Treasuring... Pondering

Sunset

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When they had seen him, they spread the word
concerning what had been told them about this child,
and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them

But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.

- Luke 2:19




“Why were you searching for me?” he asked.
“Didn’t you know I had to be in my Father’s house?”
But they did not understand what he was saying to them.

Then he went down to Nazareth with them and was obedient to them.

But his mother treasured all these things in her heart.

- Luke 2:49-51

This is not just another end-of-the-month post.

It is also an end-of-the-year post, which makes it very significant.

But more than that, I believe that this year, being one of the most difficult and challenging of all my 58 years, deserves a special mention in my life story.

Honestly, I am surprised at how much my heart has been able to carry.

This leads me to one obvious conclusion: it is my God, my Father, my Protector, my Deliverer, my Redeemer... my All-In-All... Who has built strength inside of me all these months.

When this year began 364 days ago, I had absolutely no idea as to how it would end. All I knew was that it was going to be a year of promotion for me. But God chose not to reveal the exact details of how this promotion was going to happen.

In just a few minutes the sun will set... it will be the last sunset for the year 2011.

Then the countdown for the new year will begin. And the world will rise to a new dawn tomorrow, the very first sunrise for 2012.

As this year ends, I find myself facing very different circumstances. Somehow, I realize that this is true not only for me, but for my family and a number of my friends as well.

My daughter-in-law God-given is watching her own father go through what they call "active dying." Diagnosed in early October to be in the terminal stages of lung cancer, he has experienced a steady decline in his health. I know my dear God-given will celebrate New Year's eve with our family tonight with a heavy heart. Surely my First Born son wants to be there for his wife, but how does one prepare or receive equipping for this? Painful situations can take us by surprise!

I really wish to be a strong shoulder for God-given to lean on, offer an understanding heart for her to draw comfort from... but I realize how inadequate I am for such a deep need. Yes, I might be able to offer her some support, but after all is said and done, only God can be a Strong Tower for her at this difficult time.

At this writing, my second born son, Worshiper, his wife Chosen One, and their baby Elijah, are in a crowded airport in Manila about to board their flight back to our city, so they can be home with us for New Year's Eve. They will arrive tired, and travel weary.

My last born and only daughter, Obedient One, is still out with high school friends. They hardly see one another, ever since Obedient began living and working in Manila five years ago. Living separate lives, yet still united in their hearts by a beautiful friendship, Obedient and her friends are entitled to this bonding time, nurturing a relationship that will grow more mature as the years go by.

God-given is in the adjoining house, in her kitchen, preparing a special dish with a sad heart. First-Born is on his way to the airport to pick up his brother and family who will be arriving in a few minutes.

And so I was alone this afternoon, putting the finishing touches to our special New Year's Eve dinner, our last one for this year.

How different everything is this time!

In years past, I would be assisted by two or three maids in preparing this meal, with my husband Ernie rushing in and out of the house for last minute errands... getting the wine... picking up the pecan pie... or watching a video with the children to keep them quiet.

Then we would get ready to have a traditional family dinner with Ernie's extended family at Vito and Sue's home, to literally welcome the New Year with a bang.

But my nieces and nephews have all married and now have families of their own. The past couple of years, we have not had the usual New Year's Eve extended family dinner.

In a way it seems more meaningful to quietly say goodbye to the year that is ending...

When Worshiper and his family arrives, we will all sit down as a family to thank the Lord for His goodness...

My one and only sister is in Manila. Celebrating the holidays alone, away from her loved ones...

How I wish we could be together at this special season. But circumstances get in the way. And it just is not possible.

And now the table is set. And the soft music from Steve Green's Christmas album is playing in the background. A candle is lit. And my heart is overflowing with love as I lift up each and every member of my family to God.

Be their vision for the new year, dear Father. Even as the sun sets for the last time this year, give them a heart of thanksgiving and hope, as they look back to the past year, and acknowledge that You have been faithful... You have been more than enough.

I remember some of my friends as well:

For Miriam as she carries the hope in her heart for the complete recovery of her husband who had a massive heart attack in October.

For Melanie as she celebrates Christmas and New Year alone while her husband works on an important project halfway around the globe.

For Pat as she faces the uncertainty of the many changes she is experiencing within herself and with that of her family.

For Matt and Amy needing comfort as they grieve the recent loss of their mom Judith.

For other dear friends on blogland facing their own share of personal or family health issues - Elaine, Bellann, Felisol, Saija, Linda, Dee...

It has not been an easy year for me, but as it ends, there are no regrets. And I appreciate these few quiet moments for me to look back.

I find myself thinking these thoughts:

A year of "promotion"? So this is how promotion looks like!


Please do not misunderstand. I am not being sarcastic. I am simply trying to say that looking for that promised promotion required of me to look deeper within, beyond my physical circumstances.

It requires of me to evaluate the events of my past year with righteous judgment, so that I do not fall into the trap of jumping to the wrong conclusions about what people have done, or have failed to do, and what have taken place within the past twelve months of 2011 as a result of things that were clearly beyond my control.

When it seemed that God had cut off my mooring points and felt like I was drifting off to uncharted waters, it was necessary to remind myself that I was in a safe place. In the midst of the darkness, I was not going to lose my way.

Yes, it was easy to react in fear and worry and offense over the uncertainties I faced during the last three quarters of this year. And initially, I did.

But eventually, I learned how to tap into the unlimited resources of heaven available to me... to combat anxiety by choosing to let my case rest in God's hands. I was given grace to respond in faith, obedience, and worship.

Trusting God for the unknowns. Believing He keeps my own heart very close to His.

I started the year with a lot of walking. (January)

And yielding. (February)

And experiencing so much unspeakable and indescribable beauty. (March)

I started the year with Joshua, and through the pages of this man's journey, I saw parallels in my own walk of faith.

In graphic terms I understood what it means to be a sojourner, and that as one, I was being called by God to contend for my faith. (April)

Teaching me first hand what it means to stretch out my javelin of spiritual authority over my family and life circumstances. (May)

To be thankful. (June)

To redeem the time. (July)

That there is eternal value in looking at myself as a pilgrim on a sacred pilgrimage. (August)

I went through the land of Jezreel where God spoke this truth to me: Into the prepared ground of my heart, He sows good seed. God Will Sow. (September)

To believe that there is a coming Rehoboth, a spacious place, for me to stand. (October)

On the eleventh month, God gave me important lessons on becoming an overcomer. (November)


And now here I am standing at the threshold of another year. As the year 2011 ends... my deep desire is to be like Mary, the mother of Jesus. I am treasuring up... I am pondering... all these things in my heart.

This is my name for the month of December - Treasuring... Pondering.

One morning, while I was in Manila earlier this month, the sun shone brightly and God surprised me with these words: How does it feel to be out of a dark prison?

His words caught me by surprise because I didn't realize it, but it was true.

I was out... I was free.

There was a new road ahead of me.

For all that this year has been, there is a road of freedom opening up before me!

There's more on my heart - words waiting to be spoken, or written.

But for now let these few parting thoughts suffice:

I am treasuring up 2011 in my heart.

I am pondering on the beautiful opportunities I have been entrusted with -- to grow and become mature, to honor God with my words, my attitudes, and my choices.

More often than not, in sharing my story, I tend to use many words.

But Mary had a quiet heart. She was a woman of few words. She treasured up... she pondered. As I pay tribute to 2011, acknowledging what God has done, I will do the same.



Thank you, Lord, for enlarging my heart this year. You have made my heart large enough, and strong enough, for the many things You have taught me.

Thank you for everything that this year has brought into my life.

Thank You for the promotion! Indeed this year that is about to end is a preparation for better things ahead - for me, and for my loved ones.

As the year ends, these words of Scripture from Haggai 2:6-9 fill my heart with hope:

“This is what the LORD Almighty says:
‘In a little while I will once more shake the heavens and the earth,
the sea and the dry land.
I will shake all nations,
and what is desired by all nations will come,
and I will fill this house with glory,’ says the LORD Almighty.
‘The silver is mine and the gold is mine,’ declares the LORD Almighty.
‘The glory of this present house
will be greater than the glory of the former house,’ says the LORD Almighty.
‘And in this place I will grant peace,’ declares the LORD Almighty.”