But who can endure the day of His coming?
And who can stand when He appears?
For He is like a refiner’s fire ...
- Malachi 3:2
And who can stand when He appears?
For He is like a refiner’s fire ...
- Malachi 3:2
Therefore we do not lose heart.
Even though our outward man is perishing,
yet the inward man is being renewed day by day.
For our light affliction, which is but for a moment,
is working for us
a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory,
while we do not look at the things which are seen,
but at the things which are not seen.
For the things which are seen are temporary,
but the things which are not seen are eternal.
Even though our outward man is perishing,
yet the inward man is being renewed day by day.
For our light affliction, which is but for a moment,
is working for us
a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory,
while we do not look at the things which are seen,
but at the things which are not seen.
For the things which are seen are temporary,
but the things which are not seen are eternal.
- 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
In the whole land, declares the LORD,
two-thirds will be struck down and perish;
yet one-third will be left in it.
This third I will bring into the fire;
I will refine them like silver
and test them like gold.
They will call on my name
and I will answer them;
I will say, 'They are my people,'
and they will say, 'The LORD is our God.'
But he knows the way that I take;
when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.
- Job 23:10
The Story Behind this Post
This is a topic that has been brewing in my heart the past months. I just did not know when the right time would come for it to be written.
Then a dear blog friend wrote a post entitled The Refining Process. She had published it about a week ago, but it was only on Sunday afternoon that I got to read it.
Something leaped in my heart as I was reading it. For not only was she sharing her own experience with the Lord as the refiner of her heart, she was also speaking some of the very things that were already in my heart.
Time and again, God has done that for me...He sends a person, be it a book author, a blog writer, a person talking to me face to face, and through them speaks to me the very things that are on my heart!
So, today as this is the day before April ends, and we are about to enter another month, here I am sharing my heart with you on this post.
There are two pictures of the Lord's renewing and re-creating process that have been real to me these past years:
one is the picture of soft clay in the potter's hand,
and the other is the picture of the refiner's fire.
A Painting Speaks to Me
A few months ago I stumbled upon the paintings of Lars Justinen on the web. There was a certain quality to his paintings that touched my heart deeply. One of them, The Refiner's Fire, became my favorite. From time to time I would go back to that picture and allow it to minister to me.
How great God is that in the various creative gifts that He has given to His children, He can really speak and impart truth! In the painting, two things caught my attention - the goldsmith fanning the flames, and the fire.
I saw God as the goldsmith, and the fire as the means He uses to melt the hardness of my heart, remove the dross and purify me. The goldsmith's eyes are intent on what he is doing, he is focused, he is serious, he is committed.
One feels safe and secure in that environment. He knows what he is doing; he is committed to his goal.
Looking Back
Indeed as I look back at my life, the refiner's fire has been very much at work. But God knows just when to turn up the heat, and to lower it.
His timing is crucial... and perfect!
The circumstances of my birth, my upbringing, even the kind of family I was born to, are not accidental. There is a sense in which the refiner's fire has been at work in my life, even from the time I was born!
This is one truth I have realized -- I am a product of the generations.
My parents who raised me and brought me up to the best of their abilities, were also raised by their parents who brought them up in the best way they could.
My father, born in 1911, lost his own father at a young age, and it was his mother and two older sisters who took care of him. Naturally these women made a huge impact on his life.
My mother was born in 1925. Her mother was the second wife of her father whose first wife died early in their marriage. My mother grew up with three brothers together with an older half-sister and half-brother, children of their father from the first marriage.
By the time I was born in 1953, it was only my father's mother, and my mother's father who were still living. In addition to my parents, these two grandparents, my dad's three sisters, and my mom's three brothers all had a big role in shaping the person I was becoming.
There are many things that I remember from those early years, but one thing stands out: I was happy.
My parents took good care of me and my younger sister, and we were raised in an atmosphere of love, provision, security, and care. We were sent to good schools, from kindergarten to university, to ensure that we were equipped with a good education.
To be realistic there were quarrels, disagreements, and conflicts...but somehow these were all resolved, without me really knowing the details of those things.
Yes, there were sad moments, because my mother had the tendency to be unkind with her words when she was angry.
But at this point in my life story, my childhood and teenage years are way down at the bottom of my memory files...and honestly, I no longer remember the pain of those years.
It is the love that I remember... the love that my parents had for one another, their commitment to the family unit, their willingness to work hard to provide for our needs...all these and more served as a hedge of protection around me, and I grew up with my sense of security intact.
My mother's brothers, and my father's sisters were loving and kind. Looking back, I can see that there was an abundance of love in our family.
All of them contributed to the positive environment that I grew up in.
I appreciate and value their contribution to the person that I am now. These were all necessary ingredients in the shaping of my personality and spirituality.
Through the years, even if I have not always been aware of it, I have been going through a refining process.
Parental discipline, the rigorous academic requirements at the schools I attended, relationships with family and friends, unpleasant circumstances...all these have taught me internal and external boundaries in my growing up years.
Our family adhered to the tenets of the Roman Catholic church and this is the religious upbringing that I was exposed to.
Because we were religious and faithful church goers, the ground of my heart was also prepared to meet Christ at a higher level in my sophomore year at the university I attended.
An Encounter With My Creator
In some of my earlier posts, I have written about my deep experience at being confronted with my faith.
It was in 1973 that God became more than just a word to me. I turned the reins of my life over to Him, my Creator... and life has never been the same!
I began attending Sunday worship services with people totally dedicated to following Jesus as their Lord and Savior,
...listening to powerful sermons given by the first pastor I ever knew, a South African by the name of Brian Gibson, then an American named Ralph Tolliver, and later on a lovely British couple named Philip Holder and his wife Margaret,
...weekly small group Bible studies at the back of the university main library with a group called the Inter Varsity Christian Fellowship, and with student leaders like Irene Maggay, Lizzie Fullon, and Blou Zamora...
...large group monthly meetings with OMF missionaries like Dick and Rosemarie Dowsett and Jo Laville...
...Saturday mentoring sessions with a lady named Melba Maggay who loved the Lord with such depth of love and passion for His kingdom reign.
I also went on Sunday afternoons with a British lady missionary named Nora Rimmer holding Bible lessons in our native language at homes in the poorer side of town.
My radio would be tuned in to DZAS, the Christian radio station, and I would listen nightly to radio programs such as Unshackled, Back to the Bible, and Haven of Rest.
My hunger and thirst for these new things were insatiable.
In all these developments I knew the Refiner's fire was teaching me new ways of spending my time and my money.
Marriage and Three Important Decades
The First Decade
Ernie and I met in 1976; we were married two years later, in 1978.
In 1979, my husband and I left Manila and moved to Bacolod City. Although I was born and raised in Manila, I welcomed this move as part of my commitment to my marriage.
In the years that followed I lost touch with most of my friends and relatives in Manila. My attention was now focused on my new marriage relationship, and the family that we began to raise together. New relationships came into the picture - that of Ernie's family as well as in the new church that we joined.
The move to another island was a literal uprooting for me. It also marked the first decade of the Lord's deeper dealings with me.
During this initial decade of my marriage, 1978 to 1988, three children were born. My husband was successful in his endeavors, and I was happy to be a SAHM - a "stay at home mom."
These early years of marriage were exciting ones, they were years of discovery, adjustment, and change. They were also challenging ones, as my husband and I learned to resolve conflicts, and discovered more effective ways to becoming a couple, instead of remaining two separate individuals.
Having a husband, even a good one at that, and three children who came one after the other were major ingredients in my refining process.
The church I attended provided me with new lessons on living out my spirituality, rather than being merely cerebral. In truth, I had to unlearn very many things in my Christian understanding, to give room to learn new practical truths that our pastor was teaching.
The Second Decade
From 1989 to 1999, the second decade of my marriage, the Lord brought me through a pruning season.
My husband's business ventures collapsed and I found myself in the middle of an unexpected bankruptcy. Posts about this season were written in the early months of this blog.
It was in this refining season that I learned valuable lessons on selflessness and humility.
It was in this season that I reached the end of my self-sufficiency and learned to hold on to God alone.
It was in this season that I came to have an intimate relationship with all three Persons of the Trinity. God revealed Himself to me as Faithful Father, Jesus became my Friend who sticks closer than a brother, and the Holy Spirit as my Comforter and Guide.
In this season, I would awaken middle of the night and realize that my Father had something important to speak to me!
This was the decade that God drew me closer to Himself, and revealed Himself to me as my All in All.
The Third Decade
As the year 1999 was drawing to a close and, 2000 was just a few months away, I knew God was bringing me to another decade, a new level of trusting Him. God spoke clearly to me that He was bringing me to my "frontier season," a season of uncharted waters and undiscovered territories.
But I knew that the refining process was not yet over.
In November 2000 I met Craig Hill and became part of the ministry of Family Foundations International. This was an important part of my healing. God spoke truth to me, the truth of who I was in Him. He helped me recover a sense of my God given identity and destiny, learned to recognize the false plumbline that I had allowed to set the standard for my life, and I discovered that although I had been a Christian for many years, there were still layers of unforgiveness and anger and shame in my life that God wanted to remove and heal.
In 2003 I celebrated my jubilee year, when I turned 50 years old. It was the year that I received confirmation that God had indeed brought me to a new level of knowing Him.
And indeed, in the years that followed, I saw an increasing recovery of what had been stolen from me. While not all has been fully restored at this point, I know that the refining process will bring to completion what has been begun!
The year that Ernie and I were in Thailand, 2007-2008, God brought us to new heights in our relationship with Him and with one another that we had never before reached.
Then six weeks upon our return to our homeland, on November 23, 2008, God called my beloved husband home to heaven.
It is only now as I write these lines that I began to see how God has been working in my life these past three decades of my life. As I note down the years...I am amazed at the way He has synchronized the events, and given me a clear pattern of what He was doing in my life.
Indeed, He is the God of the seasons, and as Ernie and I were married in 1978, the start of the deeper refining work that God was doing in my life, in 2008, I find myself at the end of one season, and at the threshold of another!
Three decades of pruning. Three to symbolize completion and perfection! Three to see the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit uniting, working together in harmony, orchestrating the events of my life, and revealing the plans that the Triune God has for me!
With the death of my husband, I realize that the heat of the Refiner's Fire was turned up... but as 2009 progressed, God was personal, and He drew very near to me...pouring the healing balm into my heart, doing a softening work, removing more and more hardened layers ... that the real me, the true self God had created, may be revealed.
A New Decade, A New Season
This new decade of my life is new territory for me. My two sons have gotten married giving me two wonderful daughters - God Given and Chosen One, and I also now have one grandson, a wonderful boy whom I have named Forerunner.
Although there are new members to my family, I also realize that I am walking this season alone, without the comfort and security of a marriage partner. Suddenly I am the spiritual head, the doorway. On my shoulders are three important roles: that of being prophet, priest, and king.
I am entering the land of the unknown, but I am not entering it unprepared. The Refiner's fire is still at work, and new things are being constantly revealed.
The year 2010 is a year of breakthrough... a year of double grace. It is the year of Restoration, of Recovery, of Equipping.
It is also the Year of the Tithe, when God is teaching me new ways of being a faithful steward of what He has entrusted to me.
Indeed, my treasure chest is full ... precious memories and beautiful material possessions fill my life.
But as I move on in this new decade, I realize that there are very many things, those that I once held dear, that no longer matter. Only a very few things are important to me now.
Definitely there is no room in my heart for old grudges and heavy expectations from others to meet my standards.
I am also in the difficult process of sorting through my things and eliminating stuff. I cannot believe how much we have accumulated in just thirty years of marriage... and this is my season of letting go of excess baggage.
This is an exciting season as God has revealed to me that He has called me to be a minister of healing in these end times for the Bride of Christ.
He is calling me to simplicity...to take stock of what I have, and bring with me on this new journey only what is essential. God is teaching me the importance of traveling light, holding on to what truly matters.
He is calling me to rest, and to stillness...teaching me that Jesus is the Shepherd who brings me to quiet waters, He is the One who restores my soul.
He is calling me to brokenness and humility, being willing to let myself be broken...like an alabaster jar...that the fragrance of my life may be spilled out for Him, as an offering to Him and as a balm of healing for others.
He is calling me to His Table... to commune with Him, to partake of the feast that He lays out for me in the presence of my enemies. Yes, this is still hostile, enemy territory, but He is the one who carries me to His Table!
He is calling me to Obedience, and to Faith... for these are the two qualities that will hasten the fulfillment of His purposes in my life.
And He is calling me to Beauty...true beauty not as this world sees, but as He sees. He is calling me to look at life from the view of my eternal home...calling me to view the plans that He has for me, to see the events of my life in light of the loveliness of eternity, the right perspective... heaven's perspective.
The Refiner's fire is still at work, but the dross is rising to the surface, and when the Goldsmith sees His face reflected on my heart, then the work is complete!
How I pray for that day to come soon... but until then, I welcome the Refiner's fire to finish the Heavenly Goldsmith's work in my life.
God knows what He is doing. He is trustworthy. In Him my heart dwells secure.
Tomorrow marks the end of April.
I am booked on the dawn flight that will take me back to my home city, where I will discover what May has in store for me. As I end this post, I want to share another beautiful hymn that has been a source of comfort to me all these years.
Thank you for being with me in my life journey, dear blog friends. To each one of you who has read this long story up to this point, I offer this prayer on your behalf:
May God and His refining work be welcomed in your life.
May you discover Him as the God who understands and knows every detail of your journey.
Oh taste and see that the Lord is good!
His promises never fail, His purposes prevail to all the generations!
May you give Him full authority to do with your life as He pleases, to the end that your heart will be a pure reflection of His beauty, to the praise and honor of His name!
Take My Life and Let It Be
Lyrics by Frances R. Havergal
Take my life and let it be
Consecrated, Lord, to Thee;
Take my hands and let them move
At the impulse of Thy love.
Take my feet and let them be
Swift and beautiful for Thee;
Take my voice and let me sing,
Always, only for my King.
Take my lips and let them be
Filled with messages from Thee;
Take my silver and my gold,
Not a mite would I withhold.
Take my moments and my days,
Let them flow in endless praise;
Take my intellect and use
Every pow’r as Thou shalt choose.
Take my will and make it Thine,
It shall be no longer mine;
Take my heart, it is Thine own,
It shall be Thy royal throne.
Take my love, my Lord, I pour
At Thy feet its treasure store;
Take myself and I will be
Ever, only, all for Thee.
Consecrated, Lord, to Thee;
Take my hands and let them move
At the impulse of Thy love.
Take my feet and let them be
Swift and beautiful for Thee;
Take my voice and let me sing,
Always, only for my King.
Take my lips and let them be
Filled with messages from Thee;
Take my silver and my gold,
Not a mite would I withhold.
Take my moments and my days,
Let them flow in endless praise;
Take my intellect and use
Every pow’r as Thou shalt choose.
Take my will and make it Thine,
It shall be no longer mine;
Take my heart, it is Thine own,
It shall be Thy royal throne.
Take my love, my Lord, I pour
At Thy feet its treasure store;
Take myself and I will be
Ever, only, all for Thee.
