With a Breath of Kindness

"Decanting Gold" by Dorling Kindersley

³¹Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat.
³²But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail.
And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.

- Luke 22:31-32



²⁶At that time his voice shook the earth, but now he has promised,
"Once more I will shake not only the earth but also the heavens."
²⁷The words "once more" indicate the removing of what can be shaken
—that is, created things—
so that what cannot be shaken may remain.
²⁸Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken,
let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably
with reverence and awe,
²⁹for our "God is a consuming fire."

- Hebrews 12:26-29



Do not judge according to appearance,
but judge with righteous judgment.

- John 7:24

Man looks at the outward appearance,

but the LORD looks at the heart.

- 1 Samuel 16:7

In his excellent book, The Way of the Heart, Henri Nouwen writes,

Over the last few decades we have been inundated by a torrent of words. Wherever we go we are surrounded by words...

Words, words, words! They form the floor, the walls, and the ceiling of our existence...

In such a world, who can maintain respect for words?

All this is to suggest that words, my own included, have lost their creative power. Their limitless multiplication has made us lose confidence in words and caused us to think, more often than not, "They are just words."

...The result of this is that the main function of the word, which is communication, is no longer realized. The word no longer communicates, no longer fosters communion, and therefore no longer gives life. The word no longer offers trustworthy ground on which people can meet each other and build society.

Henri Nouwen, The Way of the Heart (Harper Collins, New York, 1991), pp. 45-46

The main lesson that God taught me in Rasa was how to wait on Him.

And in order to do this, I had to learn two things: when to be silent, and when to speak.

Learning how to wait knowing that there is a purpose being achieved in my waiting... and learning how to use my words in a godly, creative way.


Henri Nouwen was so right in saying that our words today no longer offer trustworthy ground on which we can meet one another...or reach out to one another.

Our words, as well as our silences, contrary to God's original intention, have become effective weapons that we use against one another.

The day Hans spoke to us on dealing with our critical spirits is deeply embedded in my memory. It was one lesson I needed to learn for in my early years of marriage, I realized that the easiest way I could hurt my loved ones would be to hurl unkind words at them!

Although outwardly I appeared as sweet and demure, deep inside I was self-righteous and judgmental. It was easier for me to say kind words to my friends than it was for me to do the same to my husband.

I guess the fact that my husband was so loving and understanding made me take many things for granted. With a grateful heart I realize that God stepped in and taught me valuable lessons early enough to undo whatever relational damage there was in our marriage, as well as to forever change the way I speak. This helped me chart a new course that would positively affect the future events in our family life.


During the Life Revision retreat, one of our daily exercises was to listen to a fellow participant share his or her reflections on the Bible passage for the day, after which we were to write down a one sentence resonance about it.

A "resonance" was the first thought or impression that came to our hearts after hearing what was said.

Have a ready word, Hans instructed us. But know when to say it, and know just how much to say.

We were given a few minutes to think before writing down our resonance statement, and then we were to read only that one sentence we had written. No explanation or elaboration was allowed.

This was an exercise in learning how to listen well, to the other person who was speaking, and to one's own heart as well.

We were also forewarned that there may be times when a "negative" or "critical" resonance would come up. Then, we would have to decide whether to speak it out, or just keep it to ourselves.


Because of the way our world has become inundated with words, we do need to re-discover godly speech. And godly speech begins in the heart, Hans reminded us... out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.


Yes, our world today needs to recover the art of speaking words that heal, rather than words that hurt...words that build up, rather than words that tear down.

Godly discernment is the key to speaking words that give life.


The word discern comes from two Latin words dis, which means "apart" and cerner, which means "to sift," forming discernere: "to separate or to distinguish or to perceive."



From the Latin cerner comes the derivative crineai which, according to Hans, describes a sifting process, as in sifting chaff from wheat.



Other everyday words from the Latin crineai are:

criticize - meaning, "to sift, or to shake"

crisis - a shaking in body, soul, or spirit

critical - a make or break point



Each day we are given the opportunity to go through a sifting process.

An element of shaking is required in order to effectively sift or separate chaff from grain, gold from sand.

But God intends good to come out of any crisis that we undergo. Out of my crisis experiences, I can emerge as a changed person. It is an opportunity for me to adjust my position... and shift my focus.


To stay away from evil, we must rightly discern what is chaff and what is grain.

To speak words of life, we need to hold on to the gold, and let go of the sand, in our relationships.


Panning for gold is a slow and tedious process; a large amount of sand will often yield only one or two nuggets of gold.

The inexperienced will easily give up. A gentle swirling motion will bring the lighter particles to the surface of the water, the weightier ones, including gold particles will remain at the bottom of the pan.

The untrained eye cannot discern the gold, which can easily be mistaken for unwanted dirt and therefore hastily discarded with the sand.

Indeed, how much easier it is for us to see the sand, the imperfections in other people!

To come to hasty conclusions.

To focus on surface issues.

To dwell on the peripheral and the external.


The Father says that we are not to look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are unseen.

And the Father teaches us not to judge the external appearances, but to look at the heart.



Excerpts taken from my Rasa Diary:

When you criticize, don't stop until you find the gold.

In criticizing, be in covenant with the BEST in the other person.

Why be pre-occupied with the tiny speck in the other person's eye when I have a much larger speck, in fact, a beam, in my own eye?

Live a new life by not being so easily shocked by what another person does or says! Look for the gold, accept him or her in the Beloved.

- Hans Burki, Life Revision Retreat, June 1997

Hans spoke such words of wisdom to us, that after listening to him, I was deeply moved. Indeed, we can be so shaken by the events and circumstances of our lives that we lose our orientation, or our focus.

But since that time, I have asked God that in whatever sifting process I go through, the precious and the substantial will remain. May my eternal perspective and faith in His goodness never be lost!

Yes, I have resolved to always try to look for the gold in the other person. To listen not to his words, but to his heart.


It is a lifelong process, but I must press on. And it is my continuing prayer that with God's help, the words that come out of my mouth will be words of life.


Dear Father, again I pray:

Give me eyes that see beneath the surface...

Give me a heart that understands the way You do...

And let my words be few,

let my words be redemptive,

let my words give grace to those who hear,

let my words build faith in others,

let my words reflect the compassion of Your heart.

May I be a life-giver, like You.

Die Kornsieberinnen ("The Wheat Sifters")

by Gustave Courbet

Oh, the comfort — the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person — having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away.

~ Dinah Craik (A Life for A Life, 1859)

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