as it comes to an end.

Looking back over the past weeks, I see the recurring pattern of generosity in the fabric of my life. Yet, woven between the threads are occasional strands of relational pain. For those contrasting strands, I choose to be thankful for they add texture to my existence. They prompt me to evaluate my relationships, and to make necessary adjustments. Forced out of my comfort zone, I can honestly assess the condition of my heart, check the filters through which I view my life, and listen to what God is saying.

A month ago I was given an opportunity to be part of another kingdom assignment. The past months I had been on many plane rides and airport layovers en route to and returning from ministry destinations. Thus my initial response was one of reluctance and hesitation. I asked, Am I really needed on this trip, Lord? 

Through my ministry leaders I received confirmation that I was indeed a vital part of this mission, and peace came. I realized that it was an invitation to join the Father in what He is doing. And when God extends a special invitation to join Him in His work, only a fool would say no.

Plans were not fully laid out right away, but in my heart was a quiet sense of trusting Abba Father for how things will work out. I was truly grateful to help fulfill a kingdom purpose in the lives God would entrust to us. 

Breakfast, October 24, 2016

"Heart Wide Open"

The Greek word patior comes to mind. That it should surface at the exact moment I needed it amazes me. One of the definitions of patior is "to allow" or "to submit." It also means "to undergo." It includes the sense of allowing other people to do things to you, in contrast to you deciding to do it yourself. 

In another sense, the word patior means "to be handed over."

I first heard about this beautiful word years ago, from a book by Henri Nouwen. Henri wrote that in the first three years of the public ministry of Jesus, He was a man of action. He taught, healed the sick, and went about His Father's business. But at the end of His life, He allowed things to be done to Him. He was fully God, yet He underwent Gethsemane as fully man, where He grappled with the reality of the Cross. 

In the end, He said yes to the Father.

Jesus ended His life in a state of being actively passive. The words passive and patience are derived from the Greek patior.

It is with this sense of being actively passive that I embarked on that assignment. I didn't know what lies ahead, but one thing was sure: destiny was unfolding before me, and my heart was ready. I could be relaxed about it, mostly because I was trusting God for the outcome.

Everything did fall into place in the end. Plans were made, not in the usual way that corporate plans are drawn and finalized, but in consideration of people's availability and time commitments. Flexibility was the name of the game, so to speak. And so the plans we came up with were rather open-ended. But it all worked out beautifully. People were willing to make sacrifices; there was commitment and cooperation.

I am quite passionate about what I do, but not in the sense of being intense or driven. I like the way Nouwen describes the word passion. He says passion is a kind of waiting - waiting for what other people are going to do. All action ends in passion because the response to our action is out of our hands.

At this point in my life, the passion with which I do the work I have been called to do is flowing out of a heart that rests and trusts in what God will do.

Looking at the time I spent in ministry, I can say that it was done with this sense of quiet passion.

Then something came up that really shook my world. 

I  write about it here because there are precious lessons to be gleaned, but mostly to verbalize the journey my heart took in response to what happened. 

I echo what Flannery O'Connors says: I write because I don't know what I think until I read what I say.

Writing my thoughts down helps bring clarity.

Someday I will look back at these days and understand the purpose for this important chapter in my life. Probably the greatest lesson I am taking away at the present moment is this: What was intended by the enemy to wound became a redemptive tool in the Father's hand to open the eyes of my heart.

It has been a long time since my world was shaken in that way. 

It was a case of the topical versus the relational level of communication, something that the enemy is good at messing up with.

On the topical level, my motives were pure, and my conscience was clear. But somewhere along the way, a lie was planted by the enemy, seeking to sow discord. The real motive for something I did was misunderstood, and out of that misunderstanding, wrong relational messages were exchanged.

I thought I was quite secure in my inner worth and true value. Yet, the enemy was subtle in his attack; my self-worth was shaken even in the midst of spiritual breakthroughs. 

But thanks to the grace of God He enabled me to carry on and attend to the needs of the moment.

I must be honest, though, and admit that I felt misunderstood, and misrepresented. Every part of me wanted to explain my side. But rather than defend myself, I tried to view things from the other person's point of view, bearing in mind one important lesson about relational conflicts, that one does not have to be wrong to repent. 

The way things turned out was not entirely my fault, nevertheless, I knew the mature response was to own my part in what happened, without passing any negative judgment. 

Where there has been relational miscommunication, one can help promote healing by taking a humble stance and asking for forgiveness for the wrong relational message that was conveyed.

I asked for forgiveness.

And I chose to release forgiveness.

I say this not to make myself look good.  Indeed it is so easy to give in to self-pity, and self-focus... when in truth, the Father is just waiting to point the way to a healing breakthrough.

So I asked God to help me walk in the opposite spirit. Having been a recipient of so much generosity throughout the past weeks, I didn't want to give room to offense. 

Instead, I wanted to give a wide place for honor, even though my own heart was still in pain.

On the plane ride back to the Philippines, there was a chunk of time to be alone with my thoughts, and I sensed the Father slowly begin downloading His healing into my own heart.

I realized that despite the full schedule of the past weeks, with ministry extending past midnight on most days, I did not feel tired or drained. On the contrary, I felt energized and revived.

I looked back at the sweetness of my relationship with my dear friends. We have all poured much investment into each other's lives, an investment that should not be put to waste.

When trust is broken, it is easy to give up and walk away.

Old wounds can sometimes re-open.

I realize that just as I have my own filters from which I view my life events, other people also have their own filters.

We all have our own areas of blindness.

And we all have unhealed wounds... triggers that connect to past wounding experiences... the subtle role of the enemy who is quick to whisper lies into our ears... 

Really, just about anything could go wrong as we journey through life.

That's understandable, since we are in a war. The enemy fights dirty. His goal is always to steal, to kill, and to destroy.

But Jesus came to give life, and give it abundantly.

I want to be a life-giver in my relationships. My mind is filled with accumulated spiritual knowledge. Of what use is that when they are not put to practice? Of what value are the words I speak to teach others, if I cannot walk my talk?

Why not choose to turn the other cheek, and walk the extra mile... in the opposite spirit? Why not choose to bless, even when my own heart is in need of healing? 

The Bible says that as far as it depends on me, to live at peace with everyone. (Romans 12:18) What better time to put that into practice than at this time? After all, we are in varying stages of maturity and growth.

The heart response I offer at this time could very well be the very response others have given me, without my knowing it. 

Slowly I picked up the pieces of my heart and allowed the Father to put them back together.  After all, He is the one who assigns my true worth.

I have chosen to remain quiet, no longer seeing a need to protect my position. Abba Father reminded me that as a lamb before its shearers is dumb, so Jesus opened not His mouth before His accusers.

Could I truly be like Jesus, without sounding self-righteous?

With His grace and help, I am walking in that direction. I can now look back at what happened without blameshifting or fault-finding. 

Yet, there are also practical steps to take.

There has been forgiveness, but the process of forgiving takes time, even as Jesus said that we may need to do it seventy times seven (Matthew 18:21-22). 

I'm doing the math. And applying it.

And I hear my heart speaking. In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. (Hebrews 12:4).

That just puts everything in perspective. Everything that we consider an injustice in our life pales in comparison with what was done to Jesus on the Cross.

Understandably, hearts are still bruised where the lies of the enemy were aimed like arrows. 

Since the only weapon against falsehood is truth, in this season, I am embracing Jesus Christ as the Way, the Truth, and the Life.

Jesus Christ as Truth brings cleansing, clarity, and freedom to my heart.

Jesus is also the Prince of Peace, giving me His Peace in the midst of my troubled waters.

It is a new season for me.

A season of giving honor a chance to do its work.

This is the season to step back, and to allow space and time for healing and restoration to take place, and for broken trust to be rebuilt.

From the same position of active passivity that I have been living my life this year, I continue to look at my relationships. 

I want to live life with a passion. 

Yet, not a passion of too much action, of trying to fix things, of getting issues resolved, of being in control over my circumstances, of making things happen... but passion in the sense of passionate waiting. Waiting for what God will do.

Abba Father reminds me that the battle is His, I only have to be still.

Maybe others will look at it as complacency. Or spiritualizing conflict, and pushing my real feelings under the rug.

For me, it is really the patior of undergoing, of submitting, and of giving permission.

It is keeping my heart open to the glorious possibilities that God has in store for those who wait. 

I hope there will come a time when I will be able to speak the truth in love. But even if it doesn't happen, my heart is on the road to peace. 

Meanwhile, I am thankful for the many opportunities for soul recharge that have been made available to me since I got back three weeks ago. As a friend from England said, I need to have a strong soul to carry me through the pain of this season. How soothing that advice was when I received it. My spirit is being fed with worship and close communion with God... but the soul also needs to be nourished.. with beauty... joy... laughter... and meaningful friendship.

How grateful I am for the generosity of the different people I have been with the past month. A dear friend from Manila wrote me an affirming letter; just what I needed at this time. An online British friend watered my soul with prophetic words from the Father's heart.  A Bible study leader, a dear friend as well, reminded me that the Lord is my Husband, my Protector, my Defender, my Shield and my sure Reward.

My Father God has been generous with His words, imparting to me my true identity. You are a faithful daughter, and I take delight in you. These were the words Abba Father spoke to me over and over again.

But the greatest generosity of all is the full payment that Jesus gave on the Cross for all the wrong things that people may do to me in this lifetime.

Yes, the Cross gives me an eternal perspective from which to view the events of the past weeks.

I am entering a season of rediscovering who I am. 

Of stepping back, evaluating, assessing, taking stock.

Of spending quality and quantity time in the Father's presence. Asking Him to reveal my heart, and His heart, to me.

Of asking God to show me where He is leading me, and what my next assignment is to be.

Of new kingdom strategies.

I sense that He is taking me out of this comfort zone, and leading me to new, uncharted territories and deeper waters.

No matter what the future holds, in this season, I want to offer  my heart as a sanctuary of beauty to an ugly world.

That quote by Jeff Goins sinks deep.

That is the kind of heart I want to have... in everything I do, and say.

And so, as November comes to an end in a few days, I am grateful for the generosity that has been given me.

I want to pay forward... and be generous, in return.

Generous in my intercession.

Generous in my praise and worship.

Generous in my faith, and in my hope.

Generous in my love.

Generous in my time, resources, and efforts.

Generous in my opinions and attitudes.

Generous in the way I view others.

Generous in my perspective of my life events.

To not withhold good when it is in my power to give it, but at the same time to be able to choose wisely.

I will choose my battles.

I will choose the thoughts that I entertain.

I will choose my words carefully.

I will choose the people I allow to speak into my life.

All these... because in everything I think, say and do, God desires that He alone be given the glory and the honor. May my love for Him be given precedence and top consideration in all the decisions I make.   

I shall ask into my shell only those friends 

with whom I can be completely honest.

- Anne Morrow Lindbergh

(Gift from the Sea)

  

Finding Grace in Brokenness

The Midnight Hour

January 15, 2013 sunrise

photo taken by Obedient One on board flight bound for Manila

But at midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, 

and the prisoners were listening to them.

Suddenly there was a great earthquake,

so that the foundations of the prison were shaken;

and immediately all the doors were opened

and everyone's chains were loosed.

- Acts 16:25-26




So let us know, let us press on to know the LORD,
His going forth is as certain as the dawn;
And He will come to us like the rain,
Like the spring rain watering the earth.
- Hosea 6:3

The holidays are over. Obedient One and I arrived in Manila early Tuesday morning. At the baggage claim, we waited a long time for our third suitcase to appear on the conveyor until we were the only ones left. There was a similar suitcase going around, but it was not ours. We then realized that someone had picked up my daughter's bag by mistake.

The airport personnel were quick to assist us. They checked the tag, identified the owner, and called him on his mobile phone. Fortunately he picked up his phone, and was informed of the mix-up. That was the only time he realized he had taken the wrong bag.

After an hour of waiting, Obedient One finally had her own suitcase back. Because of the delay, we were caught in the morning rush hour when people were on their way to work. We reached our home at about 10 a.m.

Come to think of it, the delay was a small price to pay in exchange for recovering a lost bag. Things could have been worse. I was truly thankful that heavenly Father had His eyes on us, and didn't allow us to suffer loss. Another thing I was grateful for was the fact that my dear friend Rosemarie had sent her driver and Ford Expedition to pick us up from the airport. Despite the heavy traffic, we were very comfortable as we made our way through the clogged avenues leading to our home.

But really, losing a suitcase... being stuck in heavy traffic... what are they compared to the more weighty matters pertaining to one's eternal destiny?

Nevertheless, I am amazed at the goodness of God in taking care of those things for His children. He knows... He cares. He stoops down to where we are.

Taking a look at the circumstances of my own life, I am always reminded that I am so dependent on God... for everything. He alone knows the many concerns that I lift up to Him on a daily basis.

And He wants me to deepen my understanding of His ultimate agenda. To live every minute of my life in the light of His kingdom reign.

How easy it is to be sidetracked, or lose one's focus.

As Neville Johnson reminds us: "The past year has been a year of cascading events that will continue to shape the prophetic, political, and economic landscape. We are now on the final lap of the race that will ultimately lead to the final harvest and the return of Jesus. To be alive in this hour is a great privilege which we must not waste." 

A great privilege which we must not waste.

These words tug at my heartstrings.

There is much truth to be learned, to be digested, to be understood, and lived out.

In September of 2012, Rosh Hashanah (the Jewish New Year) ushered in the year 5773 in the Hebraic calendar, the year we now are in.

The year '73' is ayin gimel in the Hebrew alphabet: ayin is the sixteenth letter having a numeric value of 70, while gimel is the third letter and has a numeric value of 3.

Ayin means "eye" - to see, and by connotation, to understand and to obey.  

Every decade has an overarching theme, and three years ago we entered the decade of ayin, what prophets call "The Seeing Years."

We are not just entering a new season, we are entering a new era... an era when God will not let His glory remain hidden any longer, but will choose to reveal it to those who have the eyes to see what the Father is doing, and the ears to hear what the Spirit is saying to the churches.

Just as Moses turned to "see" the fire in the burning bush, and then had an encounter with the Living God, so is the Father calling forth His deliverers from the wilderness, who will turn to "see" ... and hear... then do as He says.

The Lord is calling forth His deliverers to set His people free from the cruel taskmasters of complacency, materialism, self-righteousnessness, deception, and unbelief.

Moses was brought up in the palace of Pharaoh and therefore understood the protocol of kings.

Indeed, he was destined to stand before kings.

But Moses needed to spend time in the wilderness to form his character... to give him a heart of humility... before he could be trusted to release the miracles.

Wilderness time, character formation, is essential that the eyes of our understanding be opened and we become the vessels through which God's miracles will be released.

During this decade, God is calling His people to prepare themselves and be ready for the next great move of His Spirit.

Number 3 in the Hebrew alphabet is gimel, symbolic of the camel. Camels are burden bearing beasts able to tolerate the desert heat and go for many days without water.

For many of us, the past year has been one of desert hardship, in more ways than one. But in the Father's plan, it was the wilderness of heart preparation.

During ayin gimel, the Father wants to show His faithfulness of provision and release to those who will remain faithful to press on despite the heat and the dryness.

I want to be found faithful despite the difficulties and the uncertainties of life.

I want to see the new things that the Father is showing.

I want to hear what the Spirit is saying to the churches.

The year 2013 is prophesied to be a year of:

- darkness and light
- the goodness and the severity of the Lord
- the maturing of both good and evil
- a release of the Lord's favor, together with His judgment

As a church we need to have a single eye, not blinded by offense, wrong priorities, or unbelief, but to  see clearly, that we  all may move as one into the new era, the final lap of the race that will ultimately lead to the end time harvest and the return of Jesus.



The past weeks I have had to constantly come before God to repent for not putting my priorities in order. There is a call for simplicity, for consistency, for re-ordering of my priorities, for more intensive praying, and digging more deeply into His word.

This morning in Victory Fellowship I was once again convicted by the words of Pastor Edgar.

Battered and bruised from severe beating, imprisoned, and in chains for delivering a woman from the spirit of divination, Paul and Silas were not focusing on their sad fate. They were praising and worshiping God at the top of their voices.

Suddenly there was a great earthquake,

so that the foundations of the prison were shaken;

and immediately all the doors were opened

and everyone's chains were loosed.

Earthquakes are rather normal in Macedonia, but what was beyond normal was the timing of this particular earthquake, its intensity, and its location.

In response to the heartfelt worship of Paul and Silas, God sends an earthquake that opens their prison doors, and unshackles them, as well as all the other prisoners around them, from their chains!

And they were not even asking to be set free...

Several words strike me in this story...

At midnight.

Suddenly.

Immediately.

In the darkness of our midnight hour, God is waiting for the right response... a response from the heart.

God shakes things in our lives that He may open our prison doors, and unshackle us from our chains.

The time is over for "church as usual." God is bringing us to a deeper dimension of kingdom living. As Paul says, "The night is far spent, the day is at hand." (Romans 13:12)


Father, I want my life to be a reflection of my worship to You. 

My physical circumstances may move or shake me, but in my spirit, I want to remain steadfast and anchored in You alone. 

Open the eyes of my understanding that I may see You, and hear You, and act accordingly... 

as a deliverer setting the captives free... 

as a bride longing for the return of her Bridegroom.

You hear the cry of my spirit, the desire of my heart.

You understand.






Some recent pictures of the Women of Purpose retreat:

At Starbucks, waiting for the rest of the group

At Jing's beach house in Miranda

Dusk at Miranda Beach

photo taken by Lidia on January 11, 2013

Neville Johnson, The Year Ahead

Melissa Flores, Defining Words

Lisa Butler, New Wells in the Year of Ayin

The God of the Suddenlies

Petals unfolding at the dawning of a new day.

I took this picture at Nest Chiang Dao, Chiang Mai, Thailand
in January 2010. Click on photo to enlarge.
You will see the folds very clearly. Amazing!




¹⁶ This is what the LORD says—
he who made a way through the sea,
a path through the mighty waters,

¹⁷ who drew out the chariots and horses,
the army and reinforcements together,
and they lay there, never to rise again,
extinguished, snuffed out like a wick:

¹⁸ "Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.

¹⁹ See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up;
do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland..."

- Isaiah 43:16-19


And suddenly there was with the angel
a multitude of the heavenly host
praising God and saying,
"Glory to God in the highest,
and on earth peace,
goodwill toward men."

- Luke 2:13-14


And suddenly there came a sound from heaven
as of a rushing mighty wind,
and it filled all the house
where they were sitting.

- Acts 2:2

After spending thirteen days in Manila, I am back in Bacolod again.

It was truly a profitable two weeks for me.

Apart from conducting two Ancient Paths seminars for two consecutive weekends, I enjoyed the time I spent with my daughter Obedient One and reconnecting with some of my friends there.

Another important accomplishment for me while I was in Manila was the repainting project of the exterior walls of our house that our maid and I began.


There were also specific messages that God spoke to me.

As I had shared in some of my recent posts, our islands have been experiencing a severe dry spell the past months.

With the heat reaching 42 degrees on some days, something that rarely happens here, some towns in our province have asked to be put under a state of calamity. It has been reported that agricultural loss due to damaged crops and farm animal deaths now amount to millions of pesos.

And I have sensed the dryness not only in the spiritual realm around me, but within my own heart as well.

Send down the rain of your presence and your favor, dear God... I have cried out to God on several occasions.

My birthday is just a few days away. And somehow I sense a stirring deep inside, some kind of a momentum...that something is in motion... and I am about to be propelled into a higher level of my life.

Last week, on my way to the church where the two day Ancient Paths seminar was going to be held, I was having a private conversation with the Lord.

The year 2009 for me had been twelve full months of adjusting to the many new roles I was in.

I was a new widow, a new mother in law, a new grandmother.

My sister in law had also offered me a position at the university, and for that I needed to pursue higher education.

Because I was traveling so often the past year, I never was in my Bacolod home long enough to really focus on the things that I wanted to finish.

Living out of a suitcase seems to be the new normal for me.


As I looked out the window of the car I was riding, I saw people on their way to work. Men and women in corporate attires driving the latest models, obviously on their way to their workplaces where deals were waiting to be closed, and transactions ready to be finalized.


What about me, dear Father? What am I becoming?

If I want something to happen, should I not be preparing for it already?

Am I on the right track, Lord?

I don't really want to keep on talking about my husband's death, but somehow, that is where it all started. When someone who has been used to having a strong pillar to lean on, and a guiding light to follow suddenly finds herself alone and making major decisions alone...

On most days I don't really feel like I'm lost, or struggling, or fumbling in the dark.

No, it has not been like that at all.

These past months there have been remarkable moments of peace...strength... joy....hope.

Knowing beyond a shadow of doubt that God is very close, and keeping watch over me.



But it was one of those days when the clouds were grey, the future seemed so uncertain. I felt like I was in a tunnel, and I needed to know if I was going in the right direction.

What about me, Lord? Am I going the right way? I asked my heavenly Father again.


Then a gentle voice spoke: I am the God of the suddenlies.

A familiar voice, but it really took me by surprise. Probably because I wasn't really expecting God to say anything to me. I actually believed that my questions, my doubts, would eventually fade, that the light would once again shine... and the clouds would clear up.

There was a whole team waiting to be trained, and a group of participants expecting to receive their breakthroughs. I would somehow manage to say the right words, and at the end of the day, I knew everything would have turned out beautifully.

That was what I thought.

Because that is what usually happens. Even when there is no earthshaking revelation, things do turn out well. People do get healed. Clutter is removed, and things fall into place. Issues are resolved, forgiveness is released. There is a sense of order being restored.

Underneath it all, there was really a sense of excitement in my heart. I believed that it was not going to be just another day of ministry.


I just wasn't prepared for God to speak so specifically!

I am the God of the suddenlies, do you understand what that means?

Of course I knew what it meant.

Burning bush.

Red Sea.

Water from the rock.

Jordan River.

Tongues of fire.


Things happening without precedent, without warning. Suddenly, there is light. Suddenly, there is life. God speaks things into being, and they come into existence.


I am the God Who makes all things new, do you understand what that means?

Again, I knew what it meant.

It meant that I was never to rely on previous experiences, expecting things to happen the same way as before. Because God wanted me to depend on Him alone, never on myself.

Ministry skills acquired through the years were needed, but past victories had to be placed under the cross. My cup had to be emptied, ready to be filled anew...

Even hurts and offenses had to be poured out at His feet, never to be accumulated, piled up and rehearsed.

God isn't in the recycling business, He is into creating, and re-creating... calling forth things that are not, as though they were!

I understood what He was saying. He wanted me to know trust at a deeper level. Learning to wait for Him to act. Offering to Him a fresh heart, an empty cup.

Just because something is happening suddenly doesn't mean He hasn't thought it out. In fact, God has it all prepared, and He has it all planned out.

Then there will be a manifestation...a breakthrough...a revelation.


And God is looking for those who are prepared to obey, and to listen to His voice, and to walk with Him down a different road.

God is building sensitivity in those who are willing to learn to do it His way.

Feel His touch. Hear His voice. See what He sees...not as the rest of the world sees.

We are entering the season of the suddenlies...and when the cloud moves, God wants to know that we are ready to move with Him.

God is pouring new wine, and He will pour them only into new wineskins that are still soft and willing to be stretched.

Behold I am doing a new thing, do you not perceive it?

Do not let it catch you by surprise.

Look at your life from My perspective...for you have not passed this way before.


I was not prepared for what God spoke to me that day, but I needed to hear what He said.


I love how Russel Durose puts it:

The “suddenlies” of God are wonderful.

They come with promise, that is, we are assured of God’s faithfulness, but we are never prepared for the WAY God will do it! (emphasis mine)

It was good to be back home. Worshiper and Chosen One picked me up at the airport, then the three of us had lunch at Cafe 1925, a quaint roadside restaurant in Silay City.

But somehow I feel that it won't be long before I embark on another assignment again!

This afternoon, for the first time in many months, there was a sudden heavy downpour in our city. There was a surge of joy in my heart as I listened to the sound of badly needed rain!


I firmly believe we are living in the generation of the return of Christ, and yes, we all need to be prepared for the season of rapid change.


Here are a few pictures taken over the past few days:

The ministry team for the March 11-12 Ancient Paths
Pearlie, Sheryll, Rosinni, Ruby, William and me
Manila, March 11

Lunch at Circles at the Shang, Makati with our friend Gigi
March 12


Lunch at the Thai Kitchen with my cousins Noly and Nora from Canada.
The last time I saw them was on their wedding day in 1975.
March 13

Lunch at Cyma Greek Taverna with my friends Tina and Rosemarie
March 17

We visited and prayed for our friend Donna who was in hospital for severe abdominal pain
March 17

Enjoying my time with my daughter, and her mini schnauzer, George

My friends Pastor Joey and Ut at whose house we stayed during the days of the seminar
March 20

The ministry team for the March 19-20 Ancient Paths
March 20

The participants of the Ancient Paths at Alabang New Life Christian Center
March 20

Greek yogurt after a sumptuous lunch for an early celebration
of my birthday together with my daughter Obedient One
March 21

Back in Bacolod City, with my new daughter in law Chosen One
at Cafe 1925 this lunch,
after they picked me up from the airport.
photo was taken by Worshiper
March 24

Pressing On: Redefining My Mountain

Let us know;
let us press on to know the Lord;
His going out is sure as the dawn;
He will come to us as the showers,
as the spring rains that water the earth.

- Hosea 6:3

Blessed are those
whose strength is in You,
who have set their hearts on pilgrimage.
As they pass through the Valley of Baca, they make it a place of springs;
the autumn rains also cover it with pools.

- Psalm 84:5-6

The heart wants to remember.

That is why we journal, and take pictures of the events of our lives.

Even without the actual pictures and written words, the heart records and remembers every experience, even if at the conscious level we sometimes forget.

This never ceases to amaze me -- that important events in my life, some dating back to when I was three years old, are still vividly stored in my memory bank.I have met a few people who actually recall their experiences within their mother's womb!

In Switzerland about twelve years ago, while sitting in the front porch of a friend's chalet up in the Bernese Oberland portion of the Swiss Alps, and overwhelmed with such beauty and grandeur before my eyes, I suddenly realized that no matter how beautiful the pictures, or how fitting the adjectives, there was no way any of these could adequately capture the real thing.

The pictures I take and the words I write are pale shadows compared to what I have seen and experienced with my own senses.

And yet we need altars to commemorate the special events of our lives, and we need signposts to lead those we are leaving behind. The heart not only wants to remember, it needs to remember where it has gone, in order to move forward.

Remembering is vital to our growth.

This is the awesome thought that kept running in my mind the days that I was in Baguio at the start of this month...


There are still many precious things that I want to write about.

However, today I am pressed for time. Within today I must pack my suitcase (again!), go to the bank, go to the hairdresser, visit the grocery, tidy up my bedroom, etc.

Six of my friends and I will be boarding our flight out of the country tomorrow headed for an international destination. That is all I can say about this trip for now.

We return to Bacolod City on September 30. I don't think there will be time for me to blog within the next two weeks. So this will probably be my last post for now.

--0--

I understand that not everything can be written down. Journalling, even blogging, can become a compulsive habit, an idol... Being aware of this, I truly desire to be obedient to what God wants, and humbly submit to His lordship in this whole area of online publishing.

May God honor my desire to put words to some precious things on my heart, given the limited time frame that I have today.

Just so I never forget what God allowed me to go through at this particular juncture in my life.

Because my heart so wants to build an altar of remembrance.

I was just so grateful to God for having given me the opportunity to spend a few days in His presence, up in the mountains, away from the usual hustle and bustle of my daily life.

Because I live in the city, those days up in Baguio City gave me a different perspective.

There is something about mountains that touches me at the core. Here in Bacolod City where I live, the houses are close together, it is hot, and noisy.

Oh, there are many beautiful and spacious estates with well tended gardens, manicured lawns, and homes of elegance where the rich and the famous live. Otherwise, the few parks that we have access to are rather withered and often crowded.

My eyes long for the natural beauty and lush greenery of the mountains!

It was a foggy Friday morning, my third day in Baguio City. As I looked out the attic window, I sensed God calling me, inviting me to experience the beauty of a brand new day.



After a night of rain, the plants were literally dripping with dew.

.





There was such a sense of freshness and newness all around.



I could sense the presence of God in the stillness.




The song "In the Secret"by Andy Park is one of my favorite songs... and it seemed just the right song to sing in this place!


In the secret, in the quiet place
In the stillness You are there...



In the secret, in the quiet hour I wait Only for You, cause I want to know You more...



I want to know You, I want to hear Your voice,
I want to know You more...



I want to touch You, I want to see Your face
I want to know You more...



I am reaching for the highest goal
That I might receive the prize...







Pressing onward, pushing every hindrance aside, out of my way
Cause I want to know You more...




I want to know You, I want to hear Your voice
I want to know You more...


I want to touch You, I want to see Your face
I want to know You more...


After breakfast, we gathered again to seek God's presence. We sensed God leading us to read from Amos 9:11-15 that morning:

On that day I will raise up
the tabernacle of David which has fallen down
and repair its damages
I will raise up its ruins
And rebuild it as in the days of old...

The mountains shall drip with sweet wine
And all the hills shall flow with it

I will bring back the captives of my people Israel
They shall build the waste cities and inhabit them

They shall plant vineyards and drink wine from them;
They shall also make gardens
and eat fruit from them...

What an awesome promise of restoration!

God promises to raise up... repair... rebuild... the broken tabernacle of David.

The tabernacle of David was where 24/7 praise and worship was offered to God. There is a coming restoration of the altar of worship and intercession in our lives!

He will fill our hunger and our longing to be drawn closer to Him.







This is what I sensed God saying to me:

What you thought was a mountain of impossibility
will become a mountain of blessing from Me.

There are many hindrances that seem to be standing in your way.

It feels like you're standing in a crossroads,
and now you're wondering which way to go.

You're not sure...
so you're waiting...
and you don't want to take another step.

You feel like you have lost your sense of direction,
that you've hit a wall.

But it is actually a good thing that you've reached that place.
Because now you have reached the end of yourself.

And here I am!

Let Me be as a mountain of blessing for you.

You may empty yourself now of schemes,
and strategies...

Just let me do the rebuilding of your life.

Watch how I do it...learn from Me.

Let Me amaze you!

I want to show you a new way,
a new path!

Dearest Father,

I look forward to the coming day of rebuilding, and restoration...

Yes, dear Lord. Rebuild the altar of worship that has fallen down...

"Give me this mountain" just as Caleb requested of Joshua...

Give me this mountain of blessing that you speak of!

Bring the autumn rains and the spring rains upon my life, Lord!

I want to plant vineyards and drink wine from them... make gardens and eat fruit from them!

Let it be just as You promise!

Thank You for Your presence, dear Lord...