Abiding: The Anatomy of a Birthday

Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.

And in Your book they all were written,

The days fashioned for me,

When as yet there were none of them.

- Psalm 139:16

A father of the fatherless,

a defender of widows,

Is God in His holy habitation.

God sets the solitary in families;

He brings out those who are bound into prosperity;

But the rebellious dwell in a dry land.

- Psalm 68:5, 6

There is a way that seems right to a man,
but its end is the way to death.
- Proverbs 14:12 (ESV)

"Your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying,
'This is the way, walk in it,'
Whenever you turn to the right hand
Or whenever you turn to the left.'"

- Isaiah 30:21




Just as the Father has loved Me,
I have also loved you;
abide in My love.
If you keep My commandments,
you will abide in My love:
just as I have kept My Father's commandments
and abide in His love.
These things I have spoken to you
so that My joy may be in you,
and that your joy may be made full.
- John 15:9-11



So teach us to number our days,
That we may gain a heart of wisdom.
-Psalm 90:11



He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High
Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say of the Lord,
"He is my fortress;
My God, in Him will I trust."
-Psalm 91:1,2




For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth
to strengthen those whose hearts
are fully committed to Him.
- 2 Chronicles 16:9




But on this one will I look:

On him who is poor and of a contrite spirit,

And who trembles at My word.

- Isaiah 66:4

At its best our age is an age of searchers and discoverers,
and at its worst, an age that has domesticated despair
and learned to live with it happily.
- Flannery O'Connor 

We celebrated my 60th birthday on the last week of March. My official birthday pictures were ready a week after, but since I had already left for Manila by the first of April and did not return home until six weeks later, I got to view the pictures of the memorable event only a few days ago.

I have chosen a few photos to go with this post, which is about the special birthday celebration I had for my 60th year. 

I have entitled it Abiding: The Anatomy of a Birthday.

The Accurate and Reliable Dictionary (a free English-English online dictionary) defines "anatomy" as: "The art of dissecting, or artificially separating the different parts of any organized body, to discover their situation, structure, and economy."

A birthday is a life-affirming event, especially when it is remembered and celebrated. The celebration does not have to be grand or spectacular - even just a simple home-cooked dinner eaten quietly, alone or with loved ones, is enough.


What I want to celebrate each time my birthday comes around is only this one truth:

that My heavenly Father thought I was important enough to be created, for an eternal purpose and reason, and that there are valuable gifts and qualities He deposited in me to make me His vessel and instrument by which these purposes can be accomplished...

Therefore, I am neither an afterthought nor an accident; my existence in this space and time is not a mere coincidence or a product of chance.

Many years ago, I was on God's planning table. He thought of every part of me, and put all the intricate parts of my personality together to come up with a unique creation. In this world there will never be anyone like me.

And while my mind, will, and emotions were being formed and shaped by the circumstances of my life, He was watching over me to make sure no one harmed or destroyed His original plans for me. At the right time He revealed Himself to me, caused my heart to hunger and thirst for Him - my true Maker and Creator God, and led me to turn to Him as my Redeemer, Lord, and King.

My birthday celebration is not about me; it is the celebration of a wise God who saw fit to bring me into this world that I may give pleasure and delight to His heart by my obedient responses.

Time and again, God has revealed Himself to me as a covenant God. He is a God of relationship - and as such, He is looking for every opportunity to bring this relationship to the next level.

A relationship that doesn't move up higher is a useless relationship. What is a relationship good for if it isn't growing? God doesn't want His relationship with His children to be stagnant like a murky pool of water. He wants it to be vibrant, life-giving... full of exciting possibilities and promise.

That is what I want to celebrate each time my birthday comes around: my life is in the hands of a covenant-keeping God.

But...I want to affirm this truth not only when I celebrate the day I was born; I want to celebrate this truth every single day of my life!

I believe that the events of my life are well-coordinated and synchronized. Like pieces of a huge masterpiece, each event is just a part of a beautiful eternal picture. Not a teardrop will be wasted.

However, there is one major requirement for this: my destiny begins to be activated the moment I turn my life over to the One who holds the pen in His hands, writing my life story.

A life of peace and joy is what my God has planned for you and for me, but the road is never smooth. There is pain, there is sorrow, mixed in with the joy and the laughter. All are meant to build my inner character, to chisel off the rough edges, for until I enter heaven's gates, I am a diamond in the rough.

There are defeats, failures, and detours... necessary ingredients for growth, but they are all temporary setbacks.

For there are victories as well, and these serve to encourage me to not give up, but to keep moving on.

Obedience then is the only fitting response to a covenant God.

My covenant God leads me one small step at a time.

We may have been raised under varying religious beliefs and cultural traditions. But at the crucial time and place, Creator God reveals Himself and offers us a choice to know Him as the One True God.

He invites us to give a covenant response to His invitation... never by force or manipulation. Always by invitation.

We all know about the deceiver and the accuser, the enemy hiding behind the trees. This enemy whispers lies and half truths. He twists the events of our lives to give us a wrong perspective, to embitter us, to make us afraid, or, to make us proud and self-sufficient. 

But the Father says, "No... no... I am not like that My child. This is who I really am. This is what is on My heart for you. Don't listen to the enemy's lies, he has blinded your eyes."

The Father says, "You will find Me if you seek Me with all your heart."

Indeed, truth is revealed in stages... and also only to the one who truly seeks and hungers.

Heaven will be filled with men and women who will rejoice forever in the way God has written their life stories. It will take eternity for us to listen to all these stories.

As Bill Johnson says so beautifully, "Our defeats are temporary, but our victories are permanent."

Heaven will be a beautiful place of finding out the complete and unabridged version of our redemption stories... the incredible truth of how God turned our defeats into victories, our sorrows into songs of joy.

This is what I celebrate on my 60th birthday.

That is why I invited friends and loved ones who would gladly celebrate with me... it is an event to rejoice in God my Maker, the Scriptwriter of my Life Story.

On my 60th birthday, I also celebrate my dear parents. My parents were humble and hardworking. They brought me up in simplicity, taught me the value of hard work. But they also instilled in my heart a love for the arts, the finer side of life, developing my intellect, filling my heart with music, beauty, elegance.

Truly I am proud of my upbringing. I will never forget Mama's singing and laughter. I will never forget Papa's quiet but cheerful ways. He had such a generous giving heart. Their lives have impacted me for eternity.

Papa and Mama on their wedding day

July 9, 1952

On my 60th birthday I celebrate my only sister. We grew up together. Our lives have been intertwined ever since she was conceived. My sister was definitely given to me as a gift from God. I will never overlook this truth.

A family photo taken on their 9th Wedding Anniversary

July 9, 1961

(I was 8 years old in this picture)

We have been separated not only by physical distance but also by the different roads we have taken. I will not deny there have been years when there had been misunderstanding and pain. But I know my sister's heart. She only wants the best for me - and that will never change. She has always tried to understand me, and I understand her, too. In the end healing and forgiveness have come. I always remember Papa's words, words of so much wisdom: "Blood is thicker than water." The future is bright and beautiful for my dear sister and me. 

My younger sister and me

Christmas 1956
(I was almost 4 years old in this picture, my sister was 2)

On my 60th birthday, my only sister traveled a long way to be with me in my celebration. It meant so much... oh, so much to me. It will not be repeated, this milestone event of my life... my 60th birthday. And she came all the way from America to be with me. In many ways, this was such an affirmation of her love for me. I am a woman of few words... but it has meant so much to me, and I will treasure it forever.

a hug from my sister after she spoke words of blessing for me

My younger sister and me
On my 60th birthday celebration
March 27, 2013

My sister met God-given and my two grandchildren for the first time. 

A beautiful family picture - my sister with me and my family.

On my 60th birthday, I celebrated my extended family of origin, represented by my first cousins Kuya B and Ate G, who came to Bacolod City all the way from their home city located in southern Philippines. 

I cannot thank them enough for having graced my birthday with their presence. They were not really aware of the symbolism of their being there. 

Kuya B is the son of my father's sister, Cornelia. The rest of my cousins on the father side are all in North America with their respective families. But he and his wife stood not only for my father's family, but also for my mother's family - many cousins in Manila whom I could not all invite to come. I rejoice in the family that nurtured me; yes, these cousins of mine were all an important part of my upbringing. Again, it means so much that they came all the way to be with me on this once in a lifetime event. It will never come around again, but they made it more special by deciding to come.

On my 60th birthday, I celebrated my husband, Ernie. He is no longer physically present, but his contribution to my life can never be overlooked. He is God's gift to me. Together, we have built a family for generations to come. 

Along the same lines, on my 60th birthday, I celebrated my family: my two sons First Born and Worshiper, my daughter Obedient One, my daughters in love God-given and Chosen One, my two grandsons Forerunner and Full of Hope/Mighty Warrior.

My family is my pride and joy. My children have been such a blessing to me. They have been obedient and God-fearing. 

I believe in the best for all of them. 

My sons have chosen good and Godly wives... the wives I have prayed for them ever since they were little boys...

... just as I am believing that God has already hand-picked a Godly man for my daughter.

On my 60th birthday, I also celebrated my husband's family. How I wished all of them could have been there - but there were previous plans that could not be cancelled. So Ernie's dear sister Suzette and her family could not be with us. Ernie's brother Voltaire and his wife Faith live in America, so they also could not be with us. But both Sue and Faith made it a point to call me and greet me on my special day.

For that gesture of love alone I am truly grateful. Nevertheless, they also both gave me expensive tokens as birthday gifts - lovely reminders that I am precious to them.

I also appreciate the fact that Sue's youngest son, Tony and his girlfriend Carmen, came to the celebration.

Tony was 4 years old when he walked down the aisle to be part of my bridal entourage as our ring bearer. Again, this is symbolic for me - on that special night, Tony represented my husband's side of the family.

My friends are an important part of my life story.

On my 60th birthday I celebrated my God-given friends... both the friends I have chosen to keep, as well as those who have chosen to keep me in their hearts.

It is impossible to name them all, but a few of them need to be mentioned here.

My best friend Melanie was very much a part of this birthday celebration. We live far from each other, but the distance is only in physical terms. A package bearing her gifts for me arrived a few weeks before my birthday, and among them was this special Psalm 139:14 necklace.

I wore it that night, and indeed, she was close to my heart on my 60th birthday.

Among my special friends are Max and Grace Hughes... a couple very dear to Ernie and me. They have seen our children grow up... they have loved us in a very special way. Max gave the prayer for the generations during the blessing ceremony, and I could not help but shed a few tears while he was praying. Max and Ernie were special friends, and Grace was like a big sister to me. I thank God for them.

Then, my women friends at our church, the Women of Purpose who have come to have a very special place in my heart. We have met every week for lunch together and a devotional time after, and our hearts have become knit and blended in God's love.

Each one of these women have a special story to tell, God's grace in our lives have enabled us and empowered us to overcome. I truly love each and every one of them.

Menchu spoke special words of blessing for me as a friend. She spoke words from her heart.

Arlene did my make up, Mae Ann fixed my hair... they gifted me with the lovely floral arrangements. Indeed they have made my special night so meaningful just by being there for me. 

The years I have spent with the Christian Academy of Bacolod are among the happiest and most memorable of my life. Many of my former colleagues and ministry staff were present that evening. My dear CAB friends, you will always be a beautiful part of my life.

My church family, needless to say, is a valuable part of my life.

My pastor, Pastor Joe, about to give his pastoral blessing

My intercessor friends - from the Negros Island House of Prayer, and Intercessors for the Philippines... we have prayed together for the prophetic destiny of our nation, and the nation of Israel. The celebration would not have been complete without them.

Mylene, presenting me with her gift 

Butch, the "father" of NIHOP, his wife Mylene, and Ann Cana 

Juan and Helen Coromina

My FFI Family Foundations Phil-Asia family is very close to my heart. God has brought so much healing to our lives, and together, as a ministry team and as close friends, we have endeavored to pass on the healing we have received to many others.

My beloved FFI family

with Aaron from Dubai and Pat from Hawaii

William, National Coordinator of FFI-Philasia, a dear friend...
giving the significance of our family name

my dear friend Pat did a lovely worship dance to the music
Instrument of Peace by the Canadian Brothers

a special thanks to Raffi and Honey Grace, my gracious professional emcees for the blessing ceremony

 charming Ruby, a very special friend

My dear FFI friends in Manila were not able to join in the celebration, but they were definitely also in my heart that night.

One person to whom I want to give special thanks is my dear friend Miriam, who coordinated the birthday event for me. Her expertise and her connections made a lot of difference!

We gave away 60 narra tree seedlings to our guests that night.

It was really symbolic of our family name, Arbolario, which literally means, "a place of many trees."

Its spiritual connotation is, "a restful, shady place."

I want to live up to our name. This is my ongoing prayer for my family, too.

Indeed it was such a meaningful birthday celebration. Not everything can be put into words. But as another month is about to end, I can best sum up the past 60 years of my life in one word.

Abiding.

It is a beautiful word that means to be fully dependent on my life source and provider.

Abide in my love, Jesus says.

The psalmist writes these words:

He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High

Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.

I will say of the Lord, "He is my fortress; 

My God, in Him will I trust."

Jesus also says: He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.

What strikes me about these words is that I am not the only one abiding... He also abides in me! 

It is a mutual abiding, a beautiful relationship of giving and receiving.

This is another important life lesson I want to share, the fitting covenant response to our covenant God - to abide under the shadow of the Almighty.

I don't want to live a superficial, stagnant relationship with God. Rather, my desire is to have a genuine, authentic, vibrant relationship with Him, one that is continually growing, and bearing fruit. And that is only possible as I abide in Him.

A quote from one of my favorite authors is a fitting ending to this birthday post:

Listen to your life.

See it for the fathomless mystery that it is.

In the boredom and pain of it

no less than in the excitement and gladness,

touch, taste, smell your way to the holy and hidden heart of it

because in the last analysis

all moments are key moments

and life itself is grace.

- Frederick Buechner

My Abba Father God, may You be truly honored in my life as I celebrate my first 60 years... and the rest of my life, with You! 

Ernie: A Video Compilation


---------

Sharing twelve life lessons on my 60th year:

January 2013 - Restoration: A Matter of Perspective

February 2013 - Authenticity: A Matter of Trust

March 2013 - Celebration As a Way of Life

April 2013 - Relinquishment: A Journey of Faith

May 2013 - Abiding: The Anatomy of a Birthday

June 2013 - Exchange: My Weakness for His Strength

July 2013 - Divine Appointments: God's Surprise Visits

August 2013 - Worship: Hidden Riches in Secret Places

September 2013 - Longing for Things Unseen: Escape from Reality

October 2013 - God's Favor: A Season of Replacement

November 2013 - Honor: Creating Space

December 2013 - Sanctuary: Where God Dwells

Relinquishment: A Journey of Faith

Sunflowers lining the University Avenue
University of the Philippines, Diliman campus

photo taken by Obedient One
April 27, 2013

But I trust in you, LORD;

I say, "You are my God."

My times are in your hands;

- Psalm 31:14, 15

Very truly I tell you,
unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies,
it remains only a single seed.
But if it dies, it produces many seeds.
Anyone who loves their life will lose it,
while anyone who hates their life in this world
will keep it for eternal life.

- John 12:24-25




Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God,
that He may exalt you in due time,
casting all your care upon Him,
for He cares for you.

- 1 Peter 5:6,7




Deep peace of the running wave to you.
Deep peace of the flowing air to you.
Deep peace of the quiet earth to you.
Deep peace of the shining stars to you.
Yea, the peace of the infinite peace be with you as you go,
and abide with you always.
Amen and amen.

- from an old Irish blessing

Today the month of April bids us goodbye, never to return. 

A sobering thought. The past thirty days have been entrusted to me by Abba, my heavenly Father... to do with as I please: to spend my days pursuing my own personal goals, building my own kingdom, or to invest the time I have on my hands building His eternal kingdom.

A solemn trust... because I realize that time never really belongs to me. It is a matter of stewardship; a day is coming when I must give account.

This past decade of my life, I got a better perspective on what it means to build God's kingdom. It means being "on call" status, actively waiting to receive instructions from Him on the next assignment... and obeying.

The time comes when I am called to report for active duty, but for the most part, this active waiting involves a heart preparation:

...being in a position of readiness and alertness...

...getting to know the Master's heart...

...equipping myself by understanding kingdom strategies and battle plans.


These assignments are very much a part of my destiny. Discerning the times and heeding the call will ensure I am always moving up to the next level of my Father's plans and purposes for me.

A heart response of obedience is the sure way to receive more revelation... for the days are evil and the enemy is crafty.

And I do take my kingdom destiny seriously, because there is not much time to lose. So this year 2013 is a special one, not only because it is my 60th year, but also because the number 13 stands for "destiny." This is indeed a year of destiny.

At the recently concluded Intercessors for the Philippines National Prayer Gathering, the speakers had one common theme, and that was to contend for the God-given destiny of your family and of your nation.

Just as the Israelites under the leadership of Joshua had to contend with giants before they could possess their promised inheritance, so are we Christians living in the last days required to persevere, endure, and overcome till the end.

The Bible records the lives of men and women of courage who fought the good fight of the faith; however, Joshua is the model I desire to follow in obtaining the inheritance God has given me.

The Lord's instructions to Joshua are quite simple: 

Only be strong and very courageous that you may observe to do

according to all the law which Moses my servant commanded you:

do not turn from it to the right hand or to the left,

that you may prosper wherever you go.

This book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth,

but you shall meditate in it day and night,

that you may observe to do

according to all that is written in it.

For then you will make your way prosperous,

and then you will have good success.

Have I not commanded you?

Be strong and of good courage:

do not be afraid, nor be dismayed,

for the Lord you God is with you wherever you go.

-Joshua 1:6-9

With all the conflicting voices and choices around us, it is so easy to lose sight of this, much too easy to give in to the temptation to push our spiritual growth to the bottom of our daily priorities... to be complacent and to be inconsistent.

But if I want to prosper wherever I go, if I want to make my way prosperous, if I want to have good success, if I want the Lord my God to be with me wherever I go, then I know the path I should take.

Of the sixty years of my life, forty have been spent as a born again Christian, a Christ-follower.

God has taught me many things in the journey of faith that began one beautiful day in December of 1973 when I gave my life back to its rightful owner. The day when I promised the Lord my life would belong to Him completely, and He would have my whole heart, not just a part of it.

That initial promise led to higher commitments, and leading me through a path of a deepening relationship with God. Through the years I've come to understand what is required of me to be a kingdom person with a kingdom mindset pursuing a kingdom agenda in my daily living.

It has been a long journey, and it is still continuing. But I already have an idea of how it will end... in fact it will never really end! For the promise is that this life, when I do not aim to keep it for myself, will never be lost, but will be kept for eternity.

In the meantime, I am contending for my own destiny, asking God for His grace to keep me on track, that I might not be derailed by pursuing lesser loves.

I am contending for the destiny of my family, by standing on my authority over them as the spiritual gatekeeper, interceding for them, serving as a guiding light for them to follow.

I am contending for the destiny of my nation, firmly believing in our prophetic destiny and holding on to God's promise that blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord.

And so I continue to write my story.

As I have often said, my story is written not to make myself look good, or to earn the praises of others. I write that it may be a ray of light for others seeking a human example of what it means to follow Christ.

My journey has not been an easy one; my light has grown dim so often. I have been complacent, and  inconsistent. But in my imperfection, and in my weakness, God's strength has been made perfect.

And so I write my story.

That others may not only learn from my mistakes, but also be encouraged where I have been faithful and true.

Henri Nouwen, my favorite author writes:

...what we have lived, we have lived not just for ourselves but for others as well. Writing can be a very creative and invigorating way to make our lives available to ourselves and to others. We have to trust that our stories deserve to be told. We may discover that the better we tell our stories the better we will want to live them.

I turned 60 last month. As a special tribute to what my heavenly Father has been patiently teaching me, I have thought of sharing twelve life lessons on this blog beginning with January. As April 2013 comes to an end, I share a fourth life lesson.

It is the lesson of Relinquishment.

Relinquishment is rooted in obedience. One doesn't learn relinquishment overnight. It is a rather difficult lesson to learn because it goes against our natural grain of self-focus and self-interest. But with the Holy Spirit as my relentless tutor through the years, I believe I have learned some. With only a few hours left before the month ends, I am investing several hours to put into words what is on my heart about it.

Relinquishment has come to mean many things to me. And for me, this beautiful character quality is best symbolized by the sunflower. 

I've always been fascinated by sunflowers. They have a rugged beauty, a playfulness, a sense of reckless abandon about them that touches a deep spot in my heart.

April is sunflower season at the University of the Philippines here at the Diliman, Quezon City main campus. About 20,000 sunflowers line both side of the University Avenue, reminding all students and just about anyone driving by, that it is once again graduation season, time to say good-bye to the alma mater that the students have come to love and cherish.

Decades ago, during the term of Dr. Nemenzo, the sunflower tradition began - a graphic exhortation to the graduating batch to bloom wherever they are planted, even under the harshest and most arid of environments. For indeed, sunflowers are known to survive the hottest summer.

Be as hardworking as the sunflower, and continue to spread cheer and joy wherever you go, is the unspoken message that these annuals give to the graduating student.


Indeed the sunflower is a hard working plant, its compound head producing many seeds that provide food for birds, other animals, and even human beings.

This amazing flower is actually a composite of hundreds of tiny flowers.

Sunflower oil produced from pressing its blooms has a number of healing benefits as well.

Sunflowers lining the University Avenue 

University of the Philippines, Diliman campus 

photo taken by Obedient One 

April 27, 2013 

This sunflower tradition is so beautiful, even though it wasn't in place when I graduated from the State University many summers ago, as a young woman of 21.

Nevertheless, I have always loved sunflowers. Because these plants are heliotropic (or, phototropic) the young blooms follow the sun's movement across the sky, from east to west, as if not wanting to miss any single ray of life-giving sunshine. Another tacit lesson from the sunflower: Learn to look at the brighter side of life, and you will bloom and grow.

Personally, what I love most about sunflowers is the sense of reckless abandon with which they display their beauty. They grow tall, no matter what the soil condition is. They survive intense heat. Whenever I visit the university where these sunflowers have somehow become an icon to all its students and graduates, I feel so much joy and hope stirring up within my heart.

Don't take life so seriously, they seem to call out to me. Stop a while, spend a few moments gazing at our beauty, and enjoy a fresh infusion of childlike playfulness.

Sunflowers invite me to live life with a sense of reckless abandon and contentment.

To have a loose hold of the things of this world, whatever heavy burden it is that weighs me down, to cast them at the feet of Jesus, and trust Him with my whole life.

For He cares for me.

These five words sum up for me what relinquishment is all about.

I can relinquish my tight hold on my life for He cares for me.

Craig Hill is one of my best-loved spiritual mentors, and he says it so beautifully: "Fear is resident in the heart of anyone who has not received a revelation of the love of the Father."

The love of the Father comes as a revelation, as a bright light of truth that shatters the darkness of our souls. Until and unless this happens, that soul cringes in the dark, so afraid of not having enough, so afraid of losing one's possessions, money, position... whatever. And that soul will be burdened by worry and fear, so afraid of what the future will bring.

But the Father's love releases us from all that, and enables us to let go, to give up, to trust... and to relinquish our tight hold on our lives.

It has not been an easy lesson to learn, and I willingly admit that I learned this the hard way.

But how liberating it is once we have learned to walk down the bright road of relinquishment. The sun shines on you, the future doesn't fill your heart with fear.

For He cares for you.

On the first day of this month, Obedient One and I boarded our flight from Bacolod City to Manila.

Obedient had arrived in Bacolod City on the day of my birthday celebration, and spent the rest of the week with us. We had a lovely Resurrection Sunday lunch as a complete family, all eight of us - me, my two sons and their wives, my daughter, and my two grandsons, commemorating the day that Jesus rose from the dead.

Because it was Holy Week, the last week of March had been a quiet week of celebrating my 60th birthday, as well as the fifth wedding anniversary of First Born and God-given.

Celebrating First Born and God-given's 5th Wedding Anniversary

First Born Son, Obedient One, God-given, my sister Luli, and Worshiper (Second Born Son)

at the beach, March 27, 2013

With these beautiful events carefully tucked within my heart, I arrived in Manila on April 1, ready to face a new era of my life.

Yes, a new era. It was just two months ago, in February, that God spoke clearly to me that I was coming out of my season of grief and loss and entering my season of replacement.

I did receive and embrace that clear word from my Father, and it has filled my heart with so much hope.

It is, I believe, not just a new season, but a new era.

On April 3, five of us went to General Santos City to do an Ancient Paths seminar with 16 medical doctors. It was a wonderful time of seeing the Lord perform healing breakthroughs in the hearts of these medical practitioners. "We are wounded healers," one of them aptly described their status. So much in need of healing themselves, they often have no choice but to give of themselves, even when so many areas of their lives are still wounded and broken. So it was a privilege for me to have been part of this team that ministered to these people.

Checking in for our flight to General Santos City
April 3, 2013

On April 10-12, I attended the 24th National Prayer Gathering hosted yearly by the Intercessors for the Philippines. Again, it was very meaningful for me to have been a part of this historic event. For me, the culmination of the gathering was on the last day when Pastor Kam Pui of Singapore and his team from Open Heavens Ministry turned over seventeen menorahs to our country. Seventeen is a prophetic number that signifies a new era. 

Pastor Kam Pui did not know that our nation is subdivided into 17 administrative regions. That in itself shows that God was truly at work in putting the desire on his heart to bless our nation with these menorahs. The menorahs were accepted by seventeen prayer coordinators representing each of the seventeen administrative regions of our country.  

Tears welled up in my eyes as the menorahs were lit for the first time by the prayer coordinators. In accepting the menorahs, they were declaring that the light of intercession will never grow dim in every region of the Philippines.

"From this day on, your ministers will not minister in darkness, but in light," was another powerful declaration given by Pastor Kam Pui. 

17 prayers coordinators lighting the 17 menorahs 

It's already the end of the month and I am still in Manila. A health concern has arisen for which I am seeking medical attention. Nevertheless, even in the midst of this recent development, I rest secure in my heavenly Father's hands knowing that He cares for me. In His presence is fullness of joy.

Vincent van Gogh, towards the end of his life, did a series of sunflower paintings in Arles, France in 1888-1889.

Yellow was the dominant theme of these paintings, and he painted his sunflowers as a powerful, emotional rendition of life as he would have wanted it to be.

It is said that Vincent became ill in the last years of his life, always searching for light to shine in the darkness that seemed to envelop him.

"Still Life: Vase with Twelve Sunflowers"

oil on canvas

by Vincent van Gogh in Arles, France

August 1888

photo source 

Vincent's sunflowers reflected the things he was looking for - hope, optimism, contentment - all of which seemed to elude him in his quest for a more meaningful life.

What strikes me about his paintings of sunflowers is the realistic way in which he captures them. Always in vases, never out in the open field, his sunflowers were depicted as having been plucked from their life source. In painting them as such, this very sensitive painter knew that sunflowers, once picked from the mother plant, would quickly begin to wilt, thus communicating the transitory, fragile nature of life.

"Still Life: Vase with Fifteen Sunflowers"

oil on canvas

by Vincent van Gogh in Arles, France 

August 1888

photo source

Yes, Vincent's wilting sunflowers were bright, poignant, and symbolic: sunflowers are beautiful, but once cut off from the life source, their beauty is short-lived; they will eventually die.

This to me is a beautiful picture of relinquishment.

We have life only as long as we are rightly connected to the Ultimate Life Giver, God the Father of heavenly lights, from whom every good and perfect gift comes, and Who does not change like shifting shadows. (James 1:17).



In a nutshell, relinquishment for me simply means letting go of whatever I think I have a right to, or am entitled to, and turning it over to God, for He keeps my life in His hands. It is having the mind of Jesus who did not consider His equality with God a thing to be grasped, but willingly gave it up, and went through a death He certainly did not deserve, and lived a life of servanthood and selflessness. Yet in it all He maintained His dignity and authority. That's the beauty of Christlike relinquishment.

He sums it up in this beautiful passage in Luke 6:27-31:

But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also. If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt from them. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you.

"Three Sunflowers in a Vase"

oil on canvas

by Vincent van Gogh in Arles, France

August 1888

photo source

In my own experience, I practice relinquishment by:

respecting other people's boundaries and personal space,

forgiving and releasing others for things they have done or not done,

giving others permission to do things differently,

reminding myself that I am not the standard,

cultivating a spirit of humility,

feeding my spirit with beauty and music,

letting go of any sense of entitlement,

living with an attitude of gratitude,

denying a grumbling and complaining spirit any space in my heart,

learning to truly appreciate simple joys,

finding time for solitude,

serving others willingly... with joy and gladness of heart,

keeping no record of good things I have done,

looking to the future with hope,

being content with good enough,

trusting God with my tomorrows.


Relinquishment... a precious life lesson I dearly treasure in this my 60th year, the dawn of a new era in my life, because it was learned the hard way.

And I'm still learning.

My Prayer: Father I want to be rightly connected to you, my ultimate Life Source. In relinquishing my right to run my life the way I want to and the way I planned it, I am acknowledging that You alone know what is best for me. 

I gladly receive the life You want for me. 

You lead me. You guide me, You provide, You watch over my every concern. My path is not hidden from You. You draw me close to You.

For You care for me.

In You I can dwell secure.

His Eye is on the Sparrow

Why should I feel discouraged, why should the shadows come,

Why should my heart be lonely, and long for heav'n and home,

When Jesus is my portion? My constant Friend is He:

His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;

His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

I sing because I'm happy, I sing because I'm free,

For His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

"Let not you heart be troubled," His tender word I hear,

And resting on His goodness, I lose my doubts and fears;

Though by the path He leadeth, but one step I may see;

His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;

His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

Whenever I am tempted, whenever clouds arise,

When songs give way to sighing, when hope within me dies,

I draw the closer to Him, from care He sets me free;

His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;

His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

Silver and Exact Art Blog: Sunflowers - Vincent van Gogh - 1888


---------

Sharing twelve life lessons on my 60th year:

January 2013 - Restoration: A Matter of Perspective

February 2013 - Authenticity: A Matter of Trust

March 2013 - Celebration As a Way of Life

April 2013 - Relinquishment: A Journey of Faith

May 2013 - Abiding: The Anatomy of a Birthday

June 2013 - Exchange: My Weakness for His Strength

July 2013 - Divine Appointments: God's Surprise Visits

August 2013 - Worship: Hidden Riches in Secret Places

September 2013 - Longing for Things Unseen: Escape from Reality

October 2013 - God's Favor: A Season of Replacement

November 2013 - Honor: Creating Space

My 60th Birthday: Celebration as a Way of Life

Blessed is the man

who walks not in the counsel of the wicked

nor stands in the way of sinners,

nor sits in the seat of scoffers;

but his delight is in the law of the Lord,

and on his law he meditates day and night.

He is like a tree

planted by streams of water

that yields its fruit in its season,

and its leaf does not wither.

In all that he does, he prospers.

- Psalm 1:1-3

Then they came to Elim, 

where there were twelve springs of water

and seventy palm trees,

and they encamped there by the water.

- Exodus 15:27

Today is my 60th birthday.

I have really looked forward to this special day... so last year, I told myself that when my next birthday comes, I will celebrate it in a meaningful way.

And it happened just the way I dreamed it would.

We had a beautiful birthday dinner and blessing ceremony last night, the eve of my birthday. According to the Hebrew calendar, the new day starts at 6:00 p.m. - so my 60th birthday actually began at sundown yesterday evening. 

I wanted a celebration that would have God at the center of it all, for indeed He is the One writing my life story.

... all the days ordained for me were written in Your book

before one of them came to be.

- Psalm 139:16

For the past 12 years, I have been involved with Family Foundations International, a ministry that offers seminars aimed at healing emotional woundedness and re-establishing a culture of blessing in family relationships.

The enemy has severely damaged the family unit, sowing discord, dissension, dishonor, and disrespect among its members. The 12 years or so that we have been working in this ministry of reconciliation and restoration has shown us what the power of honor can do in our lives.

The term "full-circle blessing" was dropped into my heart by the Holy Spirit at the start of this year.

Craig Hill talks about the completion of the blessing cycle in his video seminars, so when I heard the term full circle blessing, there was an excitement that arose in my spirit.

In the original Jewish culture, blessing was a natural part of their everyday life. Children were accepted, wanted, welcomed, and nurtured - all throughout the six crucial points in a child's life:

- at conception,

- during the time he spends in the womb,

- at birth,

- at infancy and childhood,

- at puberty,

- and finally, at marriage. 

When the parents reach old age, it is their time to receive blessings from their children. A lifestyle of blessing will water and nurture the relationships within the family; it also prepares and softens the hearts of children to provide their parents with the love, care, and nurture that they need at this season of their lives.

What often happens is that tributes are recited by the children when their parents die. A blessing ceremony will ensure that tributes are given to them while they are still alive.

With the support of my children, and the help of my dear friend Miriam who coordinated the event, my 60th birthday celebration turned out to be a beautiful night of blessing.

Each of my three children -- First Born Son, Worshiper, and Obedient One -- prepared a wonderful tribute honoring me, thanking me for the way I brought them up, serving as a role model and mentor for them to follow. They also spoke words of blessing to honor me on my 60^th birthday.

A hundred special family members and friends were invited to the elegant birthday dinner at Sugarland Hotel.

Much prayer and preparation were put into this event months before the actual date.

I had already thought of giving away beautiful designer mugs containing a special plant for my guests - but it was only in early February that Miriam and I came up with the idea of putting a tree seedling in each mug. 

We bought 60 narra seedlings, which I carefully tended and nurtured myself for the next six weeks. 

Little did I realize that it was my heavenly Father guiding me, even in this matter.

I had requested William, the national coordinator of our ministry, to give the blessing of our family name to me and my whole family during the blessing ceremony, but I did not realize that giving away a tree seedling would be so significant and fitting for the occasion.

Our family name comes from the Spanish word arbol, which means "tree." The family name itself literally means, "a place of many trees."

But its spiritual connotation is, "a restful, shady place."

In the Bible, Elim is mentioned in Exodus 15:27 as a place where there were twelve springs of water, and seventy palm trees. It is one of the places where the Israelites camped near the water during their exodus from Egypt.

To be a place of rest.  This is our calling as a family.

It was surely the heavenly Father who inspired me to give away 60 narra tree seedlings on my 60th birthday. Isn't that amazing?

As March 2013 draws to a close, I choose the word celebration as the special name for her. On the third month of this my 60^th year, I share in this post how celebration became an important life lesson for me.

Celebration is one of the first love languages I learned to speak.

Ever since I was born, my life has always been celebrated. My first birthday was celebrated with a huge party given by my parents in honor of their first born child. Then, every birthday after that, up to my 18th year, was also celebrated. Both sides of my family often gathered for a meal to commemorate or observe a special occasion.

Celebration is therefore an important part of my life. The celebration does not have to be always grand or lavish. Just to be able to celebrate in a simple but elegant way was good enough.

What a privilege it is to have been raised by parents who understood the importance of celebrating the special seasons in their family life.

I know that the God who created you and me is Emmanuel, God with us, who wants to enter into the moments, events, and seasons of our lives, and to celebrate each one of them with us.

People who at one time or another walked with me in my  journey, and played an important role in my life story, were invited to be a part of or to witness the blessing ceremony and special birthday dinner on the eve of my birthday.

Sixty years ago I was born into this world, a little baby girl who was cared for, loved, and nurtured by good parents. My earthly father reflected to me the father heart of God, preparing my heart to encounter my heavenly Father, in my freshman year at university and I came to know my creator God in a life changing way. That was the turning point in my life; indeed, my life is a witness to the saving, redemptive grace of our Creator, Redeemer God.

Forty years have passed since December 1973 when I first gave my heart back to my rightful Master and Lord. It is to Him that I owe my life – who I am, and what I have become. It has not always been an easy life, but God has remained true to all His promises.

In 1973, I told God that I want the life that He intended for me when He created me. And I have prayed that nothing would prevent Him from fulfilling His purposes in my life.

Even if I have not always been able to keep this prayer, God knows it has been the underlying goal of my life – to discover the purposes of God and to live as a kingdom person for His glory, no matter what it takes.

Four years ago my beloved husband went home to heaven, and I entered the most painful season of my life. Nevertheless God’s strength and comfort were real, and in my grieving season, in the midst of my unspoken fears, doubts, and the uncertainties, I experienced for myself the unchanging faithfulness of God.

Today I am blessed with a growing family... there is now a third generation being brought up in the clan that is the fruit of our marriage.

I stand before you in humility, giving glory and thanksgiving to God alone, for what I am today has come about only by the grace of God.  

At 60, my life is far from over. In a sense, I believe it has only begun. There are new realizations, a deeper spiritual awareness, new doors to be opened, new kingdom connections.

I fully embrace my role as an endtime worker to help prepare the Bride of Christ for the return of her heavenly bridegroom.

As I enter my 60^th year, I decree and declare that I will not live for my own comfort and personal agenda, but for the fulfillment of God’s kingdom agenda through me.

I thank God who has promised in Jeremiah 32:40 that He will never stop doing good to me. 

The eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to Him. (2 Chronicles 16:9)

May I be found faithful... and fully committed.

Nevertheless, it's not about me. It is my birthday, but this celebration is not at all about me.

It's about the One who holds the pen in His hand, the Author of my life story, the One who promises to finish what He has started.

His name alone be praised on this day and forevermore. 

----------
Sharing twelve life lessons on my 60th year:

January 2013 - Restoration: A Matter of Perspective

February 2013 - Authenticity: A Matter of Trust

March 2013 - Celebration As a Way of Life

April 2013 - Relinquishment: A Journey of Faith

May 2013 - Abiding: The Anatomy of a Birthday

June 2013 - Exchange: My Weakness for His Strength

July 2013 - Divine Appointments: God's Surprise Visits

August 2013 - Worship: Hidden Riches in Secret Places

September 2013 - Longing for Things Unseen: Escape from Reality

October 2013 - God's Favor: A Season of Replacement

November 2013 - Honor: Creating Space

December 2013 - Sanctuary: Where God Dwells

Homesick for the Heart's True Home

Ernie and me enjoying khao soi 

on our last weekend in Chiang Mai

September 2008

Weeping may tarry for the night

But joy comes with the morning.

- Psalm 30:5

Today I remember the day Ernie and I were married 35 years ago.

I still celebrate our wedding anniversary, although Ernie's earthly life ended in the thirtieth year of our marriage.

When I look at the photo above, which was taken on our last weekend in Chiang Mai, Thailand, I see a face all aglow with happiness... so very much unaware of the heartbreak that was ahead of me. This was a Saturday, and the next day, we boarded our flight out of Thailand to return to our homeland.

Less than two months after this photo was taken, Ernie went home to heaven.

It feels good to remember.

Life is indeed a tapestry of beautiful memories. 

On our thirtieth wedding anniversary, I wrote Ernie an anniversary letter on my blog. I wrote it straight, without stopping and with hardly any corrections. The words just flowed out of my heart. How was I to know that that was going to be the last time we would ever celebrate the day we were wed and started our life together? 

My heavenly Father knew. And in His ultimate goodness, He did not want me to have any regrets... He inspired me to write that letter, a tribute to Ernie while he was still alive.

God also provided us with a memorable year together in Chiang Mai on the last year of Ernie's life.

Given Wings is the title of my anniversary letter written for my husband on our 30th year of marriage.

As the psalmist writes so beautifully, 

Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning.

For me, this kind of joy will only be realized fully in heaven, my heart's true home.

An unexpected anniversary breakfast this morning with friends 

Aaron, Raffi, Normandy, me, Aileen, and Pat

Iloilo Grand Hotel, Iloilo City

Authenticity: A Matter of Trust

by Kyle Reed

photo source

For He says,
"In a favorable time I listened to you,
and in a day of salvation I have helped you."
Behold, now is the favorable time;
behold, now is the day of salvation.

- 2 Corinthians 6:2





Eternity is not a long time.
Strictly speaking, there is simply no length to it.
Nothing elapses.
The infinite is not measurable.

- Fr. Patrick Reardon

Nearly a month has gone by since my last blog entry was published. At last here is a new post where I share about some important events and realizations of the past weeks, as well as the name I have given the month of February.

It was in 1979, a year after Ernie and I got married, that we moved to Bacolod City, his hometown. Since then Bacolod has officially become my home. All our three children were born and raised here.

But Manila will always have a special place in my heart. Not only is it the place where I was born and grew up, it is also there where I met my husband Ernie, and where we were married.

Metro Manila however has grown to be a huge and noisy megapolis, and after being there for almost one month, I know it has taken a toll on my soul.

Although my stay in Manila from mid January to mid February was profitable and rewarding in many respects, I was quite eager to return to my home city towards the end of my stay.

Trust the Father to know exactly what I needed.

When I arrived in Bacolod last February 11, I had the house all to myself for a full week. My daughter in law Chosen One and her son Elijah were in Manila to spend time with Chosen One's family, and my son joined them on Valentine's Day.

The next few days of  peace and quiet on the home front was such a welcome break for me, especially after the busy-ness of my last few days in Manila. 

I savored the moments of being alone.

We were still in the season of the trade winds, the cool northeast winds that make our nights delightfully misty and cool.  We call it amihan in our native language. In the early mornings, I would open the French doors leading to the screened lanai outside my bedroom, allowing the soft breeze to flow in. This really is the best season of the year - with gentle rains falling on most evenings. Even if the days are sunny and dry, there is always the cool evening drizzle to look forward to.

A few days of rest and I was once again "ready for action." As I had already previously mentioned, this is the year I turn 60. My children and I have planned to celebrate the occasion by giving a special dinner to which family and special friends are being invited. My dear friend Miriam has agreed to be the event coordinator for this.

Within the next few days, Miriam and I went out often - finalizing the hotel venue, the color motif, the guest list, the invitations, the cake, the flowers, and the food choices. 

We also bought the 60 narra tree (Pterocarpus indicus, also Rosewood) seedlings that I plan to give  our guests as a birthday giveaway. The narra tree is significant because it is one of our national symbols, and is also known for its healing properties.

Many thoughts come to my mind as my 60th birthday draws near.

I have reached the autumn season of my life and it would be a good time to reflect, and to evaluate.

To look back at the years with deep gratitude to Father God for all the opportunities that He has entrusted to me. Appreciating the many valuable lessons learned, in the good times and bad... Offering sacrifices of thanksgiving for all the people who have walked with me in my journey in a meaningful way, all these past sixty years of my life...

I have come to understand that God does not measure time as we do. The world marks the passage of time in quantitative terms. The Greek term for it, chronos, literally means "time on the move," from where we get our idea of something as being in the past, present or future.

Measured this way, life becomes a mere chronology of events, and time is a line, as in "timeline" - and we move along this line, from the day we are born to the day we die.

A more meaningful way of looking at time is to regard it as a moment, an occasion... considering the passage of time in terms of its qualitative significance, rather than its quantitative dimension.

That is the concept I employ in looking at my life as I reach my 60th year.  The Bible says that a thousand years to us is but a day in God's eyes! How awesome is that?

God looks at the world from His eternal perspective... yes, my heavenly Father dwells in the eternal now!

The Greek word for this concept of time is kairos - which literally means, "the right or opportune moment."

God views time not in quantum, physical measurement terms, but in qualis, descriptive terms.

Heavenly Father in His wisdom defines time according to purpose, seasons, cycles, ebbs and flows.

These past years, it has been very helpful for me to look at my life in terms of seasons. When I understand the season I am in, I can cooperate with God in what He is doing, move in sync and in harmony with His plans and His purposes.

Sue Monk Kidd in her book When the Heart Waits offers a beautiful insight about time. She writes, "Time isn't a straight line along which we travel. It's a deep dot in which we dwell."

I read this book about ten years ago, and her words have never left my heart. We just go deeper into time... and life is no longer a duty, but a delight... getting fuller... and more satisfying the deeper into that dot we go.

About two weeks ago, towards the end of February, I became aware of the changing season in my life.

Since Ernie went home to heaven four years ago, God has been doing a deep work in my heart: plowing, breaking up the fallow ground, pruning, weeding, uprooting, re-planting, watering...

Outwardly I really thought I had it all together.

But the truth is only becoming clear to me. I had been operating on "escape" mode. There were just too many things going on at the same time... too many changes. And humanly speaking, I was coping with it all by myself.

My first born son had just gotten married that year, and within that year, a month before Ernie's homegoing, they had a baby.

My second son got married a year after Ernie died, and brought home his wife to live with us. Within a year, they also had a baby.

My only daughter works and lives in Manila; she has her own life.

My only sister truly cares, but she lives so far away...

Ernie's family... his two sisters live nearby - but the truth is that no matter how much I treasure the relationship, there are some things that simply cannot be forced.

I have written many of my life stories on this blog - yet there are many stories that can never be openly shared. There is certainly so much more to my life than what people really know - the hidden things of the heart too precious to be given away. But the One who created me knows them all, and in that my comfort and my peace lie.

On the last day of February, while facilitating an Ancient Paths small group ministry session, I asked the persons with me this question: What is the name of the season that you are in?

After giving ourselves a few moments to think, it was my turn to speak. At first I didn't know what to say. It had been quite a while since I had asked myself this question. I asked God to help me identify my season.

Then, His answer came. So gentle were His words, they were almost imperceptible...

I wanted to be sure. Is that really You, Lord?

There was a response of Yes in my spirit.

You are coming out of your season of grief and loss... and you are entering your season of replacement.

It was only after I had verbalized the words that their impact hit me.

... A season of replacement?

I began to doubt... but then, what good would doubting do?

It was so much better to believe.

Because I always want order in my life, I really do not want to live with unresolved issues. I am a problem solver at heart. However, there are problems I am powerless to solve.

Trust is the only road to take.

The month of February has come and gone, but before she left, I was given a beautiful name for this part of my journey.

Authenticity.

The word resonates in my heart... and it's my name for February.


"Authenticity is being true to one's personality, spirit, or character, despite external pressures." Authenticity

It is easy to pretend, to put on a mask... to re-invent yourself several times over, just to run away from reality, or to numb the pain inside your heart.

But being authentic means I will not give in to the temptation to pretend to be someone I am not.

God calls me to wait, and in the waiting, to trust Him, and to not give up believing in what He is doing in my life.

He's tending the garden of my heart...adding nutrients...watering the parched places.

He sees the fruit... but He knows there's still much untapped potential... and there's more fruit coming.

Sue Monk Kidd writes of the gifts of the soul that come to those who trust God in the waiting seasons.

It's not surprising to know that these gifts are the very qualities that God has been teaching me these past 60 years of my life.

Authenticity. Being real. Living according to your convictions. Allowing others to see you in your weakness.

It's all a matter of trusting what the Father is doing.

We can go through life with nothing but a superficial understanding of time. Contrast that with a deep abiding sense of joyful waiting. There's no other way through which depth and growth come.

As I trust God in the waiting, I am learning to be attuned to His purposes. Then I can be truly present to Him and to others with whom I relate at different levels. To live in the moment, savoring it as it comes, rather than to live in the distant past, or unforeseen future.

I want to live in the present moment, dwell in this deep dot, making every opportunity count... to delight myself in the beauty of what the Father is doing...

God is breaking me free from certain relationships I have trusted in.

I'm in a season of replacement.

Trust Me. He speaks to the vulnerable, insecure places of my heart. You can put your trust in Me.

There will always be unresolved issues... but in the Father's hands, the questions of my heart are safe, because He knows the perfect time to reveal the answers to me.

When I trust Him, then I am free to be myself. I need not hide my wounds, or my imperfections, or even my fears. Because with God watching out for me, I am never truly living life on my own.

Authenticity. It's all a matter of trusting the Father.

Sharing twelve life lessons on my 60th year:

January 2013 - Restoration: A Matter of Perspective

February 2013 - Authenticity: A Matter of Trust

March 2013 - Celebration: A Way of Life

April 2013 - Relinquishment: A Journey of Faith

May 2013 - Abiding: The Anatomy of a Birthday

June 2013 - Exchange: My Weakness for His Strength

July 2013 - Divine Appointments: God's Surprise Visits

August 2013 - Worship: Hidden Riches in Secret Places

September 2013 - Longing for Things Unseen: Escape from Reality

October 2013 - God's Favor: A Season of Replacement

November 2013 - Honor: Creating Space

December 2013 - Sanctuary: Where God Dwells