Sweet Sorrow

My Beloved Sammy

June 2014

This is how I will always remember my beloved pet Basschshund Sammy... waking up in the morning with her still sleeping near my feet, then without moving her head, her sleepy eyes will open and look at me.

She went home to heaven at about 2:48 o'clock this morning. I say "about" because I woke up a few minutes before that time, but stayed in bed a few more minutes, then I got up and went to my prayer room to check on her. She was gone. When I touched her body, it was still very warm under the comforter. I looked at the clock, it was 2:50 a.m. 

I ran my fingers over her body, stroking the fur, still so soft and silky. Her tongue was out and her mouth half open, so I tucked the tongue in, and gently closed her mouth. Her eyes were also half open, so I closed them.

I ran a damp washcloth over her face, cleaned her ears and paws for the last time. 

I quickly cleaned up the little mess under her tail, cleaned and prepared her body for burial, placed it on a small blanket, and carried it out to my reading area. 

Then I took time to clean my prayer room floor thoroughly with soap, water, and disinfectant, then rinsed it all off with water and a few drops of lavender oil.

I had chosen to let her spend her last days in my prayer room where she was very comfortable on her pillows and comforter. Next to my bedroom, my prayer room was Sammy's favorite room because I was often there, and she always wanted to be with me.

She still looks so beautiful and peaceful, as if she was just taking a nap; her fur still so soft and shiny.

And... no foul smell coming from her at all. She was a really clean dog, inside out.

One week ago, September 22 was the last day I tried to syringe feed her and give her medication. That evening I decided it was time to let her go.

I am so grateful for the one week that she was still alert and able to go to the garden in the mornings, and we were able to say good-bye to each other.

It was not a sudden departure, and that made it a bit easier. 

But I don't think it was easy for her. The past two days, she would still try to get up and walk, but couldn't do so anymore. When I got home last night her breathing was heavy and labored. I suspect that she was probably getting water in her lungs already. Probably pulmonary edema... and she must have suffered in her last few hours.

Now, in the midst of my grief, I am so thankful that she spent her last days peacefully here at home, and I had enough time to process the thought of losing her.

Sammy and my other dog Patches slept with me and Ernie on our bed, and after Ernie passed away, my two dogs continued to be my bed companions. Then Patches died February last year, so for the past year and a half, it had just been Sammy and me here at home.

And now, with Sammy's death, I will be alone.

No more sleepy doggy head sticking out of the comforter when I wake up in the morning.

No more furry gentleness curled up on the rocking chair while I sit at my prayer desk.

No more sound of little doggy feet on the floor running to the kitchen to ask for food.

No more pleading eyes looking up at me while I ate my meals, begging for a treat or two.

No more doggy tongue licking my legs each time she finished eating, her way of saying, "I'm so happy... thank you for feeding me."

No more trips to the market to buy her fresh chicken, chicken livers, beef bone, ground beef, rice, and vegetables. And fish. Oh, she loved fish... My, how she would gobble up her food so quickly if I put in flakes of fried fish in it...

No more Sammy as I putter about in my garden...

No more walks with her up and down my street...

No more rides on the tricycle-pedicab around the neighborhood...

No more welcoming hugs and leaps and yelps of excitement to greet me each time I come home...

But I had fourteen years of her sweet presence in my life.

And I have tons of precious memories to comfort me in the days ahead of me.

Such is life...

Makes me remember all over again, this world is not my home. And the time is coming when there will be no more tears, no more death, no more good-byes. 

There has to be such a place... of beauty, unconditional love, and everlasting joy.

As Graham Cooke says, if there is a negative, then there is a corresponding positive that redeems it.

Death would be meaningless if it was not understood in the context of life.

Shalom, my dear Sammy. I will see you again in heaven. 

Thank You, my dear Abba Father, for the sweet gift of this amazing dog. 

What amazes me is when I heard You say to me,  "My daughter, don't You see? I created her... just for you."

My Father.. I can't get over that. Yes, indeed. You made her just for me. Thank You... thank You! 

What a privilege it was for me to have been able to care for her the way I did, all these years.

A righteous man has regard for the life of his animal...

-Proverbs 12:10

"Sammy"

A souvenir from Old Town, San Diego, CA

September 2003

Samantha-White Arbolario

December 18, 2001 - September 29,2015

Note: This is an unfinished post. I will be editing it and posting more photos within the next few days.