A Revelation of Love

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And a slave does not abide in the house forever, 

but a son abides forever. 

Therefore if the Son makes you free, 

you shall be free indeed.

- John 8:35-36

Therefore, since the children have flesh and blood, 
He too shared in their humanity, so that by His death 
He might destroy him who holds the power of death, 
that is, the devil, and free those who all their lives 
were held in slavery by their fear of death.
- Hebrews 2:14-15

The story of your life is the story 
of the long and brutal assault on your heart 

by the one who knows what you could be and fears it. 

- John Eldredge

My days here in Manila are coming to an end. Tomorrow, after having been here for a month, I return to my home city of Bacolod.

I arrived here on December 28 mainly to be with my daughter Obedient One whose domestic helper Ayuda was going on a two-week vacation. 

If I had my way, I would very much have preferred to spend the new year in my own home, and celebrate the season with the whole family. But to give Ayuda an opportunity to be with her own family at this time, Obedient One and I opted to return to Manila after Christmas and celebrate the New Year away from the rest of our family.

Although the plan was made six months ago, it is clear that my heavenly Father had a higher purpose for me to be in this place at this particular time of the year. So many things happened within my heart that I can only be amazed once again at how beautifully Abba Father orchestrates the events of our lives.

At this point in my life, I am dealing with too much "clutter" in my home. The accumulations of the past years have piled up, and I have not been diligent enough to sort out and discard these things as the years went by. Now everything is catching up. The children have long since graduated from university and flown out of the nest to build their own lives. Ernie went home to heaven ten years ago. I am now living alone to face the huge task of throwing away things from the past that no longer represent who I really am today.

I have no doubt that someday, sooner or later, my dream to have a simple and uncluttered lifestyle will be realized.

But for now, I have to be content with the slow pace at which I am going. 

On the other hand, time moves so fast that before I knew it, the Christmas season had arrived, and I was faced with the usual preparations required to celebrate it. Buying presents, parties to attend, putting up the tree, preparing the guest room and the fridge for my daughter's arrival...

I never want to be burdened by the Christmas and New Year season. And as a matter of fact, I am not. There is a sense of quiet joy as I go about preparing for it. And this year, more than ever, I kept it as simple as I could make it. 

As early as the start of December, I had already put up the tree in its usual spot in my living room. But the amusing thing is that I never got around to putting the decors and the lights on it. There it stood, bare and waiting day after day to be decorated. In the end, I decided that I could do without the Christmas tree this year.

And it was perfectly okay.

Anyway, the Reason for the season does not depend on whether a Christmas tree is decorated or not. And this is not just a way of making excuses. Many years ago, I finally understood that Jesus was not really born in December, He was born during the Feast of Tabernacles, which is celebrated from Tishre 15-21 in the Hebrew calendar and coincides with late September to late October in our Gregorian calendar.

However, we still celebrate Christmas in December as a tradition, and I am fine with that. Any time  is a good time to rejoice because Imanu-el (Hebrew: עִמָּנוּאֵל‬ meaning, "God with us") came down to earth in human form to tabernacle with us, to be one with us.

So I guess Christmas in December will continue to be an important part of our family history for many years to come.

Christmas Day 2018

But just as quickly as Christmas arrived, it ended.

And just like that... it was all over.

At least that was how I felt.

For all the preparation, the parties, the giving and receiving of gifts, the hustle and bustle building up to the 24th day of December, by December 26,  the day right after Christmas, everything was back to life as usual. 

And my Christmas tree still stood bare in my living room.

Obedient One returned to Manila on the 27th. That day I did a few errands, tidied up my home,  bought enough food supply for my six dogs, gave last minute instructions to my caretaker who will look after my home and dogs in my absence, and packed my suitcase.

Early the next morning I was on board my flight to Manila. And my life in Bacolod was put on hold. 

I literally felt what they usually say: Take off one hat, put on another!

Life is crazy, not just sometimes but most of the time.

When I think of people who have made shipwreck of their lives by their wrong choices, I can only kneel in humility and say, There, but for the grace of God, go I.

We are in dire need of the grace of God to make sense of what the world throws at us.

And not only that, we need clarity to hear God's voice speaking above the noise and confusion all around.

Carolyn Mycue, in one of her journaling blogs, Cathartic Clarity, writes: 

The choices we make in our everyday lives are largely dependent upon our perception of reality. If our perception is skewed, our choices will then also be skewed. When we are confused, journaling can help us clear out useless mind chatter so that we can gain clear insight into the situations we face. When we are clear, journaling can reconnect us to what is most true for us in this moment.

She takes the words right out of my mouth. This is the very reason I have maintained this blog for the past ten years. And it is also the reason I journal. To help me gain clarity and direction as I navigate the ocean of thoughts that fill my mind, and more important, to help me reconnect with what is "most true" for me in this moment.

It has been said that there is healing power in the telling of your story. True.

But it is also true, in my case, that my journaling is not really for anybody else but me. This blog is open to other readers to read my chronicles, that they may be allowed a glimpse into the life story that Abba Father is writing... and hopefully be blessed in doing so.

But really, this is mainly for me. To help me remember what God has done. To help me read my thoughts as I put it down in words. And to help me connect to the ultimate purpose of what my life is all about.

By noon of December 28 I had arrived at my father's home, the home that our parents built, and where my sister and I were raised and lovingly cared for from our early teens to adulthood.

Because I only had a few hours' sleep, I skipped lunch and jumped right into my bed for a long afternoon nap. In the evening, Ayuda and I went to TriNoma to buy the groceries for the week, including food items needed for the special New Year's eve meal. 

On December 30, Ayuda left for her vacation, and Obedient One and I left for the Sunday worship service at Victory Katipunan.

Pastor Joey Bonifacio was the special guest. As he spoke, Abba Father reminded me that He's got my whole life in my hands, whether I was aware of it or not.

Tears welled up in my eyes as I listened to Pastor Joey. It seemed like he was speaking directly to me. As I had written in my December 31 post, the year 2018 was not the best year of my life.  In 2018 I had to deal with a roller coaster of emotions. 

Grief. Anxiety. Fear.

No need for specifics, but I am just so relieved that God knows everything. With my heavenly Father, no explanations are needed. He knows.

And He cares.

The new year rolled in and things quickly fell into place for me here in Manila.  Meal preparation for Obedient One and myself was the first-order-of-the-day: breakfast, her packed lunch and snacks for work, etc.  The rest of the chores followed: tending to the gardens, feeding the dog, kitchen clean-up, doing the laundry, cleaning the house. It looks simple written down, but it was quite a lot, since the house itself is big, and so are the gardens.

However, housework never really daunted me. I actually enjoy it... and this was my routine for the two weeks that Ayuda was away on vacation. Weekends were a bit different because daughter was home, and we went to church on Sundays, followed by lunch out, and the weekly the trip to the supermarket.

Ayuda returned in the middle of January. And today is my last day here... for now. Tomorrow I return to Bacolod.

It is a Sabbath day today, a day of rest, and a day of receiving a fresh spiritual download for another week.

In just a few more days the first month of the new year will end. There are only eleven more months left of this year. Indeed, how quickly time has flown!

What has Abba Father done in my heart the whole month I was here?

Oftentimes I am too busy to hear, but Father is speaking all the time. Words of hope and affirmation, words of caution and warning, words to cleanse and heal, sometimes words to rebuke, remind, and reprimand... but always the underlying tone of His voice is love and acceptance.

And during the moments that I am quiet, and not preoccupied, just sitting on the front porch looking out at the garden Papa has planted with his own hands, and which we have lovingly maintained to this day... or watering the back garden, with the weeping willow and the santol tree now towering above the lawn... I hear the Father's gentle whisper.

You are loved.

You are precious.

You are beautiful.

You are protected.

You are well-provided for.

I am for you.

Last night as Obedient One and I were having a bedtime conversation, I shared with her the most unforgettable lesson I had ever learned from Craig Hill, the senior leader and founder of Family Foundations International, the ministry I have been involved in for the past 18 years.

In his Ancient Paths video teaching Craig Hill says: In whatever area of your life that you have not received a revelation of the love of the Father, you will by default operate in a fear of death.

Hebrews 2:14-15 says that by by His death Jesus destroyed him who holds the power of death, that is, the devil, and set free those who all their lives were held in slavery by their fear of death.

This refers not just to physical death, although that is included. The enemy is vicious and attacks with all sorts of death threats. To name a few: financial death, emotional death, relational breakdown, missed opportunities, broken dreams, unmet expectations, failing health, disappointment, discouragement, failure, etc.

There are many other important things I have learned from Craig through the years, but his teaching about receiving a revelation of the Father's love is life-changing for me. To grow deeper in my Christian life it is essential that I experience God's love as an internal reality in my heart, not just understood as information in my mind.

When I know from experience that my Father loves me, there is nothing that this world can do to me.

Yet how often have I allowed the emotional clutter and mind chatter to keep me from receiving the Father's love?

Why do I keep losing sight of the truth that Jesus has already disarmed the enemy?

 In Jesus we have been set free, no longer held captive by the fear of death!

We can look at the circumstances of our lives from the perspective of victory, not defeat... from the perspective of abundant provision, not poverty or lack. We can be generous with our forgiveness, Jesus has paid the price for the way people have hurt us. We can give and not expect anything in return.

Loved by God, we can live as free men, not as slaves.

When we fail, or fall, there is redemption. It is never too late to start all over again. The Father's love will always see us through.

This is the Truth Father God wants us to believe, not the destructive lies of the enemy that enslaves.

John Eldredge writes, The story of your life is the story of the long and brutal assault on your heart by the one who knows what you could be and fears it (Waking the Dead, John Eldredge).

I know this, but that is only one half of the story. The other half is the story of redemption, freedom, and hope. And my story has a glorious ending!

It felt good to be reminded. Someone Who loves me is watching out for me.

The night air was cool, and I drifted off to a peaceful sleep, smiling.

Obedient One and I welcomed the first day of this year with a feast. 

As the month ends, I realize that in the midst of my daily activities, Abba Father has been calling me to open my eyes to the table of feasting that He has prepared for me ...

You prepare a table before me 
in the presence of my enemies. 
You anoint my head with oil; 
my cup overflows.
Psalm 23:5

in the presence of my enemies.

In the language of sheep, with Jesus as the Good Shepherd, the table he prepares is fresh grass each morning on the table-land, a broad high level region, or a plateau - away from preying animals considered as enemies of sheep.

And He does the same for me. Father God prepares a table of healing and provision for me, and I can eat under His watching eyes, above the reproach, threats, and lies of the enemy that keep me from walking in my true identity and destiny. 

It has been an amazing first month of the year for me. In many ways, it has indeed been a "feasting" of sorts.

Truly,  my cup overflows.

Take a look at the photos from this month's journey, and you will see what I mean.

Obedient One and I, New Year's day lunch at Niu Luxury Buffet at The Podium

With friends Cora and Mobin enjoying friendship over Japanese Curry

Farewell dinner for Father Graziano Battistella, Director of the Scalabrini Migration Center

 

Lunch and coffee with Anna Marie, a dear friend from University days

Ancient Paths with dear friends from Victory Katipunan, QC

Photos of our Ancient Paths in Tagaytay City

Lunch with Cynthia, my gradeschool BFF, who now resides in the USA

Lunch and coffee with my Victory group in Manila to celebrate the birthday of Babes