The Open Door to Delight

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But the meek shall inherit the earth, 

And shall delight themselves in the abundance of peace.

Psalm 37:11

2020.

The start of a new decade.

The number alone speaks volumes.

2020 speaks of perfect vision... something we definitely need to safely navigate the turbulent emotional waters we often find ourselves in.

The past years have not been easy ones for me, but this year I want to walk on a different road.

I am so grateful that Abba Father gave me enough grace to end the past year on a positive note. That is one big step in the right direction.

Fear can cripple and demoralize even the most seasoned soldiers, and I now realize how I had allowed fear to hamper my spiritual growth the past few years.

As the year 2019 came to a close, I embraced the truth that this valley I have been in is God's ordained entry point to a new era in my life—the era of hope. (read My Valley of Achor:A Sacred Journey)


Hope, however, is not something that happens overnight.

It requires quite a journey to reach the point of hope.

Hope has to be chosen, deliberately and repeatedly, because the human heart has the predisposition to look at the downside of everything.


Hope is a powerful motivator, an open door to a bright future.

Fear, in stark contrast, is a cul-de-sac. A dead end.

Hope propels us forward, but fear drags us down.

Sadly, I must admit, Camp Fear was where I had been wallowing these past few years.

Hope has been a missing factor in my life.

In my mind I truly believed in Jeremiah 29:11: that God's plans are meant to prosper, not to harm, to give us a hope and a future. But on most days I have secretly feared the worst case scenario.

It was a subtle trap, this wavering to and fro between the camps of hope and fear.  Thankfully, there was enough residue of faith in my tank to sustain me in my ongoing internal battle.

But the fear factor had caused the tank to spring a leak and faith was fast running out.

Faith, they say, is like a muscle. You need to use it, or it atrophies. In short, faith is useless if it is passive.

I believe, help my unbelief. This was my constant plea.

It wasn't my intention to displease God...

But without faith it is impossible to please Him,

for he who comes to God must believe that He is,

and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.

-Hebrews 11:6

Obviously something was sorely missing in the spiritual equation of my life.


Thankfully, God cared too much to let me remain in that condition.

And right in my Valley of Achor God showed me the open door of hope.

Even as I write these words, I am blown away by the realization that when I began looking at my life from the perspective of hope, everything suddenly turned bright.


While the enemy dangled a dark hopeless future before my eyes, the Father repeatedly whispered in my ear that there is a far better place waiting for me.

But I wasn't paying attention.

When things go contrary to how we want them to be, when unexpected circumstances shatter our well laid out plans... when our comfort turns to discomfort... it is so easy to buy into the lie of fear, hopelessness and discouragement.

I know that I never stopped believing in God. But little by little, my steps were leading me back into a dark place of slavery.

Hope has to be deliberately chosen...

The writer of the book of Hebrews exhorts us to lay hold of the hope set before us (Hebrews 6:18). Furthermore he says,

This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, 

both sure and steadfast,

and which enters the Presence behind the veil...

- Hebrews 6:19

Hope is the anchor that will surely take us to safe harbor as we sail on stormy seas.

Hope is believing the sun is shining brightly behind the clouds.



For being a Jew, Viktor Frankl, an Austrian neurologist and psychotherapist, was imprisoned together with his wife and parents during the Nazi regime. His wife and parents were killed. He himself endured horrific maltreatment at the hands of the Nazis. There was a thin line between him and certain death. But as he writes in one of his books, at the lowest point of his life in the concentration camps, he saw himself not as a hopeless prisoner but as a distinguished professor behind a podium delivering a lecture on what it means to be truly free. That was the turning point.

He writes,

... everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms— to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances...."

One of his famous lines: Those who have a 'why' to live can bear with any 'how.'

Frankl survived years of harsh treatment in the camps because he had a 'why' to keep on living.

This is a perfect example of keeping hope alive in the midst of seemingly "hopeless" circumstances.


One tangible way by which Abba Father rekindled my hope was through the birth of my sixth grandchild just a few days before the end of 2019.

It was in mid-May when my second son announced that they had a third child due to be born in early January 2020.

Honestly, I had mixed feelings when I received the news. Though I was happy at the thought of having another baby in the family, I was also concerned that times are changing and bringing up another child was a huge responsibility.

The pregnancy was a difficult one. Chosen One, my daughter-in-law, had to be on complete bed rest during her third trimester. She wasn't allowed to go up the stairs to their bedroom, so the living room sofa became her bed. She gave instructions for the running of her household from there. In November, she had to have a special diet to help the baby in her womb gain more weight. Chosen One was hospitalized and given medication to prevent a possible premature birth. She also developed gestational diabetes and had to watch her blood glucose levels.

I spent many hours praying for the mother and the baby.

Christmas Eve was a joyful event for our family, and our Christmas family picture was around their living room sofa with Chosen One reclining on it.

Yet, at the back of my mind were fervent prayers for the safe delivery of my sixth grandchild.

Two days after Christmas, a healthy baby boy weighing 5 pounds and 13 ounces was born by C-Section. He had indeed gained the extra pounds we prayed for!

On December 30, one day before the end of the year, Chosen One and her baby were home.

I admire and appreciate the dedication of my son Worshiper to his wife and sons. I knew he was tired from all the burdens he had to carry, but he never wavered in his commitment. The two older boys had gotten sick, and remained unwell for quite a while, so I stayed with them for a few days to help out. Chosen One's mother also arrived from Manila on New Year's Day to be with her daughter.

I can't hold back the tears when thanking Abba Father for the precious blessing of life He has given our family.

It did something to my heart, the arrival of this baby, whom I have named He Hears God's Voice.

Abba Father rekindled the dying embers of hope in my heart, and spoke a powerful message that indeed, the era of hope has begun in my life... in my family.

My sacred journey is taking a different turn this year.  I sense my steps are small but certain, and almost buoyant. There is a song of gladness in my heart.

Quietly, but surely, hope has been reborn.

I am still learning the new melody that I hear the Father singing in my heart. In time I will master it.

What amazes me is the sense of warmth and delight where there once was uncertainty and doubt.

When I opened the door of hope, Delight entered. Not forcing her way in, but making her presence felt, promising to bring healing to the wounded areas of my soul where fear had taken up residence.

Fear is unforgiving. It is like an invasive root system that takes over your entire garden.

God saved me just in time.

I couldn't have done it on my own. Once again, Abba has reached out to rescue me.

But to make myself clear, it isn't really all about me. It is about God and His ways that are beyond our human understanding. He sends a new baby into our lives because He has it all planned out from the beginning.

I welcome my new grandson into my life! His name Samuel Timothy is just too perfect.

Samuel means, "God has heard." Timothy means, "Honor to God." Indeed, God has heard our prayers for this little one. And my ongoing prayer for him as he grows up is that he will bring honor to God alone.

I declare that this little boy whom I have also named He Hears God's Voice will live up to the job description and divine purpose embodied in his name.

And so as this new year begins, I begin walking on a different road, with Hope and Delight as my traveling companions.


Thank You Abba Father for reaching down to save me from the snare I had unknowingly walked into.

Thank You for the tangible gift of new life you gave to restore hope and delight to my heart. 

The timing of his birth is not a mistake, as You are the One Who guided his parents to choose the day for him to be born. How amazing it is to know that one week longer in the womb would have proven dangerous for his mother... So thank You Abba for guiding them to make the right choice.

You have heard our fervent prayers for a safe delivery and you granted it. 

You hold his life in Your hands, and I thank You for Your beautiful plan for his life!


These are my songs for the new year:

My Delight
(by Andy Park)

Father, You are my portion in this life
And You are my hope and my delight
And I love You, Yes I love You,
Lord I love You, my delight

Jesus, You are my treasure in this life
And you are so pure and so kind
And I love You, Yes I love You,
Lord I love You, my delight

Spirit, You are my comfort in this life
And I need Your presence day and night
And I love You, Yes I love You,
Lord I love You, my delight

Beyond the Open Door

In the things familiar we find security
Resisting all the changes that days and years can bring,
When God decides to lead you through an open door
Inviting you to walk in realms you've never walked before.
Beyond the open door is a new and fresh anointing,
Hear the Spirit calling you to go.
Walk on through the door for the Lord will go before you
Into a greater power you've never known before.

Hear the spirit calling to wake the living dead,
To reach the huddled masses who cry out for living bread.
Arise oh mighty army, take up thy shield and sword
For the Father lifts His golden lamp beside the open door.

Beyond the open door is a new and fresh anointing,
Hear the Spirit calling you to go.
Walk on through the door for the Lord will go before you
Into a greater power you've never known.
Beyond the open door is a new and fresh anointing,
Hear the Spirit calling you to go.
Walk on through the door for the Lord will go before you
Into a greater power you've never known . . .

Where He leads me, I will follow
Where He leads me, I will follow
And where He leads me, I will follow
Into a greater power we've never known before,
Beyond the open door.

My Valley of Achor: A Sacred Journey

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The man of God came up and told the king of Israel, 
‘This is what the Lord says: 
“Because the Arameans think 
the Lord is a god of the hills 
and not a god of the valleys, 
I will deliver this vast army into your hands, 
and you will know that I am the Lord"'. 
- 1 Kings 20:28

Therefore, behold, I will allure her,

Will bring her into the wilderness,

And speak comfort to her.

I will give her her vineyards from there,

And the Valley of Achor as a door of hope;

She shall sing there,

As in the days of her youth,

As in the day when she came up from the land of Egypt.

- Hosea 2:14-15

Sharon will become a pasture for flocks, 
and the Valley of Achor a resting place for herds, 
for My people who seek Me.
-Isaiah 65:10

As the year 2019 is about to end, I make a definite stand to recover the voice I believe I have lost. I do this to regain freedom to start 2020 on a clean slate, leaving behind burdens that have weighed me down, and opening up room for fresh provisions for the next leg of my spiritual journey.

It has taken me several months to finish this post. It was begun soon after my 66th birthday blog post was written - eight months ago! I would sit at my desk hoping to add to what had already been written, but my thoughts would just be swirling around in my mind.The words that did come were somehow not good enough.

My philosophy in writing is that it should never be done out of duty but as a delight. And so I put my pen down and simply gave up trying.



I was seven when I first discovered that thoughts could be verbalized.

My grade school teachers taught how writing can be a work of art—well thought out and deep.

I have never forgotten that.

In my prayer room is a filing cabinet where most of my journals are kept.

Then, twelve years ago, I discovered the joy of online self-publishing. When my husband passed away, this blog became my traveling companion in my journey through grief. It also became a chronicle, a silent witness to my life events.

For the most part of this year, however, time to write was a luxury I did not have.

Truth is, I can't afford not to write because writing is one of my emotional tank fillers!

More importantly, it is one of the many ways I worship God. My Abba Father is the One writing my life story, I am just the pen in His hand.

Writing is not only an act of honoring God... for me, it is also an act of obedience.

What I'm saying is that writing is an integral part of my devotional life.

One of the Scripture passages that I treasure is found in Isaiah 50:4 -

The Lord God has given Me

The tongue of the learned,

That I should know how to speak

A word in season to him who is weary.

He awakens Me morning by morning,

He awakens My ear

To hear as the learned.

The Lord God has given me an assignment.

When the year began I had high hopes of getting closer to God through a daily reading of His Word, prayer, and journaling. Well, the year has come to an end, and I must admit... I have fallen short of my goal.

No self-condemnation here, just acknowledging that I have been preoccupied with too many concerns. Like Martha... instead of choosing the one thing that really mattered, sitting at the feet of her Master, and listening to Him, I have chosen the easy road of distraction and misplaced priorities.

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The call of the urgent has deprived me of valuable opportunities to respond to God's daily invitation to deepen my relationship with him.

In place of spiritual fervor and passionate intercession, I have settled into a spiritual plateau of discouragement and emotional weariness.

The garden of my heart has suffered neglect.


I remember a term from my readings as a young Christian in the early 1970s that best describes my present condition. It is the word Zerrissenheit, a German word literally translated as "torn-to-pieces-hood," a state of being fragmented or torn apart.

It's true, I have high spiritual standards, and I am probably just being too hard on myself.

But then again, why not?

In a spiritual war, we cannot afford to let our guard down.

I take to heart these words of Paul to the Ephesians:

See then that you walk circumspectly, 

not as fools but as wise, redeeming the time, 

because the days are evil. 

- Ephesians 5:15-16.

Whatever the reason I have arrived at this point, I am grateful that God's hand is always reaching out to me. He has made His presence felt, in the most unlikely places, at times when I least expected.

He is the still point, the strong tower in the midst of the storm.

I hear the Father saying:

Come closer My daughter, you need to defragment and walk in the way of shalom. 

This end of the year blog entry is my way of saying Yes! to Abba Father, my humble offering of obedience.

I am picking up my pen once again.

Through this post, I hope to recover not only my voice, but my vision as well... to view the past year from the unobstructed vantage point of heaven, the way Abba Father sees it.

For thus says the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel: 

"In returning and rest you shall be saved; 

In quietness and confidence shall be your strength." 

- Isaiah 30:15


Write the vision
And make it plain on tablets,
That he may run who reads it.
For the vision is yet for an appointed time;
But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie.
Though it tarries, wait for it;
Because it will surely come,
It will not tarry.
Habakkuk 2:2, 3

val·ley

noun

1: an elongate depression of the earth's surface usually between ranges of hills or mountains

2: a low point or condition

Therefore, behold, I will allure her,

Will bring her into the wilderness,

And speak comfort to her.

I will give her her vineyards from there,

And the Valley of Achor as a door of hope;

She shall sing there,

As in the days of her youth,

As in the day when she came up from the land of Egypt.

- Hosea 2:14-15

This Scripture passage from Hosea 2:14, 15 has been very much on my heart this year. In the moments that I have picked up my Bible seeking peace and consolation, I have turned to this passage and lingered on it. 

Clearly this is God's word for me for 2019.

It sheds more light on my stony path, even as the new year is just a few hours away. 

Therefore, behold, I will allure her,

Will bring her into the wilderness...

There are at least three possible ways of looking at any given passage in the Bible. We can look at its historical timeline, the original context in which it was written, taking into consideration the audience that it is speaking to. We can also look at its prophetic timeline, and interpret it in light of the future fulfillment of the passage.

Then there is the personal application, looking at it in the context of our circumstances and hearing what God is saying in the midst of what we are going through.

Wilderness.

The word has a strong overtone. It connotes desert — barren, hot, arid, where nothing grows but thorny plants that can endure the severe environment.

Externally, a wilderness is a desolate place.

And this is where I have been the past months, internally. A place of discomfort, worry, fear, separated from God's presence.



Therefore, behold, I will allure her,
Will bring her into the wilderness...

Allure.

Lure.

I know that a lure is a kind of bait used to attract a fish to bite the fish hook.

To me, it sounds like it's God-ordained.

The passage indicates there's no way I can run away from the wilderness because God is the one alluring me to go there. The circumstances I find myself in—they are all part of His plan.


Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness... Matthew 4:1

In my circumstances, I am gradually pushed back until there is no place left for me to go but the wilderness.

My desire is for comfort, to have things done my way. But what if it is the Spirit Himself leading me up to the wilderness? What if God Himself is engineering my circumstances so that I have nowhere else to go but there?

Although Jesus was a Son, He learned obedience from the things He suffered. (Hebrews 5:8)

These past months, I have nurtured a low grade fever of worry, fear, and anxiety. But in truth, I am being given many opportunities to learn obedience.

Trust Me, Abba Father says.

Intellectual trust does not help. I need to learn... learn... and relearn... heart-level trust.



And speak comfort to her...

In the midst of my discomfort, God speaks comfort to me. The New International Version puts it this way: and speak tenderly to her...

He has not led me to the wilderness to scold, rebuke, or point an accusing finger. In my wilderness, God tenderly speaks, God comforts.

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The wilderness is not necessarily a bad place.

The word in Hebrew for wilderness is midbar, מדבר. It comes from the Hebrew devar, דבר, which means "word," or deber, which means “speak.”

Wilderness is
 A place of total reliance upon God
 A place of open miracles
 A place of learning about God
 A place of learning about myself
 A place of learning about freedom
 A place of preparation for fruitfulness
 An unwanted place
 A temporary place
 A place of death
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It also means to put things in order. Jesus often went to the wilderness to get a devar from the Father; John the Baptist operated in the wilderness.

It may be an unwanted place, but it is not permanent; it is only a place of preparation.

God is preparing my heart for total reliance on Him, that I may come to the place of freedom, fruitfulness, and open miracles.


In the wilderness, the anointing of words is crucial. We need to be very careful with the words we speak when we are in the wilderness.

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The Lord gave promises and instructions in the wilderness. Even if the physical doesn’t seem to match the promise, I must not forget that a time of waiting and trusting is required.

I call this "spiritual incubation period" for the vision to become reality.

This is exemplified in the words spoken by the twelve spies while they were in the wilderness. The ten spies spoke words of unbelief, and they perished in the desert. Joshua and Caleb spoke words of faith, and they were able to obtain their promised inheritance, even though they had to contend and wait for it to come about.

When we go through a wilderness season, God is doing something. He is putting our lives in order.

In such times, I am reminded to be careful with my words. I will hold on to faith and boldness... give room for faith and trust to grow and mature.

My words and conduct have an effect, not only on my own life, but in the lives of the generations that come after.

I will give her her vineyards from there,

And the Valley of Achor as a door of hope...

She shall sing there,

As in the days of her youth,

As in the day when she came up from the land of Egypt.

The valley of Achor is first mentioned in Joshua 7 as a place of judgment. This is the place where Achan was stoned to death for hiding some of the devoted things that God clearly told them not to keep.

Achor literally means Trouble.

We have different versions of this valley.

What does your valley of Achor look like?

Our Achor could be a valley of disappointment and seemingly dead end situations. Circumstances not necessarily of our own making, but a situation we find ourselves in because of somebody else’s poor choices. 

Because of Achan's sin, Israel was deprived of sure victory at Ai, an entire nation suffering defeat and setback because of one man’s greed and disobedience. Similarly we may find ourselves today in situations we did not ask for. 

Achor is the valley I have been in these past years. 

I have no choice but to spend some time here. It is in this valley that I am learning the truth about God, and about myself. 

As harsh as God seems to appear in Joshua, the prophet Hosea shows the tenderness of God's heart. He refers to the Valley of Achor as a place of restoration and transformation.

This place of sin and judgment is a place of divine reversal. Instead of trouble and death, it will flourish and experience God's blessing.

My valley of Achor is my door of hope... a place of song, a place of remembrance.


Sharon will become a pasture for flocks, 
and the Valley of Achor a resting place for herds, 
for My people who seek Me.
-Isaiah 65:10

As I say good-bye to 2019, I am coming not to a dead end but to an open door. The prophet Isaiah mentions the valley of Achor as a place of rest.

This year I have been on a sacred journey through the wilderness. I lost my song, I wavered in my faith, I wallowed in fear.

But the amazing thing I realize is that I was never alone. My Abba Father was with me every step of the way... speaking comfort, restoring hope, rekindling faith.


I will give her her vineyards from there...

It is in my valley of Achor that I receive back my vineyards.

One vineyard is a renewed trust in my heavenly Father, in the midst of uncertainty.

Another is the promise of restored joy and a fruitful harvest.

Those who sow in tears

Shall reap in joy.

He who continually goes forth weeping,

Bearing seed for sowing,

Shall doubtless come again with rejoicing,

Bringing his sheaves with him. Psalm 126:5-6

...and the Valley of Achor a resting place for herds, 
for My people who seek Me.

It is in my valley of Achor that I find rest, for it is He alone that my heart seeks.

Such was its physical formation that in a most literal sense the valley of Achor was a door of hope, for in front of the Israelites, as they wound through the pass, there lay at the far end of the vista the smiling vineyards and yellow cornfields and peaceful blue hills of the Promised Land. So does the Redeemer lead those to whose hearts He has spoken, assuring them of reconciliation and peace with Himself. Every winding in the avenue of life reveals a blessing that is richer than the blessings they at present enjoy. They are lured from grace unto grace, and from strength unto strength. Mercy joins hand with mercy. Each good thing received becomes the pledge and the foretaste of a better which God hath prepared for as many as love Him. (from Great Texts of the Bible, by editor James Hastings)

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Motherhood: A Humble Grace

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...but grow in the grace and knowledge 
of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

To Him be the glory both now and forever. Amen.

2 Peter 3:18

I awoke at 2 o'clock this morning, remembering that today is my third child, my only daughter's birthday.

And so many emotions welled up in my heart, so many thoughts... I know for certain Abba was calling me to take time to pause and listen to what He is saying.

In the past He has often done that, but a lot of times I have not been careful to obey. The call of the urgent would always get in the way. This morning, I dare not let the sacred opportunity pass me by.

One thing keeps reverberating on my heart, and that is the word FAITHFUL.

Through the years and seasons of my life, Father God has been faithful.

It is always easy to look at that word intellectually. Of course, God is faithful. After all, that's His nature.

But this morning, the pounding of my heart tells me there's something more. 

He is the faithful God who has given me the unique opportunity to be a mother to three beautiful children.

I don't think I have ever taken time to reflect deeply on how awesome that privilege really is. The years just went by too fast. The requirements of mothering, of nurturing, of bringing up,  teaching life skills, imparting spiritual lessons, not so much by words, but by example... the toll on my physical and emotional well-being... the financial aspect of providing for all their needs...

All this on top of everything else—the daily rigors of making a life, and living well.

The story of my inner struggles, the unsung victories and the private pain the past 40 plus years of my life is known to no one else but God and me alone.

As I was quietly reflecting on my life this morning, I heard Abba gently whispering, "I have never left your side through it all."

I am overcome with emotion even as I write these words, and Bob Fitts' song You Are So Faithful playing in the background.

Dawn is breaking; soon the world around me will awake.

But I don't want to miss this chance to thank Abba Father on such a special day as this, my daughter's birthday, for speaking personally to me, reminding me that He is my faithful Father.

I know I have shared this many times before, but I will say it one more time. At this very moment, thirty five years ago, my husband Ernie and I were at the parking lot of Riverside Hospital, waiting for my birth contractions to progress before checking in at the hospital to give birth to our third baby.

It was in that parking lot that God changed my heart forever. You see, I had felt unprepared to have another baby so soon after our second child was born just two years earlier. I was not sure how I could be a good mother to another child when my two sons were still so small.

God spoke these words clearly to me that cool December morning, "The baby in your womb about to be born is not an accident. The baby (I didn't know yet whether the baby would be a boy or a girl) will be a constant reminder to you of My faithfulness. You will never forget this message in the years to come. Each time you celebrate the birthday of this child, you will remember that I am a faithful God."

Indeed my heart was forever changed. 

Just a few hours later, at about 8 o'clock that morning, a healthy 8 lb. 10 oz. baby girl came into this world.

On my Facebook status for today I wrote this words:

Something very special happens each time a mother brings a child into this world... each time a baby is born. All heaven rejoices at Abba Father's unique and special handiwork. All mothers know this awesome feeling. Today I celebrate the day I gave birth to my only daughter many years ago. What a gift she is to me as I have seen her grow up from infancy to early childhood to teen years and finally adulthood. I know life has not always been easy for her, but she is carrying herself well through the mountains and the valleys. As a mother you wish you could have your children in your nest forever, but of course that is not how life works. At some point you have to let go of them, and let them find and live their own lives, the beautiful life God intended for them. On your birthday, dear daughter I thank God all over again for the gift of you. Thank you for honoring me as your mother. Because of that, you will prosper in all you do, and you will live long in the land God has called you to. My prayer: Daughter, always move up to the next level of your life, walking toward the glorious destiny that Abba Father has prepared for you.

Indeed, motherhood is a unique privilege. Being a mother has taught me firsthand the unspoken truth behind it, in motherhood lies the true meaning of dying to self and becoming a humble servant.

Carrying a child for nine months inside your womb is the easiest part. Imparting life to that human being, way beyond the physical... this is the hardest part, yet the greatest privilege of being a mother.

Footwashing is the word that comes to my heart.

Jesus washed the feet of the apostles at the Last Supper, the night before He died, as an act of humility and servanthood.

To be a mother is to be a foot washer. In more ways than one, being a mother requires serving our children willingly, not grudgingly. Footwashing in my willing service, then through the never-ending intercession that I offer to heaven on their behalf.

I serve my children by praying for them.

I pray regularly for protection, guidance, provision, spiritual growth, endurance, and encouragement.
 
Undoubtedly, there have been many mistakes in the past. Footwashing includes thanking the Lord for His ongoing redemption.

Nevertheless, I am also grateful for the many things I did right.

I am thankful that the faithful God has given me the heart to be faithful to my children. That I never gave up on them. That I remain committed till the end.

In a manner of speaking, their father and I have taught our horses how to cross the river, and they are now safely on the other side.

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We couldn't have done it on our own.

I am so thankful for the humble grace Abba Father has given.

So here I am, 40 years of being a mother... so thankful for the lessons in humility, self-sacrifice, a heart that keeps on forgiving, and never stops believing.

Inevitably, a mother will be blamed for things that she never intended to do. Maybe there is still a wound that is bleeding in her children's hearts, a grudge, a painful memory...

But how often does she have to say, I'm sorry?

Abba Father says. Whatever you have lacked, I have provided, and continue to provide. You can rest in My love.

Indeed, Abba Father is the Ultimate Footwasher. He washes my feet as well.


And today, my heart overflows with gratitude.

Thank You Abba, for the opportunity You have given me to be a mother.

There are still so many things on my heart that I want to say... but for now, this will do.

The Amplified Bible Classic Edition says it beautifully:

For now we are looking in a mirror that gives only a dim (blurred) reflection [of reality as in a riddle or enigma], but then [when perfection comes] we shall see in reality and face to face! Now I know in part (imperfectly), but then I shall know and understand fully and clearly, even in the same manner as I have been fully and clearly known and understood [by God]. - 1 Corinthians 13:12


Only in eternity will the full story be revealed.

And only on the day I leave earth will I stop being a mother to my children.

This is a song I sing everyday... I never get tired of it because it is my story... it is my song. My tribute to God's faithfulness.

"You Are So Faithful" by Bob Fitts
Like the sun that rises everyday,
You are so faithful. Lord, You are faithful.
Like the rain that You send,
And every breath that I breathe,
You are so faithful, Lord

Like a rose that comes alive every spring,
You are so faithful. Lord, You are faithful.
Like the life that You give,
to every beat of my heart,
You are so faithful, Lord.

I see the cross and the price You had to pay,
I see the blood that washed my sins away.
In the midst of the storm
through the wind and the waves,
You'll still be faithful, You'll still be faithful,
When the stars refuse to shine and time is no more,
You'll still be faithful,
You'll still be faithful, Lord.

Covenant of Peace

It is not the earthquake

That controls the advent of a different life.

But storms of generosity

And visions of incandescent souls.

-Boris Pasternak

And the Lord spoke to Moses, saying: 

“Speak to Aaron and his sons, saying, 

‘This is the way you shall bless the children of Israel. 

Say to them: “The Lord  bless you and keep you; 

The Lord  make His face shine upon you, 

And be gracious to you; 

The Lord lift up His countenance upon you, 

And give you peace.” ’

-Numbers 6:22‭-‬26 

And if a man opens a pit,

Or if a man digs a pit and does not cover it,

And an ox or a donkey falls in it,

The owner of the pit shall make it good;

He shall give money to their owner,

But the dead animal shall be his.

-Exodus 21:33-34

"For the mountains shall depart

and the hills be removed,

but My kindness shall not depart from you,

nor shall My covenant of peace be removed,"

says the Lord, who has mercy on you.

-Isaiah 54:10

Of all the birthdays I have had, my 66th birthday is probably the most memorable. It was well-celebrated by friends and family alike. And I still cannot get over the fact that this was all part of Abba Father's plan for me. All the days ordained for me were written in His book even  before one of them came to be, as it says in Psalm 139:16.

My birthday is on March 27. But the celebrations started early and lasted up to the first week of April.

On March 3, my dear friend Pat treated me to a special birthday dinner at Cucina Maria. It was indeed special because we knew that in a just a few weeks, Pat would be returning to her homeland in Hawaii for good.

On March 12, my dear friends at Family Foundations International, Philasia (the ministry that I have served under since November 2000), gave me a quite unforgettable celebration. Ruby planned a raclette lunch, complete with a variety of sausages and cheeses, and a bowl of salad greens. She also prepared different kinds of bread for the occasion. Each one in the team presented me with the written blessings they had prepared ahead of time.

The celebration came early because I was leaving for Manila on Friday the 15th, for a series of Ancient Paths seminars that I was coordinating in Tagaytay City on the week of my actual birthday. 

On Saturday, the day after I arrived in Manila, my daughter Obedient One and I had lunch at my favorite resto, Cyma Greek Taverna, another early birthday celebration.

A few days later, on March 20, my dear friend Tina came over to spend some time with me in prayer and worship. It culminated in a special meal, again at Cyma. Another advance birthday celebration.

The next day, March 21, my friends from Victory Katipunan came to the house to celebrate my birthday. It was a wonderful afternoon of more blessings being spoken over me.

The following day, my friend Cora and her son Mobin, treated me to a wonderful vegetarian dinner at the Shangri-la Hotel at The Fort. It was my first time to have a birthday cake made of fresh fruit!

On Sunday, March 24, I went to the Ninoy Aquino International Airport Terminal 2 after lunch where my friend Claire picked me up to go to Tagaytay City for the Ancient Paths seminars that week. 

Upon reaching Tagaytay City, Claire said we were to stop at Bag of Beans for an early dinner where the rest of our ministry team were already waiting. We ate a hearty meal over a lively conversation. Much to my surprise, after dinner, the staff of the restaurant came to our table, singing a birthday song, and presented me with a lovely bouquet of flowers and a birthday cake.  My teammates also gave me birthday gifts. It came as a complete surprise to me! Again, it was an early celebration of my birthday!

On the eve of my birthday, March 26, the team once again surprised me with another celebration. They prepared cake and balloons for me and spoke birthday blessings over me. 

On my actual birthday, March 27, I woke up refreshed and eager to welcome my 66th year. I was far from home, but the kindness and thoughtfulness of my teammates Agnes, Claire, Tess G., and Tess B.,  made me feel so loved and appreciated, not for a single moment did I feel bad for not being able to celebrate my special day with my family.

I returned to my home city on Sunday, the 31st of March. That evening our family had a special birthday dinner at Yakimix Japanese Buffet. It felt so good to be back home after a week of spiritual breakthroughs in Tagaytay City, and after almost an entire month of celebrating!

But It was not over yet. On the 4th of April, my dear friends at the Women of Purpose honored me with a special birthday lunch. Again I was showered with special words of blessing and many beautiful gifts.

Yesterday, April 7, one week after I returned to Bacolod City, my dear friend Miriam and I celebrated my birthday at Felicia's. We missed Melanie, for this is my first birthday in many years that our beloved friend is not around. For all the years of our friendship, Lanie would always have a special gift or birthday greeting for me, whether she was near or far.

What can I say to all this outpouring of love?

The year 2019 began with two special words from the Lord, hope and promise. And yet, even as I believe, and hold on to those words, there is a huge part of my heart that is struggling to believe. It is the usual battle between what my mind knows to be true and what my heart actually feels.

As I have mentioned a few times in my past blog entries, the past three years have not been my best years. My legal battles began in 2016,  and though the battles were not of my own doing, I have no choice but to face them. And the future holds much uncertainty for me as to what the outcome will be.

I do realize that the battle drags on for only one purpose, God is shaping my heart to fully trust Him. At times I feel I am fully surrendered, but the level of my faith changes from day to day. Some days are better than others. But more often than not, my faith is more of the intellectual kind.

And on most days, despite the many heartwarming messages I have received from God the past months, peace is only a word, not a reality.

Nevertheless, Abba doesn't give up. I wake up many mornings with the words of Isaiah 54:10 ringing in my ears: "For the mountains shall depart and the hills be removed, but My kindness shall not depart from you, nor shall My covenant of peace be removed,” says the Lord, who has mercy on you.

Covenant of peace.  This has been the recurring message of the Lord for me.

Thus, of all the many birthday blessings that I received, the word spoken by William is the one I have embraced and held close to my heart. 

William spoke the words of the Aaronic blessing (Numbers 6:24-26) over me:

"The Lord  bless you and keep you;
The Lord  make His face shine upon you,
And be gracious to you;
The Lord lift up His countenance upon you,
And give you peace.”

And then he gave a brief explanation about the word shalom, the Hebrew word for peace. 

In Exodus 21:33-34 we read, “And if a man opens a pit, or if a man digs a pit and does not cover it, and an ox or a donkey falls in it, the owner of the pit shall make it good; he shall give money to their owner, but the dead animal shall be his."

The phrase in that passage "make it good" is actually shalam in Hebrew, and it is related to the word for peace, shalom.

Shalam literally means covenant of peace. How awesome is that?

It also means to make amends, or to make good something that would otherwise be a cause of discord, strife, or injustice.

This was the brief blessing that William spoke to me, "I bless you with shalom, and shalam."

That message was more than enough for me. As a child of God, I can look forward to the days, and weeks, ahead of me. 

God has promised that His covenant of peace will never be removed from me. A covenant is an unbreakable promise. And if God says so, it shall be so! Shalom is a Hebrew word that denotes wholeness and integrity. It stands for completeness... with nothing missing, nothing broken. Within this covenant of peace, my welfare is secure, my provision is sure.

This is an unforgettable birthday because of the series of celebrations I received. But what made it really special is the word God spoke to me through William, confirming the promise He has been downloading into my heart the past months.

Her ways are ways of pleasantness,

And all her paths are peace.

-Proverbs 3:17

photo source


Sow for yourselves righteousness,
Reap steadfast love;
Break up your fallow ground,
For it is time to seek the LORD,
That He may come and rain righteousness upon you.
-Hosea 10:12