I have given you...."
Joshua 1:3
For who has despised the day of small things?
Zechariah 4:10
My daughter Obedient One is spending this weekend with us. She's here for Matt's second birthday which we celebrated last night. I have always appreciated Obedient One's kindness and thoughtfulness, her taking time and making the extra effort to be here. She knows that we value family togetherness as we mark important milestones in our family history.
First Born and God-given hosted the birthday dinner at a Chinese restaurant. It was a quiet evening attended by family and close friends.
This and a number of recent events in my life have again given me many new realizations.
My daughter and I left our Manila home at two o'clock in the morning yesterday. I did not bother to wake up my sister asleep in the other room, anyway we had already said our goodbyes to each other the night before. Of course no one knows when we will see each other again. Her two month visit to her native land is drawing to a close. The last time I saw her was in July of 2008.
I wish I could hold on to my sister and not have to say good-bye.
Soon Matt will not be just a 2-year old little boy. He will grow up, and we will have to let him go.
Yes, this is the stuff of life. Birthdays. Visits. Good-byes.
Nothing really lasts. Life is always moving on.
Life is a series of learning to let go.
A few Sundays ago, our pastor gave an excellent message on learning from our failures. When I shared my thoughts with another close friend, telling her that the message was timely and relevant, she did not have the same enthusiasm I had.
In August 2008 as Ernie and I were about to leave Thailand after our one year stay there, I clearly heard from the Lord that He was giving me the assignment to go back to our home church and share with them the life lessons He has taught me. It seemed to me that He was calling me to mentor a remnant in our church who was hungry for kingdom living. They needed someone to mentor them, to speak life into them at a more intimate and personal level.
Again, when I shared this with the same friend, she did not share my enthusiasm. Instead it was insinuated that I heard wrong, that my efforts are not only dissipating my inner spiritual resources, they are in vain. She feels I am being "used."
The night before I left for Manila, she mentioned some specific things about my frequent trips to Manila and told me that she thinks that I have missed out on my destiny.
I will not go into much detail because in my heart I still honor and respect her as a godly woman.
Of course, I appreciate that fact that she told it directly to me. However, I cannot deny that her rather strong words have caused pain.
Life and death are in the power of the tongue.
For days I felt stung by her words, as if arrows of death were hurled at me - words of rejection, belittling the work for the kingdom that I feel I have been doing.
There were other similar incidents. Words spoken belittling my nation, labeling it as backward... antiquated... decadent. Or words signifying that the little acts of kindness I have done are not good enough.
As a matter of principle, I often choose to see beauty instead of ugliness. A glass as half-full, not half-empty. But these past days I wanted to take an honest look inside of me.
I opened my heart to the Father and asked myself some soul searching questions:
Open my eyes, dear Lord. Speak your words of truth to me...
When I choose to see beauty instead of ugliness, am I being blind?
When I choose to see hope, instead of despair, am I being naive?
When I choose to appreciate efforts to improve, no matter how small, and when I consider these small steps taken in the right direction as better than wallowing in complacency and indifference, am I believing a lie?
And if I believe that there is a coming day when the "prayed-for version" of my country will become real before my eyes, am I just wasting my time?
The answer was obvious.
When I look at reality through the eyes of faith, it is not being blind or naive, it is choosing to receive the unconditional love of the Father in the midst of my less than ideal circumstances.
I've been reading this fantastic book by Art Mathias entitled, Biblical Foundations of Freedom. He said:
We cannot prevent people from rejecting us but we can control how we respond. If we have responded by receiving the hurt and pain, we have fallen into idolatry. It is idolatry because we have allowed more importance to their words or actions than we have to God's. Anything that we allow to come become between us and God, is idolatry or a form of occultism. Picture the moon coming between the sun and the earth, thus blocking the sun from view. This is called an occult moon. We do the same thing when we allow another person's actions or words to block us from His truth.
...Receiving the pain from rejection is therefore a sin. This means that we do not have to receive the pain. We must learn to remember who we are in the eyes of God, not man (emphasis mine).
When we are whole and secure in who we are in God, we will be able to minister to others in their sin, instead of being hurt and offended.
Oh, how easy it is to allow our feelings to be hurt by the words or actuation of others... to become a "noble martyr."
But yes, I realize that it is an unhealthy preoccupation with self that causes one to be easily offended.
I have always thought that I am already beyond offense, and yet my response to the events I mentioned show that offense can creep in unawares, and before I know it, I'm in its grip.
I had to admit to my Father that I was hurting. And when I asked Him to speak truth to me, He showed me the way out.
How true it is that the strong opinions we hold on to become an idol.
They prevent us from recognizing a timely message.
We can become some kind of a destiny police and begin to think destiny is being derailed if others do not live up to our ministry expectations.
We can lock up an entire nation and hinder it from prospering in our own eyes by judging it according to our own human standards.
Yet, even as I write, and perceive weaknesses in others, I am reminded to be careful not to fall into the subtle trap of self-righteousness, of making myself the standard, and being wise in my own eyes!
Self-righteousness is an idol.
I am not the standard of perfection.
Help me, dear Father, I pray! Deliver me from the thinking that I am always better than others, holding on to a warped opinion of people, events, and nations!
Keep my heart always soft, and teachable, always willing to have a kind assessment of what my physical eyes see... open my eyes to see underneath the surface. Help me to have a heart large enough to believe that there is always room for change.
The night before our trip to Manila, my British friend Trudi slept at my house. I told her about my hurt feelings over the words that my friend had spoken to me.
Trudi's response to what I shared with her brought such a healing comfort. Trudi is 20 years my junior, and yet her words contained nuggets of godly wisdom.
We often think of destiny as being a dramatic event, a major exploit. We tend to think that it is a a big bang, lived under bright lights and resounding applause. It can also be a false submission to spiritual authority, making one think that destiny is dictated by those who unknowingly have made idols of their own ministry agenda.
But my spirit agreed with what Trudi gently spoke to me that night. Yes, we may have major roles, and earth shaking assignments. Yet, I also believe that destiny is just as, if not more, often lived out in small, obedient steps. Behind the scenes and the acclaim of seeing eyes.
Destiny is fulfilled in the daily walking, the daily obeying, the daily dying of a thousand deaths.
Dying to our opinions.
Dying to our self-righteousness.
Dying to the way we have been used to perceiving and doing things.
Holding on to opinions can enslave us, and I have to be constantly willing to change the way I see things.
If I am willing and obedient, I will see my destiny unfolding...the way a flower slowly and gently opens up its petals as the darkness of dawn gives way to the morning light.
How I thanked my Father for once more speaking truth to me.
Yes I long for others to share my point of view.
And it is so much easier when we are reading from the same page, and dancing to the same music.
How I want for everyone I meet to know and experience the joy of knowing Jesus Christ as the Way, the Truth, and the Life.
But I also want to be able to love and accept people as they are.
The Father loves me even in my immature responses, I ask Him to help me do the same.
May I see beauty and hope unfolding behind each painful event!
May our hearts always be willing to let go of cherished positions if doing so is the path to a greater freedom... a deeper grace!
This song was on my heart as I awoke this morning:
The More I Seek You (Kari Jobe, Christ for the Nations Institute)
The More I Seek You
(Christ for the Nations Institute)
The more I seek You,
the more I find You.
The more I find You,
the more I love You
I wanna sit at Your feet
drink from the cup in Your hand.
Lay back against You and breathe,
hear Your heart beat
This love is so deep,
it's more than I can stand.
I melt in Your peace, it's overwhelming
The more I seek You,
the more I find You.
The more I find You,
the more I love You
I wanna sit at Your feet
drink from the cup in Your hand.
Lay back against You and breathe,
hear Your heart beat
This love is so deep,
it's more than I can stand.
I melt in your peace, it's overwhelming
I wanna sit at your feet
drink from the cup in your hand.
Lay back against You and breathe,
hear Your heart beat
This love is so deep,
it's more than I can stand.
I melt in Your peace, it's overwhelming
I wanna sit at Your feet
drink from the cup in Your hand.
Lay back against You and breathe,
hear Your heart beat
This love is so deep,
it's more than I can stand.
I melt in Your peace...
22 comments:
Lidj, I love your honesty in expressing how you feel. It can be hard when we receive words that are strong and sometimes hurtful. Frankly, I come to read your blog because I sense that you have something very special to share with us. I too want Kingdom living NOW. And I thank God for giving me that desire too.
As a former and sometimes even still people pleaser, the opinions of others can impact me. But I want to please my Heavenly Father since He is my life.
Choosing to see people, the world, circumstances etc through Jesus' eyes changes our perspective. It's not naive. It's the way I believe we can see things if we submit and abide in Him. He gives us eyes to see and ears to hear. And btw, a heart to love others despite what they say.
I love your spirit and I am drawn to your little space in our blogosphere. I hope I can encourage you in pursuing what God has called you to do. You are blessing me with your writings. And I agree; God's destiny for us doesn't have to be a major ministry, although it could be. I think of the mighty prayer warriors who were always behind the scenes on their knees. They may not have been acknowledged by people but God knows and sees all and that's the best part.
Keep on writing and teaching us. I'm listening.
Love you,
Debbie
My head is nodding on so much of this and I don't want to write too much, but to say Yes and Amen.
Our destiny is usually lived out by small and obedient steps! I so agree and it is so easy for me to feel I am not walking out my destiny because there isn't the lights, the focus or even manifested fruit.
Joshua 1:3...my prayer when I walk through my neighborhood.
Your precious family...what a blessings
Learning to not be offended because I am looking too much on myself...a daily lesson...I need to remove some of those idols.
Thank you so much for sharing...I am allowing God to let it all soak in!
First, I have to say that I enjoyed the family pictures in this post. Matt is suddenly looking older and I can see Ernie in him too. He is a cutie. Nice to see your sister and her family too, and I'm praying for you as you will miss her company.
Second - there is so much wisdom in this post and I can't touch on all of it. I too like to think of the glass as half full and tend to be a people pleaser. I appreciate your words on those things.
Thank you for opening and sharing your heart with this post. We should remember that Jesus the Son of God was rejected and often criticized by family and friends in His own hometown. How broken His heart must have been when He went to the cross? But Jesus was determined to do the will of His father in heaven. He is the example we follow and only His will for our life should we seek.
I always look forward to seeing what you've written here Lidj. But today's word UNFOLDING, brought me straight over here! It was one of my dad's favorite words to describe the way God reveals Himself... and His will for us... so often we want it in one big bold answer, but more often... He 'unfolds' His plans and His purposes.
I can't tell you how many times that word has settled things in my own heart when I get in a hurry, or want to know NOW... it's God's way for us to move forward, and to know His leading... to trust Him as HE 'unfolds' the path to us. I often wish for a resolute and firm answer when I pray about something. I am learning over time, that His answers include so much more than a simple yes or no, even though those times also happen. It's IN the unfolding that we learn to know Him better... HE knows that!
okay.... i've commented way longer than I usually let myself. This one is dear to my heart. That 'one step at a time' is the unfolding...
I love this Lidj! Can you tell!!:)
Your friend was kind of right. You are being used...by God.
Please keep on doing what you are called to do. Let no one take your crown away from you.
Yours Felisol
God blessed you with such a lovely family reunion. Everyone is so loving a special.You wil have fond memories.
God bless you all
I believe this is my first visit. Your blog header is captivating as is your heart for the LORD.
I was blessed in every photo but even more in the words of transparency you shared from your heart. Much I could say but I will just say, bless you and your family.
Glad I had the chance to visit. Looking forward to visiting again.
Blessings to you.
Lisa
Hello Lidj, You have a beautiful close family relationship with everyone. So good to see.
My first husband of 30 yrs was Italian...I loved him so much and stayed and stayed until I broke down completely then I left..it is all under the Blood of Jesus, praise God. Much love to you friend. Crystal xx
Hi, Lidj:
You have written with so much wisdom and truth. I want to comment on it all! But what I relate to is that sometimes I think I'm past being offended and then something fractures in my wounded soul and I realize that "oh, oh, I'm not dead there yet!" I enjoy this journey of faith with you, my sister in Christ. You are precious. I, too, want all the idols to go.
Hello Lidj,
Thank you for sharing your beautiful family with us. I'm blessed by your post today.
As I read about your conversation with your friend I was reminded of a sermon I heard once. It was about The twelve spies and how only two of them brought back a good report. The pastor's point was that although they all looked at the same thing only two saw the possibility for victory. The others carried back a bad report.
Lidj, you're like Joshua and Caleb. You're seeing the posibilities and doing what God impresses upon your heart. I'm blessed by your obedience.
Lidj, I have a friend who does this very same thing! She puts down the visions God has laid on my heart. It got so bad that for a long time I couldn't pick up the phone when my caller ID showed her number. And then...I judged her. Oh, just look how the enemy works! I'm ashamed to say, I still cannot comfortably talk to her. I'm always wondering, okay, when is she going to start punching the punching bag? And so I'm on the defensive.
I am so encouraged by the high road you chose. I know we need to be careful to not take offense, because that bitterness gets deep in our hearts. It changes us. We don't want it to. We didn't ask it to. But we become defensive. We have been hurt, betrayed.
Sadly, I didn't take the high road the last time my friend called. I lashed out at her. I didn't mention all the hurts from the past, I just came up with things that offend me...about her.
I guess I need to work this out with the Lord. But I sure know what you're going through.
I'm glad you're not taking this to heart anymore. You know deep down God's love for the weak is on your heart, and I pray no one will ever take that from you!
Love,
Debby
Lidj, your posts are always so beautiful and life-giving, but there is something very special about this one. It connects with me - resonates with my very spirit and where I am living presently.
I am praying that the Lord will help me let go of feelings and self so I can grasp a greater intimacy with Him. I want to live in victory over feelings. I want to be rid of idoltry of any kind.
Thank you for your heart and kindness.
Much love,
Andrea
Oh my Lord.. thank you for leading me here! Can i have my coffee in a bigger teacup, pls?
"We can lock up an entire nation and hinder it from prospering in our own eyes by judging it according to our own human standards."
WOW! Lidj, how profound. I loved how God is maturing you - regardless of the pain - growth comes through sacrifice and pain - i know that you know this. You are such a tender flower - unfolding - yes, to all of God's intended goodness for your life.
The enemy is always trying to equalize us - to bring us down to his level and derail us from God's intended purpose in us. He will stoop as far as using our very best friends and our own family to do so.
This is unfortunate - but the reason he is so successful in these areas - is because they know our weakness. They know us so well that they are used by the enemy - sometimes, even unknowingly - to attack us where he knows that it will hurt. I think this would be what some call a 'familiar spirit'. I don't quite understand it exactly - but maybe you do. The enemy is trying to trick you and trip you up any way he can.
i love how God is guiding you through it. Your heart is open and supple in His hands. The potter is shaping you - in fact the potter even uses the enemy to accomplish His will.
I love your heart - but you already know this :)
Lovely family you have there. Thanks for sharing those precious moments.
hugs, and prayers
patrina <")>><
warrior bride in boots
Lidj, there are so many things here that touch me and make me want to say thank you for writing!! We who read are so blessed by you, and I know I learn so much! It hurts when friends don't 'agree' with what we've heard from God. It makes us doubt, but I LOVE what you said about idolatry. I feel I will come back several times to chew this one over. So much to say. But mostly, again, THANK YOU. I have no doubt you are truly being anointed to mentor others, you are doing it even online!! Bless you, and bless the Philippines - a country close to my heart. :)
Lidj, I agree that Matt looks like the picture of your Ernie! So happy for the times of celebration you enjoyed with your family.
The rest of the post ministered to me (as it did to many others who commented). We all really DO need to get past needing the affirmation of others and seek only the smile of the Father on our lives.
I pray that I will be able to sort out truth in any criticism that comes my way, grow from it, and finally leave it all in the capable "hands" of the Father.
Praying for YOU, Lidj as you continue your journey toward the high calling of God in Christ Jesus!
Love seeing all these pictures!!
You are a blessing to so many!
Choosing JOY, Stephanie
One of the best pieces of leadership advice I've received, especially as it pertains to ministry, calling, etc. is "to focus on what is near, not far; small, not big."
It's freed me from a lot of grand ideas regarding what God would have me do on a daily basis.
Daily grace, sister. Living it out and walking it through.
Keep to it.
peace~elaine
Hi, As always I feel blessed when I stop by to visit your blog. The devil will throw out stumbling blocks into our path but if your eyes are on the Lord and his directions for your service for him..you may trip and skin your knee but you will not fall. I do feel you are on the path the Lord put you on and I will keep you lifted in prayer. You are a big inspiration to me to stay in prayer over every thing. ♥ Dee
Lidj -
You have one of the most beautiful blogs I have ever visited! I had a wonderful time exploring your sidebar (you have the most interesting things there), and reading many of your posts. Your family is lovely - the love you have for them is so obvious.
What a tremendous message you speak. I can feel your heart in each word you say. You have blessed me, touched me, encouraged me, and convicted me. Especially the words you had to say about destiny.
"Destiny is fulfilled in the DAILY walking, the DAILY obeying, the DAILY dying of a thousand deaths."
Oh, my soul agrees. Just beautiful. I have all too often listened to the hurtful or discouraging words of others - instead of listening to the One Voice - the only Voice that matters - the still, small Voice of the Spirit.
There are no small steps in the Kingdom of God. Each step we take advances the Word - and spreads HIS LOVE!
Thank you for these inspiring words. I am very happy to follow you on your blog, and I eagerly await more of your sharing.
GOD BLESS!
(Thanks for visiting my blog yesterday - Feel free to come back anytime!)
Lidj--
1. Matt sure DOES resemble Ernie, your husband...hauntingly so!
2. About bringing the "good news" to your church Peeps: Lidj, you ARE being 'used'!!! God is using you to do His work on earth. After all--He cannot be EVERYWHERE! (Well, yes He can, of course!)
3. And yesss, "this is the stuff of life...Birthdays. Visits. Good-byes.
Nothing really lasts. Life is always moving on.
Life is a series of learning to let go."
Do you know, I read all these Peeps saying how they will miss me, etc., without much emotion. them I just now read you own comment, and I cried, because I realized i am leaving a really true friend, blog-friend, spiritual-friend, teacher-friend!
I will CERTAINLY miss this blog of yours, Lidj. Thank you for all your kindnesses. And keep on BEING USED--grin!
Love and PEACE!
Steve E
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