My Father's Footsteps

Waiting

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But as for me,

I trust in You, O LORD;

I say, "You are my God."

My times are in Your hand.

- Psalm 31:14, 15

You have seen what I did to the Egyptians,

and how I bore you on eagles' wings

and brought you to Myself.

- Exodus 19:4

But those who wait on the LORD

Shall renew their strength;

They shall mount up with wings like eagles,

They shall run and not be weary,

They shall walk and not faint.

- Isaiah 40:31

Henri Nouwen, my favorite author, writes these beautiful words on waiting:

A waiting person is a patient person. The word patience means the willingness to stay where we are and live the situation out to the full in the belief that something hidden there will manifest itself to us.

During my four-month stay here in the States, I had the luxury of time to read several books. Danny Silk, Mark Buchanan, Susan Sutton, Frederick Buechner... each one of them gifted writers.

But there is something in the way Nouwen expresses his heart that touches a deep chord in my heart, the way no other author does.

I particularly like his thoughts on waiting.

We are always waiting, but it is a waiting in the conviction that we have already seen God's footsteps.

This is such a beautiful thought for me to ponder on, especially these days that I find myself waiting to return to my homeland.

If plans had pushed through, I should already have arrived in Manila by noon of today (Eastern Standard Time).

But as it is, I'm still here in the USA.

It is not a simple matter to go back home when the distance to be covered is over eight thousand miles and twelve time zones.

From where I am here in Central Virginia, I have to reach Detroit, Michigan for my outbound flight, fly over land and sea, wait several hours in Nagoya, Japan, before I reach Manila past midnight about thirty plus hours later.

I have had to rebook my flight three times already due to a flight cancellation or a delay that impacts one of my connecting flights to Manila.

But there is no doubt that Abba Father is completely trustworthy. My times are in His hand!

When I look back at my life and think of one major thread running through its fabric, I will have to say without hesitation that it is waiting that has been the theme of my life story.

Waiting has a lot to do with trust.

And hope.

The Complete Jewish Bible renders Isaiah 40:31 this way --

but those who hope in Adonai will renew their strength,

they will soar aloft as with eagles' wings;

when they are running they won't grow weary,

when they are a walking they won't get tired.

As I have come to understand it, waiting is almost synonymous with trusting and hoping.

Many have been praying with me regarding the perfect timing of my return trip, and I believe that what is happening is the Father's answer to all our prayers. 

Therefore my heart is not impatient, but is at peace.

Again, I will have to say that in the younger years of my married life, I was an impatient person.

My personal motto then was that if I wanted something done well, I had to do it myself.

And do it I did!

Praise God, those years are behind me. And I have become a much easier person to live with. (Smile, grin, and chuckle!)

There are things in my life that are no longer as important as they used to be.

Through the years, my husband and I have had to learn to live with less and less.

Then one by one, our three children grew up, graduated from university, began working. Two sons got married and started their own families. Our daughter moved to Manila, and began living on her own.

No more children to look after, except in my gentle reminders, and unceasing prayers.

And then, let me say it again, five years ago, Ernie went home to heaven.

For me, that was the greatest downsizing event of all. Living as one person, instead of two. 

Ernie always seemed to have all the right answers. Suddenly he was gone.

No longer having someone to consult about major decisions, no one to ask his opinion on trivial matters...

That really puts life into perspective.

And talking about waiting... his physical absence becomes more bearable only because I am waiting for the day when I will see him again in heaven.

My travel plans have had to change several times over the past few days. It's part of an overall plam and transformation process... a kind of dying, in a small way.

Paul himself says, I die daily. (1 Corinthians 15:31)

Waiting is part of the many deaths Abba Father invites us to go through that the ugliness of our lives may become authentic representations of His eternal beauty!

A child who always has his way grows up to be a disgrace to his family. Self-centered, and lacking in manners.

Like a wild, untamed horse that never reached thoroughbred status.

Strategic delays are part of God's strategy and refining process to build His kingly character in us...  that you and I may reflect His glory and give off His fragrance.

My thinking these days is that if a flight gets cancelled or delayed, then there must surely be a heavenly and divine reason for it.

The waiting room is where we learn "good manners" and acquire "royal breeding."

Ernie used to tell me, "Don't major in minors. Not everything in life is big deal." Or, "You don't have to make a federal case out of everything."

Recalling those statements of his makes me smile.

By the time Ernie and I reached our thirtieth anniversary, we had both learned to walk in sync, so to speak.

As I write these words, I want to add a few more lines about my dear husband. He was also an impatient man in his younger years. Highly intelligent, and highly capable, Ernie found it difficult to understand when others did not have the same pace as he did, career wise.

But during the last few years of his life, he was a mellowed man.

And so was I.

He honored me by respecting my boundaries. By not imposing his way on me. He was a gracious, well-mannered man.

What I miss the most about him is the way we could talk ... late into the night... about almost anything. There were many times when he probably had a hard time living up to my high standards and expectations. But he never took that against me. His heart was always willing to wait for me to change; in any conflict, he was always willing to give me the benefit of the  doubt.

He gave me room to be myself. He understood my heart.

Sometimes I find myself longing to talk heart to heart again with a person of depth and substance... These past five years, my world has become really quiet.

That is probably why keeping a weblog helps. Somehow, somewhere, there must be at least one person of depth and substance out there reading my heart.

And there's still so much beauty and hope in the world, in spite of things not turning out the way we planned.



Ahh... waiting does so much to make patient men and women out of us, turning street children into sons and daughters of the King.

Blessed indeed is the man who learns to wait on God alone.

So here I am... in the waiting room again.

And I am reminded of this passage from Psalm 16:

O LORD, You are the portion of my inheritance and my cup;

You maintain my lot.

The lines have fallen to me in pleasant places...

And just a few minutes ago, a dear friend Linda Owen encouraged my heart by quoting this verse from Joshua 1:9

Be strong and courageous,

do not be afraid:

do not be discouraged,

for the LORD your God is with you

wherever you go.

So as I wait, I do so with the conviction that I have already seen my Father's footsteps.

When I wait on God, He "hides me in His love."

It is an honor for me to wait upon the Lord, and see the good thing that will come out as a result of the process.

He longs to be gracious, he rises to show compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!

David writes, still in Psalm 31:

Oh, how great is Your goodness,

Which You have laid up for those who fear You,

Which You have prepared for those who trust in You...