A garden enclosed is my sister, my spouse,
A spring shut up, a fountain sealed.
Your plants are an orchard of pomegranates
With pleasant fruits, fragrant henna with spikenard,
Spikenard and saffron, calamus and cinnamon,
With all trees of frankincense,
Myrrh and aloes, with all the chief spices—
Myrrh and aloes, with all the chief spices—
A fountain of gardens, a well of living waters,
And streams from Lebanon.
Awake, O north wind, and come, O south!
Blow upon my garden, that its spices may flow out.
Let my beloved come to his garden
And eat its pleasant fruits.
- Song of Solomon 4:12-16
Catch us the foxes,
The little foxes that spoil the vines,
For our vines have tender grapes.
- Song of Solomon 2:15
Catch us the foxes,
The little foxes that spoil the vines,
For our vines have tender grapes.
- Song of Solomon 2:15
In one of my recent posts I mentioned that 2018 was not my best year.
There were painful losses, one of which was the death of my fifth grandchild only fourteen days after she was born. Another was the loss of inner peace and security as I continued to face legal battles that have dragged on for years.
During the women's retreat that I conducted in mid-October last year, I asked each one of us to give a physical location statement. A physical location statement answers the question, "Where am I at this point in time?" Years ago, at the Life Revision seminar that I attended in Rasa, Switzerland, we studied the spiritual disciplines of meditation and contemplation under a Swiss retreat master, Hans Burki. Among many other things, Hans taught that one's physical location at any given time is generally indicative of where a person is in his spiritual journey.
To give an accurate location statement, I needed to look at the current circumstances of my life. It did not take me long to answer. A month before my fifth grandchild was due to be born in mid-June, I had cleared up the old bedroom in the house next door that once belonged to Ernie and me. The room was to be the nursery for the new baby. All the things in our former bedroom were transferred to my house, but there was not enough space for everything. Boxes, suitcases, and plastic crates were crammed into any available corner, waiting for the right time for me to sort them out.
That was my location statement: too much accumulated "stuff" waiting to be sorted out.
And true enough, it was indeed a reflection of where I was, as far as my spiritual journey was concerned.
I needed to sort out my inner self.
This required having extended heart-to-heart talks with God, something I haven't done for the longest time.
I'm not backsliding. Neither am I turning my back on God. My faith in God remains. However, I have to admit that there were little foxes spoiling the vine.
At the back of my mind, I sense that the vineyards are blooming, and soon it will be time for the harvest. Yet, it seems that the doors for forward movement are shut.
In October, two of my close friends lost their husbands. And because these friends are dear to me, I felt their grief. I know very well how it feels to be a widow, living with an irreparable sense of loss, the numbing pain, the emptiness, the silence.
In November, my best friend died so unexpectedly. Suddenly she was gone, just like that. Without any warning, without saying good-bye. What was I thinking? I had known she was not well. But we all believed she was on the road to healing. I kept putting off visiting her like I often told her I would. Now I wish I had spent more time with her... For who would have thought that she would leave this way?
My garden needs attention but there is not enough time to attend to it. Precious relationships require both quality and quantity time to be nurtured well. In the same way, for a garden to be beautiful, it must be given tender loving care and chunks of time to cultivate the soil, to weed, water, and prune.
I was standing at the threshold of abundant blessing and spiritual harvest, but there was something standing in the way.
There were piles of emotional clutter, all waiting to be sorted out. The little foxes that spoil the vines had to be dealt with.
When I was a young Christian I read a book by Paul Billheimer entitled Don't Waste Your Sorrows. It has remained one of my top favorites.
The author's theology of suffering is simple: when pain and sorrow come into our lives, there is always a benevolent purpose behind it. What the enemy intends for evil, God turns around and uses as material to bring His children to spiritual growth and maturity. Our Father desires to move us away from self-love and self-worship to Christlike character, and the main tool He uses is adversity.
Not to understand this is to waste our sorrows.
I certainly do not want to waste my sorrows.
Early in my Christian life, I have understood the significance of relinquishment, abandonment, and surrender. One of my favorite authors, Lilias Trotter, has written much about the way of the cross. Her drawings of dandelions have made a strong impact on me.
But there are always new lessons to be learned.
Abba Father is doing a deep work in me, I must not let the little foxes get in the way.
I have identified what these little foxes are. Unbelief was one of them. Worry. Anxiety. Unwise use of time.
I would often be aware of an underlying sadness and subtle feelings of fear in my heart, though I never forget that God alone is my protector. Deep in my heart I know that there is a divine and strategic delay at work in my circumstances.
Abba is giving me time to move from fear to trust. And He reaches out to me even when I am not expecting it.
In December, God impressed to me that the season of grief and loss I had been in was ending. Grief work cannot be hastened, but in the midst of the ashes of grief, there is new life sprouting. God's love pushes out the fear. On the very first day of 2019, Abba Father gave me the words hope and promise.
There is still much de-cluttering to be done, but what matters is that I'm on it. Through the words God speaks to me, I sense that there is also some defragmenting going on in my inner life.
Life moves on.
I have been given many opportunities to partner with God in His work of healing broken hearts, setting captives free, and opening the eyes of the blind. To join Him in His work of redemption and restoration requires that my ears are able to hear Him clearly.
The little foxes that spoil the vines are unnoticeable at the start. Like a slow leak in the water pipes, the damage does not happen overnight. I am being alerted to take action and not be complacent.
In February, Abba Father showed me the budding almond branch that Jeremiah saw, and indeed, His promise was that He was watching over His word to fulfill it.
On March 26, the day before my birthday, God gave me a beautiful word during my morning devotional time. It actually caught me by surprise. As I was reading from chapter 4 of the Song of Solomon, this passage caused me to pause and let the verses sink in:
A garden enclosed is my sister, my spouse,
Then Abba Father continued to speak:
Your plants are an orchard of pomegranates
With pleasant fruits, fragrant henna with spikenard,
Spikenard and saffron, calamus and cinnamon,
With all trees of frankincense,
Myrrh and aloes, with all the chief spices—
A fountain of gardens, a well of living waters,
And streams from Lebanon.
I counted the fruits... there are nine! Pomegranates, henna, spikenard, saffron, calamus, cinnamon, frankincense, myrrh, and aloes.
Oh, so what was the significance of this number? I immediately thought of the nine-segmented fruit of the Spirit. One fruit, but nine segments, so to speak.
I could never bear fruit on my own, no matter how hard I tried. Fruit grows naturally, when the conditions are right.
This passage spoke volumes to me, and right on the day before my birthday! What a gift my Abba Father has given me for my 66th birthday!
Below is a work of art done by my friend Joyce. It is a beautiful painting of a tree lush with pink blossoms. It reminds me of the passage I quoted above.
It's not always all up to me. My Abba Father is reaching out to me, reviving me when I am discouraged, strengthening me when I am weak, He turns my life around, according to His plan.
Like the Shulamite maiden I respond in joy to the Beloved's words of affirmation:
Awake, O north wind, and come, O south!
Blow upon my garden, that its spices may flow out.
Let my beloved come to his garden
And eat its pleasant fruits.
It's only fitting that I name this my birthday month, A Garden Enclosed.
From Ashes to Beauty
The Spirit of the sovereign Lord
Is on me now
To love, to speak, to heal, to preach
The Spirit of the sovereign Lord is on me now
Giving life
You turn ashes to beauty
Mourning to dancing
Anguish to songs of praise
Pour your Spirit over me
Let Your love rain down
Would You take these hands of mine
And use me
Pour Your Spirit over me
Let Your love rain down
Would You take these feet of mine
And lead me
The Spirit of the sovereign Lord is on me now
To go, to free, to give, to feed
The Spirit of the sovereign Lord is on me now
Spreading love...
There were painful losses, one of which was the death of my fifth grandchild only fourteen days after she was born. Another was the loss of inner peace and security as I continued to face legal battles that have dragged on for years.
During the women's retreat that I conducted in mid-October last year, I asked each one of us to give a physical location statement. A physical location statement answers the question, "Where am I at this point in time?" Years ago, at the Life Revision seminar that I attended in Rasa, Switzerland, we studied the spiritual disciplines of meditation and contemplation under a Swiss retreat master, Hans Burki. Among many other things, Hans taught that one's physical location at any given time is generally indicative of where a person is in his spiritual journey.
To give an accurate location statement, I needed to look at the current circumstances of my life. It did not take me long to answer. A month before my fifth grandchild was due to be born in mid-June, I had cleared up the old bedroom in the house next door that once belonged to Ernie and me. The room was to be the nursery for the new baby. All the things in our former bedroom were transferred to my house, but there was not enough space for everything. Boxes, suitcases, and plastic crates were crammed into any available corner, waiting for the right time for me to sort them out.
That was my location statement: too much accumulated "stuff" waiting to be sorted out.
And true enough, it was indeed a reflection of where I was, as far as my spiritual journey was concerned.
I needed to sort out my inner self.
This required having extended heart-to-heart talks with God, something I haven't done for the longest time.
I'm not backsliding. Neither am I turning my back on God. My faith in God remains. However, I have to admit that there were little foxes spoiling the vine.
At the back of my mind, I sense that the vineyards are blooming, and soon it will be time for the harvest. Yet, it seems that the doors for forward movement are shut.
In October, two of my close friends lost their husbands. And because these friends are dear to me, I felt their grief. I know very well how it feels to be a widow, living with an irreparable sense of loss, the numbing pain, the emptiness, the silence.
In November, my best friend died so unexpectedly. Suddenly she was gone, just like that. Without any warning, without saying good-bye. What was I thinking? I had known she was not well. But we all believed she was on the road to healing. I kept putting off visiting her like I often told her I would. Now I wish I had spent more time with her... For who would have thought that she would leave this way?
My garden needs attention but there is not enough time to attend to it. Precious relationships require both quality and quantity time to be nurtured well. In the same way, for a garden to be beautiful, it must be given tender loving care and chunks of time to cultivate the soil, to weed, water, and prune.
I was standing at the threshold of abundant blessing and spiritual harvest, but there was something standing in the way.
There were piles of emotional clutter, all waiting to be sorted out. The little foxes that spoil the vines had to be dealt with.
When I was a young Christian I read a book by Paul Billheimer entitled Don't Waste Your Sorrows. It has remained one of my top favorites.
The author's theology of suffering is simple: when pain and sorrow come into our lives, there is always a benevolent purpose behind it. What the enemy intends for evil, God turns around and uses as material to bring His children to spiritual growth and maturity. Our Father desires to move us away from self-love and self-worship to Christlike character, and the main tool He uses is adversity.
Not to understand this is to waste our sorrows.
I certainly do not want to waste my sorrows.
Early in my Christian life, I have understood the significance of relinquishment, abandonment, and surrender. One of my favorite authors, Lilias Trotter, has written much about the way of the cross. Her drawings of dandelions have made a strong impact on me.
But there are always new lessons to be learned.
Abba Father is doing a deep work in me, I must not let the little foxes get in the way.
I have identified what these little foxes are. Unbelief was one of them. Worry. Anxiety. Unwise use of time.
I would often be aware of an underlying sadness and subtle feelings of fear in my heart, though I never forget that God alone is my protector. Deep in my heart I know that there is a divine and strategic delay at work in my circumstances.
Abba is giving me time to move from fear to trust. And He reaches out to me even when I am not expecting it.
In December, God impressed to me that the season of grief and loss I had been in was ending. Grief work cannot be hastened, but in the midst of the ashes of grief, there is new life sprouting. God's love pushes out the fear. On the very first day of 2019, Abba Father gave me the words hope and promise.
Life moves on.
I have been given many opportunities to partner with God in His work of healing broken hearts, setting captives free, and opening the eyes of the blind. To join Him in His work of redemption and restoration requires that my ears are able to hear Him clearly.
The little foxes that spoil the vines are unnoticeable at the start. Like a slow leak in the water pipes, the damage does not happen overnight. I am being alerted to take action and not be complacent.
In February, Abba Father showed me the budding almond branch that Jeremiah saw, and indeed, His promise was that He was watching over His word to fulfill it.
For the vision is yet for an appointed time;
But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie.
Though it tarries, wait for it;
Because it will surely come,
It will not tarry.
- Habakkuk 2:3
On March 26, the day before my birthday, God gave me a beautiful word during my morning devotional time. It actually caught me by surprise. As I was reading from chapter 4 of the Song of Solomon, this passage caused me to pause and let the verses sink in:
A garden enclosed is my sister, my spouse,
A spring shut up, a fountain sealed.
I know all about gardens. From the time I was a little girl, I have seen how meticulous my own father is about gardening. Many a time I would be by his side as he loosened up the soil around the plants, carefully removing weeds, and dead leaves, then watering them gently so as not to tear the leaves or cause the fragile flowers to fall. There would be a smile on his face when his favorite orchids began to bud, or when his re-potted plants began to sprout new shoots.
And now that I have my own garden, I feel the same way.
To hear my heavenly Father say that I am a garden enclosed, a secret garden, brought so much joy to my heart. My Father is the gardener and I am His secret garden. Not for anyone else, not for crowds to admire, but for His eyes only.
I am being brought back to the spiritual principle of living my life before an audience of One.
I am being brought back to the spiritual principle of living my life before an audience of One.
And there can be no doubt about it, He is giving me quality and quantity time.
I am well-watered... there is a spring and a fountain reserved just for me.
He makes sure I have all the moisture I need, that my roots will never dry up, so that even in a time of drought, my leaves will remain green, and I will bear fruit.
This is so liberating for me. There have been many times when I would come to God out of a sense of duty. Believing that my spiritual growth was up to me, depending on how much time I "allotted" to it, there had to be a regular time of study, a regimen, a diet to observe. And over time, there was a part of me that was rebelling against this have-to, ought-to, must-do kind of spirituality.
As the year 2019 began, I knew I wanted so much to re-discover Jesus and fall in love with Him in a fresh, new way.
I can see how this is happening, not according to the way I planned it, but according to God's plan. In January, as I had written in my end of the month post, Father did speak to me that He was pouring into my heart a fresh revelation of His love.
God knows how much I needed to receive such a revelation... not a love I worked for, not a love I earned, but a love freely given and abundantly poured out. Not as a reward for my discipline, but just a love that I do not even deserve.
God knows how much I needed to receive such a revelation... not a love I worked for, not a love I earned, but a love freely given and abundantly poured out. Not as a reward for my discipline, but just a love that I do not even deserve.
This just blows my mind.
All my life I have been a "good" girl. In my elementary and high school years, I studied my lessons. In university, I attended my classes, never skipped them for any reason. I got high grades and was always on the honors' list. Never smoked cigarettes, nor did I go into drugs, or pornography, even when I knew some of my friends were doing that. Hard drinks do not appeal to me, except for an occasional margarita or red wine during social functions. I was a faithful wife, and I believe I was a good mother, to the best of my ability. It is always my desire to do all things well.
This is not heaping praises upon myself, it is just to make a point... that I was a "good" person. In the standards of the world, that is.
When I realized at age 20 that all my righteousness was as filthy rags to the Lord, I understood that my standard of "goodness" fell short of God's standards. And that was when I saw how much I needed a Savior, to save me from myself and my own ideas of being good.
However, because of the way I have been brought up, when I became a Christ follower, it was easy for me to do what was required of me - read my Bible, do my quiet time, and pray everyday.
To hear God say that I am His secret garden is a paradigm shift for someone who has been used to doing all she can to make sure things work properly.
It's like Abba is telling me, "I am the Divine Gardener... all you have to do is remain in my love, receive my love... and allow me to nurture you, to pour life giving water into you."
This saves me from being a "human doing" and gives me freedom to just "be."
It doesn't mean I can be complacent about my spiritual growth... it only means, it's not all entirely up to me. God is a covenant God and a promise keeper... He will do His part in the covenant, 100 percent, not fifty-fifty.
Then Abba Father continued to speak:
Your plants are an orchard of pomegranates
With pleasant fruits, fragrant henna with spikenard,
Spikenard and saffron, calamus and cinnamon,
With all trees of frankincense,
Myrrh and aloes, with all the chief spices—
A fountain of gardens, a well of living waters,
And streams from Lebanon.
I counted the fruits... there are nine! Pomegranates, henna, spikenard, saffron, calamus, cinnamon, frankincense, myrrh, and aloes.
Oh, so what was the significance of this number? I immediately thought of the nine-segmented fruit of the Spirit. One fruit, but nine segments, so to speak.
I could never bear fruit on my own, no matter how hard I tried. Fruit grows naturally, when the conditions are right.
This passage spoke volumes to me, and right on the day before my birthday! What a gift my Abba Father has given me for my 66th birthday!
Below is a work of art done by my friend Joyce. It is a beautiful painting of a tree lush with pink blossoms. It reminds me of the passage I quoted above.
painting by Joyce Sason
It's not always all up to me. My Abba Father is reaching out to me, reviving me when I am discouraged, strengthening me when I am weak, He turns my life around, according to His plan.
Like the Shulamite maiden I respond in joy to the Beloved's words of affirmation:
Awake, O north wind, and come, O south!
Blow upon my garden, that its spices may flow out.
Let my beloved come to his garden
And eat its pleasant fruits.
It's only fitting that I name this my birthday month, A Garden Enclosed.
From Ashes to Beauty
The Spirit of the sovereign Lord
Is on me now
To love, to speak, to heal, to preach
The Spirit of the sovereign Lord is on me now
Giving life
You turn ashes to beauty
Mourning to dancing
Anguish to songs of praise
Pour your Spirit over me
Let Your love rain down
Would You take these hands of mine
And use me
Pour Your Spirit over me
Let Your love rain down
Would You take these feet of mine
And lead me
The Spirit of the sovereign Lord is on me now
To go, to free, to give, to feed
The Spirit of the sovereign Lord is on me now
Spreading love...
1 comment:
John 15: "I am the true vine, and my Father is the husbandman. As to every branch in me not bearing fruit, he takes it away; and as to every one bearing fruit, he purges it that it may bring forth more fruit".
While we know that all is for blessing testing is still testing!
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