Tenacious, Enduring

Sunrise over Quezon City, Metro Manila

November 28, 2014

... I know whom I have believed,

and am convinced that He is able to guard

what I have entrusted to Him until that day.

- 2 Timothy 1:12

The LORD's loving kindnesses are not consumed,

so His compassions do not fail.

They are new every morning.

Great is Your faithfulness!

The LORD is my portion, says my inner being,

therefor I shall hope in Him.

- Lamentations 3:22-24

(One New Man Bible)

You will never perish 
when you fall into the abyss of God's lovingkindness.

- Ralph Davis

O Love That Wilt Not Let Me Go

by George Mattheson

O Love that wilt not let me go

I rest my weary soul in Thee

I give Thee back the life I owe

That in Thine ocean depths its flow

May richer, fuller be

O Light that foll'west all my way

I yield my flick'ring torch to Thee

My heart restores its borrowed ray

That in Thy sunshine's blaze its day

May brighter, fairer be

O Joy that seekest me through pain

I cannot close my heart to Thee

I trace the rainbow through the rain

And feel the promise is not vain

That morn shall tearless be

O Cross that liftest up my head

I dare not ask to fly from Thee

I lay in dust life's glory dead

And from the ground there blossoms red

Life that shall endless be

It was in my third year as a university student that I finally understood what it meant to turn the reins of my life over to Jesus Christ.

I was 20 years old when He became the Lord of my heart.

Born into a family that believed in God, I grew up with a desire to do what was right in His eyes. I endeavored to live a life that pleased God, doing my religious duties faithfully, and trying to love Him in the best way I knew how.

However, try as I might, I couldn't go very far into the week without feeling I had failed, and would have to start all over again. It was actually a religion of self-effort. I never really felt I was good enough in God's eyes. 

In that context, my new-found faith came as a breath of fresh air.

So liberating, so freeing was this relationship, I hungered and longed to know my Lord more each day.

I would wake up early and read the Bible each morning before going to school. There were weekly small groups at the back of the main library where we studied Scripture passages in-depth. Saturday afternoons my friends and I would meet for mentorship lessons under a woman named Melba whom I deeply admired for her intense love for the Lord.

You shall seek Me and find me, if You seek Me with all your heart. 
- Jeremiah 29:13

God was faithful. The more I sought Him, the more I found Him. He revealed nuggets of golden truths to me, bit by bit.

Each new facet of God's character that I discovered and personally experienced gave me a deeper appreciation of the kind of God He really was.

Indeed, God had called me to a relationship of grace, not a religion of self-effort.

Under the law, I could only fall short. Under grace, I was enabled and empowered to do right.

Augustine of Hippo writes, Grace is given not because we have done good works, but in order that we may be able to do them.

Paul states it so beautifully: 

For by grace you have been saved through faith,

and that not of yourselves;

it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.

For we are His workmanship,

created in Christ Jesus for good works,

which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.

- Ephesians 2:8-10

I was understanding what being set free by God's grace truly meant!

Sunday mornings I would look forward to the vibrant worship services at the Diliman Bible Church. We would sing the hymns at the top of our voices and in my case, often with tears rolling down my cheeks.

One of the first hymns that deeply ministered to this hungry soul was the one I posted above, O Love That Wilt Not Let Me Go. It was written in the 1800s by a blind pastor, George Mattheson, in a moment of divine inspiration. Overwhelmed by God's love for Him, he found himself writing the lines with Someone dictating every word to him. He says the whole poem was completed in five minutes. The hymn stands today as it was originally given to him, without any editing done on it.

He is Love that will not let go, 

Light that shines on my path, 

Joy that seeks me in my pain, 

and Cross that lifts me up from the ash heap!

I listen to this hymn often, it is probably my top favorite of all the hymns I know. (Video below)

As the month of January ends, this song could very well sum up what the past four weeks have been like.

In an earlier blog post, I wrote of how the year 2015 started with a bit of inner struggle for me. 

Looking back, I now realize the conflict I experienced was rooted in my desire to do what is right. 

In the midst of that desire, two voices were speaking: 

the former master's accusing voice which said You are falling short... you are not good enough; 

and the Father's gentle voice saying, You are loved and accepted unconditionally.

Hearing the Father's voice has reassured me. His unconditional love sets us free from the heavy yoke of religious dos and don'ts. 

At the start of the year, I had asked God to help me move forward in my walk for 2015.

How I need His help...

to be intentional without being moralistic or dogmatic about it,

to approach His throne of grace not as a duty but as a delight,

to pray without explanations,

to offer up, not worn-out, empty cliches... but heartfelt words, coming from a heart of quiet rest. 
(See Quiet Rest)

In our pursuit of righteousness, how easy it is to fall into the trap of performance orientation, living the way the Pharisees did.

This world has trained us to define ourselves in terms of performance or acquisition or physical attributes. 

Father God, on the other hand, is faithful in setting us free from such traps. He wants to make it clear He is the God who issues the call to draw near and to come up higher.

He draws us closer to His heart.

My part is to heed the call. 

And to respond.

It is not about me, or how well I can jump through the hoops.

It is all about Him.

At every turn, at every level, He wants me to know and experience His love that will never let me go.

He is the One who gives me the hunger and the desire to obey Him. 

I love what John Piper has to say about this:

A tremendous stability comes into your life when you let the Bible define who you are in relation to God rather than letting the world define who you are in relation to things... To know where you've come from in relation to God, and where you are heading in relation to God, and where you stand now in relation to God, will make you a free agent. Sustained by the Faithfulness of God

When I let God define who I am in relation to who He is, I become a free agent.

So as this month ends, Abba Father reminds me of who I am, a free agent, walking in the path of grace. 

He reveals a deeper facet of His character to me: His tenacious, enduring love.

His love is steadfast, unchanging, and faithful to the end.

Faithfulness. It's part and parcel of who He is. 

As Pastor Joe taught us, God is faithful to His people, to His character, to His plans, and to His promises.

The Sovereign God cannot be untrue to His own heart. He is true to His covenant. He is a Promise Keeper.

He will not easily let go of me.

In fact, He won't. Ever.

One of the highlights of this month was when I was invited to the 29th founding anniversary of our church school, the Christian Academy of Bacolod.

In September 2004, more than ten years ago, I said good-bye to this ministry where I served God faithfully for eighteen years, fifteen as its principal. In many ways, I still look back to those years as the best years of my life.

Last Thursday I attended an official function for the first time since I left, to celebrate with them, as they reached another milestone, God's faithfulness for all these twenty-nine years.

What a delight it was to watch the students perform in the different areas of their gifts and talents! How far the school has gone since its humble beginnings. At some points, I had to verbally praise God for what He has done and how He has enabled these young men and women to accomplish much.

Below are a few photos I took:

 Pastor Joe: God is faithful to His character.

 Small Ensemble

Dramatic Dialogue: Hannah and Penina 

Instrumental Duet 

Male Trio

 Storytelling: The Story of Punchinello 
(from You are Special, by Max Luado)

 Punchinello always got dull, gray dot stickers

Punchinello meets Lucia, a Wemmick girl who had no marks. 

The stickers didn't stick to her! 

Punchinello meets Eli, his maker. 

The stickers only stick if they matter to you, Eli said.

"All that matters is what I think. And I think you are pretty special."

 Famous Speech: I Have a Dream

 Piano Solo

Large Ensemble

I was so proud of all these students, so eloquent, passionate... giving their best for their Master.

At the end of the program, I was so surprised when Pastor Joe and I were given tokens in appreciation of the part we had in the church school's history.

Mixed emotions welled up within me as I stood in front, with a bouquet of beautiful flowers in my hands.

For the truth is that all these ten years since God spoke to me that my season at the school had come to an end, I had not gone back. I put those years behind me as part of my past season.

There are many things on my heart that cannot be openly shared... but in a way, during the years that I believe God enabled me to give my best to this ministry, the message I got from certain significant persons was that I deserved nothing but dull gray dots, like Punchinello.

I wasn't looking for praise or acclamation.

All I wanted was a relationship of grace... but got rejection and disapproval instead. 

This isn't said with rancor or judgment, not even disappointment. I share my feelings with a tinge of sadness.

See these related stories:

Lord of the Breakthrough

Brand New Power Lines


And so I closed that chapter of my life story, and never really bothered to open it again.

It was beautiful, fulfilling, and truly meaningful. But for the past ten years, I kept those chapters of my life shut tight.

As I listened to the story of the Wemmicks I realized that there were a few dull gray stickers on me. God was telling me, The stickers only stick if you let them.

I am just so happy I went back. I sensed the Father whispering, Daughter, the school is in good hands. I always finish what I begin.

It was good to meet the current principal, and the new teachers.

What warmed my heart the most was to see some of the teachers and staff who had served faithfully with me during my years as ministry head of the school.

I could never have done it alone. We were a team, and I had tremendous support from all of them. They made my work easy. It was a delight serving with them.

The school has gone a long way, despite the rough road it has been on. And it is indeed a tribute to the grace and faithfulness of God.


I say good-bye to this beautiful month.

January, thank you for through you I have experienced once again God's tenacious hold on me. 

Were it not for Your grace... where would I be? 

Were It Not For Grace... that is my story, and my song.

Thank You Abba for Your faithfulness. Thank You for Your grace!

Here are some of the songs I have been singing in the January chapter of my 2015 story:

O Love That Wilt Not Let Me Go (performing artist: David Phelps)

Were It Not For Grace (performing artist: Larnelle Harris)
songwriters: David Ross Hamilton and Phill McHugh

Time measured out my days, life carried me along
In my soul I yearned to follow God but knew I'd never be so strong

I looked hard at this world to learn how Heaven could be gained
Just to end where I began, where human effort is all in vain

Were it not for grace, I can tell you where I'd be
Wandering down some pointless road to nowhere
With my salvation up to me, I know how that would go
The battles I would face forever running but losing the race
Were it not for grace

So here is all my praise expressed with all my heart
Offered to the Friend who took my place and ran a course I could not start
And when He saw in full just how much His love would cost
He still went the final mile between me and Heaven so I would not be lost

Were it not for grace, I can tell you where I'd be
Wandering down some pointless road to nowhere
With my salvation up to me and I know how that would go
The battles I would face forever running but losing the race
Were it not for grace

Forever running but losing this race
Were it not for grace

Faithful God (performing artist: Laura Story)



Your Faithfulness (performing artist: Brian Doerksen)

I don't know what this day will bring
Will it be disappointing, filled with longed for things?
I don't know what tomorrow holds
Still I know, I can trust Your faithfulness

I don't know if these clouds mean rain
If they do, will they pour down blessing or pain?
I don't know what the future holds
Still I know, I can trust Your faithfulness

Certain as the rivers reach the sea
Certain as the sunrise in the east
I can rest in Your faithfulness
Surer than a mother's tender love
Surer than the stars still shine above
I can rest in Your faithfulness

I don't know how or when I'll die
Will it be a thief, or will I have a chance to say goodbye?
No, I don't know how much time is left
But in the end, I will know Your faithfulness

When darkness overwhelms my soul
When thoughts and storms of doubt
Still I trust, You are always faithful
Always faithful

Certain as the rivers reach the sea
Certain as the sunrise in the east
I can rest in Your faithfulness
Surer than a mother's tender love
Surer than the stars still shine above
I can rest in Your faithfulness
I can rest in Your faithfulness

I don't know what this day will bring
Will it be disappointing, filled with longed for things?
I don't know what tomorrow holds
Still I know, I can trust Your faithfulness