All the Days of My Life

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She does him good and not evil

All the days of her life.

- Proverbs 31:12

Yesterday, November 23, was Ernie's seventh death anniversary.

Being a reflective kind of person, I want to reflect on the significance of this date.

I want to think of where I am today, seven years after he went home to heaven.

My daughter Obedient One arrived from Manila on Wednesday and was with us for five days. It was a wonderful opportunity for us to celebrate this important event as a complete family.

On Sunday, Ernie's sister Sue prepared a sumptuous lunch for our family gathering. In the evening, we got together for dinner at Delicioso's. 

We like to celebrate the memory of Ernie's life.

It is not that we do not remember him at all... but on the anniversary of his passing away, we collectively remember him as a husband, a brother, a father, an uncle. The younger grandchildren, grandnephews, and grandnieces have not personally met him, but we can exchange stories of what he was like. 

At church on Sunday morning, one of the songs we sang was Amazing Grace. After the worship service ended, Therese, the daughter of one of my friends, approached me and sat by my side. She is in her early thirties.

As she sat beside me, I saw that she had tears in her eyes. 

"Tita (Aunt) Lidj, I came here to tell you that the song Amazing Grace which we sang earlier gave me a vivid recollection of Tito (Uncle) Ernie. He used to sing that often when he led worship, " she said.

"Oh, thank you for remembering, Therese. What an encouragement to my heart... in fact, tomorrow is his 7th death anniversary, " I replied. 

By this time, tears were also forming in my eyes.

"I remember that he was the one who gave the sermon the Sunday before he passed away," Therese continued. And then she added, "I miss Tito Ernie."

We hugged each other, and then she left.

What a sweet gesture Therese made, and it really encouraged my heart.

Seven years after he died... and a young person still remembers him.

Maya Angelou once said that sooner or later people will forget what you have said or done, but they will never forget how you made them feel.

And I believe this is true of Ernie. 

It is not easy to forget a man like him.

I no longer feel sad when I think of Ernie being gone. But the anniversary of his death is so close to Thanksgiving that somehow, he will always be one of the major things I want to thank God for each time Thanksgiving comes around.

There are no "husband wounds" in my heart. He was truly a gift, handpicked by God for me. Created to be my husband, and the father of our children. And I was created to be his wife, and the mother of our children.

He was an Ephesians 5:25-29 kind of husband to me, one who loved his wife as he loved his own body.

He treated me with honor, he thought of my own needs and welfare.

He was unselfish... and treated me with respect and dignity.

Those are the things I will always treasure in my heart.

During our weekly Family Foundations International ministry team lunch get-together, we were listening to a video teaching by Craig Hill, the senior leader of our ministry. He was teaching on the relationship between a husband and a wife, quoting  Proverbs 31:12, 

She does him good and not evil

All the days of her life.

A good wife does her husband good all the days of her life.

I was suddenly struck with the thought that even though my husband is no longer physically present here on earth, the passage above says that I am to continue doing him good all the days of my life.

And quickly I thought of how I can apply that in my situation.

There are of course a hundred and one ways of doing my husband good, even when he is no longer around.

I will continue to honor his memory, and pass on to my own children and grandchildren the legacy that he left behind: the legacy of goodness, faith in God, integrity, compassion, humility, contentment, love for family, hard work... and so much more.

One of the beautiful things I received when Ernie became my husband is the gift of his family - his parents, his brother and sisters, his brothers and sister in law, and his nephews and nieces. 

Ernie has a strong, protective love for his family. And doing my husband good all the days of my life is continuing to honor and love his family the same way he does... and teaching my own children and grandchildren to do the same.

It has not been an easy seven years of life without a husband.

But God has remained true to His promise in Psalm 68:5,

A father of the fatherless,

a defender of widows,

Is God in His holy habitation.

A Defender of widows.

That is truly what God has been to me.

And as I remember Ernie, and honor the memory of the kind of life he lived, my heart overflows with thanksgiving.

What a beautiful, precious gift God my Abba Father has given me.

I will be forever grateful.

Saying Good-bye