A person without self-control is like a city with broken-down walls.
- Proverbs 25:28
The LORD God has given Me
The tongue of the learned,
That I should know how to speak
A word in season to him who is weary.
He awakens Me morning by morning
He awakens My ear
To hear as the learned.
- Isaiah 50:4
The LORD God has given Me
The tongue of the learned,
That I should know how to speak
A word in season to him who is weary.
He awakens Me morning by morning
He awakens My ear
To hear as the learned.
- Isaiah 50:4
A gentle tongue is a tree of life...
- Proverbs 15:4
Many things are on my heart this morning about this beautiful fruit of the Spirit.
The Greek word for self-control is egrateia. Literally translated as "temperance," it refers to the ability to discern and pursue the important over the urgent, and connotes the quality of levelheadedness as opposed to being impulsive, dignity versus impudence.
A beautiful picture of self-control is that of a person able to keep his bodily appetites and soulish inclinations under control, and to be in a state of rest by being connected to his spirit.
Undoubtedly this is a very important spiritual quality, but one often learned only much later in life, after a series of regrettable wrong decisions, all because of lack of self-control.
Sadly, many people never reach the point of developing this beautiful character. Looking around us these days, it would seem like we live in a world full of people spinning out of control.
How easy it is to react... to be impulsive... to speak without thinking... to act without first assessing the situation and weighing the consequences of our actions.
And we are all too familiar with sad examples of this:
... an angry word that wounds a young wife or an innocent child
... a tragic accident
... a son leaving home with a broken heart
... a gunshot that ends a life before its time.
How much wiser, and kinder, to take time to respond.
But if one has been used to being impulsive, instant gratification, making rash decisions, giving thoughtless remarks and unsolicited opinions, it will not be easy. For this to work, one has to be trained to take things in stride, and to be willing to wait.
Yes, it takes inner strength to respond.
It is, however, never too late to learn self-control.
Many years ago I was privileged to be part of a Life Revision retreat conducted by Hans Burki in the scenic Alpine village of Rasa, Centovalli in Switzerland. In that retreat, I understood that there is a world of difference between reacting and responding to the various circumstances we find ourselves in, day after day.
What road do you take in the face of a calamity, a false accusation,
an unexpected financial reversal, a health crisis,
the interruption of an unwanted phone call,
or the inconsiderate driver who cuts into your lane...
We are often confronted by situations where we feel we have to protect ourselves, or stand up for something we passionately believe in. We react when we let our emotions drive us forward. It is unguarded, sporadic, and puts us on the defensive.
To respond to the same stimulus involves taking time to think and pray - to assess and to evaluate, before coming up with a reasonable course of action.
In short, a reaction is based on emotions, a response is based on intuition. Emotions are in our soul, intuition lies within the realm of our spirit.
The word of God makes it clear, we have to divide between the soul and the spirit (Hebrews 4:12), so that our emotions do not dictate our actions, but the spirit leads the way.
Solomon knew what he was saying when he wrote Proverbs 25:28 --
A person without self-control is like a city with broken-down walls.
From my experience, I react when I have not given myself time to consult the Lord about what He is doing in that particular instance. Instead I allow emotions to lead me, and I take things into my own hands, either by blurting out words that are difficult to take back, or making a decision that is difficult to reverse.
I thought I had already learned my lesson in this area. But I must humbly admit that there's still room for some re-learning.
Recently, in an unguarded moment, the enemy took me by surprise, and before I knew it, I had reacted and the damage was done.
Praise Abba Father for how He redeems this repentant daughter from the consequences of a thoughtless reaction. He has enabled me to re-think my actions, and provided opportunities for me to undo what I have done.
To respond, instead of reacting, is to choose self-control. It is walking down the less-traveled road of humility.
Obviously, true self-control cannot be produced in one's strength.
Not by might, nor by power, but by My Spirit, says the Lord.
Self-control is simply allowing the Holy Spirit to be on the driver's seat, the conductor of the symphony, or to hold the pen and write the script of our life story.
It means being willing to withhold judgment... looking at the situation from the other side... being compassionate, forgiving and kind... and thinking more of the other person than myself.
It may be difficult to keep myself from thinking thoughts... but keeping my opinion to myself when tempted to express it is a big help.
Recently, a dear friend reminded me that God is not limited to only two options when I have a difficult decision to make. God always has a third river, a third option available. And this third option is the redemptive option, one that will save me from making a decision I could regret.
To respond is to wait for God's cloud to move, so that we don't end up taking a course of action that may take years, or even an entire lifetime, to untangle.
My favorite devotional author Oswald Chambers once said, "Jesus Christ can afford to be misunderstood, we cannot. Our weakness lies in always wanting to vindicate ourselves."
At the end of the day, I believe that self-control is all about having a humble heart, a heart that is open to the gentle prodding of the Holy Spirit.
Last night I was reading my friend Diane's blog and came across this beautiful poem entitled Judge Softly written by Mary Lathrap in 1895. Its other title is Walk a Mile in His Moccasins. I post it here because it touched my heart so deeply when I read it last night. It has a lot to do with being self-controlled.
Or stumbles along the road.
Unless you have worn the moccasins he wears,
Or stumbled beneath the same load.
There may be tears in his soles that hurt
Though hidden away from view.
The burden he bears placed on your back
May cause you to stumble and fall, too.
Don't sneer at the man who is down today
Unless you have felt the same blow
That caused his fall or felt the shame
That only the fallen know.
You may be strong,
But still the blows that were his,
Unknown to you in the same way,
May cause you to stagger and fall, too.
Don't be too harsh with the man that sins.
Or pelt him with words, or stone, or disdain.
Unless you are sure you have no sins of your own,
And it's only wisdom and love that your heart contains.
For you know if the tempter's voice
Should whisper as soft to you,
As it did to him when he went astray,
It might cause you to falter, too.
Just walk a mile in his moccasins
Before you abuse, criticize and accuse.
If just for one hour, you could find a way
To see through his eyes, instead of your own muse.
I believe you'd be surprised to see
That you've been blind and narrow minded, even unkind.
There are people on reservations and in the ghettos
Who have so little hope, and too much worry on their minds.
Brother, there but for the grace of God go you and I.
Just for a moment, slip into his mind and traditions
And see the world through his spirit and eyes
Before you cast a stone or falsely judge his conditions.
Remember to walk a mile in his moccasins
And remember the lessons of humanity taught to you by your elders.
We will be known forever by the tracks we leave
In other people's lives, our kindnesses and generosity.
Take the time to walk a mile in his moccasins.
Every month of their first year of life, I post a special prayer blessing for my grandchildren. This month I bless dear Olivia with the blessings of a self-controlled life.
A prayer for my grand-daughter:
My dear Olivia, my Peaceful One,
As you turn eight months old this October, I release to your little heart the blessings of self-control.
May you learn as you grow up the spiritual benefits of delayed gratification, of not always having your way, of not insisting and demanding that things go the way you want them to.
I bless you with self-control, a heart that is open to the gentle moves of the Holy Spirit.
You are not fueled by self-will.
You will know the difference between what is truly important versus what is merely urgent.
It is not easy to learn that beautiful quality of self-control... but how I pray it will be your outstanding quality as you grow up.
That your life may be a blessing to many, and draw others to Jesus Christ.
One of my favorite songs... this is for you, my dearest munchkin...
With much love always,
Nana
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6 comments:
Such a beautiful granddaughter...with such a wise Nana. I love to read the monthly blessings for your grandchildren and know that those early gifts are like treasures that gain value and become more precious as time goes on and these children grow older...
Your entire post stirred my heart...and prompted needed soul searching on my lack of self control in many areas of my life...thank you for sharing your words today...and I have bookmarked them to read again.
This is a very important lesson for all of us to learn, my friend!
Your little Olivia is so adorable...such a pretty baby!
I pray you are having a blessed week, Lidia...Blessings and much love I send your way...((hugs)) ~Lisa~
The first verse He taught me and led me to when I was a "baby Christian" was Ephesians 6:10. Much later, after many seasons in my life, when I go back and reflect on His Word, then I knew, it was His reminder that in everything I do, I say, or even think, He comes first. He is the strength for me, not my own. And today, reading your post, it's good to be reminded about this "beautiful fruit" of the Holy Spirit like what you said. It is not easy to restrain one's inner response to a hurtful or offending situation but even not easier when our words or actions cause a much more damage in doing so (responding). I always remind myself and my family, the Lord wants us to "be slow to anger" and there is a good reason why He says that. We are not like Him but we can be like Him because of His grace.
Your family surely has grown with all these beautiful grandkids growing up faster each day. But what beautiful prayers their "nana" always bestows on them. She is beautiful sister Lidia. God bless your whole family...
Thank you for the beautiful reminder of having self-control. In the Lord's mighty power! Love and prayers to you sister.
I have no words... only that you have echoed what is in my heart.
And the blessing you have spoken over your granddaughter moved me to tears.
A beautiful and timely word in a world full of hurry and instant gratification.
I too have been guilty of not taking time to let the Holy Spirit control my words and thoughts, and the result is never good. Fortunately the Lord is patient and loving.
What a wonderful lesson for children to see in the home, can you just imagine what a different world this would be?
Hugs to those beautiful grandchildren and one to you as well.
Lidia, would you believe that the fruit of 'self-control' has been on my mind of late and your post resonates deeply. In this culture of instant gratification it is indeed a huge concern. But it is a fruit of the Spirit, requiring that painful slow transformation of our hearts and intimacy with the Father. We need to pray laboriously for our children and grandchildren to always have time for 'quiet' where they can listen to the voice of the Spirit and interact with His Word. I've been seeing this lack in my own life and it makes me ill. How we need Him. Thank you for hearing and sharing His heart.
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