Gentleness: Life With Margins

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Today, my precious granddaughter Olivia, my Peaceful One, is seven months old.

The prayer blessing that I have for her is about gentleness, the eighth segment of the fruit of the Spirit. 

But the fruit of the Spirit is

love, joy, peace,

patience, kindness, goodness,

faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.

Against such there is no law.

- Galatians 5:22, 23

I am re-posting here an entry that I published a few months ago on our Sisterhood of the Traveling Scarf blog.

Of all the character traits mentioned in the nine-faceted fruit of the Spirit, gentleness is the one that catches my attention.

I have often shared in my writings how my father was the most important influence in my life. He was a gentleman... a gentle person with a tender touch.

We never heard him speak a harsh word in his life. To his dying breath, he was a picture of contentment and gentleness.

There is a Hebrew word for that, yafeh nefesh.  Literally,  "beautiful soul" or "bleeding heart."

When I was a little girl, while Mama prepared breakfast and packed our lunch boxes for school, Papa would fix my hair. It was a bit long, and he would take time to fix it a different style each morning. Sometimes he would loosely braid it, and put a ribbon at the end. Then he would say, "Look at yourself in the mirror, you're beautiful..." and I would see his eyes beaming with pride.

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Many years later, I met a man like that - more rugged, I should say. But still, a "beautiful soul." So kind, so caring. He was my husband.

Gentleness.

It also means meekness. "Living life with margins."

I first heard that phrase from Craig Hill, the founder and senior leader of Family Foundations International.

I've never forgotten it.

Living life with margins means we do not live life to the max. We leave margins.

We do not use up all our energy in pursuit of something. 

Meekness can apply to almost everything we do.

We do not always have to state our opinion. It's okay to keep it to yourself.

Giving the other person the benefit of the doubt.

Saving some money for the rainy day.

Using time wisely by having margins on your day, so there is enough of it to share with others.

Spending time in quiet meditation at sundown, to welcome the new day... 

Reading or listening to soft music at bedtime, to wind down after a long day...

Greeting the morning at daybreak...

Being willing to be misunderstood, or not appreciated.

Giving part of my lunch to a beggar, standing by the restaurant door. Quietly, without anyone noticing it.

Gentleness is one of the character traits of Jesus - He said, "Learn from Me, for I am gentle..."

Eugene Peterson translates it so beautifully, Learn the unforced rhythms of life.

I really love the idea of gentleness... 

We all know how it feels to be in the presence of a complainer and a grumbler.

One who doesn't easily see what is beautiful in difficult or painful situations. One who walks into a situation and sees only the wrong things.

There was a time in my life when I was that kind of person. In my quest for excellence and perfection as a young wife, I was a fault-finder. And I was self-righteous.

Towards the end of the 1980s, and up to 2000, my husband and I went through a difficult season in our life.

I call it my pruning season, my season of hiddenness and obscurity, like stew simmering in a back burner, unseen, unnoticed. 

It was at that time that I learned to embrace adversity as my friend.

The start of my journey toward becoming a gentle soul.

Gradually the spiritual equation in my life changed... thank God!

Now, in the autumn season of my life, I am finally learning what it means to be gentle.

The wise woman builds her house, 

but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down. 

Proverbs 14:1

It is okay to be good enough.

I don't always have to be right.

There is always room for the other person to change. Give hope.

Tomorrow is another day.

Quote from Max Lucado

And, here's a tender quote, about the touch of kindness and gentleness coming from a yafeh nefesh kind of friend:

But oh! the blessing it is to have a friend to whom one can speak fearlessly on any subject: with whom one's deepest as well as one's most foolish thoughts come out simply and safely. Oh, the comfort - the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person - having neither to weight thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away."

- Dinah Maria Mulock Craik, in A Life for a Life

May I be this kind of friend in the life of another.

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A blessing for my grand-daughter:

My precious Peaceful One,

How I pray that you will grow up to be a "yafeh nefesh" kind of girl. One who doesn't demand or insist on her own way, but humbly yields.

What a refreshing presence it is, when someone's heart is soft and gentle toward others.

I pray that your disposition as you grow up will be sweet, kind, compassionate, and tenderhearted.

Again, for you to be this kind of girl, I pray that you will be raised by your father and mother to be such.

May you be surrounded by people who model gentleness in their lives.

May your speech be gracious, but seasoned with salt. 

May the expression on your face reveal the gentleness of your heart.

How I pray that the humility of Jesus Christ will be seen in your life.

With God's help, this is all possible, and I release to you today, as you turn eight months old, the powerful blessing of gentleness.

Love always,

Nana