Saying Goodbye

To everything there is a season,

A time for every purpose under heaven:

A time to be born,

and a time to die...

Ecclesiastes 3:1



My soul, wait silently for God alone,
For my expectation is from Him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation;
He is my defense;
I shall not be moved.
In God is my salvation and my glory;
The rock of my strength,
And my refuge, is in God.
Psalm 62:5-7

Today is the last day of the year 2008.

It has been a good year. If I had the time, my real desire would have been to do a post entitled "The Year 2008 in Pictures." There are just too many things that happened that cannot be put into words. Hopefully, I will still be able to do this in the not too distant future.


But today, as the year is ending, I want to post some pictures from the funeral. It has only been five weeks since Ernie left this world, and this major event signifies the end of a season for me. Painful as it is, I welcome the new season that God has in store as the new year begins.


According to The Stages of Jewish Mourning (an excerpt from Lori Palatnik's book Remember My Soul), the most crucial stage of mourning is the seven-day period from the day of the burial.

From the time of death to the day of the burial, the attention is poured into honoring the person who died: the vigil, the eulogies, the burial arrangements.

But after the burial, the attention shifts to the mourners - the bereaved family and loved ones - left behind. Thus, this seven-day period is observed by the mourners sitting together in a house of mourning, usually the house of the one who died.

Fellow mourners sit with the bereaved; there are no festivities, and there is no need for words. This is a time to cry, to weep with those who weep. This is not a time to belittle the pain, or try to distract the ones grieving from the memory of their loss.

In fact, to be truly discerning, Lori Palatnik writes, those who mourn together with the family are admonished to refrain from asking this question: "How are you?"

It is good and timely advice. Many well-meaning friends had asked me that question over the past weeks, and I was truly at a loss as to how to respond to them.


Well, I am not a Jew, and there have been no hard and fast rules to guide us in our mourning process over the death of Ernie, but nevertheless, God has truly been good to us at this time.

At the time of Ernie's death, his brother Jun and sister-in-law Faith who live in California were visiting us. His youngest sister Leila and her husband Jay had just decided to move back to the Philippines after having lived in the USA for the past twenty-five years. All three of Ernie's siblings were around to mourn his death together with our family.

Even after the burial, our extended family continued to meet nearly everyday to share meals, and our individual recollection of Ernie's good qualities. Jun and Faith went back to the US on November 30, but Faith has continued to keep in touch with me by calling me regularly.

After they left, I was also able to spend much time to be alone with my thoughts and my memories. Ernie's things and personal belongings are still waiting to be sorted out -- but I have not had the energy to do that. I know I will also get to that sooner or later.

The Christmas season has also helped bring about a measure of healing in my heart. Two days before Christmas, we commemorated the first month after Ernie died.

There was one particular day when I woke up and I couldn't keep the tears from flowing. This was just a few days ago, the day that my nephew Joash (Suzette's first grandson) was celebrating his thirteenth birthday and was having his very formal bar barakah ceremony. All throughout the ceremony, my tears were flowing.

A healing moment for me came when I was able to share how I felt with Ernie's two sisters Sue and Leila at the dinner table and all three of us ended up shedding tears together.

There are just a couple more hours left of 2008. Our family has just finished eating our special New Year's Eve dinner together. Before it ends, I want my last post for 2008 to be the pictures from the funeral.

My husband was a humble man, and through his life, he exemplified for us the true meaning of servant-leadership. His funeral was so beautiful, full of dignity and meaning, it was truly a tribute, a celebration of a life well-lived.

Through the funeral, we gave honor to Ernie's body in recognition of the fact that it was sacred for two reasons: it was a temple of the Holy Spirit, and it "housed and served" his spirit and soul while he was still here on earth.



Posted below are some beautiful pictures taken during the vigil and the funeral:

Ernie's body lying in state at the Ikthus Center,

the Equipping Center of our church,
the Baptist Conference Church of Bacolod

Craig Hill, giving a special message
during the memorial service for Ernie
given by Family Foundations International-Philippines

At the Necrological Service for Ernie before the burial
November 26, 2008

A tribute: Ernie's brother, Jun, and his wife Faith

A tribute: Caleb sings "Go the Distance" for his Grand-uncle,
assisted by his grandmother Sue

Obedient One reading the Scripture passage

Worshiper gives a tribute to his father

This is me, reading the Anniversary letter I wrote Ernie
on our 30th wedding anniversary



First Born says Thank You to all who gave support
at our time of grief

A last shot of the open casket before taking it to the graveside

Worshiper and First Born leading the pall bearers
taking the casket from the Ikthus Center
to the funeral limousine

Cadets awaiting the arrival of the funeral entourage

Cadets saluting as the funeral entourage arrives at the Memorial Park

The pall bearers taking the casket to the graveside

Pall bearers: First Born and Worshiper, Ernie's sons;
Jay, Ernie's brother in law, and Jeff, Ernie's nephew;
Vince and Tony, Ernie's nephews;
Jun, Ernie's brother, and
Vito, Ernie's brother in law

Mario, and Pastor Joe, about to officiate at the committal service

The family gathered at the graveside for the committal service before burial

Leila, Ernie's youngest sister, with her husband Jay

First Born, God-Given and Obedient One
in the final viewing before the burial

Flowers for Ernie

Farewell, my dear husband. I will always love you. I know we will meet again someday in heaven.

An Irish Blessing

May the road rise to meet you
May the wind be always at your back
May the sun shine warm upon your face
The rains fall soft upon your fields
And until we meet again
May God hold you in the palm of His hand.

A New and Glorious Morn

Arise, shine;
For your light has come!
And the glory of the Lord is risen upon you.

-Isaiah 60:1

Ernie and I have made it a point to have a family picture taken at Christmas every year. Shown below is our Christmas 2008 family picture.

Worshiper, Obedient One, me, Baby Matthew, God-Given and First Born
on Christmas Eve 2008

As always, we began the celebration with the Christmas Eve service at our church. The Bamboo Cathedral of the Ikthus Equipping Center was packed. I really felt the presence of the Holy Spirit come down as we began singing Joy to the World.

Christmas Eve service at our church
(my son Worshiper is the one on the right doing the keyboards)

Pastor Joe's Christmas message was on the faith and obedience of Mary that paved the way for the Messiah to be born through her.


Listening to this message struck a familiar chord in my heart. Mary has always been one of my favorite characters in the Bible. Indeed her life has been one marked by faith and obedience, the very kind of life I seek.

This was a different kind of Christmas season for me. In Manila two weeks ago, my close friends Tina, Charo, Pris, and Gina and I got together in Greenbelt in Makati City. We had a great bonding time together. But in the midst of the glittering Christmas lights and decors in that lovely city, I felt nothing of the usual joy that this season lights up in my heart.

In the past, just riding the MRT train and going to the chain of Makati City malls would be something I would enjoy and look forward to. This time around, I had a rather strange feeling. I suddenly felt like I didn't belong in this place and even found myself asking this question: "What am I doing here?"

The people appeared to me like shadows walking, and the crowded train stopping at every station to pick up more passengers seemed more like a train ride to nowhere. When I reached the Ayala station, while getting off the train I felt like a robot simply going along with the crowd.

Then a thought struck me: Where Ernie is, there is peace, there is purpose, there is joy. He doesn't belong in this earthly realm anymore.

And somehow, that thought brought me so much comfort.

I can't really explain it. Right there, caught in hustle and the bustle of the countless Christmas shoppers around me, I found myself quietly rejoicing that my husband was done with his earthly existence where rust and moth consume and where thieves break in and steal; where there is sickness, pain, disappointment, noise, traffic jams, and all kinds of pollution....

I was rejoicing that he was now together with many others in that eternal place where

they shall neither hunger anymore
nor thirst anymore;
the sun shall not strike them,
nor any heat;
for the Lamb who is in the midst of the throne
will shepherd them and lead them
to living fountains of waters.
And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.
(Revelation 7:16-17)

And I actually found myself thanking God that my husband is now safe and secure in His presence.

A smile crossed my lips as I began to experience what Luke meant when he wrote that "Mary treasured and pondered all these things in her heart."

No one will ever understand what I've been going through these past weeks. Only God knows.

Besides, some of these feelings are just too precious to even share with anyone. For now, I prefer to keep my grief to myself, to treasure and ponder these things in my heart, just as Mary did. Maybe when the dark clouds of grief begin to part and the sunshine breaks through again, I will be able to open up a little more, just as C.S. Lewis does in his book A Grief Observed, written after his wife died, or Nicholas Wolterstorff who shares his experience of grief in Lament for a Son.

Feeling this way doesn't mean that Christmas had no meaning for me this year. Probably it was even more meaningful, compared to the previous years.

Christmas really means that Jesus came into this world...to die, in our place.

In the midst of all the rejoicing, the gift-giving, the feasting, and the cash registers ringing, Christmas is really all about the own son of God dying. He can certainly relate to the pain I feel at losing someone so very dear to me.

-----

Our family would always spend Christmas eve and other special occasions with Ernie's sister Suzette and her family. But somehow, this Christmas, because of the grief that we are all going through as a family, there was a special warmth and deeper bond that I felt with them.

Here are some family pictures taken this Christmas:

Suzette and me and baby Matthew


Obedient One and Hannah, Tisha's daughter

This is Vince, Suzette's eldest son, and his wife Rhea

At the dinner table with Lyndon and Ann on my right
and Jeffrey on my left

Obedient One and me

Joash, Vincent's son, reading the Christmas story from Matthew's gospel


Hannah, Tisha's daughter, reading the Christmas story from Luke's gospel


Rhea: "I thank God for family..."


Sue: "I thank God for restored relationships..."
Vito: "I thank God for changing my heart..."

Joash: "I thank God for my dad..."
Jeff: "I thank God for the ability to make good choices..."


Hannah: "I thank God for Grand-uncle Ernie's life
and the beautiful memories he left behind..."


God-given: "I thank God for my baby, and my husband,
and for giving me a godly family..."


Christmas 2008


Our two families together



Obedient One and me on Christmas Day, at the fish farm


Worshiper and me taken on December 26


Matthew, our family's bundle of joy, taken on December 26

This Christmas, and as the year is about to end, I am asking the Lord to help me have a servant heart like Mary's -- full of faith, always willing to obey, though the road ahead may be full of painful and difficult choices. I want my life to be a vessel that is ready to birth the purposes of God in my life.

"Dear Father, You hold my life in Your hands. You know what is best. Deposit your kingdom secrets in my heart Lord, where I will treasure them, and ponder upon them continually. May it be done unto me according to Your word."

My Times Are In Your Hand

But as for me, I trust in You, O Lord;
I say, "You are my God."

My times are in Your hand..."
Psalm 31:14-15

It's been four Sundays since Ernie's death. Although there have been many things that have kept me pre-occupied, it's not been easy. That goes without saying.

Obedient One arrived from Manila early yesterday morning. She is on a two-week leave from work to spend Christmas and New Year with us.

Now, we are a family again...minus one. But we have two additions: my daughter-in-law, God-Given, and of course the baby, Matthew.

Whatever the enemy had intended, it is obvious that God has turned it around for good.

My times are in His hand.

We began putting up the Christmas tree yesterday. Christmas was Ernie's favorite season of all. The day before he died, he had asked me, "Lidj, where are we going to put the tree this year?"

I still remember our first Christmas tree. We were married in 1978, but we didn't think of having a tree until our first child was born in 1980. We got a small one, only six-feet high, just the right size for our low-ceilinged living room.

I never did like an over-decorated Christmas tree. I find it too commercial and impersonal. Handmade ornaments suit my style, and not too many bright lights.

So we bought our first few ornaments -- all handmade ones. And every year thereafter, we would use mostly the same ornaments, discard a few, buy new ones. Every ornament has a story -- the very first gingerbread ornament we bought for First Born in 1980 is still around, and so are Worshiper's crocheted drummer boys and Obedient One's stuffed mini McBirdie.

And so putting up the tree this year was something I did not really look forward to doing. It brought back too many memories of past Christmases. We would usually do it in the evening, after dinner, just a day or two before Obedient's December 7 birthday. Ernie would have his collection of Christmas carols playing, and I would have a pot of hot chocolate on the table for everyone. When the children were little, they were welcome to help hang the ornaments, and then when they were asleep, Ernie and I would rearrange them. Then after everything was done, we would sit on the sofa, listen to more Christmas music, and sip our hot choco while admiring the newly-decorated tree. Each year, the tree seemed even more beautiful than the year before.

This time it was just Worshiper and I who did the tree. We did it yesterday morning. There was no music, and no hot chocolate. But we only went as far as putting up the rice lights. I had bought two sets a few days before only to discover that they were not enough. So I told Worshiper that we would continue with decorating the tree tonight.

Obedient and I will buy some more lights later. We will also probably get Matthew his first ornament, if we find one we like. I have decided that we will play the Christmas carols that Ernie loved. He had very good taste in music. He loved jazz, classical, rhythm and blues, choral, Negro spirituals. We have a wide collection of music. He particularly loved the sax, and he would often listen to the light jazz ones.

I realize that Christmas does not have to be sad this year just because a loved one is no longer around. But thank God we can also be free to express how we feel. We don't need to pretend.

Yes, this is a time for me to mourn, but I can still celebrate the true meaning of Christmas.

I have been studying a bit about the history of the actual date of the birth of Jesus, and I realize that it doesn't even fall in December. September is more like it, credible historians say. And even now I am aware that someday there will be a movement toward restoring the date of this important season to the approximate day, to make it more historically accurate.

But as for our family, we will celebrate Christmas this year for what it stands for -- the giving of God's only Son to redeem mankind from eternal death, the penalty for sin.



Last night I came across a beautiful blog. There was a post entitled My Times Are in Your Hands.

The author quotes what Pastor Alistair Begg has written in his year-end newsletter, and I want to also quote it here:

In the opening verses of Psalm 31, it is apparent that the Psalmist is in anguish. As we read on, he seems to find himself in a position of assurance just a few verses later, but then quickly returns to a state of distress.

This cycle of pain and joy is not an unusual experience in our Christian pilgrimage. Most of us are a jumble of emotions and a cross section of experiences. The good, the bad, and the ugly wash over us regularly. The key issue is what we do with these experiences: how does being a believer shape the way in which we view these events and our world?

Verse 15 of Psalm 31 reads, “My times are in your hands.” These six words are the affirmation of the person who knows himself to be­­­­—despite disasters and difficulties—under the care of Almighty God. It is this certainty that will bring equilibrium to us in the span of events that would either inflate our egos or crush our souls. As I have reflected on this verse, I have found nine truths which emerge from the simple statement, “My times are in your hands.”

1. I’m not trapped in the grip of blind force.

2. I am not tossed about on the ocean of chance.

3. I am being trained in the school of God’s providence.

4. Prosperity should not be the occasion of pride.

5. Uncertainty should not be the occasion of panic.

6. Adversity must not become the occasion of self-pity.

7. There is a responsibility to be faced.

8. Humility must be fostered.

9. There is a security to be found.

Is this not a message for us today? My times are in your hands. My Father knows best.

Such timely, comforting words! Do visit the abovementioned blogs for the complete post... and may you all have a meaningful Christmas this year, my dear friends.

Here's our 2008 Christmas tree, taken at 9:09 p.m. Dec. 21,
just after Obedient, God-Given and I finished decorating it,
complete with Ernie's music and the hot chocolate!

Marissa and Miel

Marissa's first born child was dedicated today. I speak these blessings upon her life:

Calista

origin, Greek

meaning, Beautiful

Miel

origin, French

meaning, Honey

You are surrounded by love, protected by God's favor.

You will reflect the beauty of God in your thoughts, words, and actions.

You will have a hunger for the things of God in your heart.

You will have a love for His word.

Your heart will be soft and compassionate.

You will grow up to be a woman after God's heart.

I decree, and declare these words of affirmation upon you today.

Amen.

Ephraim: A Harbinger of Hope

Photo of tree in our garden in our Manila home taken on December 6, 2008
This is my very first time to see this tree bear flowers!

And to Joseph were born two sons
before the years of famine came...
Joseph called the name of the firstborn Manasseh:
"For God has made me forget all my toil
and all my father's house."

And the name of the second he called Ephraim:
"For God has caused me to be fruitful
in the land of my affliction."

Genesis 41:50-52

har bin ger n. One that indicates or foreshadows what is to come; a forerunner

(The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language, 4th edition, 2006)

Death is an enemy.

There is no better description for the enemy than what Jesus uses -- the thief comes to steal, to kill, and to destroy.

God on the other hand, is LIFE. He is for life, He is a Life-giver. When God created the world, He placed the Tree of Life in the middle of the garden.


The enemy kills, but Jesus says He came that we may have life, and have it abundantly.

It has always been Satan's strategy to steal, to kill, and to destroy, using death as a tool to prevent God's purposes from being fulfilled.

Death was first introduced in the garden of Eden when the serpent deceived Adam and Eve into choosing to eat from the forbidden tree.

Since then, death has been an effective weapon in the hands of the enemy.


Jesus, however, conquered death when He willingly chose to go through it, and then proved through His resurrection, that death cannot keep Him in the grave.

In rising again, Jesus proved Himself victorious over death.


This is the Christian's glorious hope, and this is the same hope that gives me inner strength in the midst of my grief: my husband Ernie is not dead, he is alive. He is in heaven.


I had long wanted to write about Ephraim, but always, something got in the way. Finally, now I have a very good reason to do so. In the recent experience of death that our family has gone through, I want to celebrate life.


Ephraim's name literally means "double fruitfulness." He was Joseph's second son in the land of his captivity. In an earlier post, I wrote about Joseph being a prisoner of hope. And in that prison, God spoke life to him through his two sons:

- Manasseh, a reminder to Joseph about forgetting his years of toil and pain, Manasseh meaning, to cause to forget, and

- Ephraim, a living message to Joseph that the land of his famine would become the land of his fruitfulness.

I have always been a firm believer in the life out of death principle.

In the process of growing and maturing spiritually, God has taught me the value of speaking life, making faith declarations, and believing in the unseen heavenly realities, what Francis Frangipane calls the "prayed for version" of our present earthly circumstances. Many times I have seen the tremendous spiritual power of fighting in the opposite spirit.

Paul himself says that the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, not worldly. The strongholds of pride and human wisdom can very easily be toppled down by humility and contentment. Anger and bitterness can be won by a gentle and forgiving spirit.

And Ephraim, to me, has been a beautiful reminder that out of death, life comes.

Although Ernie's death came at an unexpected time for all of us, the way he died was so peaceful and so quiet. There was no struggle or agony or even pain.

I cannot help but be amazed at the words of Psalm 32:6-7 which was the passage I had meditated on two days before he died, part of which reads:

"In a flood of great waters, they shall not come near him." (verse 6b)

The medical cause of his death was acute pulmonary edema. Water accumulated in his lungs due to heart failure, and the oxygen supply to his body was cut off. But I saw him a few minutes after we reached the emergency room. His face showed total peace. Resignation. The heavenly Father saw to it that the flood of great waters did not come near him. He rescued Ernie from the pain of death.

Many say that they admire me for my strength. They probably do not understand. I would have no strength apart from the God whose promises I am holding on to. I am weak, to be honest, it is my God who is strong. And I am simply holding on to Him. That is the only thing I know to do.

The peace in my heart comes in knowing that this death is a defeated enemy, and that out of Ernie's death, life will flow.

Weeping may endure for a night,
but joy comes in the morning.
(Psalm 30:5)

Even before the burial, so much life had already begun to flow in our family. There were broken relationships within our extended family that somehow became healed and restored, and these could not have happened had not Ernie died.

And so, painful as it is for me and for the rest of us who will truly miss the joyful presence of Ernie, the message of Ephraim is God's harbinger of hope.

Ernie and I have always loved to speak these words to each other, and let me end by quoting them, "The land of your wounding is the land of your healing; the land of your pain is the land of your anointing; the area of your failure is where you will shine; and the land of your defeat is where you will rise victorious."

Indeed, Ephraim speaks beautifully to me at this time, that after Ernie's death, there is a coming day of double fruitfulness for me and my family in the near future.


Ernie's favorite verse:

I know what it is to be in need,

and I know what it is to have plenty;
I have learned the secret
of being content
in any and every situation.
(Philippians 4:12)

In the Midst of the Pain...

Another Birthday to Celebrate!

Despite the grief, Obedient One still smiles.
(This photo was taken a couple of hours after the funeral of Ernie's body on November 26.)



But as for me, I trust in You, O Lord
I say, "You are my God."
My times are in Your hand... Psalm 31:14-15

My youngest daughter, Obedient One, turns 24 today.

I arrived in Manila on Friday evening just to be with her for this special occasion. I will stay with my daughter for a few days.

I purposely took the evening flight from Bacolod City because there were still very many things to do and I wanted to have at least six more hours to try to finish what I could.

Upon arriving in Manila, the traffic was heavy because of the rush hour, but I savored the one and a half hour trip from the airport to our Manila home. I welcomed the time for me to be quiet and alone with my thoughts.

That morning, my best friend, Melanie, and I, went to Ernie's office at the university to collect all his things. I couldn't postpone this any longer, as there had to be a closure to this part of my husband's life. The evening before there was a memorial service for him at the university where he had served with passion and with dedication for the past 16 years. This was one place that he had loved so much. And this was the place where God redeemed him from a past business failure, giving him a renewed sense of self-worth and value.

In mid 2007, when the enemy tried to steal even the beautiful work of restoration that God was doing in Ernie's heart, God stepped in and brought Ernie to Chiang Mai, Thailand, where God further deepened the work He wanted to complete in Ernie's life, away from the manipulative and divisive schemes of the enemy.

In Maejo University, Ernie was respected as a foreign consultant, invited to set up the International Masters in Business Administration (I-MBA) program for the Faculty of Business. In this place, Ernie made many friends with colleagues in the university. Among the many friendships he had was with the president of Maejo University, someone to whom Ernie looked up with deep respect, as well with as a number of Maejo vice-presidents.

In July 2008, Ernie also went to Maui, Hawaii, where he was the international lecturer for a two- week intensive leadership course with Haggai Leadership Institute. He had been doing this for the past two years, but when he returned after this trip, he shared with me how this particular course was the best one he had conducted so far, and also one where he had received a very high evaluation. He was very happy and fulfilled with what he was doing.


Ernie's death was something we never expected to happen. And once again, I am just so amazed at how God has been speaking to me lately about expecting the unexpected, and how I'd been feeling like being poured off from vessel to vessel.

The events of the past weeks have been happening so fast. On November 1, we remembered Ernie's miraculous recovery from his 2006 heart attack. On November 2, we celebrated Ernie's 62nd birthday.

He delivered his last sermon in church entitled "Cultivating Contentment" on November 16, one week before he died. The main point of his teaching was to cultivate detachment, saying that "we take nothing with us when we die because everything is on loan while we are on earth. We need to learn to claim ownership with a sense of serene detachment...to possess without being possessed."

All who heard him teach in church that Sunday realized when he died a week later that this was Ernie's way of saying good-bye to the church that he loved and where he had served faithfully for 29 years.

In picking up his stuff from his office on Friday morning, I also helped Ernie say good-bye and close the door to the final chapter of his life in the university.

And now, I have to face the important business of moving on.

God really has such wisdom in the timing of Obedient One's birthday.

My stomach tightens into a painful knot each time I see many of Ernie's things around our home, a lump rises in my throat, and tears well up in my eyes. After all, it's only been two weeks since he died.

But it is important that I celebrate this day with my daughter. That is why I am here with her. I will surely devote a separate post to write about her.

I do want to thank God for Obedient One's birthday, giving me an important reason to come to Manila at this time. Somehow I sense that within the next few days, God will remove still another layer of grief from my heart, bring healing for my pain, and shed more light on this path that I am on.

Older posts about Ernie:

Stones of Remembrance
Homesick

Visit our church blog with posts, pictures, and videos about Ernie here.

Curtain Call

Taken on Sept. 14, 2008 at Vieng Joom On Tea House in Chiang Mai

My husband Ernie passed from death to eternal life on Sunday, November 23, 2008, and his curtain call came during the three days prior to his funeral.

A curtain call occurs at the end of a performance when individuals return to the stage to be recognized by the audience for their performance. Athletes, orchestra conductors, and stage actors are given honor in this way. The audience would also often give a standing ovation to an exceptionally good performer.

There was an influx of acquaintances, colleagues, friends, and loved ones at the Ikthus Center, the equipping center and central office of our church, the Baptist Conference Church of Bacolod, where Ernie's body lay in state before his body was buried. Nightly we held memorial services, including a very special one conducted by Craig Hill, the president and founder of Family Foundations International, on Tuesday morning.

I knew my husband was a special man whose life had a deep impact on many, but I did not expect the outpouring of love and support that I saw during these three days. Many wanted to give a eulogy at the nightly services, and many more would come up to me, people whose life he had touched, or encouraged, or impacted in one way or the other. My cell phone must have registered over a hundred text messages, phone calls from other cities here and abroad, not to mention the cards and letters and tokens of love that reached me personally or by email.

Basically there was only one consistent thread that ran through Ernie's life -- he was humble, and he had a servant spirit. Though he was highly intelligent and articulate, able to express his thoughts and ideas very well, he remained simple and unaffected. He could associate with people of high stature in the government and in the academe, but he also had a compassionate heart toward the poor and the underprivileged. He harbored no grudges, and truly forgave people who did him wrong. Ernie is known for the ready smile he had for everyone.

What a beautiful way to live...and to die. There are not very many people of whom the things said about Ernie at his death can also be said.

What a great privilege my God has given me to have a man like Ernie for a husband.

There were numerous details to attend to, but because the whole family of Suzette, Ernie's sister, took charge of all the arrangements for this major event in Ernie's life, I was given the privilege of saying goodbye to my husband's earthly life in a very noble, peaceful and dignified way.

I will probably do another post about the funeral which was so beautiful and meaningful. But I do want to share in this entry how good God was to orchestrate the final events of our life together here on earth.

At the necrological service before his body was laid to rest, I read the letter I wrote Ernie on our thirtieth wedding anniversary. How was I to know that this was the last year of our marriage, and that the "until death do us part" portion of the wedding vows we said to each other 30 years ago would take effect in just a few months? Yet our heavenly Father knew, and He led me to write that letter, so that the eulogy I gave at his funeral were not words spoken to a lifeless body but words of appreciation and affirmation given to a man when he was still very much alive.

The year we spent together in Chiang Mai was a fitting ending to a beautiful marriage. I had Ernie all to myself, and he had me all to himself.

The time that I was still able to enjoy being with him after coming so close to losing him two years ago was God showing me that He is indeed the "God of the Second Chance." Being aware that Ernie could go anytime, I truly cherished each day that Ernie and I had together.

We got out of Thailand just a few weeks before the political unrest became really disruptive.

Upon returning to the Philippines, for a whole month, Ernie was able to enjoy his grandson Matthew, the apple of his eye in this season. He seemed the happiest of all when Matthew turned one month old and our family had a little party to mark this occasion on November 20, just three days before his death.

Our garden was a very special place for Ernie and me. We would sit here early in the morning to sip coffee together, or after dinner in the evening, to have a cup of special tea. As a way of paying tribute to this very special man, our garden was alive with flowers, some of which bloomed the day after Ernie was buried.

Stargazer Lily, taken on November 27, 2008, a day after the funeral

Taken on November 30, 2008

More flowers a-bloomin' for Ernie...

Packing up the dreams God planted
In the fertile soil of you
Can’t believe the hopes He’s granted
Means a chapter in your life is through
But we’ll keep you close as always
It won’t even seem you’ve gone
Cause our hearts in big and small ways
Will keep the love that keeps us strong

Chorus:
And friends are friends forever
If the Lord’s the Lord of them
And a friend will not say “Never,”
Cause the welcome will not end.

Though it’s hard to let you go,
In the Father’s hand we know
That a lifetime’s not too long
To live as friends...

(Friends, by Michael and Deborah Smith)