Heart Renovation

Fall of 2013

Virginia, USA

I like spring, but it is too young; 

I like summer, but it is too proud. 

So I like best of all autumn, 

because its tone is mellower, 

its colours are richer, 

and it is tinged with a little sorrow. 

Its golden richness speaks not of the innocence of spring, 

nor the power of summer, 

but of the mellowness and kindly wisdom of approaching age. 

It knows the limitations of life and its content.

- Lin Yutan

Do not let your adornment be merely outward

—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel—

 rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, 

with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, 

which is very precious in the sight of God.

- 1 Peter 3:3, 4

Blessed is the one who finds wisdom,

and the one who gets understanding...

Long life is in her right hand;

in her left hand are riches and honor.

Her ways are ways of pleasantness,

and all her paths are peace.

She is a tree of life to those who lay hold of her;

those who hold her fast are called blessed.

- Proverbs 3:13, 16-18

Finding Beauty in Unexpected Places

The Philippines is a very beautiful country. An archipelago of more than 7,000 islands, there are coastlines of white sandy beaches, hidden inland seas, pristine mountain forests, and verdant valleys planted to rice, sugarcane, and corn.

There are awesome sunrise and sunset views.

Powerful sceneries that depict an uncomplicated pastoral Filipino life, serenity, and simplicity, that would bring healing for one's fragmented and distracted soul.

But of course, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

And in this country, beauty pretty much depends on where you are looking. 

For our cities are overpopulated, polluted by environmental waste, noisy, fast-paced, and impersonal. In most of our urban centers like Metro Manila, Cebu City, and Davao City, the traffic in most throughfares is incredible, if not downright unbearable.

Large gated subdivisions where the rich and the famous live boast of manicured loans and well-kept estates. They are walled in, somewhat like fortresses, and the gates are manned by armed guards.

On the opposite end of the spectrum is where the urban poor call their home: the shanties constructed of flimsy materials like rusted tin sheets, discarded rubber tires, cardboard, tarpaulin, and throwaway plywood scavenged from the garbage dumps.

Or worse, the sidewalks in our cities where the homeless live, sleeping on filthy blankets, hugging their meager belongings packed in a tiny wooden cart or cardboard box.

Then there's the rest of us, people like me who belong to the wide middle portion of our society's financial continuum. Most of us live in what we call the non-gated communities, open subdivisions accessible to everyone, including vendors and stray dogs.

I try to keep my surroundings clean. Around my home is a well-tended garden of greens, shrubs, and flowering plants. But what goes on beyond that is very much beyond my control. 

A few months ago, the house in front of mine was rebuilt, and sadly, all the leftover debris from the demolition of their old home, plus the leftover sand, gravel, and hollow blocks, are still piled up outside their premises, and it is right across my front gate. It is an eyesore, but there is nothing I can do about it, unless I want to take charge of clearing it up myself.

Across the corner of my house are two neighborhood eateries selling brewed coffee, steamed rice, beef broth and noodles, vegetable stew, and other home-cooked food. These are frequented by tri-cycle drivers for an inexpensive meal, but the noise of their motor bikes, as well as their loud chatter and boisterous laughter, inevitably mix with the soft music and the peace and quiet of my home.

If I am looking for beauty beyond my little garden, I am in for a disappointment.

But beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And believe it or not, I have learned to see the hidden beauty and deeper meaning behind what my physical eyes tell me. 

Letting Beauty Nourish the Heart

The same is true of the human heart. Except that the heart is more complex, and far more difficult to navigate.

How effectively the enemy of our souls has devastated the beautiful creation of God, and reduced it to a heap of worthless trash...of pride, unrighteous judgment, self-focus... fit for nothing but the eternal fires of hell.

Were it not for the grace and redemptive hand of God.

To survive this rat race existence while we are serving our time here on earth, there are things our inner lives need to feed on, like solitude, meditation, joy, worship, servanthood, music, prayer, to name just a few.

At the center of this list is beauty.

Beauty has such a deep healing effect on the human spirit.

And I believe that where no physical beauty can be seen, God has equipped us to perceive inner beauty in the ugliness around us.

Beautiful Autumn, Beauty for Ashes

This is one reason I love the season of autumn. Although I live in a country where the only two seasons we experience are the rainy and the dry (and the in-between cool and misty months), my heart understands what fall represents.

Fall prepares the land for renovation... where the old is shed off, to make room for the new.

November 2013

Virginia, USA

A few days ago during the getting-to-know-you small group session at an Ancient Paths seminar, I asked the participants this question: what is the name of the season you are in right now?

Being the facilitator, I was the first to give an answer. After waiting a few moments to look at the external circumstances of my life and the inner landscape of my heart the past three or four months, I heard this soft voice in my heart saying, You are in a heart renovation season.

That actually caught me by surprise. I had been thinking that I was in a season of waiting, or a season of seeking answers, or even a season of healing and acceleration... 

But when the word "heart renovation" was dropped into my soul, I understood immediately what it meant.

This past year I have seen my heart grieve over a beautiful relationship that I thought had died. Yes, I had prayed much about it, done a few things in hopes of restoring it, and eventually gave up trying, pushing the unresolved issue to a corner in my heart.

Once in a while, however, the hurt would resurface, and I would find myself rehearsing a litany of what had gone wrong and what should have beens.

When I returned to Bacolod end of October, after being away for nearly a month, I needed to pick up where I left off, as far as my home and family relationships were concerned.

I dived right into it, so to speak.

On the very day I arrived, I had dinner with second born son and his family, and enjoyed the grandsons I had missed so much. (First born son and his family had a previous engagement and couldn't join us.)

On November 1, our extended family gathered at the memorial park for the yearly event of visiting the graves of loved ones who had left this earth ahead of us. We had a big breakfast at the park, followed by a family lunch at the home of Manong Boy and Inday Sue (Ernie's sister and her husband).  

November 2 was Ernie's birthday, and our family celebrated that as well.

November 5 is Worshiper's (second son) birthday, and our family gathered for another celebration.

November 13 is the birthday of second grandson, Full of Hope. We celebrated that, too.

In between all these family events were dinners, lunch get-togethers, and friends' birthday celebrations. The month is nearly over, but there are still several events to look forward to, like Ernie's ninth death anniversary tomorrow, November 23,  and Thanksgiving, Filipino style, next week.

There were many things to attend to. The garden needed pruning and the house, a general cleaning. I had to deal with tick infestation in my dogs. Replenish my fridge and pantry. Shop for the Christmas gift giving season. Pray for an ongoing legal battle. Prepare for a women's retreat I will be conducting.

The relationship I mentioned earlier was the least of my concerns and farthest from my mind.

Yet, in the midst of all these external events, I sensed God speak gently to me during that small group session a week ago, I am renovating your heart.

And the first place I looked was that corner in my heart where I hid the pain. 

It was no longer there.

Instead, what I saw was forgiveness, understanding, acceptance, and compassion. Not in bold capital letters... but gently and quietly smiling at me from the corner of my heart.

I could never have done it myself.

I saw beauty where there used to be an ash heap of shattered emotions... a shoot growing from the stump of an old tree.

I saw hope.

And this is just one area that God is rebuilding. But it speaks volumes, really. 

I am thankful for the autumn seasons of my life. When the old is discarded, using the beautiful words of Elisabeth Elliott from her book A Path Through Suffering  that I read twenty plus years ago, "even the fair petals must fall."

Yes, in autumn, even the fair petals must fall.

This is to make room for the new thing that God is doing in our lives.

There is beauty beyond what our physical eyes can see.

With fall comes the promise of spring.

I am more than grateful for the promise of heart renovation.

This is the Lord's doing, and it is marvelous in our eyes. 

- Psalm 118:23

Behold, I am doing a new thing;

now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?

I will make a way in the wilderness

and rivers in the desert.

- Psalm 43:19

Hope springs eternal...

Beauty for Ashes
(by Mid-Cities Worship)

No longer sin, no longer afraid
You have washed me, white as snow
No longer bound, now I am crowned
Once in darkness, now I know
You save, You save

And You give me, beauty for ashes
And You pull me, close to Your heart
You have turned my, mourning to dancing
That's what You do, that's who You are

Brand new eyes, brand new hands
You have wiped away my past
Brand new day, brand new life
You have pulled me from the lies
You save, You save

And You give me, beauty for ashes
And You pull me, close to Your heart
You have turned my, mourning to dancing
That's what You do, that's who You are

I'm no longer, what I used to be
I am stronger, because You live in me
The old is gone, the new has come
I'm alive!

And You give me, beauty for ashes
And You pull me, close to Your heart
You have turned my, mourning to dancing
That's what You do, that's who You are...