Featherlight

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Every detail of my life was already written in Your book;

You established the length of my life

before I ever tasted the sweetness of it.

Your thoughts and plans are treasures to me, O God!

I cherish each and every one of them!

- Psalm 139:16, 17




For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord,
thoughts of peace and not of evil,
to give you a future and a hope.
-Jeremiah 29:11




Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden,
and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you and learn from Me,
for I am gentle and lowly in heart,
and you will find rest for your souls.
For My yoke is easy
and My burden is light.
- Matthew 11:28-30




For our light affliction, which is but for a moment,
is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory,
while we do not look at the things which are seen,
but at the things which are not seen.
For the things which are seen are temporary,
but the things which are not seen are eternal.
-2 Corinthians 4:15-18





The Christian experience is not simply one of green pastures
and flowing streams,
it is also the place of emptiness.
- Charles Ringma

Location Statement

It was in 1997, in Rasa, Switzerland when I first heard the term "location statement." I was attending a four-week Life Revision Retreat in a little Alpine village where twenty three of us sat under the mentorship of Hans Burki to learn more about the spiritual disciplines of meditation and contemplation. 

 A location statement is simply a description of where you are externally and how it relates to your internal condition. Look back at how the day, or week, has been, and sum it up in a word or phrase.

Hans taught that making a periodic location statement helps us evaluate how far we have gone in our life journey, and to take a quick inventory of the inner spiritual resources we are drawing from.

Today the month of August comes to a close, another opportunity for me to make a location statement. The months of the year do not always make accurate markers or dividers for the chapters of our lives, but they do help simplify matters. As I have learned in the Life Revision Retreat, giving a name for each day, week, month, and year as it ends, is one way of making a location statement.

When I name the day, week, or month, the lessons for that particular time frame become an integral part of me. Even negative circumstances, when viewed through the lens of faith,  become glorious opportunities for growth. A location statement helps me see how those events are being used by the Father to elevate me to the next level of my destiny.

Kingdom Equipping

To be honest, it has not been easy for me to keep up with this practice. It is part of the spiritual discipline of meditation, and developing a discipline requires time and repetition until it becomes a habit. In 1997, I was 44 years old and focused on raising a family, heading a church school ministry, financial concerns, on top of many other important things on my plate in that season of my life. There was hardly any time left for meditation.

However, a few weeks before the year 1999 ended, I distinctly remember that God placed a word on my heart... it was the word kingdom. He spoke it so clearly to me in two passages, namely:

Luke 12:32 - Do not fear, little flock, for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom.

Matthew 24:14 - And this gospel of the kingdom will be preached in all the world as a witness to all the nations, and then the end will come.

As I meditated on those two passages, I was given the impression that Father was bringing me to a higher level of awareness about His kingdom agenda in my life.

He was calling me to live as a kingdom person.

And indeed, the year 2000 marked a shift in my spiritual journey. It seemed like the pruning season of my life was coming to an end, and a new season of kingdom equipping began. Abba Father placed in my heart a deeper hunger for heavenly realities, to be drawn closer to Him in intimacy.

In the 2000s, I began to understand the importance of being prepared as a spiritual bride waiting for the return of her bridegroom.

Waking up middle of the night to receive throne room secrets no longer came as a surprise to me. I knew God was doing a deep work of cleansing, renewal, and transformation within my heart of hearts. 

Names and Assignments

In recent years, with the help of this blog, I was finally able to revive the practice of giving each month a name as it ended. 

Names are important to God. The name given to a person defines his nature, character, and assignment. The same is true of places and events.

In my very first post in February 2008 I have shared the story of how God gave me a new name in 1992, the name I have chosen for this weblog. 

In the early days of this blog, I would wonder if maintaining it was a God-honoring thing for me to do. Each post I composed would be covered in prayer, asking Abba Father to anoint my thoughts as they flowed, help me choose which ones to share, and give me the right words to write on the electronic pages of this medium.

Today, however, I am hardly the same person that I was six years ago when this blog was born. Within those six years, I have had several new names given to me by my Abba. Even the way I address Him has changed. Lately I have enjoyed calling Him Abba Avinu, an endearing Hebrew term for "Papa Father."

Each additional new name I receive brings me up another level in my calling and kingdom purpose.

And so I have also come to have a different view regarding my blog entries. I have long understood that each post I write is an act of worship, a humble offering to the real Author of my life story. As I verbalize my thoughts and feelings, He lends clarity and perspective to the days, weeks, months, and years of my life.

I pray that the person reading the words I have written will be blessed and edified. One reader, or a hundred... my goal is the same: to let my Creator receive glory and honor.

One blog post to summarize in a few paragraphs what God has done doesn't do justice to the beautiful masterpiece He is painting with words.... but it is good enough. A glimpse at the unfinished canvas gives an idea of how awesome the finished work will be when it is finally put on exhibit for all the world to see.

God has done a beautiful work of inner transformation in my life... in each of our lives... of that I am very sure.

Memorable August

I arrived here in Manila a month ago, on July 29 to be exact, after ten wonderful days of ministry in Davao City. Tomorrow the first of September, I return to my home city of Bacolod where another month, another chapter, is waiting to unfold.

But first I want to say good-bye to August, and thank this month for everything that has happened while she was around, thank her for thirty one days of time that has been mine to mature, to grow, to understand the plans and purposes of God for me.

August has been a unique month; a few unexpected events happened. As I look back at the past weeks, many realizations hit me. I must never lose sight of the fact that we live in a hostile world. The enemy can easily use the words we speak to suit his evil schemes. In the midst of my honest and pure intentions, he creeps in and twists them to make my motives appear tainted and questionable.

As  a result, a breach in a precious relationship happens, and a stinging accusation, a poisoned arrow finds its way into my unsuspecting heart.

For the past weeks of August this has been my location statement: a poison tipped arrow embedded in my heart.

From the lovely, sunny days of ministry in Davao City just days earlier, I found myself thrust into a kind of dreary inner wilderness. Totally unexpected.

Kingdom Lessons

Seeking solace and comfort from my Abba Father... I heard Him speak.  He gave me a song to sing in the wilderness. (A Song in the Wilderness)

This piano music by Brian Crain has also somehow ministered to me this past month.

It is a process. To understand, to respond in love and not in anger, to sing in the midst of the hurt... is a moment by moment decision.

Abba gave me a song in the wilderness to help me heal.

I am still learning the song, and in time I will know it by heart... master it.

There is value in treasuring this particular event in my heart. Instead of protecting myself, explaining or acting in self-defense, I took the stand of Jesus who, like a lamb before its shearers, opened not his mouth.

I am sure it was Abba teaching me... to respond... not react.

There is a world of difference between responding and reacting. A response brings resolution, a reaction builds walls. 

I found comfort in being vulnerable and letting the accusation remain.

It was not being complacent... bahala na... It was more of active waiting... believing that something good is happening behind the scenes.

Abba Father assured me, "Trust Me. I make all things beautiful in My time... and in time, all wounds heal."

Yes, I believe in perfect timing, in redemption, and restoration. 

So in the midst of that arrow in my heart, hope shines. I am learning precious kingdom lessons... the hard way.



Affirmation from Family, Friends and Nature
And... to counteract the evil intent of the enemy of my soul, Abba Father from His generous heart gives me external experiences that brought me joy and affirmation!

The real reason I was in Manila, aside from spending time with my daughter Obedient One, was to seek medical attention for a physical concern. I set appointments with my cardiologist, internist-nephrologist, and a neuro-otolaryngologist (ear--nose-throat specialist). Blood works, cardio tests, and several xrays were done on me. I finally decided to let the matter rest and go back home to Bacolod, realizing that finding the real cause of what I am feeling is not going to be an overnight thing. 

In between doctor appointments, I was able to reconnect with two dear first cousins whom I had not seen for a long time.

With Ramon, son of Uncle Nuling, my mother's younger brother

With Trix, eldest daughter of my Uncle Justo, my mother's older brother

I love these cousins of mine dearly. We grew up celebrating the events and seasons of our lives together.

Then, through Facebook, I got reconnected with the family of Patring Rosales, a very close friend of my father. I remember spending Sunday lunch often with Tita (Aunt) Patring and her family during my childhood days. I know they considered my dad as "family." So what  a delight it was when they decided to meet me and my daughter in person, and invited us to a sumptuous dinner at their home, together with the rest of the cousins. There was abundant food and free flowing red wine, lots of pleasant conversation... and we were unaware that midnight had come and gone, and we were still chatting around the dinner table. What a heartwarming evening it was... truly one of the best things that happened to me this month!

 Standing: Ate Ver, Joji, Tes, Maricel
Seated: me, Ate Chita

Standing: Tes, Obedient One, Joji, Ate Chita

Seated: Ate Ver, Maricel

My second born son, Worshiper, his wife Chosen One, and their son Full of Hope arrived in Manila for the funeral of Chosen One's cousin. My daughter and I got to spend a few days with them!

A precious friend from Davao, Giok Tin, arrived in Manila third week of August, for a medical procedure. I was able to visit her twice during her confinement in hospital, and pray with her. This was indeed a very special time for both of us.

This week, I also had the opportunity to spend time with Jean, another dear friend from Davao City, who is also spending time in Manila. We got to have a meal together at one of my fave restos, Mom and Tina's Bakery Cafe.

At the start of August, my friend Tina and I spent time together at home for an extended time of worship and intercession. What a wonderful time it was for us to receive fresh revelation from the Lord, as well as healing for our souls. Two days ago, she and I met up again in Makati for a meal together, coffee and dessert, and a visit to our favorite Japanese store in Greenbelt.

Mango Panna Cotta and brewed coffee at Classic Confections in Greenbelt 5

Muji

From Makati City last Friday, I was to go to the Philippine Children Medical Center to visit the baby daughter of my son's close friend. I really had no idea where this hospital was except that I was to get off the Quezon Avenue train station, and walk a block to the right, then cross the street before the intersection. The fun part in this adventure was getting off the train with a prayer for God's guidance, then a split-second decision to ride a top-down pedicab waiting at the corner of the stop, instead of walking all the way. It brought me to the hospital in less than five minutes! Too bad there was no one I could ask to take a photo of me on that pedicab in the middle of a busy highway. I had a good visit with Jem and his wife Sharon, and we prayed for God's healing hand and mighty miracle to be demonstrated in this baby's life.

The weather in Manila this month has been a perfect combination of rain and sunshine. The bromiliad flowers that my father has planted in his garden years ago are still blooming! I have enjoyed my time of tending the garden, pruning the bushes, and trimming the grass. It has awakened warm memories of times that my sister and I would spend with Papa in the garden...

Mother-Daughter Bonding Time
The past weeks here in Manila have given me plenty of enjoyable bonding times with my dear daughter. 

Together we rejoiced when her All Female Relay tri-team won second place at the 2014 Ironman 70.3 Triathlon in Cebu City last August 3. 

Obedient One (in blue t-shirt), and her two team mates upon receiving their trophies

Last weekend, to celebrate the arrival of the special bicycle she had been saving for, we had a thanksgiving dinner out with her friends Des and Roy.

Des, Roy, and Obedient One

the new bike

Spiritual Nourishment
Obedient and I have looked forward to Sunday mornings at Victory Church, and we have always been blessed by the heartfelt preaching of Pastor Edgar Gorre, a humble man with a powerful message that inspires us to draw close to the Father and love Him more, Sunday after Sunday.

This morning, Pastor Edgar's message spoke so deeply to my heart. He spoke on the holiness of God. I don't think I have ever heard a sermon that stirred my heart as much as this one did. At several points during the message, I could not hold back the tears. God's holiness means that no one who is not as holy as He is can stand in His presence. Simply put, no one but a perfectly holy being can be allowed in heaven. The truth is, no one is qualified! I have known this, but the way Pastor Edgar explained it just enabled me to see God's holiness in a different way. His holiness demands that I spend eternity in hell as payment for stealing one centavo. That's how holy God is. This makes the death of Jesus so precious, because it is the payment of Jesus for all our sins that God accepts. There is no possibility of heaven for any of us apart from the Cross. 

I gained a new understanding of the holiness of God after hearing this morning's preaching of the Word. Of the many things I will miss when I return to Bacolod tomorrow, Sunday mornings at Victory is one of them.

Message in a Feather
As this month ends, I am so delighted with how Father God helps me choose a fitting name for it. Ten days ago, I visited my friend Giok Tin at St. Luke's Hospital. While walking down the road back to our home, I saw this beautiful shiny feather. I quickly picked it up.

I have a collection of feathers tucked in the Matthew 11 chapter of my Bible, feathers that somehow "appear" at a difficult time in my life.

For me, this was feather was a special touch from Abba Father. It was a sign and an important message... a confirmation that in the midst of the heaviness I was feeling in my heart, God has surely heard the prayers I have been lifting up to heaven.

The message in the feather was this: the pain I was carrying was momentary and light, compared to the weight of the glory that was going to be revealed in the fullness of time. 

Featherlight. That is the name I give this month.

Jesus says, "Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me; for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. My yoke is easy and my burden is light."

It is an invitation to rest, as well as an invitation for self-examination. Are you weary, heavy laden... burdened... feeling defenseless... in pain?

I sense the compassion of Jesus in these words. Come to Me, and  you will find rest in Me.

In the devotional book I am reading, these words by Charles Ringma were a soothing balm to my wounded heart:

...lack of affirmation can leave us deeply hurting, [but] God's healing presence can bring relief to its sting in the embrace of His grace.

Graham Cooke, teaching about Brokenness, says there's a deeper purpose to our wounding, and that is to learn humility through it. The Father is dealing with you, so the enemy can't have a piece of  you. 

If we have allowed God to shape and mold us through the negative circumstances of our lives, we can stand in that place of being criticized, or being lauded... the two are just the same.

Jesus says in John 14:30, "The Prince of this world...has no hold over Me."  He was secure in His identity and calling.

The feather... 

the Bible passage inviting me to the rest that Jesus offers... 

the timely quotes from a favorite author and teacher... 

the soothing August Moon piano music by Brian Crain... 

my willingness to remain vulnerable and simply let God in His holy habitation, the Father of the fatherless and the Defender of widows, be the Protector of my reputation...

Abba Father whispers in His still small voice that He sees me not as others see me, for after all they do not hold my destiny in their hands... He does.

And I feel the gentle river of God's love washing away the disappointment and the pain.

Featherlight... a fitting name to this month... a tender picture of emptiness and vulnerability, and the coming day of heaven's glory.

All I can say is thank you Abba Avinu for Your healing balm,  Your compassion. 

Thank You for the precious re-connection with loved ones... friends and family You have sent to my life this month to inspire hope and speak affirmation to my heart! 

I thank You for the Cross of Jesus that has covered me with righteousness and granted me free access into Your holy presence.