Lessons from a Bad Fall: Walking in the Opposite Spirit

"Praying Hands"

 by Richard Seah

photo source

Take your everyday, ordinary life...

and place it before God as an offering.

- Romans 12:1 (The Message)

For what will it profit a man
if he gains the whole world,
and loses his own soul?
- Mark 8:36




But because My servant Caleb has a different spirit
and follows Me wholeheartedly,
I will bring him into the land he went to,
and his descendants will inherit it.
- Numbers 14:24

On February 7, one week ago, this blog celebrated its fifth blog anniversary. The story of how this blog was born has been told in my earlier posts. It never ceases to amaze me how in just 400 entries, God has allowed me to put into words the story of my faith journey. There is something about writing that helps bring clarity and focus to the issues confronting us.

Henri Nouwen has put it so beautifully:

One of the most satisfying aspects of writing is that it can open in us deep wells of hidden treasures that are beautiful for us as well as for others to see.

More than anything else, this blog has been for me, in the words of  a dear blog friend, Denise (A Sacred Longing), "a place where the cry of my heart is given a voice."

In its initial stages, there was no clear cut agenda for this blog. My husband and I were living in Chiang Mai, Thailand when I began writing my earliest posts in 2008. How was I to know that several months later, my dear husband would go home to heaven, and that this blog would be the venue for me to process the gut-wrenching pain of losing a loved one? By putting my grief into words, this blog indeed became "a place where the cry of my heart was given a voice."

And yet my husband's death was never the main point. The main point has always been how God the heavenly Father is the Restorer, the Redeemer, the Sustainer, the Comforter, the Defender. He is the main topic of this blog.

The pain of death was just one of the many crossroads along the way. There was the more important business of picking up the pieces, and moving on.

Every moment life hands me several choices. As I have said many times before, choices are like seeds that we plant in the seedbed of opportunity. Will I remain in the wreckage, focusing on the loss, or will I get up, and walk down the road to recovery and restoration?

The answer was obvious. I didn't want to keep talking about the grief and the pain, but about how my heavenly Father sustained me, giving me hope and strength when the going was difficult.

I tell the story of my life as it unfolds, but the truth remains - God is the One writing my story.

photo source

On February 2, my daughter's maid Aiza slipped and fell from the ladder as she was cleaning the kitchen window. It was a peaceful Saturday afternoon, and I was in the porch, doing some mending. She came to me in tears and said, "I think I broke my wrist bone." It was a first time experience for both of us. Immediately I began thinking of what to do next... what hospital, what doctor, how much. But I also realized she needed comfort that very moment, and assurance that she was going to be taken care of. I held her hand, looked at her eyes, and assured her that I would take care of her. I also prayed a healing prayer for her, and thanked God for His loving protection over her.

In my heart I was asking God to guide me every step of the way - where to go, what to do. We took a taxi to go to the nearest hospital in the area. When the cab driver saw Aiza's arm, he asked what was wrong with it.

"I think the wrist bone might be broken after a fall."

Then he said, "Madam, maybe the medical center you are planning to go is not the place to get treatment for broken bones. When I broke my leg a few years ago, I got excellent treatment at the Orthopedic Hospital."

I never even knew there was such a place. So, I asked him to bring us there. It was right in the middle of Metro Manila, but it being a Saturday, traffic was light. We reached the place in less than thirty minutes.

How thankful I was that of all the cabs we could have taken, that particular taxi was sent by God just at the precise moment. After the initial interview with one of the many orthopedic doctors on duty at the emergency room, several x-rays taken, a gram stain analysis of a small wound, her left arm was put on a traction, then after about twenty minutes that seemed like forever, in a plaster cast... a repeat x-ray to make sure everything was right... an appointment card given for scheduled follow up. Four hours after we got there, we were on our way back home... my heart brimming over with thanksgiving that God had indeed heard my prayer.

But her fall required a readjustment for us... one that could take as long as six weeks to three months. We've been so used to having Aiza's efficient domestic help. With her left arm in a cast, her movement is very limited.

So during the last week of my stay in Manila, roles in our home were somewhat reversed. I became the servant to Aiza, where she used to be our servant girl. At the start, not being used to it, she refused to be served. But I had to keep assuring her that she is part of our household, and it was my responsibility to make sure that she got the proper medical attention for her arm. It was a lesson in humility for both of us.

There were many realizations during the days that followed. I discovered a well of joy bubbling up inside my heart. This was not an accident, it was a divine opportunity sent by the Lord. All my life as a wife and a mother, I had lived a life of service to my family. We live in a culture that relies heavily on hired domestic help, but my parents had trained my sister and me to be DIY, hands on persons, experts at home maintenance and running a household efficiently.

But in my earlier years of doing it, I was a perfectionist. Without my knowing it, in the name of efficiency and cleanliness, I was not much fun to live with. There were too many rules and demands.

One does not become a true servant overnight. It took years of shaping, and molding, and chiseling off the rough edges of my person. To be kind, compassionate, patient, and understanding when others don't do it my way. To have love as my motive... only love and nothing else.

Two songs kept repeating in my mind the whole week. One was "Brother Let Me Be Your Servant" written by Richard Gillard:

Brother let me be your servant
Let me be as Christ to you
Pray that I may have the grace
To let you be my servant, too

We are pilgrims on a journey
We are brothers on the road
We are here to help each other
Walk the mile and bear the load

I will hold the Christlight for you
In the night time of your fear
I will hold my hand out to you
Speak the peace you long to hear...

The other song was "Make Me A Servant" by Maranatha Singers:

Make me a servant
Humble and meek
Lord let me lift up
Those who are weak
And may the prayer of my life always be
"Make me a servant...today."

We used to sing these songs in church many years ago, so I knew them by heart. But it's one thing to sing the words from my mind, and another thing to let its spiritual melody flow from my heart.

If this had happened years ago, I know I would have gone through it with a different attitude. But brokenness and disappointment and unmet expectation have proven to be good teachers. With gladness and joy I did the best I could under the circumstances... singing in my heart... praying... believing that this servant girl's broken bone is healing faster than it normally would. I spoke life to her everyday, building faith in her heart to believe in the miraculous intervention and provision of Almighty God, Jehovah Rophe and Jehovah Jireh.

I wish I could have stayed longer in Manila, but other appointments were waiting for me back home. With a heavy heart I left for the airport Monday noon for my return flight back to my home city of Bacolod. I was just so thankful that the timing of the events was more than perfect. On the day of Aiza's fall, my sister had also just arrived. So, even with me being gone, there is another willing person in our home who will help look after the needs of our domestic helper, and also do the other chores needing to be attended to, while waiting for the bone to set and be fully restored.

It's been nearly a month since Obedient One and I reached Manila after spending the holidays together with our whole family.

How quickly the days have flown by! Yet each of these days left a mark on my heart. The events of the recent weeks have served to remind me of an important lesson God taught me years ago: walking in the opposite spirit. 

It was Youth With a Mission founding father, Loren Cunningham, who wrote of this beautiful lesson in his excellent book entitled, Winning God's Way. 

...There are only two kingdoms and they are at war. We need to win for the kingdom of light by moving... in the opposite way that Satan is working. Where he is spreading hate we must show love. Where greed prevails we must outdo everyone in our giving. Where intolerance is winning we need to show loyalty and forgiveness. God's Spirit enters into this world through His people, moving in the opposite spirit to wrest the power from the god of this world and give it to Jesus who is King of kings and Lord of lords. 

Applying this lesson in my life has been a tremendous boost to my spiritual growth. Whenever I was facing a difficult situation, God would remind me to simply discern the kind of spirit that I was battling, and then begin to move in the opposite direction:

walking in faith, instead of fear

in peace, not in anxiety

in kindness, instead of criticism

choosing forgiveness over anger

walking in integrity, not in dishonesty

in victory, instead of defeat

choosing compassion over judgment

generosity, not greed

extending grace and appreciation instead of finding fault

walking in righteousness to combat corruption.


With joy I heard the Master speak a word of praise to my heart. You have done well, My child. You have begun to learn the lesson of being a true servant in my kingdom. You have reflected My heart, You have been a messenger of hope.

At the Passover Seder, the Jews sing a popular song of Da'yenu.

Da'yenu is a Hebrew phrase that means, "It would have been enough to praise God."

Da'yenu is a simple, yet beautiful poem of fifteen stanzas describing acts of God's kindness - each stanza stating that it would have been 'enough' had God only helped us in one way. It tells the story of how the Israelites were saved from their slavery in Egypt to the time they reached Canaan, a total of fifteen acts of divine kindness, each act alone worthy of praise.

"Even more so must we praise God, for He had performed all of them!" (The Tanach Study Center)

How easy it is to begin each day with a sense of lack... not having enough... circumstances not being to our satisfaction... a demanding spirit that all go in accordance with our wishes and desires... that there be no delays... or interruptions.

Father Richard Rohr suggests we pray the Da'yenu at the start of each day. If we begin our day with any notion of scarcity, not enoughness, victimhood, or "I desrve", I promise you the day will not be good -- for you or for those around you. Nor will God be glorified. (Unpacking Paradoxes, January 30, 2012)


On this my fifth blog anniversary post, I thank God for the many valuable lessons He has taught me these past five years. The journey is not over, but my Father in heaven can be counted on to keep His promise to never leave or forsake.

Continue to teach me how to be a servant, doing all things well to reflect Your heart, to bring glory and honor to your name, dear Father.

Below is a beautiful song adapted from the prayer of St. Francis. I have sung it often these past days, and my prayer is that its message will ring true in my own life.

Instrument of Peace
(adapted from the prayer of St. Francis by Marc Jordan, Stephan Moccio, and Amy Sky)

Where there is hatred, let me bring love

Where there is doubt, let me bring faith

Where there is falsehood, let me bring truth

Where there is pain, I'll comfort you

Where there is silence, let me sing praise

Where there's despair, let me bring hope

Where there is blindness, let me bring sight

Where there is darkness, let me bring light

And with these words I speak

Grant that I may not seek

to be heard, but to hear

to be consoled, but to console

to be seen, but to see

to be loved, but to love

For when we give love, we will receive

When we forgive love, we'll find reprieve

It is in dying we'll be released

Make me an instrument

Of peace

Restoration: A Matter of Perspective

Dawn

photo source

There is no life, no life without its hunger;
Each restless heart beats so imperfectly;
But when you come and I am filled with wonder,
Sometimes, I think I glimpse eternity.

- Brendan Graham

...no matter what we have achieved or attained in our life,
we still find ourselves burrowing deep within,
trying to assuage the hungers of our soul.
- Ravi Zacharias




Meaninglessness does not come from being weary of pain.
Meaninglessness comes from being weary of pleasure.
- G.K. Chesterton




The Lord appeared to us in the past, saying:

"I have loved you with an everlasting love;

I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.

I will build you up again,

and you, Virgin Israel, will be rebuilt.

Again you will take up your timbrels

and go out to dance with the joyful.

Again you will plant vineyards

on the hills of Samaria;

the farmers will plant them

and enjoy their fruit.

There will be a day when watchmen cry out

on the hills of Ephraim,

'Come, let us go up to Zion,

to the Lord our God.'"

-Jeremiah 31:3-6

In just a few more days, January will come to an end. This will probably be my last post for this month, so I take this opportunity to write about some of the things that have been on my heart these past weeks.

This is the year I celebrate my 60th year of life.

It has been said that life begins at 40. I think I understand why... because at 40 one has learned invaluable life lessons, and still has enough years ahead to apply those lessons by planting new seeds and then looking forward to harvesting a new crop. 

But when I turned 40, Ernie and I were in the midst of a financial reversal. I was in too much pain to even remember that my life was supposed to begin anew... at a higher level.

Choices are never made in a vacuum. Sooner or later the consequences of our choices, whether good or bad, catch up with us. Choices are like seeds planted in the soil of opportunity - there always comes a time of reaping what we have sown. It is also true that some of these consequences are harvested, not in our generation, but in the next. 

I impact my generations with every single choice I make.

When I turned 40, Ernie and I were reaping some painful consequences of bad choices we have made earlier in life. True, some of those choices were made by my husband, some by me. Yet some of them were also made by others.

Nevertheless, even if some of the choices that led us to our rock bottom were not all made by us, still we were very much affected by the consequences... like being caught in the middle of a crossfire, or a series of events over which we had no control, leading to a downfall. 

The beauty at the end of it all is the truth that when God is in the picture, He redeems us from the outcome of wrong choices affecting us, whether they be direct consequences of bad decisions done by us, or indirect consequences of other people's wrong choices. What the enemy meant for evil, God turns around for good.

Looking back, I can say that my life did begin at 40.

And now, twenty years later... I am reaching another milestone in my life.

Life begins at 60.

Physically, I am in the autumn of my life, my sunset years, but really I feel like there is still so much life inside of me. In some ways, I actually sense that a new life for me is just about to begin.

There is still so much that I want to happen in the remaining years of my life.

Much of it is not clearly defined in terms of measurable goals. But it feels like there is a fountain of spiritual energy bubbling up within.

I'm not really a "driven" kind of person. I like to do things slowly, deliberately, carefully. But these past weeks, I have sensed an inner push driving me to move forward, reclaiming territory that the enemy has stolen, and blazing new trails into uncharted lands.

Yes, there is an inner sense of excitement.

  

One of my favorite Scripture passages is found in Jeremiah 33:3. The Amplified Version renders it beautifully:

Call to Me and I will answer you 

and show you great and mighty things,

fenced in and hidden,

which you do not know (do not distinguish and recognize,

have knowledge of and understand).

In the first few days of 2013, the new year greetings I wished many of my friends were blessings of joy, wonder, and delight. As far as I remember, this was the first time I ever asked God to give my friends and loved ones a year filled with wonder and delight. The greeting just flowed out of my subconscious.

Now I understand. As I have called upon God to bring me to a new level of knowing Him, and "seeing" Him, He is putting a hunger and longing in my heart for the unsearchable, unfathomable, heretofore fenced in and hidden, things of His heart.

I love to read. And as I read, certain nouns, verbs, and adjectives cause me to pause and take notice each time I come across them. 

Unfolding...

Serendipity...

Epiphany...

Sublime...

Beholding...

The revealing of something previously unnoticed.

The discovery of a truth once hidden.

Arriving at a new level of understanding.

Looking at a past painful event from a different perspective.

In Revelation 21:5 God says, "Behold, I am making all things new."

Behold.

The Hebrew word for it is hineni, a word packed with so much beauty and meaning. It is a heart response to the God who is always asking, ayyeh.

Where are you? God asks. We come across this the first time in Genesis 3:9, when God came to the garden, looking for Adam.

Adam was hiding, but he could never hide from God. Of course God knew where Adam was. And the same is true of you and me. God knows exactly where we are.

God is always asking us this question, and the answer He expects does not refer to a geographical location. The question is not about a physical location, but about a relationship... our relationship with Him.

In effect, God asks, "Where are you in relation to Me?"

The answer is not so much for Him as it is for us. God is calling us out from where we are hiding, and into the light of His presence.

To the Biblical mind man is not only a creature who is constantly in search of himself but also a creature God is constantly in search of. Man is a creature in search of meaning because there is a meaning in search of him, because there is God's beseeching question, 'Where art thou?' (Abraham Heschel, Between God and Man)

This is a sobering thought for me, that God always wants to know where I am. Otherwise, what does it matter what happens to me? Who cares? 

If there is no God, and there is no heaven, and no meaningful eternity to look forward to, then why bother to live at all?

But no. There is a God who cares, a God who wants to know where we are, at any given time. 

And the only suitable answer to God's question is, Hineni. "Here I am."

Hineni. Here I stand... before You.

Hineni. Here I am, ready to do as You want.

Hineni. Here I am, send me.

Hineni. Here I am, speak Lord, for your servant is listening.

When I answer, Hineni, then I am in the right place before Him. Then new truths can unfold before me. 

I receive fresh revelation... a new level of understanding... and looking at the past, present, and future events of my life from a redeemed perspective.

Life gains a whole new meaning... and the future is mine for the taking!

I can choose which of the many battles confronting me are worth fighting. And which of the many options before me are the right ones.

I believe one does not have to reach the ripe old age of 60 to start thinking this way.

Yesterday morning, I woke up early to prepare a beautiful breakfast for Obedient One and me. We had fresh fruit, oatmeal, banana-walnut bread, sunny side up eggs, coconut jam, honey, and creamy kefir. She was running late and missed her car pool. As a consequence, she had two options to get to work: by train, or by taxi.

If she decided to go by train, at that hour the lines were very long. If she decided to go by taxi, not only was the traffic heavy, she would also have to pay more.

She was in a grumbling mood. A beautiful Monday morning, with a delicious breakfast in front of her, and she was not doing too well.

I ignored her negative comments and kept quiet.

After a long pause, I gently spoke to her... my motherly words of wisdom:

"Dear daughter, it is just the first hour of your day, do your eyes not see such a beautiful breakfast in front of you? Do you remember when you were little, each morning I would wake you up with these words, 'Smile, dear daughter! Give Jesus a big smile!' And you would burst into a grin. Even then it was my way of infusing joy into your heart, to prepare you for the long day ahead, tackling your schoolwork, quite a heavy load for a little girl to carry. Today, nothing has really changed. It is still a joyful and thankful heart, a matter of perspective, that will help carry us through another day. It is all a matter of perspective."

I guess she got the point... and we ate breakfast together, in silence. 

She decided to go by train after all.

I prayed for her, my precious "baby" girl, now a young woman... Only the Father has complete access to her heart. Give her a glimpse of the beauty of Your heart, dear God. When she came home from work last night, she was in high spirits. I discerned something had changed in her heart.

God is the God who is always doing something new. He is the God who restores, refills, replenishes, and renews. The enemy will cripple and maim... but God opens our eyes to see the beauty hidden beneath the difficult and painful circumstances of our lives.

It is all a matter of perspective.


Every month this year, my 60th year, I will share a lesson life has taught me.

For this month, it's all about Perspective.

Age, they say, is a state of mind. As I advance in years, I want my spirit to be growing younger.

I want my age to be measured in terms of kairos, not chronos.

I want to enter the next level of my life and conquer new territories, not in fear and trepidation, but with a sense of expectancy, enthusiasm, and eagerness.

How I look forward to this, the 60th year of my life! Of course there will be a celebration - to which many of my friends and loved ones who have been a part of my story will be invited.

After all, one turns 60 only once. 

Hineni. Here I am Lord. 

Open my eyes to see the beauty, the wonder, and the delight of what You are doing in my life!


Below are a couple of pictures I have taken of beautiful flowers in my father's garden:

Sharing twelve life lessons on my 60th year:

February 2013 - Authenticity: A Matter of Trust

March 2013 - Celebration: A Way of Life

April 2013 - Relinquishment: A Journey of Faith

May 2013 - Abiding: The Anatomy of a Birthday

June 2013 - Exchange: My Weakness for His Strength

July 2013 - Divine Appointments: God's Surprise Visits

August 2013 - Worship: Hidden Riches in Secret Places

September 2013 - Longing for Things Unseen: Escape from Reality

October 2013 - God's Favor: A Season of Replacement

November 2013 - Honor: Creating Space

December 2013 - Sanctuary: Where God Dwells

The Midnight Hour

January 15, 2013 sunrise

photo taken by Obedient One on board flight bound for Manila

But at midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, 

and the prisoners were listening to them.

Suddenly there was a great earthquake,

so that the foundations of the prison were shaken;

and immediately all the doors were opened

and everyone's chains were loosed.

- Acts 16:25-26




So let us know, let us press on to know the LORD,
His going forth is as certain as the dawn;
And He will come to us like the rain,
Like the spring rain watering the earth.
- Hosea 6:3

The holidays are over. Obedient One and I arrived in Manila early Tuesday morning. At the baggage claim, we waited a long time for our third suitcase to appear on the conveyor until we were the only ones left. There was a similar suitcase going around, but it was not ours. We then realized that someone had picked up my daughter's bag by mistake.

The airport personnel were quick to assist us. They checked the tag, identified the owner, and called him on his mobile phone. Fortunately he picked up his phone, and was informed of the mix-up. That was the only time he realized he had taken the wrong bag.

After an hour of waiting, Obedient One finally had her own suitcase back. Because of the delay, we were caught in the morning rush hour when people were on their way to work. We reached our home at about 10 a.m.

Come to think of it, the delay was a small price to pay in exchange for recovering a lost bag. Things could have been worse. I was truly thankful that heavenly Father had His eyes on us, and didn't allow us to suffer loss. Another thing I was grateful for was the fact that my dear friend Rosemarie had sent her driver and Ford Expedition to pick us up from the airport. Despite the heavy traffic, we were very comfortable as we made our way through the clogged avenues leading to our home.

But really, losing a suitcase... being stuck in heavy traffic... what are they compared to the more weighty matters pertaining to one's eternal destiny?

Nevertheless, I am amazed at the goodness of God in taking care of those things for His children. He knows... He cares. He stoops down to where we are.

Taking a look at the circumstances of my own life, I am always reminded that I am so dependent on God... for everything. He alone knows the many concerns that I lift up to Him on a daily basis.

And He wants me to deepen my understanding of His ultimate agenda. To live every minute of my life in the light of His kingdom reign.

How easy it is to be sidetracked, or lose one's focus.

As Neville Johnson reminds us: "The past year has been a year of cascading events that will continue to shape the prophetic, political, and economic landscape. We are now on the final lap of the race that will ultimately lead to the final harvest and the return of Jesus. To be alive in this hour is a great privilege which we must not waste." 

A great privilege which we must not waste.

These words tug at my heartstrings.

There is much truth to be learned, to be digested, to be understood, and lived out.

In September of 2012, Rosh Hashanah (the Jewish New Year) ushered in the year 5773 in the Hebraic calendar, the year we now are in.

The year '73' is ayin gimel in the Hebrew alphabet: ayin is the sixteenth letter having a numeric value of 70, while gimel is the third letter and has a numeric value of 3.

Ayin means "eye" - to see, and by connotation, to understand and to obey.  

Every decade has an overarching theme, and three years ago we entered the decade of ayin, what prophets call "The Seeing Years."

We are not just entering a new season, we are entering a new era... an era when God will not let His glory remain hidden any longer, but will choose to reveal it to those who have the eyes to see what the Father is doing, and the ears to hear what the Spirit is saying to the churches.

Just as Moses turned to "see" the fire in the burning bush, and then had an encounter with the Living God, so is the Father calling forth His deliverers from the wilderness, who will turn to "see" ... and hear... then do as He says.

The Lord is calling forth His deliverers to set His people free from the cruel taskmasters of complacency, materialism, self-righteousnessness, deception, and unbelief.

Moses was brought up in the palace of Pharaoh and therefore understood the protocol of kings.

Indeed, he was destined to stand before kings.

But Moses needed to spend time in the wilderness to form his character... to give him a heart of humility... before he could be trusted to release the miracles.

Wilderness time, character formation, is essential that the eyes of our understanding be opened and we become the vessels through which God's miracles will be released.

During this decade, God is calling His people to prepare themselves and be ready for the next great move of His Spirit.

Number 3 in the Hebrew alphabet is gimel, symbolic of the camel. Camels are burden bearing beasts able to tolerate the desert heat and go for many days without water.

For many of us, the past year has been one of desert hardship, in more ways than one. But in the Father's plan, it was the wilderness of heart preparation.

During ayin gimel, the Father wants to show His faithfulness of provision and release to those who will remain faithful to press on despite the heat and the dryness.

I want to be found faithful despite the difficulties and the uncertainties of life.

I want to see the new things that the Father is showing.

I want to hear what the Spirit is saying to the churches.

The year 2013 is prophesied to be a year of:

- darkness and light
- the goodness and the severity of the Lord
- the maturing of both good and evil
- a release of the Lord's favor, together with His judgment

As a church we need to have a single eye, not blinded by offense, wrong priorities, or unbelief, but to  see clearly, that we  all may move as one into the new era, the final lap of the race that will ultimately lead to the end time harvest and the return of Jesus.



The past weeks I have had to constantly come before God to repent for not putting my priorities in order. There is a call for simplicity, for consistency, for re-ordering of my priorities, for more intensive praying, and digging more deeply into His word.

This morning in Victory Fellowship I was once again convicted by the words of Pastor Edgar.

Battered and bruised from severe beating, imprisoned, and in chains for delivering a woman from the spirit of divination, Paul and Silas were not focusing on their sad fate. They were praising and worshiping God at the top of their voices.

Suddenly there was a great earthquake,

so that the foundations of the prison were shaken;

and immediately all the doors were opened

and everyone's chains were loosed.

Earthquakes are rather normal in Macedonia, but what was beyond normal was the timing of this particular earthquake, its intensity, and its location.

In response to the heartfelt worship of Paul and Silas, God sends an earthquake that opens their prison doors, and unshackles them, as well as all the other prisoners around them, from their chains!

And they were not even asking to be set free...

Several words strike me in this story...

At midnight.

Suddenly.

Immediately.

In the darkness of our midnight hour, God is waiting for the right response... a response from the heart.

God shakes things in our lives that He may open our prison doors, and unshackle us from our chains.

The time is over for "church as usual." God is bringing us to a deeper dimension of kingdom living. As Paul says, "The night is far spent, the day is at hand." (Romans 13:12)


Father, I want my life to be a reflection of my worship to You. 

My physical circumstances may move or shake me, but in my spirit, I want to remain steadfast and anchored in You alone. 

Open the eyes of my understanding that I may see You, and hear You, and act accordingly... 

as a deliverer setting the captives free... 

as a bride longing for the return of her Bridegroom.

You hear the cry of my spirit, the desire of my heart.

You understand.






Some recent pictures of the Women of Purpose retreat:

At Starbucks, waiting for the rest of the group

At Jing's beach house in Miranda

Dusk at Miranda Beach

photo taken by Lidia on January 11, 2013

Neville Johnson, The Year Ahead

Melissa Flores, Defining Words

Lisa Butler, New Wells in the Year of Ayin

My Philippines: Hope Shines

Sunrise

photo source

I remain confident of this:

I will see the goodness of the Lord

in the land of the living.

- Psalm 27:13

Weeping may tarry for the night,

but joy comes with the morning.

- Psalm 30:5

As the New Year begins, I am encouraged to see many answers to the prayers and faith declarations that countless prophetic intercessors for the Philippines have sown through the years.

We are a nation of seven thousand, one hundred seven islands, the second largest archipelago in the world.

Once called "the sick man of Asia," we are now on our way to becoming the fifth "Asian tiger".

Yes, the Philippines is on the upswing, and the world is beginning to take notice.

If you believe in what the Lord is doing in answer to heartfelt prayers, please continue to pray for our nation. 

Below is a video that will encourage your hearts. Thank you for investing your time to view it.

The Philippines Moves Forward (Vimeo HD version)

A Fresh Start

Therefore, they shall come and sing in the height of Zion,

And shall flow together to the goodness of the Lord,

For wheat, and for wine, and for oil, and for the young,

for the young of the flock and of the herd;

And their soul shall be as a watered garden;

And they shall not sorrow anymore at all.

-Jeremiah 31:12

"All flesh is grass
And all its loveliness is like the flower of the field.
The grass withers, the flower fades,
Because the breath of the LORD blows upon it;
Surely the people are grass.

The grass withers, the flower fades,
But the word of our God stands forever."

Behold, the LORD GOD shall come with a strong hand,
And His arm shall rule for Him;
Behold, His reward is with Him,
And His work before Him.
He will feed His flock like a shepherd;
He will gather the lambs with His arm,
And carry them in His bosom,
And gently lead those that are with young.
- Isaiah 40:8, 10-11




And Isaac went out to meditate in the field at the eventide:
and he lifted up his eyes,
and saw, behold, the camels were coming.
- Genesis 24:63

December was quite an interesting month for me. She came rushing in, but left so quietly.

As I had written in my Christmas Day post, I returned from Manila on the 1st of December... then the events just sort of came running in, one after the other.

The painful experience I had on Christmas Eve was used by God to speak an important message to me. Writing my thoughts down did help me understand why I reacted the way I did. The tears that I shed helped to bring not only cleansing but also refreshing and healing to my frayed emotions. (Christmas Day post: Reality Check)

I almost did not join our family for breakfast that morning. But something told me I had to battle my desire to hide my tears. So I washed my face, put on a beautiful blouse, and sat down to eat breakfast with my family. 

God-given had prepared a lovely Christmas Day lunch for all of us. Again, I was tempted to stay in my room. But that same inner voice prompted me to go to their house next door and let my presence as head of our family "grace" the special occasion.

After lunch, I went back to my room and more tears fell.

It was actually a sacred moment for me... so I didn't really want to draw others in my family into that experience. I knew that they cared... but they wouldn't really understand.

When Obedient One saw my puffy eyes still wet with tears, she scolded me, saying, "Mom, you have often taught us that getting hurt is a choice that we make."

My reply to her came quickly. "Yes, dear daughter, you are right. In this case however, I am dealing with a wound that is still fresh and painful. Whether I like it or not, time is needed for it to heal."

Even I was surprised by my words. What I said brought a ray of understanding to my heart.

The wound was not a result of a deliberate act, something that is true with the many wounds that life gives us. 

But we do have an important choice to make when wounding comes. Keep it hidden and unprocessed, or bring it to the Father and let Him deal with it. 

I did not expect others to understand what I was feeling. And I chose not to blame anyone for what happened. 

Heavy rains fell over our city the day after Christmas. Early morning of December 27, I went to the garden and saw this beautiful sight: 

my miniature rose that was in the process of unfolding its petals. Its quiet, unassuming beauty and simple elegance brought such a delight to my heart.

What a tender moment it was for me. I sensed my heavenly Father's embrace.

I realized that the pain in my heart was no longer there.

The wound did not fester, and the enemy was not able to infect it. A clean wound heals quickly... and I realize that that was what happened to me.

God enlarged my heart that early morning, right there in that garden, where the rains had softened the ground all around, and brought such a refreshment to my plants.

"This is a picture of what I did to your heart. The enemy meant it for evil... but I turned it around for good." I sensed that this was what the Father was saying to me.

On the last day of the year, God surprised me again. I went to my garden and saw three yellow flowers that had also just opened that morning. As far as I know, this is the very first time that this plant flowered, I don't even know what it's called.

How personally God speaks to me! Whenever He wants to relay an important message, He does it through flowers. What a message of hope these flowers brought to my heart. An assurance that my heavenly Father was doing something beautiful in my life.

December 2012 came rushing in... but gently said good-bye to me. The Father makes all things beautiful... in His time.

I really was at a loss for words as December came to an end.

I invited First Born and his family to join us for breakfast that morning. Then Obedient and I went to the grocery to buy some ingredients for the vegetable salad and chocolate fondue and fruit platter that I was preparing for the New Year's Eve dinner that evening. 

This meal was special because it was going to be the last meal for 2012. I knew it was symbolic of how faithfully God had provided for all our needs the past twelve months, and this meal was also a harbinger of the good things God had in store for us in 2013.

Chosen One prepared French onion soup, Worshiper grilled prime rib. God given did the French fries and vegetable sticks to add to our fondue platter. It was a lovely family meal, and my heart was not burdened with any expectations. I just wanted to be a blessing... motherly love and understanding to flow from my heart to everyone - whether they were aware of it or not.

After dinner, we had our New Year's Eve family picture taking. Then First Born and his family left to spend the rest of the evening with God given's family. At the stroke of twelve, Worshiper, Chosen One, Madora (Chosen One's mom), Obedient, and I drank some wine to welcome the New Year. We gathered in a circle as Worshiper thanked God for the year just ended and prayed for Him to rain down His abundant blessings on us again for the next twelve months.

At sundown of the first day of the new year, we visited Ernie's grave. Obedient One, Worshiper and I sat on the grass for a few minutes, while Chosen One stayed in the car with Elijah, who had fallen asleep on our way to the memorial park. It was good to just sit there, as the stars were slowly becoming visible in the early evening sky. A cool breeze was blowing.

There can be no doubt about it, my name for December is Cleansing.

God is always inviting us to move up to the next level of our destiny. He doesn't want us to stay stuck -- in our comfort zones, or in our unhealed wounds! He doesn't want us to drive our stakes too deep, because at any given moment, His cloud will move, and we have to be ready to follow where He leads.

On December 30, the last Sunday of 2012, the Scripture passage printed on our church bulletin was taken from Isaiah 43:18-19.

Forget the former things;

do not dwell on the past.

See, I am doing a new thing!

Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?

This was clearly God's word for me for 2013. A new thing... a fresh start.

"Last year, the winnower was at work, sifting the chaff from the wheat."

The kernel is encased in a hard shell while it grows, but when it matures, the very shell that protected it becomes useless. It has turned to chaff, and must be shaken off, and discarded.

What is it that I am holding on to... the seeming solid things that meant so much to me? Could it be that in this season, these have turned to chaff, and I need to let go of them?

Unrelenting at times, the ruach has tempered your faith and has given you new perspective. Yesterday's sweet spot is today's chaff. What protected and nurtured you in times past will be separated from you in the day of sifting. Only after experiencing the winnower's wind can you be ready for inclusion in the next chapter of Father's plan. 

Sifting differentiates between what is worthless and what is of value. Many in Father's house are feeling quite worthless because the wind has blown away what they found central to their identity. Something have departed that once gave us a sense of great significance. Perhaps you have drawn your identity from a particular assignment, ministry, relationship or season of past success? Much has blown away in the winds of 5772. Chaff has value and purpose, in its season. Wisdom beckons us to recognize the seasonal quality of what or who has exited your life in the sifting. (Defining Words)

In the Hebrew calendar, we are in the year 5773, the year of the camel, or ayin gimel. The Hebrew word gimel means camel, as well as the number '3'. It also stands for the Third Person of the Trinity. The wise men came to Jesus on camels laden with gifts and provision, so did the servant Eliezar, when he was sent to look for a wife for Isaac. And Rebekah came to Isaac, riding on a camel.

God has done His sifting, His purging, His cleansing in the past season, that in the new year, His people will be ready to shift gears.

The prophets are declaring that the year 2013 is going to be a "life transition" year - a year when God's timing will be all about transitioning from the past year of barrenness and purging into a new year of provision and prosperity. But in order for this to happen, I have to align with God's transitions for me.

When we move in sync with God, the transition period can be shortened - so short that it can happen suddenly! It has been said that a "suddenly" occurs when God's timing intersects with God's Word. So it is crucial that we recognize and understand the times and the seasons, and that we also hear what God is saying. We would do well to be very sensitive to the moves of the Holy Spirit.

Today, when you hear His voice, harden not your heart...

God has done a beautiful cleansing in my heart the last month of 2012.

As this new year begins for me, I declare that my camels are coming. I am ready for a fresh start, for the new thing that the Lord is doing in my life.

This is the Lord's doing; 

it is marvellous in our eyes.

- Psalm 118:23

Sharing with you some recent family pictures:

Christmas Eve 2012

Christmas Eve 2012

Worshiper, Obedient, First Born and me

Christmas Eve 2012

Mother and Daughter

Christmas Eve 2012

Christmas Stockings from "Wawa Sue"

New Year's Eve 2012

Chosen and her mom, Madora
New Year's Eve 2012

enjoying fruits, veggie sticks and marshmallows dipped in hot chocolate
New Year's Eve 2012

me and my growing family
two sons, two daughters in love, one daughter, and two grandsons
(we also have three dogs, two are not in the picture)
New Year's Eve 2012


"Do not allow Christmas to be defined by your disappointment
but allow your disappointment to be forever changed because of Christmas."

(Joy! To Your World - A Countdown to Christmas on Bible App YouVersion)
Simply Surrender: Christmas Forever Changed

Reality Check: Edited Version

We do not write in order to be understood;

we write in order to understand.

- C.S. Lewis

(Note: This is an edited version of the original post.)

Today, being Christmas morning, I want to take time to write a special Christmas blog entry.

In this post, I have included the events of the past weeks as a backdrop for what happened last night, Christmas Eve...written from my perspective.

Does anyone care to know?

Maybe you do. So dear blog friend, if you happen to find yourself reading my lines, I ask you to read on and keep me company...



I was in Manila for the last two weeks of November.

My last visit before the year ended, this two-week stay in Manila was brief but quite fruitful. Although I was sick when I arrived, the peaceful atmosphere of my father's home provided a healing environment for me, and within two days, my health was restored. Not only was I able to spend time with dear friends one on one, I was able to join the Christmas party of my CBSI friends whom I had just recently met in September during the six week Bible study module that I attended. I also had the opportunity to be at the funeral of Gina's mom, and in this way, was able to spend some time with Gina and Alberto and their family.

Before I left, there was enough time for me to tend to our garden, as well as to apply a fresh coat of paint on our front gate. I was also able to buy all the Christmas gifts for every member of my family without rushing. I returned to Bacolod City on December 1 with a sense of accomplishment.

Upon arriving in my home city, we braced for tropical cyclone Bopha which was forecast to hit our islands by December 4. It was a Category 5 cyclone, and the weather news warned us that this was  no ordinary typhoon. The news of this typhoon reached us on the last day of November (Philippine time), a few hours after the Philippine ambassador to the United Nations cast a vote in favor of granting the Palestinians in Israel "non member or observer status" in the UN.

Many intercessors for Israel believe that there is a connection between these two events. Our country braced for the worst.

Three of us were scheduled to conduct an Ancient Paths seminar with the Impact World Tour and Cebu House of Prayer in Cebu City, located on another island in the central part of our country, on the same day (December 4) that Bopha was forecast to hit central Philippines. The typhoon hit the southern islands of our country with intensity, and left a sad story of destruction and devastation in its wake. However, as it was nearing our region, Bopha changed its course, veering toward the south of our island. Bacolod City, as well as Cebu City, were spared.

The seminar was well received, and we are grateful to God for the healing breakthroughs that we experienced.

We took the early flight back to Bacolod City on December 7.

My daughter Obedient One had arrived from Manila the night before; December 7 was her birthday.

It was a full day. Since this was the first time in six years that Obedient One was home on her birthday, my real desire was for our family to celebrate it in a special way. We ended up having a simple informal lunch at Pepe's Restaurant... not really the way I wanted it.

From lunch, my daughter and I went to the beauty parlor to have our hair done for Kristine's wedding that same afternoon. There was just enough time for us to rest a bit before having to get dressed.

Kristine's wedding was beautiful. There was overflowing food, and it was obvious that all the guests were having fun, but because I was up very early that day for our flight from Cebu, I really had very little energy left to enjoy it.

The next day, Obedient and I went  around town doing some errands together and also looking for special cakes and foodstuff that she wanted to buy before returning to Manila that evening.

After my daughter's brief two-day visit, I realized that there were only two more weeks left before Christmas. There were no more weddings to attend, no more seminars to conduct. I could now give my full attention to the home front. My garden needed a lot of attention, so did our home. The next two weeks were spent pruning, re-potting, weeding, scrubbing the stone floors in the garden, harvesting the compost, and cultivating the soil around the plants. Elijah's toys seem to have taken over our house, and for many days, his mom and I spent our days doing a general cleaning. In the meantime, we were also doing our Christmas shopping, and planning the Christmas menu. Our living room seat covers and quilts had to be washed. Rugs needed to be taken out to be aired and brushed clean.

Putting up the Christmas tree required me to do it in stages.

For several days, I prepared dozens of granola bars to give away as Christmas presents to my friends.

Above all, this year our family decided that we were going to celebrate it in a different way. In years past, we would all gather for a Christmas Eve dinner at the home of Ernie's sister. Ever since we got married, Christmas Eve was spent with his parents and sister's family.

Now that my two sons are both married and have their own families, we all felt that it is good to start our own family tradition of celebrating Christmas on our own.

I did look forward to it as this is the very first time that we were going to do it as a family.

We planned the special menu for the dinner. It seemed that everyday we were going to the grocery to buy food. Two days before, Worshiper bought a special leg of ham. Early yesterday morning, Chosen One and I went to the market to buy the remaining ingredients for our Christmas fare.

Obedient One arrived on the 22nd. Madorra, Chosen One's mom arrived on the dawn flight yesterday morning. She is a good cook, and had already agreed to cook the callos, a really special dish for many Filipino homes at Christmas. I prepared the spring rolls to go with it. There was a lot of work but it was going to be worth it all. I set the Christmas table, making sure everything was ready for Christmas Eve dinner.

Before we left for the 6 o'clock Christmas eve service at our church, I took time to wrap the gifts I had bought in Manila for my children and grandchildren.

We came home from church at around 7:30 p.m. Obedient and I wrapped the spring rolls in special rice paper, while Madorra did the final touches on the callos, and Worshiper sliced the ham and put it in the oven to warm. Chosen One sliced the cheese for her cheese platter.

First Born and God given, who live next door to us, came over with a box of special cheesecake.

Finally, the meal was ready, and we all sat down to eat it, our first Christmas Eve dinner together as a whole family.

After the meal, I went to my room to get my gifts, as I had not finished doing the tags on each one.

We were getting ready for our family picture taking, and our family gift opening, when something came up. Something that really took me by surprise....

It turned out that there was a change of plans from what we had all originally agreed upon. There was another Christmas Eve dinner that some members of my family had also planned to attend that evening.

I just didn't know what to feel then.

Maybe I should have kept quiet about my feelings... kept it all to myself.... the way I had done so many times before... keeping my disappointment to myself... trying to understand... wanting to be a mother and mother in law without demands or expectations. Rationalizing to myself, saying that "they have their own lives now... I am not in the picture anymore. I must give them room... and freedom to be themselves."

I could just have sweetly smiled and said, "Oh, is that so... well, okay..."

But I felt so sad. I really wanted to burst into tears right then and there.

Because the truth is that ever since my husband Ernie died four years ago, Christmas celebration also lost all its glitter for me.

Please do not misunderstand. Ernie is not my idol. And the birth of Jesus, my Savior, my Redeemer, and Lord, is very important to me.

But after Ernie passed away, I have begun looking at Christmas in a different light.

Ernie loved Christmas. As early as October, he would already begin playing his Christmas music collection. He has a wide assortment of Christmas music, from jazz, to classical, to choral... Filipino, Spanish, American... name it, he had it.

If Ernie had his way, we would put up the Christmas tree in October.

That is why I miss my husband very much during Christmas. It was his favorite season of all.

For this reason, spending Christmas Eve with his sisters and their families, is a tradition I did not really want to let go of. Spending Christmas with Suzette and Vito helps me celebrate Christmas the way Ernie and I did.

But now that Ernie is gone, a huge part of me also wants to just celebrate this season in my own quiet but meaningful way.

But, for the sake of my generations, of building family memories, of leaving behind a legacy of meaningful celebration, I have celebrated the season in a special way with family. But honestly, I was merely going through the motions.

Does anyone reading this understand my heart? Can anyone relate?

I was hurt and didn't want to hide it. I threw the gifts I was holding on the floor and said, "What's the point in all this. I thought we had agreed to celebrate Christmas as a family... now why am I being taken by surprise, why the sudden change in plans..."

Worshiper called me to my room and gently spoke with me. He said, "Mom, it's okay. Don't ruin the evening for all of us. Pacify yourself."

Of course I got the point. I am not a person who throws tantrums just to have my way. I went back to the living room to have our family pictures taken. Then a few family members immediately left for the other Christmas Eve dinner.

The rest of us did our best to make the most of the evening - we took more pictures, gave one another gifts, and we opened a few more from the gifts under the tree.

There was a pile of plates, and pots, and glasses waiting to be washed. All the leftover food was still on the table. I knew everyone was tired, and so was I.

But I knew the others were more tired than I was. Besides, my heart was churning deep inside...  a very good excuse for me to clean everything up until the kitchen was spic and span.

All the while I could not keep the tears from falling.



Well, it's been more than a month since I last posted here.

The hymn Through the Love of God which I posted at the end of my last blog entry ends with these words:

We expect a bright tomorrow

All will be well

Faith can sing through days of sorrow

All, all is well.

On our Father's love relying

Jesus every need supplying,

Or in living, or in dying

All must be well.

I suppose that sooner or later, I will be able to sing this song with all my heart again.

But for now I am writing this post with tears in my eyes and a broken heart.

And I am just tired... too tired of trying to make things work... too tired of trying to make things beautiful... for everyone.

I am not blaming anyone for what happened.

I am sure that nobody intended to do anything bad, or wrong.

But it can't be denied - I have received a deep relational message that my plans and wishes for this Christmas did not matter... that my desire to have a meaningful family celebration was not given the same value that I had given it... and this has deeply wounded my heart.

I grew up in a family that celebrates special events. Meaningful celebration is a way of life for me. Ernie was that way too.

Celebrating is my love language.

For now, I just need someone to speak this language to me.

I have not slept a wink since last night, and my eyes are swollen from crying. I have not cried this way for a long, long time.

My prayer is that my heavenly Father will come and embrace me and heal my heart. Somehow, I believe that He can redeem  this 2012 Christmas for me, and turn it into something beautiful and meaningful in the days to come.

This Christmas 2012, dear blog reader, may you be blessed.