The LORD is near to the brokenhearted
and saves the crushed in spirit.
- Psalm 34:18
Come to Me,
all you who labor and are heavy laden,
and I will give you rest.
- Matthew 11:28
O LORD, You are the portion of my inheritance and my cup;
You maintain my lot.
The lines have fallen to me in pleasant places;
Yes, I have a good inheritance.
I will bless the LORD who has given me counsel;
My heart also instructs me in the night seasons.
I have set the LORD always before me;
Because He is at my right hand I shall not be moved.
Therefore my heart is glad,
and my glory rejoices;
my flesh also will rest in hope.
- Psalm 16:5-9
It's been three weeks since I got back from Manila.
After being away from my Bacolod home for so long, it should really feel so good and so comfortable to be sleeping once more in my own bed in my own bedroom.
It should.
But because of certain issues that have arisen over the past several months, it really no longer feels the same coming back to my home.
To be fair to the few readers who actually take time to read my blog, I will share a bit about what is going on. There are legal and financial technicalities involved. And although steps to remedy the situation are being done, the period of waiting for the final outcome leaves me in a kind of limbo, humanly speaking.
That is just being as honest as I can be, without going into specifics.
To be fair to the few readers who actually take time to read my blog, I will share a bit about what is going on. There are legal and financial technicalities involved. And although steps to remedy the situation are being done, the period of waiting for the final outcome leaves me in a kind of limbo, humanly speaking.
That is just being as honest as I can be, without going into specifics.
And I am always careful to add the phrase, "humanly speaking," because I know very well that these things are not decided here on earth, they are decided in heaven. And I am also careful to say only the right words about the situation I am in, so that I do not activate a course of action contrary to what God intends. The Bible makes it clear, Death and life are in the power of the tongue (Proverbs 18:21).
With my own words, I create my own reality, and give birth to my own environment.
After dealing off and on with the feelings of sadness and fear, I must admit that there has also been something like a sword of uncertainty hanging over my head these past months.
I now understand what going through this life as a sojourner really feels.
No longer can I fully enjoy my earthly life in a real sense. A vague inexplicable feeling of not belonging in this world has come over me. After all is said and done, I really do not own anything here on earth. I realize I am not entitled to a sense of earthly security and comfort.
Saying these things does not constitute a complaint on my part, just a statement of fact... how things are. Through the 63 years of my life, I have come to understand that the Father knows what is best for His children. Until I reach the point of acceptance and peace, however, there will be a struggle, what Henry Blackaby calls a crisis of belief.
That is where I am.
Saying these things does not constitute a complaint on my part, just a statement of fact... how things are. Through the 63 years of my life, I have come to understand that the Father knows what is best for His children. Until I reach the point of acceptance and peace, however, there will be a struggle, what Henry Blackaby calls a crisis of belief.
God's invitation for you to work with Him
always leads you to a crisis of belief
that requires faith and action.
That is where I am.
Towards the last week of my stay in Manila, I developed a sinus infection that ended up being a nasty cough.
In response to a teaching by Rebecca Brown, my daughter Obedient One and I felt led to do a spiritual house cleaning.
Before doing that, however, she and I knelt before God's presence to repent of anything we may have worshiped aside from Him. We searched our hearts, asking Father God to reveal things... or people... anything... that we may have unknowingly allowed to share the throne in our hearts that belongs to Him alone.
I was surprised to hear a gentle rebuke as I was waiting for the Lord to speak to me.
"You have made your fears your idols, My daughter."
That really made me stop and think.
It didn't take long to convince me. Yes, I was guilty. I knew how I had grieved my Abba Father's heart the past months. My mind had indeed been weighed down by the circumstances I have been facing... And although I had struggled to let go of my wrong responses, knowing what an affront that was to a holy God, deep within I knew that fear had continued to have a tight grip on a corner of my heart.
When I know I have done something to displease God, it doesn't take me long to acknowledge my wrongdoing, and I waste no time in repenting before Him.
Obedient One and I declared that we only have one King, the one true God, sitting on the throne of our hearts.
Then we went about the business of commanding the spirit of death to leave our home, and did a prophetic act of sealing off all the windows, doors, gates, and all other openings that could serve as access points to the kingdom of darkness - like vents, drains, mirrors, and electronic communication gadgets. We anointed them with oil, declared them cleansed and off limits to the demonic world.
We commanded all unholy spirits within our home to depart, and invited the presence of the Holy Spirit to fill our home. We welcomed the Spirit of Life, declaring that God alone is the King of our home and our hearts.
We commanded all unholy spirits within our home to depart, and invited the presence of the Holy Spirit to fill our home. We welcomed the Spirit of Life, declaring that God alone is the King of our home and our hearts.
Over the years that I have been ministering to wounded and broken hearts together with the Family Foundations International (FFI) ministry team, I have gained a better understanding of how the enemy operates. We cannot underestimate his devious ways and schemes.
However, we are always careful not to be impressed with the enemy. Instead, we stand in awe of Almighty God who alone is sovereign, and sits as King over all His creation.
However, we are always careful not to be impressed with the enemy. Instead, we stand in awe of Almighty God who alone is sovereign, and sits as King over all His creation.
I arrived in Bacolod on the evening of June 25... with nobody around to welcome me home except my three dogs.
It was a rainy evening. My ever efficient maid had prepared dinner, which was waiting for me on the dining room table. However, she works only during the day and was no longer around when I arrived. But the house was super clean, my bed and pillows had fresh linen on them, the bathroom was sweet smelling.
Yes, I was very pleased.
B U T.
Again, there was that sword of uncertainty hanging above my head.
I believed it had been dealt with before I left Manila, yet I recognized that familiar emotion, a hazy feeling of fear of the unknown.
I ate my dinner of baked fish and stewed vegetables, took a warm shower, and got ready for bedtime.
The job of unpacking my suitcases will have to wait, I told myself.
Just then, a text message from my daughter in law God-given (who lived next door) came in. She had been diagnosed with pneumonia and was under medication.
Before sleeping I offered a prayer for her healing.
Just then, a text message from my daughter in law God-given (who lived next door) came in. She had been diagnosed with pneumonia and was under medication.
Before sleeping I offered a prayer for her healing.
The next day was a Sunday, but I awoke feeling lethargic and decided to stay home. At noon my two sons and their families and I had a family lunch at a restaurant.
First Born and family went home right after lunch, but I joined Second born's family for coffee and cake at another restaurant.
me and Joyful One, my third grandson
It did gladden my heart to be reconnected with my family. But I also realized that my being back in Bacolod was a continuation of my train ride.
Yes, my life is like a train ride with its many stops, transfers, and mini destinations.
And life moves on... Time will not stop for me to deal with whatever excess emotional baggage I was carrying. I must choose to be intentional, finding time, making time, to do it, bring it to the secret place of prayer, and wrestle with it there... until I reach the point of breakthrough, and come to a place of true rest.
And indeed I was right. The week following my arrival in Bacolod I immediately picked up from where I left off, so to speak.
Monday night Bible study, Tuesday ministry team building lunch, Thursday noon devotional lunch with the Women of Purpose, Saturday morning dawn watch prayer.
On Tuesday afternoon, my friend Miriam and I had our weekly get-together.
Yes, my life is like a train ride with its many stops, transfers, and mini destinations.
And life moves on... Time will not stop for me to deal with whatever excess emotional baggage I was carrying. I must choose to be intentional, finding time, making time, to do it, bring it to the secret place of prayer, and wrestle with it there... until I reach the point of breakthrough, and come to a place of true rest.
And indeed I was right. The week following my arrival in Bacolod I immediately picked up from where I left off, so to speak.
Monday night Bible study, Tuesday ministry team building lunch, Thursday noon devotional lunch with the Women of Purpose, Saturday morning dawn watch prayer.
On Tuesday afternoon, my friend Miriam and I had our weekly get-together.
That week I also decided to seek medical attention for the nasty cough.
On Friday, my FFI ministry team family had a special lunch meeting to discuss our forthcoming international trips.
my FFI family during July 1 lunch
On Saturday, after two weeks of not feeling well, I was relieved to wake up feeling healthy again. Praise Jehovah Rophe, my God who Heals, for my full recovery!
I had a late lunch with my dear friend Nening at her home. What a delight to hear her stories of answered prayer. And what a privilege it is to have journeyed with her through the different seasons of her life.
I had a late lunch with my dear friend Nening at her home. What a delight to hear her stories of answered prayer. And what a privilege it is to have journeyed with her through the different seasons of her life.
I had only been in Bacolod for one week, and already there was something lined up for each day of the week.
The train ride continued. The next day was again a Sunday, the start of a brand new week. Another set of plans waiting to be carried out.
I joined Worshiper and his family for church, followed by a family lunch at Ann Co's restaurant in Silay City.
The next day, I was invited by my friend Ruby to have lunch at their home.
At the Bible study that evening I was happy to be reconnected with my best friend Melanie whom I hadn't seen since the baby dedication of her granddaughter more than two months ago.
During the Bible lesson, I sensed God touching an area of my life that all along had been walled off. I felt the start of another spiritual breakthrough.
Tuesdays we have our weekly ministry team building lunch with the FFI family. We listened to Graham Cooke's excellent teaching on Reclaiming Your Inner Territory.
Graham's words hit the nail right on the head. When you know how to rest, you can receive under pressure, he said. There's a relentless pressure around us in the world, and peace at the very least, is an equalizing pressure on the inside. Peace is a pressure to the enemy. He can't handle it, he's not built for it anymore, because he left all of that behind when he fell to earth...
As I listened to the teaching, more parts of the wall around my heart came crumbling down. The Father was definitely speaking to a deep place in my heart about what I was going through.
But Monday night and Tuesday lunch were just stopovers.
The next train was waiting.
On Tuesday evening, my friend Babes and I went to Nening's house for dinner. It was a mini-reunion of sorts, for it has been more than two years since the three of us got together.
The following day was a rainy Wednesday but I pushed through with my plan to visit my friend Pat who was recuperating at her home after her bone surgery. We had a time of sharing, praying, and listening to a few worship songs.
From Pat's place I proceeded to Second Born's home where I had lunch and spent the rest of the afternoon playing with my grandsons. I read a few books to Full of Hope, after which he and I took a nap together.
For some reason, that day turned out to be so sweet and special. My son Worshiper and his wife Chosen One brought me home. The song This Is Amazing Grace by Jeremy Riddle was playing in the car that evening. I have heard this song many times before but as I listened to it that night, something in the lyrics really stirred up my heart.
Despite the burden of unresolved issues I carried in my heart, the realization hit me that the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross was indeed an act of amazing grace. Such love could never be measured or explained, or understood by the finite mind.
"This is amazing grace... this is unfailing love
That You would take my place... that You would bear my cross
That I might be set free..."
I knew my Abba was speaking to me.
The next day our devotional group, the Women of Purpose, celebrated our friend Elena's birthday at Italia Restaurant.
On Friday afternoon my friend Tata offered to drive me to the Bacolod Silay airport to pick up two boxes that my sister in law Faith was sending from Manila through PAL Cargo. Faith arrived from Los Angeles on the first of July together with her siblings to spend some time with their mother. Because of limited baggage allowance on domestic flights, she opted to send the goodies she had brought for me and my family this way.
What a timely blessing Tata's offer was to me! The boxes weighed a total of 68 kilos, with one huge box for Faith's mother who lives in the southern part of our province, and a slightly smaller box filled with gifts for me and my family.
But on Wednesday, I had a window of opportunity to join Babes, Hope, Yoly, and Nening for lunch at Delicioso to celebrate Nening's birthday. I continue to rejoice with my friend for the new season that Abba Father is bringing her through.
Worshiper was discharged from the hospital on Saturday evening. He still has to continue medication at home but I thank God that my son is on his way to full recovery.
As for me, I've been wanting to get to the root of my inner spiritual condition.
I have no doubt my Abba Father knows what's on my heart. He hears my unspoken pleas for help.
On Sunday afternoon, together with Miriam, Melanie and a few other friends, I traveled to La Carlota for the funeral of Ann Caña's brother.
During the burial service Lyndon gave a message about the prodigal son's decision to return to his father. The father had been waiting for the son's return, and welcomed him with open arms, re-instating him to his status as a son, worthy of honor and dignity.
All the son needed to do was to return to the father's home.
Once again, I knew my heavenly Father was calling my attention. That brief encounter with this passage spoke to me in an unexpected way.
Return to Me, My daughter... I am waiting for you, the Father seemed to be speaking to me.
On Tuesday afternoon, I went to Nening's home to join her and a few friends for lunch, a time of prayer, worship, and sharing God-stories. God's presence was real in our midst. The worship songs that Richard and Ione sang were so simple yet so sincere, and my heart was truly touched.
I thought I was just going to have lunch. God had other plans.
Jo V, Nening's prayer partner for many years, began sharing some of her stories of how God had called her to be a surgeon and against her wishes, was given an assignment to go to the mission field. I felt time stop as I listened to her speak of the miraculous ways God had helped her to operate and extend a helping hand to desperate people under impossible circumstances. She herself could not imagine how she could have done what she did, except that God had been with her.
Two weeks ago, I requested my friends Ruby and Tata for a time of personal ministry. What a gift from God these friends of mine are. Through the years of being together, we have reached a place in our shared journey where we can be transparent with one another, willing to let them see my blind spots and allowing them to point them out to me.
When we are blind to the schemes of the enemy, the lies we have been made to believe remain effectively hidden. It is one thing to live under the dark illusion of a lie, and it is another thing to live under the protective umbrella of truth.
A lie inhibits... limits... confines... imprisons. A lie keeps things hidden. The enemy is the thief who steals, kills, and destroys.
But the truth sets us free to go beyond the boundaries that the enemy has built around us. Truth brings things out in the light. Jesus is the Truth... and He has come to give life abundantly.
I know a lot of things in my intellect. And since the intellect is in the realm of the soul, operating from the mind doesn't really set anybody free. It is a soulish response.
True freedom is won in the realm of the spirit.
Ruby pointed out to me that even though I have dealt with the spirit of fear that has taken over my heart, we needed to ask the Lord to reveal why the fear kept coming back. What was the root cause of the sword of uncertainty that I felt hanging above my head?
Demonic spirits never operate alone. At the very least, they come in pairs. (We know of Bible accounts where there is a legion of them operating in one person.)
I already knew the answer. Partnering with the spirit of fear was the spirit of doubt.
And that explains the feeling that there was a sword of uncertainty ready to fall on me anytime.
I was doubting the goodness of God and the truth that He was my refuge and strength, my protector, my provider, my Savior, my Redeemer.
Friends who can lovingly point out these lies are so valuable! There is no need to be defensive or to protect myself, because they accept me as I am. I feel secure in their love.
I repented of having allowed the false gods of fear and doubt to rule my life. And once again, I declared that God alone was my God, and the King who sits on the throne of my heart.
Praise Abba Father for the time of breakthrough, of being able to see clearly where the enemy has lied to me, of being set free to once again walk in my true identity and calling, and most of all, of truly giving God first place in my life.
I do understand clearly what this is all about.
On May 22, the day I returned to Manila after our ministry trip to Cambodia, the word that Pastor Sky Ramos spoke at Victory QC struck a deep chord in my heart. It was the start of the ten-week series entitled Perfect Law, Perfect Love. Pastor Sky tackled the very first of the ten commandments that morning.
God Himself makes it clear. He is the LORD God. He is the Creator. He is Lord, the Absolute Owner.
He is the God who brought us out of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. In the historical context, it is true that God was the One who delivered the Israelites from the land of their slavery into the Promised Land of liberty.
For you and me, this also has a personal fulfillment. He is the God who rescues us from our own personal Egypts. From whatever it is that enslaves us, He rescues us.
He is our Covenant God, having established with His people a covenant of blessing.
The Israelites knew God as their Hero, their Deliverer... but God wants more than that. He wants their hearts, their full allegiance. He wants to be their God, the One they worship and adore.
Is there anything that comes close to God in our lives? Pastor Sky asked. Anything else should be a far second.
Wow... a far second.
I thought about those words over and over again. Anything that comes close to God in my life should be a far second.
This is the way we were created. He created us to worship Him as King. We are to seek first His Kingdom, and His righteousness... and everything else will fall into proper place and order.
When we do not put God first, our lives become lopsided.
We worship beauty and reputation. We worship comfort. We worship security. We worship our families. Our spouse or our children become our idols, even if we may not admit it. We worship our businesses. We worship material things.
I know of people who have a deep love for themselves - they bow at the altar of self - and the mantra they speak is I-me-mine. They indulge in whatever it is that will satisfy them - food, clothing, jewelry, stuff. That's plain and simple idolatry.
Some people worship their rules and regulations... their high standards and expectations. That's false worship, too.
Or we could worship our sickness. We could worship our brokenness, and not even know it.
We could worship our problems - by thinking of them more than we think of God.
And of course, we know how worshiping anything other than God destroys us at the very core of our beings.
But when we know God comes first over all, then choosing our priorities becomes easy.
God is a covenant God who has established a covenant of promise with His people. A covenant of law, and a covenant of grace.
I am so blessed that for all the times I have messed up in my priorities, allowing fear and doubt to sit on the throne that rightfully belongs to God, my Father has called my attention, and calls me to return to Him as my First Love.
And He welcomes me with open arms.
I can't believe so much has happened in just three short weeks. In about ten more days, the month of July will come to an end.
In this blog, I already give the month a name: No Other Gods.
He is God alone.
In my July 6 journal entry, I wrote down a prayer, part of which I will share on this post:
Father God, today I make this promise again, "I will stick with You in the process.
"This is a new season of growth, but the process is like being in a prison - a prison of being broken, of being stripped of things that make me secure, and comfortable.
"But I choose to remain true to You as my covenant God, who promised to give me rest, and restoration to the broken pieces of my life.
"I put all my trust in You. In You alone."
The Father's response to me was very clear. This was the word I received in my spirit:
Do not fear for you will not be ashamed;
Neither be disgraced, for you will not be put to shame;
For you will forget the shame of your youth
And will not remember the reproach of your widowhood anymore.
For your Maker is your husband
The Lord of Hosts is His name;
And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel,
He is called the God of the whole earth.
For the mountains shall depart
And the hills be removed
But My kindness shall not depart from you
Nor shall my covenant of peace be removed, says the LORD who has mercy on you.
- Isaiah 54:4, 5, 10
Come to Me
Come to Me you weary one
And I will give you rest
I will give you rest
Come to Me you weary one
And I will give you rest
For My yoke is easy and My burden is light
Take Me upon you
I will give you rest
Come to Me you broken one
And I will give you peace
I will give you peace
Come to Me you broken one
And I will give you peace
I will give you peace
I will calm your waters and I'll whisper
"Peace be still."
Take Me upon you
I will give you peace
Come to Me
Come to Me
Come to Me
I have been waiting for you here
Come to Me you burdened one
And I will give you joy
I will give you joy
Come to Me you burdened one
And I will give you joy
I will give you joy
You will rise like eagles
And My joy will be your strength
Take Me upon you
I will give you joy
Come to Me
Come to Me
Come to Me
I have been waiting for you here
He has been waiting for you here
Come
Come to Him
Come and find your peace
Come and find your rest
Come and find your joy
He is waiting here for you with open arms
To hold you, to embrace your heart
To love you
He is waiting here
The train ride continued. The next day was again a Sunday, the start of a brand new week. Another set of plans waiting to be carried out.
I joined Worshiper and his family for church, followed by a family lunch at Ann Co's restaurant in Silay City.
The next day, I was invited by my friend Ruby to have lunch at their home.
At the Bible study that evening I was happy to be reconnected with my best friend Melanie whom I hadn't seen since the baby dedication of her granddaughter more than two months ago.
During the Bible lesson, I sensed God touching an area of my life that all along had been walled off. I felt the start of another spiritual breakthrough.
Tuesdays we have our weekly ministry team building lunch with the FFI family. We listened to Graham Cooke's excellent teaching on Reclaiming Your Inner Territory.
Graham's words hit the nail right on the head. When you know how to rest, you can receive under pressure, he said. There's a relentless pressure around us in the world, and peace at the very least, is an equalizing pressure on the inside. Peace is a pressure to the enemy. He can't handle it, he's not built for it anymore, because he left all of that behind when he fell to earth...
As I listened to the teaching, more parts of the wall around my heart came crumbling down. The Father was definitely speaking to a deep place in my heart about what I was going through.
But Monday night and Tuesday lunch were just stopovers.
The next train was waiting.
On Tuesday evening, my friend Babes and I went to Nening's house for dinner. It was a mini-reunion of sorts, for it has been more than two years since the three of us got together.
The following day was a rainy Wednesday but I pushed through with my plan to visit my friend Pat who was recuperating at her home after her bone surgery. We had a time of sharing, praying, and listening to a few worship songs.
From Pat's place I proceeded to Second Born's home where I had lunch and spent the rest of the afternoon playing with my grandsons. I read a few books to Full of Hope, after which he and I took a nap together.
For some reason, that day turned out to be so sweet and special. My son Worshiper and his wife Chosen One brought me home. The song This Is Amazing Grace by Jeremy Riddle was playing in the car that evening. I have heard this song many times before but as I listened to it that night, something in the lyrics really stirred up my heart.
Despite the burden of unresolved issues I carried in my heart, the realization hit me that the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross was indeed an act of amazing grace. Such love could never be measured or explained, or understood by the finite mind.
"This is amazing grace... this is unfailing love
That You would take my place... that You would bear my cross
That I might be set free..."
I knew my Abba was speaking to me.
The next day our devotional group, the Women of Purpose, celebrated our friend Elena's birthday at Italia Restaurant.
On Friday afternoon my friend Tata offered to drive me to the Bacolod Silay airport to pick up two boxes that my sister in law Faith was sending from Manila through PAL Cargo. Faith arrived from Los Angeles on the first of July together with her siblings to spend some time with their mother. Because of limited baggage allowance on domestic flights, she opted to send the goodies she had brought for me and my family this way.
What a timely blessing Tata's offer was to me! The boxes weighed a total of 68 kilos, with one huge box for Faith's mother who lives in the southern part of our province, and a slightly smaller box filled with gifts for me and my family.
Someone in L.A. loves me!
On Saturday, the ninth of July, our family treated my sister in law Faith and her siblings to a simple, no-frills chicken barbecue and garlic rice lunch at the Chicken House on Hilado Street. It was so good to once again hug my dear sister-in-law after so many years. Even though she lives in another continent halfway around the globe, Faith and I have a beautiful friendship. I so appreciate the love that she has continually given me and my family. We only had less than two hours to be together, but I believe it was all well worth it. After lunch, they all had to continue traveling to their mother's home two hours away.
The journey continues.
It's another Sunday, another week.
It's another Sunday, another week.
I went with my son Worshiper and his family to church again, then we had a family lunch at Kai Sei Japanese Restaurant.
That evening, my daughter in law prepared a delicious birthday meal for her family and friends.
On Tuesday, Worshiper had to be hospitalized for pneumonia.
I had no choice but to cancel all my plans for the week. For the next five days, I stayed most of the time with his family, looking after the two boys while Chosen One attended to her husband's needs in the hospital.
I had no choice but to cancel all my plans for the week. For the next five days, I stayed most of the time with his family, looking after the two boys while Chosen One attended to her husband's needs in the hospital.
Illness in the family is never a pleasant time for anybody. These are times when I feel so powerless, because the remedy and the cure is not really something money can buy or human effort can achieve. All I can do is ask God for complete healing and thank Him in advance for His favorable answer to my prayers.
But on Wednesday, I had a window of opportunity to join Babes, Hope, Yoly, and Nening for lunch at Delicioso to celebrate Nening's birthday. I continue to rejoice with my friend for the new season that Abba Father is bringing her through.
Worshiper was discharged from the hospital on Saturday evening. He still has to continue medication at home but I thank God that my son is on his way to full recovery.
As for me, I've been wanting to get to the root of my inner spiritual condition.
I have no doubt my Abba Father knows what's on my heart. He hears my unspoken pleas for help.
On Sunday afternoon, together with Miriam, Melanie and a few other friends, I traveled to La Carlota for the funeral of Ann Caña's brother.
During the burial service Lyndon gave a message about the prodigal son's decision to return to his father. The father had been waiting for the son's return, and welcomed him with open arms, re-instating him to his status as a son, worthy of honor and dignity.
All the son needed to do was to return to the father's home.
Once again, I knew my heavenly Father was calling my attention. That brief encounter with this passage spoke to me in an unexpected way.
Return to Me, My daughter... I am waiting for you, the Father seemed to be speaking to me.
On Tuesday afternoon, I went to Nening's home to join her and a few friends for lunch, a time of prayer, worship, and sharing God-stories. God's presence was real in our midst. The worship songs that Richard and Ione sang were so simple yet so sincere, and my heart was truly touched.
I thought I was just going to have lunch. God had other plans.
Jo V, Nening's prayer partner for many years, began sharing some of her stories of how God had called her to be a surgeon and against her wishes, was given an assignment to go to the mission field. I felt time stop as I listened to her speak of the miraculous ways God had helped her to operate and extend a helping hand to desperate people under impossible circumstances. She herself could not imagine how she could have done what she did, except that God had been with her.
Seated L-R: Nening, Ging, Elenita, Helen, Jo V
Standing L-R: me, Ione, Richard
Nening and Jo V
The past months, I have been weighed down with fear, and have really made an effort to let go of it. But it never completely leaves... before I know it, it's back.
It's been an on and off thing, dealing with these emotions.
I know I have repented of making an idol out of it, by giving it so much power over me. Still it keeps coming back.
It is not really full-blown, but it is like a low-grade fever. You are not really that sick, but neither are you that well. It stays in the backstage, yet it is ever ready to take center stage.
Two weeks ago, I requested my friends Ruby and Tata for a time of personal ministry. What a gift from God these friends of mine are. Through the years of being together, we have reached a place in our shared journey where we can be transparent with one another, willing to let them see my blind spots and allowing them to point them out to me.
When we are blind to the schemes of the enemy, the lies we have been made to believe remain effectively hidden. It is one thing to live under the dark illusion of a lie, and it is another thing to live under the protective umbrella of truth.
A lie inhibits... limits... confines... imprisons. A lie keeps things hidden. The enemy is the thief who steals, kills, and destroys.
But the truth sets us free to go beyond the boundaries that the enemy has built around us. Truth brings things out in the light. Jesus is the Truth... and He has come to give life abundantly.
I know a lot of things in my intellect. And since the intellect is in the realm of the soul, operating from the mind doesn't really set anybody free. It is a soulish response.
True freedom is won in the realm of the spirit.
Ruby pointed out to me that even though I have dealt with the spirit of fear that has taken over my heart, we needed to ask the Lord to reveal why the fear kept coming back. What was the root cause of the sword of uncertainty that I felt hanging above my head?
Demonic spirits never operate alone. At the very least, they come in pairs. (We know of Bible accounts where there is a legion of them operating in one person.)
I already knew the answer. Partnering with the spirit of fear was the spirit of doubt.
And that explains the feeling that there was a sword of uncertainty ready to fall on me anytime.
I was doubting the goodness of God and the truth that He was my refuge and strength, my protector, my provider, my Savior, my Redeemer.
Friends who can lovingly point out these lies are so valuable! There is no need to be defensive or to protect myself, because they accept me as I am. I feel secure in their love.
I repented of having allowed the false gods of fear and doubt to rule my life. And once again, I declared that God alone was my God, and the King who sits on the throne of my heart.
Praise Abba Father for the time of breakthrough, of being able to see clearly where the enemy has lied to me, of being set free to once again walk in my true identity and calling, and most of all, of truly giving God first place in my life.
I do understand clearly what this is all about.
On May 22, the day I returned to Manila after our ministry trip to Cambodia, the word that Pastor Sky Ramos spoke at Victory QC struck a deep chord in my heart. It was the start of the ten-week series entitled Perfect Law, Perfect Love. Pastor Sky tackled the very first of the ten commandments that morning.
I am the LORD your God,
who brought you out of Egypt
out of the house of bondage.
You shall have no other gods before Me.
- Exodus 20:2
He is the God who brought us out of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. In the historical context, it is true that God was the One who delivered the Israelites from the land of their slavery into the Promised Land of liberty.
For you and me, this also has a personal fulfillment. He is the God who rescues us from our own personal Egypts. From whatever it is that enslaves us, He rescues us.
He is our Covenant God, having established with His people a covenant of blessing.
The Israelites knew God as their Hero, their Deliverer... but God wants more than that. He wants their hearts, their full allegiance. He wants to be their God, the One they worship and adore.
Is there anything that comes close to God in our lives? Pastor Sky asked. Anything else should be a far second.
Wow... a far second.
I thought about those words over and over again. Anything that comes close to God in my life should be a far second.
This is the way we were created. He created us to worship Him as King. We are to seek first His Kingdom, and His righteousness... and everything else will fall into proper place and order.
When we do not put God first, our lives become lopsided.
We worship beauty and reputation. We worship comfort. We worship security. We worship our families. Our spouse or our children become our idols, even if we may not admit it. We worship our businesses. We worship material things.
I know of people who have a deep love for themselves - they bow at the altar of self - and the mantra they speak is I-me-mine. They indulge in whatever it is that will satisfy them - food, clothing, jewelry, stuff. That's plain and simple idolatry.
Some people worship their rules and regulations... their high standards and expectations. That's false worship, too.
Or we could worship our sickness. We could worship our brokenness, and not even know it.
We could worship our problems - by thinking of them more than we think of God.
And of course, we know how worshiping anything other than God destroys us at the very core of our beings.
But when we know God comes first over all, then choosing our priorities becomes easy.
God is a covenant God who has established a covenant of promise with His people. A covenant of law, and a covenant of grace.
I am so blessed that for all the times I have messed up in my priorities, allowing fear and doubt to sit on the throne that rightfully belongs to God, my Father has called my attention, and calls me to return to Him as my First Love.
And He welcomes me with open arms.
I can't believe so much has happened in just three short weeks. In about ten more days, the month of July will come to an end.
In this blog, I already give the month a name: No Other Gods.
He is God alone.
In my July 6 journal entry, I wrote down a prayer, part of which I will share on this post:
Father God, today I make this promise again, "I will stick with You in the process.
"This is a new season of growth, but the process is like being in a prison - a prison of being broken, of being stripped of things that make me secure, and comfortable.
"But I choose to remain true to You as my covenant God, who promised to give me rest, and restoration to the broken pieces of my life.
"I put all my trust in You. In You alone."
The Father's response to me was very clear. This was the word I received in my spirit:
Do not fear for you will not be ashamed;
Neither be disgraced, for you will not be put to shame;
For you will forget the shame of your youth
And will not remember the reproach of your widowhood anymore.
For your Maker is your husband
The Lord of Hosts is His name;
And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel,
He is called the God of the whole earth.
For the mountains shall depart
And the hills be removed
But My kindness shall not depart from you
Nor shall my covenant of peace be removed, says the LORD who has mercy on you.
- Isaiah 54:4, 5, 10
Come to Me
Come to Me you weary one
And I will give you rest
I will give you rest
Come to Me you weary one
And I will give you rest
For My yoke is easy and My burden is light
Take Me upon you
I will give you rest
Come to Me you broken one
And I will give you peace
I will give you peace
Come to Me you broken one
And I will give you peace
I will give you peace
I will calm your waters and I'll whisper
"Peace be still."
Take Me upon you
I will give you peace
Come to Me
Come to Me
Come to Me
I have been waiting for you here
Come to Me you burdened one
And I will give you joy
I will give you joy
Come to Me you burdened one
And I will give you joy
I will give you joy
You will rise like eagles
And My joy will be your strength
Take Me upon you
I will give you joy
Come to Me
Come to Me
Come to Me
I have been waiting for you here
He has been waiting for you here
Come
Come to Him
Come and find your peace
Come and find your rest
Come and find your joy
He is waiting here for you with open arms
To hold you, to embrace your heart
To love you
He is waiting here
3 comments:
Going thru an unexpected spiritual battle before becoming stronger in my faith and trust in our good Lord, I agree with everything you have disclosed and shared with us sister Lidia. I always carry in my heart what a pastor said during one of his preaching that "when we worry, that is a sin because we are making our worries bigger than our God, thus meaning we are also not trusting Him completely when we do so." Yes, just like an army, that's how our spiritual enemies operate and I had witnessed how, though unseen, they always put stumbling blocks for God's children to stop them on their tracks while serving for His Kingdom. What more for those who don't have knowledge at all about believing and serving the only One and True God?
The first verse He gave to me during my battle was Ephesians 6:10. Much later, only for me to realize that I couldn't do the fighting on my own. I needed to remember the power He gives to those who surrender to Him. My fear was struck dead by His sWORD!
As I leave, I will leave you a prayer and for your family. And may you be reminded by His Word:
4But you, brothers and sisters, are not in darkness so that this day should surprise you like a thief. 5You are all children of the light and children of the day. We do not belong to the night or to the darkness. 6So then, let us not be like others, who are asleep, but let us be awake and sober. 7For those who sleep, sleep at night, and those who get drunk, get drunk at night. 8But since we belong to the day, let us be sober, putting on faith and love as a breastplate, and the hope of salvation as a helmet. 9For God did not appoint us to suffer wrath but to receive salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ. 10He died for us so that, whether we are awake or asleep, we may live together with him. - 1 Thessalonians 5:4-10
And finally sister, may your heart always carry to:
"Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." - 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
I know sometimes, it's easier said than done, but when we start to see things through His eyes and power, we know, we got this! (Because of Him!). I pray also that your son and family are healed completely. Pneumonia is nasty and sometimes, a person may not display symptoms. May you remain strong sister in the Lord's mighty power. Always. Love and blessings.
Hello, dear Lidia! I just found your comment from last month on my my blog. I, too, don't blog or read blogs as much, and somehow I never got that notification.
I am blessed to know that you thought of me and came to write your note. I have thought of you off and on and checked your blog. There have been a few times when the Lord spoke to me through what you shared... it is so wonderful how He ministers to His people through each other!
I pray that you have the peace that passes understanding in the situations that you are going through... and that He will raise you up on eagles' wings to soar. He has done that with me this week to me. Out of the blue, I feel like He surprised me by taking me around a corner that I didn't know I was looking for. He's blowing my mind... igniting my hunger in a new way... waking me up... always and continually making all things new.
You and your friendship is such a blessing to me. (((hugs)))
You've certainly been "on the train"! Personally, I KNOW it would take unusual grace of God for me to be so active as you are. I'm thankful that you're surrounded by discerning friends and that your heart is open to the truth of God's Word and work of His Holy Spirit.
Glad to read that your health and that of your daughter-in-law has improved. I pray that your legal situation is resolved and you are able to move forward no matter what the outcome is. ♥
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