Taking Time to Remember

Chiang Mai, Thailand
September 2008

Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits...

- Psalm 103:2





...there is a deeper need yet, I think, and that is the need—not all the time, surely, but from time to time—to enter that still room within us all where the past lives on as a part of the present, where the dead are alive again, where we are most alive ourselves to turnings and to where our journeys have brought us. The name of the room is Remember—the room where with patience, with charity, with quietness of heart, we remember consciously to remember the lives we have lived.

- Frederick Buechner
from A Room Called Remember: Uncollected Pieces

Thirty four years ago today, Ernie and I were married.

Our earthly covenant of marriage ended on the day my dear husband went home to heaven a little over three years ago.

We celebrated our thirtieth and last wedding anniversary together in Chiang Mai, Thailand in 2008.

Unknown to both of us, that last year together was orchestrated by God to be the most beautiful, and most meaningful year of our life together.

I still cannot fathom the goodness of God in providing me with all those memories to keep me warm in the cold and lonely days ahead, helping me deal with my loss.

As I have always written, when Ernie passed away, the grief I experienced did not cripple or devastate me. I was carried by a sense of hope that everything was happening according to an eternal purpose; God knew what was going on. And I knew that Jesus by His own death and resurrection has already conquered death as an enemy.

Nevertheless the pain was deep...gut-wrenching... and can never be put into words.

Honestly, no matter what others say, there is still a little corner in my heart where the grief quietly sits.

But hope is a powerful healer, and here I am today, taking time to remember Ernie on this special day.

The remembering is not with sadness or pain, although I write these words with tears in my eyes.

As I remember my husband, thanksgiving overflows from my heart of hearts, for it's not often that a woman is gifted with a husband the way this man had been a husband to me.

Again, words are never good enough.

All I can say is that it's a great honor for me to have been Ernie's wife. I am truly grateful for having shared his life for thirty plus years. In God's wisdom, my husband was taken home to heaven because his earthly purpose has already been fulfilled. However, there are still many things left for me to do.

March 2012 begins a new and important season in my life; I do not want to miss any of the opportunities God is giving me to walk with Him, and join Him in the kingdom work that still needs to be done.

Today is a good day to pause, and to remember... to reconnect with a point in my past, and to see, as Buechner aptly puts it, where my journeys have taken me.


A month has already gone by, and I am still here in Manila.

On the last Sunday of February I was asked to deliver the message at my friend Alberto's church. It was impressed upon my heart to speak on the topic of becoming an overcomer bride in these last days.

That really is the message I carry in my heart as I have entered this new season.

My intercessor friends and I have met several nights each week to listen to prophetic messages, and to have extended times of worship and intercession for our nation, and for Israel.

God's been showing me that extreme care is needed in dealing with the prophetic... to stay close to His word, to let the prophetic function in my life in a pure way.

As citizens of heaven, we really can live in the realm of glory where God reveals kingdom secrets to those whose hearts are ready.

But He will not entrust His secrets to blabber mouths. We have to know how to handle prophecies and divine revelation. It is easy to always be opening our mouths, spilling out words, dreams, and visions, that God only intended to be kept in our hearts, to simmer, to brew, and to be released through a divine filter of Godly understanding and discernment.

He also will not entrust His secrets to anyone who is not willing to pay the price... of putting God first, of seeking Him above all. Other earthly matters are important, but they fade in comparison to the things of God's kingdom.

Will I be as an end time servant whose lamp is always burning and whose waist is always girded in anticipation of the Master's return?

Or am I distracted, driven by earthly goals, pursuing my own agenda, while the King waits to be heard and obeyed?


Two weeks ago, my daughter Obedient One fell ill, and I realized that it was an attack of the evil one on her because she had chosen to believe many lies about her identity and destiny.

She had just recently come out of a relationship that left her weak and vulnerable to enemy schemes.

My authority as a priest over my family had to be exercised as God ministered emotional healing to my daughter through me, enabling her to break agreement with the enemy, dethrone false gods, and to dis-empower word curses that have been released to her.

God opened the way for her freedom, to be released from a subtle spirit of manipulation and control.

God led us to a throat specialist who took laser images of the affected area and gave a correct diagnosis of what had been ailing her the past weeks. After a daily dose of praise and worship and speaking faith declarations over her life, together with the medications prescribed by her doctor, Obedient One has now fully recovered.

Her joy has returned. And a fresh determination to walk in the purposes of God for her life has also been imparted to her as well.

This is my season of reclaiming land from the enemy.

Today as I remember my wedding day, it is with a renewed passion to advance God's kingdom that I move on.

God's words to me today are also His words of encouragement for this special season:

My beloved spoke and said to me,
“Arise, my darling,
my beautiful one, come with me.
See! The winter is past;
the rains are over and gone.
Flowers appear on the earth;
the season of singing has come,
the cooing of doves
is heard in our land.
The fig tree forms its early fruit;
the blossoming vines spread their fragrance.
Arise, come, my darling;
my beautiful one, come with me.”

- Song of Songs 2:10-13

Ernie at 61
November 2, 2007
Khum Khantoke, Chiang Mai, Thailand

At Maeo University entrance
Chiang Mai, November 2007

With Obedient One who visited us in Chiang Mai in 2007 for Ernie's 61st birthday

At Maesa Elephant Camp, Chiang Mai, Thailand, November 2007
This is the Ernie I will never forget - that huge smile and those sparkling eyes!

Walking Street, Thapae Gate, Old City,
Chiang Mai, Thailand
December 2007

With Worshiper who visited Chiang Mai in 2007 to be with his dad on his 61st birthday

Still at the Maesa Elephant Camp

With eldest son First Born and first grandson, Forerunner
Three generations - grandfather, son, and grandson
Back in Bacolod City, taken when our first grandson was only a week old
October 27, 2008

Ernie at 62
Ernie's last birthday, November 2, 2008

Maejo University welcome arch

There is joy in remembering...

Remember, by Harry Nilsson